Addison exhaled a nervous breath as her doctor stood up from the stool and pulled off her gloves. She gave Addison a sympathetic look. "Addison…" Dr. Sander started saying. "We have been waiting for hours, Addison. You are only at 6 centimeters. The baby is starting to have late decals. We can't wait."
"No." Addison replied firmly, not even willing to listen to the rest of what her doctor had to say. She knew the speech well because she had given it countless times herself. "I am not having a c-section. I planned on doing this like I did it last time."
"Addie…" Derek began softly as he reached for her had. "Every pregnancy is different. You can't expect this pregnancy to be like it was last time."
"Exactly." Dr. Sanders nodded her, agreeing with Derek's statement. "You don't have anything to worry about. You're at 35 weeks, that's borderline premature. Your baby is mostly developed. We've administer steroids when you checked in make sure she's not born with underdeveloped lungs. And if she does need addition help, we've got all the resources to take care of her. Okay, sweetheart?"
Addison reluctantly nodded. "Okay." She whispered.
Half an hour later Derek stood in the OR and watched as his baby was withdrawn from Addison's body. The smile on his face grew when he heard the baby's very first cry and he looked down at Addison and tightened his hold of her hand. "She's out. We officially have a little girl."
"Is she okay?" Addison asked with traces of panic still evident in her voice. But before anyone could answer her the pink bundle was placed into Derek's waiting arms.
He looked down at her daughter with emotional tears building up in his eyes and he took a few steps to bring the baby closer to her mother. "She's perfect." Derek assured. "You're doing great. You pulled through. She is doing great and you have nothing to worry about right now."
Addison sniffled and nodded, her hand reaching up to stroke the infant's cheek. "She looks almost identical to…" she couldn't even finish her sentence because of a sob that racked her body.
Derek's quickly wiped the tears from her face then held his daughter closer to his chest as he bent over to place a kiss on forehead. "Don't think about that right now." He whispered softly. "I'm going to go take her up to peds so they can clean her a little better and do a more through exam. Do you want me to with her or you want me to stay with her?"
"Derek, you know you want go with her. She's your daughter. I'm no one to you."
Derek shook his head, refusing to allow her to believe her words. "I'm going to let a nurse take her and I'm going to stay with you. I'm not leaving you alone while you're on an operating table." He told her softly and placed another kiss on her forehead. It was his way of showing her that he would never leave her.
Addison fell asleep the second she was back in her private room. She hadn't even had the chance to hold her nameless daughter yet. Derek sat by her side, his attention focused on the muted television set mounted on the wall. The second the door creak open Addison opened her eyes to see a nurse walk in with a baby bundle up in her arms. The young woman smiled and set the infant down in her mother's arms. "Dr. Peters from Peds checked her over. He says she is doing very well for a premie. He doesn't see any reason to keep her in the NICU but he does what to keep her in the nursery for a few days to monitor her." She explained and Addison numbly nodded as she cuddled the crying baby in her arms to lull her. "She's a little cranky. She's had three different doctors examine her to make sure she's alright, she's been poked for blood test, weighed, measured…all of it."
"What were her measurement?" Derek asked curiously, just then realizing that no one had given them the information every parent knows within minutes of their child's birth.
"She is 4 pounds, six ounces, 18 inches." The nurse answered with a smile. "One of the reasons Dr. Peters wants to keep her around for a few days is to make sure she's gaining weight. Once she's a little closer to five pounds you should be able to take her home. She can stay in the room with your while you're here, if she needs to stay after you leave then we'll keep her in the nursery and you can come by as often as you'd like."
"Hear that, Add? Five pounds is the safe zone, right? She's only off by half a pound." He told Addison softly, knowing that she had been concerned about the fact that she couldn't even reach the minimum requirement of 38 weeks for a full term baby.
"Anyway, I think she's hungry. Do you plan on nursing her? I know this is the first time so I can help if you need it."
Addison took a breath noticing that the baby was reflexively trying to suck anything that came near her mouth. She hadn't breastfed Lena; only because she didn't have the time to between class and studying. She had seen patients doing it before, she could almost physically see the bond it created between a mother and a child. She needed to do something to feel some sort of bond to the baby she was holding so she nodded her head. "I don't think I need help." She had given taught so many patients through her career. She didn't need anyone to teach her.
"Okay, give me a call if you need help." the nurse answered with a smile before she left to give the new family some privacy.
Addison slowly pulled down one shoulder of her gown and brought the baby closer to her breast. She winced when her mouth caught on and bit her bottom lip to keep from screaming and scaring the infant.
"You okay?" Derek asked, standing from his seat only to see that the baby was no feeding. "Isn't her mouth supposed to be moving?" he asked unsurely. He had only witnessed breast feeding closely a handful of times.
"She's just biting me." Addison's voice cracked as she answered. "She was just sucking everything in sight and now that she's supposed to suck all she's doing is biting my nipple."
"Maybe she needs sometime to figure it all out." Derek suggested. "I've heard that the first time breastfeeding is not exactly pleasant for anyone. My mom hasn't done it like 25 years but she still complains every chance she gets."
Addison nodded, squeezing her eyes shut when she felt the baby's gum squeeze her again. She grazed her index finger softly along her cheek, knowing that sensation usually caused infants to start suckling. "Come on, please…" she begged quietly.
The effort when on for another half an hour. They tried different positions, they switched sides, they did everything they could think of before Addison gave up. She slipped her arm back into her gown to cover herself then handed the baby off to Derek. "Give her a bottle." She whispered tiredly.
"You don't want to try again?" he asked
Addison glared at him. "It's not that easy, Derek! It hurts! My fucking boobs hurt! They're sore and all she does it bite me. It hurts!" she snapped, her voice sounding harsh and exhausted, unintentionally startling her daughter and inducing tears.
Derek nodded understandingly as he cradled the wailing baby in his arms. "Can you comfort her while I run out to get a bottle?" he asked after a few minutes while already moving to pass the baby back to her.
Addison shook her head. "Put her in the basinet." She said almost inaudibly.
Derek held the infant against his chest in the middle of the night and gently swayed her in his arms to soothe her tears away. He had tried giving her a bottle but she wasn't interested, he checked her diaper but she was clean, he feared she might be in pain so he went into doctor mode and quickly looked over her. He had no idea why she was crying at three in the morning and he didn't want to wake Addison after she had finally gone to sleep.
"Honey, you're killing me." Derek told the infant softly and sat down on a rocking chair in the room. He felt the baby settle her head on his shoulder and her cries softened just slightly. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked as he rubbed her back soothingly. "I think you need a name. We can't keep using little pet names for you."
Derek looked up at Addison thinking she may have woken up from the commotion but she was still I a coma like sleep. "What do you think of Emma?" he asked the baby. "You kinda look like an Emma. Emma Montgomery-Shepherd. Or maybe we'll do Shepherd-Montgomery…I'm not sure. Your mom might want you to just have one of our last names and if that's the case I'm not sure which one it would be. But I think Emma sounds good with every possibility, right?"
The baby's screams died down as she listened to her father's voice. She obviously had no idea what was being said to her but the voice was calming and that's all she wanted, she just need love and comfort.
"Oh, you stopped crying. That's a good sign, right? That means you like the name?" Derek asked and heard her gurgle. "Okay, so we are agreed. Emma is perfect. Let's just wait until we ask Mommy then we'll make it official." He told her daughter. "And I know she's been kind of weird since you were born. I think she's just tired, jellybean. I have no other explanation. But she's pretty awesome, you'll see. Once the exhaustion and pain wears off, you will seriously never want to be around anyone by her."
Addison had been awake long enough to hear the words Derek had started softly directing to their daughter, Emma he had apparently decided (luckily she loved the name or else she would have started yelling and he would have known she wasn't asleep.) She kept her eyes closed, not wanting him to know that she was awake. She didn't want to ruin his perfect moment with the baby. She heard him tell the baby that everything would be okay soon enough, he promised the baby that she's just tired and needs some rest before assumes the role of the wonderful mother she was thought to be. The only problem was that she was not tired, she wasn't in any pain anymore. She was numb...toward everything. She was broken and she had no idea how to fix it for the sake of the people she loved.
Guys! I need help finding a story! It was published a while ago but I read it recently and now I can't find it to add it to my favs. It was an Addek Christmas story. It took place after the divorce, Addison was already in LA. Derek asked her to go to Connecticut with him for Christmas and pretend they are still married because no one wanted to break the news to his grandmother that they had divorced. Then they fell love all over again. It was a really cute story. Any one know what I'm talking about? Message me if you. Thanks!
don't forget to review :) btw deslil: nice job guessing the name.