"My fucking head…" are the words that greet me in the morning. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe to find that yesterday hadn't happened; that Eric and I hadn't fought. But here I am with a now hungover Coraline. It may be from the arguing last night or the pregnancy, but I feel absolutely sick. I get up and rush to the bathroom as I hear Coraline stumble in behind me.
"Here, I got you," she says as she holds back my hair, "Thanks for last night."
"How much do you remember?" I wonder if she remembers the fight.
"Enough." She kneels on the bathroom floor with me and gives me a hug. I can't help but let a few tears slip through. I feel so pathetic right now, sitting on the bathroom floor crying. I'm a Dauntless leader; I'm supposed to be better than this.
"He's a dick, but he'll make it up to you eventually," she says, "Until then, make him suffer." I can't help but laugh when she says that. She's my favorite person and probably the most aggressive one I know.
"Well, I already put him on the couch," I say with a smile. I might as well go along with her. The one thing I've learned is that tears fix nothing.
"That's a good start. Let's see if he's still there." She helps me up from the floor and we head over to the living room, but he's absent. The blanket has been refolded and the pillow stacked on top; I guess he got up early and left. I can't help but feel hurt that he would leave without saying good-bye; then again, I was the one that put him here.
"Guess he ran." Coraline says. It's painful to hear it. I sit on the couch and find myself throwing the pillow, blanket, and everything else around me. This whole thing feels so stupid, but at the same time it cuts deep. He lied to me…but even if he hadn't I probably wouldn't have given him a chance, either.
"Want some food?" I can't just be lost in my own thoughts. I have a guest and I don't want to think about this right now.
"Sure," Coraline says, "To the Dining Hall."
"No, I feel like cooking." It helps me clear my head, having to concentrate on something else. I make my way to the kitchen and pour a glass of water.
"Here, drink this and I'll get started."
Coraline takes the glass and I start cooking, like I always do. Right now, I'm interested in comfort food; something sweet. Strawberry pancakes topped with whipped cream and a chocolate drizzle are what I make. As soon as I present Coraline with her plate, her eyes go wide.
"Forget Eric, I'll marry you instead." I'm surprised that she's able to eat so fast. Personally, I don't even feel that hungry, but I eat anyway; there's no point in starving over this. That'll only hurt me and the baby. But thinking of our child reminded me that Eric never did the ritual last night or this morning. It's on me, too, though. I just feel empty right now with things between us as they are. But he still lied and I can't just forget that; even if it was supposed to be for my sake, I'd rather be hurt by the truth than shielded by a lie.
"I have to go to work, but I'll leave the apartment in your hands," I say as I clean up the dishes, "Please leave it in mostly the same state."
"Can do," Coraline says as she hops onto the couch and turns on the TV. She really knows how to make herself at home. I smile to her for a moment before my heart can pull it down and head out the door.
The front of the Hub is clear, like it's been since the police force has been enacted. As I approach the building, the officers stationed outside nod to me. I return it and head inside for another day of business. But I still just keep replaying the events of the night over and over in my head. Would it have just been better to never bring it up? Should I have just assumed that nothing happened? But then I would have kept questioning had I held it in. Maybe I could have handled it better? But he still lied and I'm not just going to smile and say "ok" if he does that. And what does it say about us that we're doing this? That we could fall apart so easily from some stupid woman. What if this is all a mistake? I'm usually so sure, but now, that's all gone.
"Audrey, you haven't given your opinion yet." I'm brought back to reality by everyone in the house looking at me and I haven't the slightest idea what we're talking about.
"I'm sorry, what again are we discussing?"
"Whether or not to discuss terms with the violent group of factionless," Andrew says.
"I don't think we should discuss terms yet," I say, "But on that topic, my chief of police has come up with a solution for them to be able to respond to emergencies faster. We would like to request the Erudite install call boxes that give off a signal the police's radios can pick up. And maybe have a stationary version of the radio for non-emergencies that still require police attention."
"We could come up with something," Cara says with a smile, "If the house gives us permission to renovate the city, of course. Anyone opposed."
"Then we motion for permission," Andrew says, "But we need to return to the factionless. We can't keep them waiting forever." He's right, we can't. We'll have to talk with them eventually, but we can't so long as they're authorizing attacks. If those were to cease, things would be different.
"But we can make them wait a little longer," I say, "What if we gave them an ultimatum. If they wish to be heard, they have to stop the attacks for at least a month to prove they can control their people. If they succeed, we'll sit down with them and discuss giving them a seat in the house, to start."
"It seems fair," Johanna says, "And it will stop the violence."
"I don't know," Cara says, "How do we know they won't just continue to threaten violence to get their way. Or won't just plan something bigger."
"We don't," I say, "But a temporary peace is better than none at all. At least during the hiatus we'll be able to regroup and think of a better way to maintain peace on our own if need be."
"We'll be gambling on the factionless," Jack says, "Let's hope it works out."
"Then we've finally come to a conclusion," Andrew says, "We'll pass this to the upper house and they'll be the ones to send an ambassador to the factionless with our terms. Meeting adjourned." I head for the stairs and Andrew comes with me; this is his new habit now.
"Are you alright?" he asks as we descend the steps, "You seemed distracted during the meeting and I understand pregnancy can be tiring."
"No, it's nothing like that," I say, blushing. It's still embarrassing to have been caught like that during the meeting.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." He's still so careful about offending.
"No, you were just concerned," I say, "It's just some relationship trouble." I don't know why I feel like opening up to him.
"That's unfortunate. But relationships often carry some trouble." It's weird talking like this, normally. But it's strangely comforting.
"I know, but it's annoying when the trouble comes from others." We wouldn't be caught up in this if Jaya could just learn to keep out.
"If your significant other dedicates himself to you, others shouldn't be a concern." He's right, I shouldn't think about Jaya at all given all the faithfulness Eric has shown me. But it still hurts that he lied. But I feel like my mind's a little clearer now.
"Thank you."
"I don't need any thanks."
We continue all the way to the train tracks in silence. We part as I get on the train, but I at least give him a genuine smile when I say good-bye; Andrew's been very kind. I ride over to the compound and decide to stop by the gym. Eric will be finishing up soon and we should talk. I enter the doors and sit on a bench as I search the gym for him; he's at the mats wrestling, but doesn't see me. I just wait, but as I do, Varro comes over and sits.
"You're not as bright today. What's on your mind?"
"Nothing." I don't know how to explain all this.
"Speaking from experience, the worst thing a woman can say is 'nothing.' So, what'd that idiotic boy do?" He really is perceptive.
"We argued last night." Varro's like family; it's not weird discussing this with him.
"That would explain why he's been moping like a puppy that angered its owner," Varro says, "Now, what stupid thing did he do?"
"How do you know it was him?" For all he knows, I was the one who made a mistake.
"Because men are idiots who never can and never will understand women," Varro says with a laugh, "I learned that the hard way years ago."
"Well, there was an unexpected guest that went drinking with him and the guys last night."
"Ah," Varro says, looking at Jaya, "He lied about it didn't he, the fool."
"How do you know he lied?"
"Because that's what guys do when they think they'll get in trouble," he says, laughing again, "We think we're being smart, but we're actually digging our own grave. I don't know how, but you women always seem to know exactly what we do." I can't help but laugh at his explanation; he's not wrong.
"So, I take it the boy has already received some punishment? Based on how early he was here and how stiff he was, I'd say you put him on the couch."
"I'm starting to think you're the one who knows everything." Varro laughs even more.
"No, I've just been there, myself. I hope the boy knows enough to apologize fast." He looks over at Eric and chuckles a bit more.
"So, this isn't that bad?"
"No, this is normal. It feels bad now, but later, you'll see it for what it is." I guess he's right. Eric lied, but as long as he really didn't do anything wrong, it's not the worst thing in the world.
"I still expect an apology, though," I say with a smile. I don't feel as caught up on this as I did. I guess talking about it has helped.
"As you should," Varro says with a laugh, "The boy has to learn some time." I can't expect everything to always be perfect. The faster I see that, the better our relationship will be. But I'm still going to find a way to weed out Jaya and her disgusting face.
"Thanks, Varro," I say, giving him a smile.
"That's what I've been missing," Varro says with a smile, "You're bright as the sun when you smile." The buzzer sounds for the end of training and I see Eric get up. He looks over and starts to make his way over. Varro gets up and meets him halfway, telling him something before clapping him on the shoulder and laughing, then walking away.
"Audrey, I—"
"Get cleaned up first. I'd rather talk at home." If we talk in that woman's presence, I'll probably get mad again.
"Okay." I wait for him to come out of the locker room and we wordlessly make our way back to the apartment. Coraline seems to have left at some point, but I find that she left a plate of banana muffins in her wake; I guess that's her way of helping. He and I head over to the couch and sit.
"What did you want to say?" I say it calmly and try to make sure I don't still seem mad.
"Audrey, I'm sorry," Eric says, "I should have just told you that Jaya was there. But I mean it when I say nothing happened. I ignored her and stayed as far away as possible." It's short, but just the apology I need. And I'm at fault, too, anyway.
"I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have gotten mad before listening to you. I also shouldn't have blamed you for something you can't control." I've completely given in at this point. I head right over to his lap and into his arms.
"Does this mean that I can sleep in our bed again?" Eric asks with a smirk.
"Fine. And what did Varro say to you?" I've been curious for a while now.
"That I should take my head out of my ass and apologize," he says with a laugh, "The old geezer was right, though." Eric gives me a kiss, but then he moves down and kisses my stomach, too.
"I didn't get to, before." I bring his face up to mine and kiss him.
"Well you're making up for it now." He just smiles and kisses me deeper.
"That's not all I have to make up for…" I laugh as he picks me up and carries me to the room.
A/N: Added this line to remove confusion. This isn't a bad thing, no worries...for now :p