He was sitting on a bench at a small park a few blocks away from Cuddy's townhouse, thinking. He had slipped out at around nine-thirty. He had meant to tell Cuddy where he was going but when he stopped by her bedroom he found her fast asleep and decided against waking her up. Instead he grabbed his coat, intent on getting to know the city he was in for a bit.
He had reached the park just when his leg had started to ache, but he'd purposely left his bottle of Vicodin behind. He needed to begin to detach himself from the drug, and the fact that he had stolen a bottle from the hospital didn't help his cause. He needed to do a lot of things, but he figured that he would start with the little ones.
He dug the heel of his hand into his thigh, attempting to soothe the aching muscle.
One of the things he needed to do was talk to Cuddy, properly talk to her about what was going on between them. Her reaction to his kiss had been the first thing on his mind when he had awoken. He wasn't able to get over the fact that she had kissed back.
After everything he had done to her that should have made her repulsed to be around him, she had kissed back.
He knew that deep down she had to still have feelings for him. If she didn't, she wouldn't have agreed to let him back into her life. There was no way in hell that she was doing this to fulfill Wilson's last request from her. No one would go to the lengths she was going to for an ex who had rammed his car through her dining room just because their dead friend had asked them to make sure said ex was okay. She would not have let him back into her life if she still didn't feel something towards him.
He still had feelings for her. Feelings he had tried to bury for the last two years because he knew it was not right for him to still harbor those feelings. He had ruined her life. He didn't have right to feel something for her when he had destroyed everything she had known. It wasn't okay for him to miss her when it had been his fault she had gone in the first place. He had driven her out of his life. He wasn't allowed to miss her.
But he had. He'd missed her since they had broken up. He'd been reckless and driven his car through her home, fled the country for three months, and when he had returned, he'd gone to jail because he needed to punish himself for what he'd done to her. He hated himself because the entire time she had been gone, he had missed her. If he had thought about how terrible his life would be without her in it, he would have never done what he did, but he had and he couldn't change that.
But he could change the way things between them were at the current point in time. He could talk to her and tell her how he felt. He could show her how much he needed her in his life and how important she was to him, even after everything that had happened between the two.
He could finally apologize to her; a proper apology, not the ones he had given her throughout the past week. Not the words he had murmured after he had pulled away from kissing her last night. He would tell her how sorry he truly was.
"House?"
He was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of his name. He looked up from the crack in the sidewalk that had apparently earned his attention as he lost himself deep into his thoughts to find Alicia standing before him.
"Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? Lisa called me telling me you disappeared and she's sort of freaking out. She thinks you're gone. You couldn't have left her a note before wandering off around upper Manhattan?"
"What time is it?"
"It's almost one."
"Shit…I didn't plan to be gone for so long…I was planning on coming back before she woke up…"
"Yeah, well she found an empty bedroom when she went to tell you she wanted to take you grocery shopping, and she's looking for you. She's going to have an…"
He noted that the young woman cut herself off and suddenly remembered the comment Rachel made the previous night about Alicia coming over whenever Cuddy was upset.
"Do you come over a lot when Cuddy's upset?"
"Yeah, she's the older sister I never had. She's there when I need her and I'm there when she needs me. She hasn't told you about her…issue, has she?" Alicia asked, sighing as she ran a hand through her brown locks.
"Issue?" He asked, assuming the worst.
"I take that as a no." She replied, sitting down beside him on the bench.
"She's not dying is she?"
"Well then, what are you waiting for on telling me?"
"It's not in my place to tell you about her problems. Talk to her about it, and let her tell you. It's not something for me to be openly discussing with you."
"Are you sure you're only nineteen?" He asked, not understanding how it was possible for someone so young to be so mature.
"I'm actually a nine-hundred and four." She replied, letting out a small laugh.
"Okay then Doctor Who." He replied rolling his eyes.
"No way? You got that reference?"
"Wilson…was a pop culture freak…We spent his last few weeks watching the entirety of the series…"
"Oh…Well, uhm I think we should head to the house…Let her know you're okay because she's probably not okay. She really cares about you…Even though what you did to her was kind of insane, but she really does care about you, a lot."
"How much did she tell you about us?" He asked using his cane for support as they stood from the bench, curious as to why the teenager was so taken to him regardless of the fact that she was aware of his past.
"She told me about that, but I don't know your reasoning for that, so I'm not going to judge you because it's not my place. But she did tell me that your relationship was the longest of her adult life. Which is kind of sad considering you two were together for what? Nine, ten months?"
"Two-hundred and ninety four days. We were together for two-hundred and ninety four days. Longest relationship either of us had had in years."
"You cared about her a lot?"
"A lot is an understatement. She was…the most important person in my life."
"Did you ever tell her that?"
"No."
"You should let her know what."
Her anxiety levels were through the roof. She was on the verge of having a breakdown, and it took everything in her to not take one of her pills. She would not allow herself to ever become dependent of the medication. If she didn't need to take one, she would avoid it.
But she didn't know how much longer she would be able to avoid it for.
He'd been gone for who knew how long. She'd woken up almost three hours ago to find the guest room empty and had driven to the bus port, and had even gone down to the subway to check if he was taking the metro anywhere. She couldn't call the police and file a missing persons report; he was still dead to the world, doing that would only cause even more problems.
When she had run out of ideas, she had called Alicia to see if she would help her look for him as soon as she had gotten out of class, and of course her friend had agreed to do so.
She heard the front door open and she left her position at the kitchen table and nearly ran into the foyer.
"You ASSHOLE." She all but yelled as she spotted him standing there sheepishly with Alicia at his side. "Alicia, Rachel gets out in fifteen minutes because it's an early release day, could you pick her up and take her to the park for a little while please? I'll call you when I'm finished here."
"Sure thing, but don't forget to use protection! I only agreed to babysit Rachel, not another little one!"
Cuddy couldn't help but scoff as the door closed behind Alicia.
"Where were you!?" She asked, her voice raising almost an octave in annoyance as she smacked him in the chest.
"I went for a walk and found a park a few blocks from here and sat down. I needed some time to think." He replied flinching a bit at her advance. She couldn't help but roll her eyes in response.
"You couldn't have left a note? Like a decent human being?"
"You were asleep, and your mutt was at the foot of your bed. I didn't want to leave a note in case he tried to bite me. My leg is fucked up enough, the last thing I need is a dog ripping out another chunk of muscle."
"That's not a valid excuse. Do you have any idea how worried I was? You left your room to look like it was empty, I thought you'd fled –"
"I was being a decent human being and not leaving a mess in the room. All of my stuff is in the closet and the drawers. If you'd have checked, you'd have seen it there."
She mentally reprimanded herself for not having thought of that before having assumed the worst. That he had walked out on her after she had let him back in.
"Why did it matter if I left or not? I mean it's not like you want me here. I am here because Wilson asked you to keep an eye on me for a bit, am I not?"
She bit her lip, contemplating on whether or not to tell him the truth.
"No. You're not."
"Then why am I here Cuddy? What exactly is going on here?"
"I don't know House, I don't know what's going on here." She replied honestly, turning away from him and sighing.
"Cuddy…" She felt his hand on her elbow, turning her to face him. "We need to talk about where this is going." He said softly, his eyes downcast and avoiding her glance.
"This is…insane…I am insane. I shouldn't still feel this way, I shouldn't still care…You rammed your car into my house. You could have killed me, you could have killed Rachel if she had been home, and yet still…still I let you back into my life and I am insane for doing so…for feeling like this. You fucked me up beyond repair House…You left me so destroyed that I've been on anti-anxiety pills since I left, because the anxiety and the disbelief that you had done something I had never imagined you capable of was killing me…Yet, these past few days…have been the only days where I haven't felt like I was drowning… It's not normal for me to feel this way. No sane woman would still be in love with the man who destroyed her life."
"What?"
"I…I'm still in love with you. I tried to move on. I tried to see other people; I tried to forget about you. I tried to erase you from my entire life…but I couldn't. Every time I thought I was over you, I would stumble across something that reminded me of you. A stones song would come on, or I'd find a picture of us from when we were together somewhere, or that stupid blue shirt of yours that I kept, or someone would say something, and it would all come rushing back to me."
She felt a wave of relief wash over her as she put the emotions that were threatening to drown her for the last few days out in the open.
She had nothing left to lose.
He could not believe the words that had just left her mouth. He knew that she still felt something for him, it was the only logical explanation as to why she had ever let him back into her life. But he was not expecting that.
"I'm sorry that I did this to you. You deserve better than me and I'm sorry that I fucked you over so badly that you had to part with a hospital you had built up to be what it was…You deserve better than a man who left you so emotionally screwed that you need to take anti-anxiety pills because what I did was so crazy that - "
"No. You don't get to tell me what I deserve. I know what I deserve."
"Let me finish…I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for driving my car through your dining room, I'm sorry for fleeing the country afterwards instead of manning up to what I did. I'm sorry for not having been capable of being there for you when you needed me to be there. I know that two little words won't change what happened because words don't matter, actions matter, but I'm sorry Cuddy."
"I know you're sorry and I accept your apology. But you're right. Words don't matter, actions do. And I can see that you're trying to show me you've changed. The fact that you took the action to apologize means more to me than you can imagine because you took the first step and apologized for the worst thing you've ever done to me. No, it doesn't excuse what you did but I know you're genuinely sorry for what you did. I forgive you… But I need to apologize for some things too…"
He raised an eyebrow, wondering what on earth she was referring to when they both knew that he had committed the greatest error in their history by driving his car through her home.
"Wipe that look off of your face House…we've both made mistakes throughout the course of our relationship. It's not all on you. I was never the perfect girlfriend either… I was controlling and I tried to change you, even after I told you I didn't want you to change. I was the one who let our personal and private lives mix when I got upset with you for lying to me to save a patient…I was a bad girlfriend…and then we broke up and we were both hurt and I just… I shouldn't have lied to you when you asked me if I was seeing someone. I mean I wasn't, but I should have just told you about that dumb date my sister set me up on."
When she mentioned that her sister had set her up with the man he had seen in her home that day, it clicked. Her sister was overbearing and controlling and he knew that she would not have quit until Cuddy had finally agreed to go out with the man.
"I thought you were hiding him from me. So when I went to return your hairbrush and I saw him there…where I once was…I felt like everything that we had meant nothing to you. Because it was so soon afterwards and you were already with someone else."
"You married a hooker!"
"But she meant nothing to me. It was a business venture. She got her green card, I got a maid. We never even had sex. But seeing you with someone else, even after you had said you weren't seeing anyone…I was angry…and possessive…because a part of me thought that because we had finally had that post break up fight, that maybe we could work our way back to where we were as a couple, and I saw you with your hand on his arm and I snapped…I can't stand the thought of you with someone else."
"Well you don't have to worry about that do you? Because who am I with right now? Who did I just tell I was still in love with him less than half an hour ago? Who is it that I find myself still drawn to after everything we've been through? It's you House, and no matter how hard I tried, it couldn't be anyone else but you. I love you, I wish I didn't, but I honestly cannot help it. I tried to stop it loving you, and yet here we are."
"You are honestly the best thing to ever happen to me, and I should have told you that when I had the chance."
He watched as her face lit up and a smile spread across her face.
"Better late than never." She replied laughing softly as she ran a hand through her hair.
"I love you Cuddy, always have and I always will."
It was out of character for him to openly talk about his feelings but he had nothing left to lose. She had told him she was still in love with him, she had forgiven him for what he had done to her; the least he could do was be completely honest with her.
"I hate myself for what I did to you…When I came back and turned myself in I didn't even bother to go to trail, or even get a lawyer. I didn't want you to have to suffer even more at my hand, and I wanted to punish myself for what I did to you. I needed to be punished. What I did was unforgiveable, and of course you'd forgive me when I don't deserve it because that's who you are. You forgive people who don't deserve to be forgiven and you give them chances they don't deserve. I deserve to be punished, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone."
He was put off when he felt her hands against his face and before he knew what was happening, their faces were just mere inches away.
"Listen to me. You have done your time for what you did to me. You went to prison, I just said I forgive you. I appreciate how willingly open you are being with me, but please stop trying to get me to change my mind by talking down about yourself. I don't know if you mean to do it, but it's not going to work. I want you here and in my life, for as long as I can have you be a part of it. Do you want to be a part of my life?"
"I do." He said softly, fighting the urge to comment on the fact that he did not deserve to be a part of her life. She had forgiven him, but he did not know if he would ever be capable of forgiving himself.
"Good." She replied, kissing his forehead instead of kissing him on the mouth like her mind was screaming for her to do.
She didn't want to rush into things. They had done that the first time they had had a deeper relationship than just a friendship, and it had ended terribly. Just because there was something between them once more did not mean she would allow him into her bed so easily. She wanted to wait for her own sake, because if she let him back into her bed too, she knew she would only get hurt again.
She wrapped her arms around him and let out a small sigh of content as she rested her head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.
"You never answered my question." He said suddenly, after resting his chin on top of her forehead.
"What question?"
"What do we have here?"
"We have….something. We don't need to label it as anything else. We just have the start of a new chapter in our relationship and that's all that matters."
"Something…is better than nothing."
"That it is." She replied, closing her eyes, taking in his scent as they stood there and for the first time in over two years finally allowed themselves to consciously have the contact they had both missed.
They remained that way for several minutes before they heard the sound of the door begin to open.
"I decided to come back because you hadn't called and it's been two hours, so I assumed there would be a bloodbath to find and a body to hide, but obviously I was wrong…Plus the kid was hungry and I left my purse here." Alicia said as she eyed the two knowingly.
They had pulled away just as the door had opened, but the expressions on their faces gave them away.
"Hi House!" Rachel said happily before turning to her mother. "Moooooooom, I'm hungry." She whined.
"Go into the kitchen and get yourself a snack. We're going to the grocery store soon because we're out of actual food okay?"
"Kaaaaaaaaaay." The five year old replied before running off into the kitchen.
"Alicia will you –"
"Don't even need to ask." Alicia responded before following after Rachel.
"Sooo."
"So."
"Where exactly are we going grocery shopping?"
"There's a Costco half an hour from here, I like to get things in bulk since it's a drive to get there to begin with."
"Oh."
"Yeah. You know me, always wanting to have things in extra."
"Some things don't change."
"No, they don't." She replied smiling.
"I've decided that I am going on your Costco trip with you because of reasons…also need to get Pringles, and what better way to buy them in bulk?" Alicia announced as she re-entered the room, giving Rachel a piggyback ride.
"That's fine with me. Let me just grab my coat and we can go."
"If Bernadette Peters here is coming too, I'm calling shot gun."
"In what world would it make sense for me to take shot gun when you're my elder?"
"Why can't all teenagers be like you?"
Cuddy couldn't help but laugh at the interaction between House and Alicia as she slid on her coat. She was still surprised the two had taken to one another so easily, but she was glad.
One of the many things he loved about Cuddy was watching her do everyday tasks. It was hard to believe that someone as extraordinary as she was went out and did such trivial tasks as food shopping.
He watched from afar as she struggled to reach for a box of granola bars, her stature lacking the inches usually provided when she wore heels seeing as she had on a pair of flats. He watched her struggle a little more before coming up behind her.
"I got it." He grabbed the box and dropped it into the cart she had beside her.
"Thank you." She replied giving him one of those smiles that had the power to make his three times to small heart swell.
"Any time." He replied before going against his better judgment and bringing a hand up to her cheek.
She blushed as she looked down at the ground and he couldn't help but smirk. It was rare for something to make her blush. The last time he had seen her do so had been when he had whispered into her ear all of the things he couldn't wait to do to her the moment they left one of the hospital's fundraisers when they were dating.
He kissed the top of her head before removing his hand from her cheek.
"So how badly did you miss my cooking?" He asked when she looked back up at him. They both knew he was the more competent cook of the two and he wanted to do something that made him feel useful, and what better way for him to do that than cook dinner?
"A lot actually. What do you have in mind?" She asked as they fell in sync with one another as they continued through the store.
"Whatever you want me to make...Except pasta." He replied.
He didn't care what she wanted him to make; he just wanted to show her that he was indeed trying.
"If pasta's out, what about those stuffed cabbage rolls?"
"We'll need to get rice and ground beef…obviously cabbage…"
"I can get the rice, you can get the meat…Then we'll meet up where the vegetables are? That way we can get out of here quicker."
"Sounds like a plan." He nodded before heading off to find the meat.
"Boo!"
"Holy shit!" Cuddy shrieked, dropping the five pound bag of rice she had been holding in her hands. She looked around, thankful that there was no one around to see her reaction to Alicia's little joke.
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
"Lisa please, as if you'd ever be the person to have a heart attack." Alicia replied, laughing as though she had just heard the funniest joke in the world.
"We don't know that." Cuddy replied, rolling her eyes and bending over to pick up the bag and placing it in the shopping cart. "Where's Rachel?"
"We ran into House in the meat section, and she wanted to tell him about her day at school, so she's with him. Is that a problem?"
"No, it's not." She replied, beginning to make her way towards the aisle that contained snack foods. She needed to stock up on the things she gave Rachel to take with her to school, as well as the few indulgences she allowed herself to have every once in a while.
"So what exactly is happening with you two?"
"We have…something."
"Something? What does that even mean?" The younger woman asked, raising one of her perfectly maintained eyebrows in curiosity.
"Everything is out in the open…Apologies were made…Feelings were put out on the table…and we have something, that will hopefully turn into something more…"
"Does that mean you're getting laid tonight?"
"No!"
"But…you guys have a thing…and given your history, if feelings are out in the open, don't you think you deserve to finally have a good lay?"
"Oh, to be young and naïve." Cuddy sighed. "It's not that simple Alicia...Yes, House and I have a lot of history, but with that history comes baggage, especially now that there's even more history and baggage than there was the first time we slept together…Sleeping with someone keeps you bound with them for life, and yes we're already bound by that fact, but I want to wait a bit this time…It just feels like if we go back into this and immediately have sex like we did the first time, it'll be doomed. There are still things that need to be discussed."
"Did you tell him about your anxiety problems?"
"I mentioned it in passing, but I didn't elaborate. That's one of the things we need to talk about, although they all don't revolve around what he did."
"I know they don't, but sometimes the nightmares do."
"And most of the time they revolve around his death, but now that I know he's indeed not dead, those will obviously stop."
"And if they don't?"
"Then they don't, and I'll go back to seeing my psychiatrist and that's the end of that."
She stopped and crossed the aisle, grabbing a bulk sized box of Oreos for herself and chocolate chip cookies for Rachel, as well as several other types of variety snack foods.
She appreciated Alicia's worry; it was nice to have someone in her life that actually cared for her wellbeing, but at the same time she knew what to do when it came to House.
"I don't like gym class because I'm bad at sports and I don't want the other kids to make fun of me when I'm bad."
"If they make fun of you, it's because they're mad they aren't as cute as you are when they suck at the game too. You're only in kindergarten kid, give it time and you'll be better at sports than you know it."
"Are you good at sports?"
"I was before I hurt my leg. I used to play lacrosse which is like football and hockey, but with a stick…Now the best I can do I bowl."
"Can we go bowling sometime?"
"Sure kid, as long as your mom is all for it."
"Mommy will do whatever I ask as long as it makes me happy…"
"Your mom's a good parent, be grateful you have her, not all kids are so lucky."
It was easy for House to get along with Rachel, she was truly an interesting child, and he had always found it easier to speak to children than adults. He himself was an overgrown child so he knew how to communicate with them.
"Hello you two."
House turned at the sound of Cuddy's voice and headed toward her, dropping the package of ground beef into the cart and smirking when he noted the giant box of Oreos, remembering Rachel's comment the previous night.
"I see you're stocking up on Oreos…"
"Shut up." She replied, whacking him playfully on the arm.
"Told you she really liked them." Rachel commented, hugging her mother's legs.
"I know she does kid. Your mom has a secret sweet tooth for chocolate."
"Not so secret anymore…" Alicia commented dropping a package of Pringles into Cuddy's shopping cart.
"It was never a secret…I just…never indulged in it as often as I do now." Cuddy replied, shrugging. "So how about finding them cabbages so we can head back home? I'm pretty sure Jack is going a little nuts after being cooped up all day, I'll have to take him out for a walk while you start dinner."
"He cooks? Why have you never mentioned this before? I'm definitely staying over for dinner tonight."
House watched as Cuddy shook her head at her friend's comment.
"I took a cooking class a few years ago and it turned out I was good at that too."
"He's good at everything." Cuddy commented, a fond smile forming on her lips.
"Except relationships, I suck at relationships."
He said it before he could stop himself and he immediately regretted it when he watched the smile fade from her face. He always managed to put his foot in his mouth without really trying or meaning to do so.
"Soo…how about them cabbages?" He said quickly, changing the subject.
An hour later he was standing in Cuddy's kitchen, figuring out where most of her pots and pans were, as well as the seasonings used where kept. They'd gotten the remainder of the groceries they had needed, he'd gotten a few of the foods he enjoyed to eat, and then he'd paid for everything, much to Cuddy's surprise. He was pleased to have surprised her.
"Pots are under the sink, seasoning is in the cabinet above the stove." He turned to find the curly haired teenager leaning in the doorway of the kitchen, her arms crossed.
"Thanks." He mumbled, pulling open the cabinet beneath the sink and pulling out a pot before limping over and taking all of the spices he needed off of the rack inside the cabinet above the stove. He seasoned the meat and pulled the cabbage leaves apart, still feeling Alicia's presence in the door frame.
"Are you going to stand there the entire time or are you going to make yourself useful?"
Cuddy had left with Rachel to take the dog for a walk, and he hadn't known Alicia had stayed behind until she had made her presence known.
"I guess I'll help." She replied, walking over to the sink and washing her hands.
"Open that bag of rice and rinse out two cups of it, then give them to me to add to the meat, you can help fill the leaves with the meat and rice and then close then. Four hands are quicker than two."
"Gotcha."
After she had rinsed the rice and he had added it to the meat, they stood side by side filling the leaves.
"You know, she told me about your…arrangement."
House sighed, knowing that he should have expected the teen to give him her input on the situation, regardless of whether or not he asked for it.
"She told me she loved me, I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me and that the feeling was mutual, simple as that."
"Except it's not that simple; you both think it is but it's not. I'm saying this because I care about Lisa as a friend. She's the most positive influence I've had in my life. Don't hurt her as badly as you did the last time, she won't be able to handle it. Don't pull stunts like you did this morning and disappear without letting her know, it only makes her anxiety go through the roof. I'm not saying that you have to be the perfect significant other or whatever the hell it is you are to her, I'm just saying that you can't hurt her as badly as you did before. She is a strong woman, and there is only so much she can take before she cracks. She is only human, and you need to remember that because if you don't one day you will push her past her breaking point, and I don't want to see her broken again. I've seen her at her worst, and most of the time it's because of what you did to her. She's had nightmares the past few months, since she found out that you had supposedly died, and I spent the night one day when she had one of her really bad ones, and she was completely and utterly distraught at the fact that you two had never gotten closure, and it was eating her inside because she thought you were dead…but you're not dead, and I really hope that her nightmares stop…but just don't fuck her over again."
He understood her concern for Cuddy. He had fucked things up with her in the past, and he himself worried that he would screw things up even though it was early on in whatever they had at the moment.
"I'll try not to. I know I'm an ass and that I've caused her a lot of pain in the past, but trust me, I'm going to try as hard as possible to not do that again…I don't want to lose her again."
It was easier for him to be open with someone who knew almost nothing about him than it was for him to be open with those who truly cared about him and whom he truly cared about.
Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of barking as the dog announced that Cuddy and Rachel had returned from walking him. House looked at the amount of cabbage leaves they had filled and decided that it was more than enough to feed them all.
"We've got enough food." He finished, pouring enough sauce into the pot to cover the cabbage leaves before setting them to simmer on the stove. He put away the remainder of the ingredients before washing his hands and heading out of the room.
Her day had taken an unexpected turn, but she was glad it had done so. For the first time in months she felt optimistic. She had enjoyed the small dinner House had put together. He had offered to do the dishes, even though she had insisted on doing them herself. He simply wouldn't take no for an answer.
She found it sweet that he was trying so hard, she'd let him do what he wanted until he got tired of it.
She noted that she hadn't heard her daughter make a sound since she and Alicia had retreated upstairs and usually when they were quiet for extended periods of time the two were plotting something.
Cuddy made her way up the stairs and peeped into Rachel's bedroom. She smiled at the sight of the two curled up in Rachel's bed. It wasn't the first time in the course of their friendship that she'd found Alicia and her daughter curled up together sleeping. Alicia was like another daughter to her and obviously an older sister Rachel. She had become more than just her baby sitter, she had become family.
She walked over to the television and turned it off before pulling the blanket over the girls and kissing both of their foreheads before making her way back down stairs.
She decided to help House with the dishes and made her way into the kitchen.
She found him with his hands gripping the counter so tightly that his knuckles were white. He was obviously in extreme pain.
It suddenly hit her that she couldn't remember the last time he had taken a pill to help with his pain.
"Hey." She said softly, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. She felt him tense beneath her touch and she dropped her hand.
"Do you want me to run you a hot bath?" She asked, her voice laced with concern as she watched his jaw clench in pain before he leaned against the counter as his leg gave out.
She reached forward and draped his arm over her shoulder and led him over to the table, helping him into a chair and propping his leg up onto another chair.
Cuddy pulled up a chair beside his and wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, frowning at seeing him in so much pain.
"When was the last time you took something?"
"I haven't had anything since we left the hospital on Saturday."
"You could have asked me for a pill or two House."
"Trying to wean myself off of them, don't want to fuck up again."
She let out a small sigh.
"House…I don't want you to be in pain because you think it'll help us…On the contrary, you being in pain would only make things worse for us…I don't want you to be afraid to ask me for a pill when you need them, and if you really want to wean off of them at least wait a little longer…I'm going to get some ice packs for your leg okay? That'll take the edge off of the pain."
She stood and walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bag of frozen peas and held it over his bad thigh. She watched as he flinched slightly.
"I'm here House…you need to open up more if we want this thing, whatever it is to work…"
"Ok."
"I'm going to go upstairs and run you a hot bath in my tub. Then I'll come back down here and we'll see if you can make it up the stairs, does that sound okay?"
She watched as he gave her a small nod before she headed up the stairs.
It seemed that their relationship would always take one step forward and two steps back. They had made progress, but they still had a long way to go.