Leliana

It took only a little time to reach the tavern where Leliana was staying with Cassandra. She stepped out of the carriage and glanced up at the sky. It was a cloudy night and the rain had begun to fall. She took a deep breath of fresh air and entered the tavern, taking the stairs up to her room. Cassandra was sitting waiting for her.

"Well?" she asked as Leliana entered, jumping up off the bed and standing expectantly. "What did you find out?"

Leliana handed her the book. "That is a first hand account of the events which have been unfolding in Kirkwall on behalf of a Templar Recruit. I think The Divine would like to see it as there is troubling information within. As for the Qunari informant, she is an elf by the name of Tallis. I have had a few run ins with her in the past. She was there with an unknown other by the name of Hawke. I think they might have been up to something but they disappeared at the beginning of the party."

Cassandra looked at her impressed. "I see now why The Divine wished for your help. You are very efficient. I will give this to the driver and he will take it to her at once. All we have to do now is await her response."

Leliana gave her a small smile and walked past her to the basin, throwing water over her face. Cassandra glanced at her curiously before leaving the room with the journal. Leliana threw more water over herself as she tried to wash off her shame. She stood up and dried herself with a cloth before walking over to the bed and taking a seat, resting her head in her hands. What had she done? Something metal grazed her face and she looked down at her left hand. On her wedding finger was the ring Scarlett had given her almost a year ago. A lump formed in her throat as the guilt snaked through her body. Her mind flashed back to Chateau bedroom, the Templar hovering above her in the semi darkness, hearing herself moan with pleasure at his touch. She felt sickened by the memory.

Leliana had often used sex as a tool of manipulation in the past. It was another thing Marjolaine had taught her to do. She remembered seeing Marjolaine bring many men and women to her bed and recalled feeling jealous at the attention she gave them. Marjolaine had always ensured her that she was hers though, and that seduction was just another way to get what she needed from them. Therefore, that was what Leliana did when she had to do the same. What she thought was love with Marjolaine however turned out to just be infatuation on her part and she was blinded by her devotion to her. Maybe that was why it was so easy back then. Her love for Scarlett was real though and this made what she had just done all the more unbearable. Before she could stop herself she began to sob, the full reality of it all having just hit her.

The bedroom door flung open and Cassandra entered.

"The carriage has left. It shouldn't take more than a-Leliana?...Are you...crying?"

Leliana felt Cassandra's eyes on her back as she wept. She tried to steady herself and subtly wipe her tears. It was no use though.

"What's wrong?" Cassandra asked, surprised to see her in bits. Since they had begun travelling together, Leliana had showed no sign of distress after her quests. On the contrary, she seemed to rather enjoy them.

Leliana stood up and walked to the window, leaning on the frame and staring outside as the rain pattered against the glass. "Nothing" she replied unconvincingly, her back still to Cassandra. Cassandra wasn't fooled.

"Please" she said sceptically. "For months I have seen you kill, steal and manipulate without so much as batting an eyelid. Now, all of a sudden, I find you crying and nothing's wrong? Something must have happened tonight."

Leliana sighed. There was no getting past Cassandra. They didn't make her Seeker of the Chantry for no reason. "It's nothing" Leliana replied, shakily. "I...I had to take other... measures... to get the information from the Templar...that's all."

Cassandra seemed to grasp her meaning. "I see, but... I thought you had done this before" she said. "Correct me if I'm wrong but were you not a Bard? Isn't that what Bards do?"

"It is, and...I have used people more times than I can count" Leliana agreed, "...but this time it was...harder..."

"Why?" Cassandra asked.

Leliana sighed and rested her head on the window pane in despair, feeling the coldness soak into her skin. "Because the times I did it before... I wasn't in love," Leliana relented. What she had with Marjolaine was not love. Not like this. She had never felt a pain like this grip her.

"Oh..." Cassandra replied, surprised at her answer. "I didn't know you...I thought you were a Chantry sister. Didn't you take vows?"

"No" Leliana replied. "I chose to stay and become affirmed."

"Oh" Cassandra said again. "So...you have a husband?"

Leliana shook her head. Cassandra looked puzzled. She could see her reflection in the window.

"But you wear a wedding ring" Cassandra said, pointing to Leliana's hand on the glass. Leliana turned back and sat on the bed, staring at the ring on her ringer. She began to fidget with it.

"It's not like that" she said. "I'm not married...and I'm not in love...with a man..."

"A woman!?" Cassandra blurted out in surprise. She came over and sat herself beside Leliana. Leliana nodded sadly. Another tear fell down her face. She brushed it away impatiently, angry at herself. What right did she have to cry? She wasn't the one who had been betrayed.

"Who is she?" asked Cassandra, curious.

"Her name is Scarlett" Leliana answered. It was the first time she had Scarlett's name aloud in months. Cassandra looked at her in shock.

"As in the Scarlett? The one who killed the Arch Demon!?"

Leliana could not help but smile a little. "The very same" she replied. They sat in silence as Cassandra tried to process the information. She looked completely amazed. Finally Cassandra found her words.

"Where is she now? How come you're not with her? You seem to miss her."

"I do...So much, but...I can't be with her right now. She's in Amaranthine and ...Well, let's just say I owe The Divine" Leliana replied.

"Owe her?" Cassandra asked. "Why?"

"She saved my life once. I did a small favour for her in return but it seemed insignificant in comparison. So I agreed to come here and help her...and leave my love behind."

"And how did Scarlett feel about that?" Cassandra asked.

"She understood" Leliana replied. "It wasn't the first time things had forced us apart. I wanted her to come with me but...she couldn't. She was injured and...while my duty was with the Chantry, hers with the Grey Wardens. It wouldn't have worked."

"And now you're crying because you feel...guilty?" Cassandra asked delicately. Leliana swallowed hard and nodded.

"I betrayed her. I-I know it was my mission but...I..." Leliana couldn't say it out loud.

"You what?" Leliana wished Cassandra would stop questioning her. She was afraid of what would come out of her mouth. But she hadn't spoken of Scarlett to anyone in so long. It was hard to stop now that she had started. She turned to Cassandra, the guilt was apparent on her face.

"I enjoyed it" She admitted reluctantly. "I...I don't know why..."

"You're just lonely" Cassandra said, placing a strong hand on her shoulder. "You haven't seen her in almost a year, Leliana. I am sure it's hard to be so far from the one you love. And you were carrying out your mission for The Divine...and for The Maker. You didn't really have a choice." She stood up. "Maybe you should just...try to forget about Scarlett for now. I'll go get you a drink."

She left the room to go down to the tavern, leaving Leliana to her thoughts. True, Leliana was lonely. She had been longing for affection this past year. Trying to forget about Scarlett was easier said than done however. At nights she would play back the intimate moments she had shared with her. Even silly things like the ways she smiled, and that look she gave when she was up to something appeared in Leliana's thoughts occasionally. She lay back on the bed and closed her eyes, seeing Scarlett's face in her mind once more. How long would she be able to keep this up for? Leliana wondered if Scarlett felt the same, or if she had even forgiven her for leaving in the first place. Maybe she has moved on. It's been so long since they separated. What if another has stolen her heart? And how would Leliana face her now, knowing that she had slept with someone else? I can't do this anymore, she thought, there was a reason I gave up this life.