Sam's head hung low against his chest, blood ran down out of the corner of his eyes the only version of tears he was allowed being a vampire. His hands were clenched into fists within his lap with his arms trembling through anger, guilt and regret.

People moved and time ticked on around him, places and faces changed and sounds became twisted into an incoherent mess but for the vampire everything seemed to be standing still. Refusing to move any further away from the earlier events in that dreaded motel room.

He could see Dean's pale face imprinted on the back of his eyelids. He could hear his sluggish heartbeat vibrating against his ear drums. He could smell the metallic stench of the mortal's blood deep within his nose and there was nothing he could do to escape these sensations.

They plagued his every movement, every thought and every bloodied tear. There was no escaping his own personal hell and he was convinced that there was no going back now. When Dean woke up and found out what Sam had almost done…well…he was pretty sure he was going to be on the receiving end of a sharp blade if he was lucky.

He had ruined his only chance for the life he had been waiting for all through his afterlife. He might possibly be the first ever vampire to lose their soul mate outside of death. Most of his kind would have used a form of glamour at the first hint of their soul mate. It was quicker and guaranteed that they would claim their chosen mortal. However it took away all of the first sight romance and it robbed the mortal of their control over their love. This was something Sam refused to do; he wasn't going to use his glamour on Dean if he could help it.

Dean was too precious and too beautiful for Sam to taint him this way. He had already done enough damage to last a lifetime and now that had cost him the chance to be with the love of his life. This fact has Sam clutching his head in his hands instantly.

"What a sight for sore eyes," a voice called out from somewhere in front of him startling him slightly. Damn…he must be out of it to not sense the newcomer approaching with his vampiric abilities.

After a couple of seconds had passed he finally lifted his head from his hands to spare the newcomer a glance. His glowing bloodshot eyes widened in surprise with the red tears continuing their trail down his cheeks. His hands fell back into his lap and once more clenched into tight fists while his attention was fixated upon the female in front of him.

She stood with her hands on her hips and a defiant scowl crossing her face. Her piercing blue eyes bored through his lifeless red and the corner of her lips curled up in an almost sadistic smirk. Her long wavy blond hair blew behind her in the breeze making her more attractive by the second. This girl was the splitting image of perfection and beauty. An image that can only be created by a vampire.

"Jessica," Sam breathed out continuing to remain sitting upon the wooden bench while his eyes remained locked onto hers.

Jessica smirked with her whole expression growing twisted and sadistic in an instant as she made her way over to the bench sitting down beside her fellow vampire in the process. Cocking her head to the side she scrutinized his appearance and ran a tongue over her descended fangs.

"No offense but you look like shit," she exclaimed which caused Sam to chuckle slightly while nodding his head into his chest.

"A real sentimentalist as always Jess," he replied lifting his head once more to lock eyes with the young vampire beside him. His mind attempted to lure him back into the dark depression that had threatened to overwhelm him for the last couple of hours but he refused and used the female to ground himself to this reality.

Her blue eyes were strong but they were laced with concern only a lover could show. Sam found himself smiling at the evident worry deep in the blue and he was reminded of their heavy past together.

She had been there for him ever since he could remember; she had been his rock when his hunger drew to a point where it was almost unbearable. She had been there through every step of his journey so far…from a mother figure to a friend to a best friend to an eventual lover. She had shown him how to love and how to receive love in return. For that he was eternally thankful for.

In the past when he looked into her eyes he felt this undeniable amount of lust and desire towards her, his heart would pound once in his chest and his eyes would glow a deep crimson. She would drive him to the brink of insanity and back again. His love for her was strong as he was sure her love for him was.

They were two immortal souls drawn together through their close friendship and family ties.

However when he looked into the deep blue at this moment in time all he could see was a pair of enchanting glittering emeralds staring back at him. His heart lurched violently in his chest in response with a few more red droplets falling down his face.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her softly in a defeated tone that was unusual to hear within a vampire's voice. This fact didn't go unnoticed by the female however for the moment she decided to ignore this.

"We have been worried about you Sam. One minute you're off on a hunt and the next it is almost a week later until you come back after talking to your Sire. Man you refused to tell anyone what the hell was happening or where you went or why you had to talk to your Sire because we all know that you rather not bother the man unless it was of the upmost importance. And when you did come back it was to say goodbye and hand over temporary control of the coven to me before you vanished without another word. What were we meant to think Sam? What were we meant to do when our Master walks out on us without a single explanation or reason? We were worried that something might have happened to you and as you know we protect our own so I was sent with the job of tracking you down to make sure that you're alright. We thought that you might have run into a hunter or something..."

Sam flinched at the mention of a hunter which caused Jess to narrow her eyes in confusion. She knew that there was something not quite right about him but she just wasn't able to put her finger on it much to Sam's relief.

"How did you find me?" he asked trying to drag the subject as far away from the idea of hunter's as possible. He wasn't willing to think about let alone talk about mortals at this point in time. The wounds were too fresh and too raw to allow them to be opened again.

Jess smiled sweetly showing off her fangs in this one movement a short gentle laugh escaped her lips in reaction to the question before she could suppress it. "Jesus Sam how long have I known you…I think I should be able to recognize you scent even if it was coming from the other side of the world by now. So I just followed your smell and wolla, here we are sitting on a bench in front of what appears to be a hospital…just why are we sitting on a bench in front of a hospital?"

Sam drew in a deep unnecessary breath as he turned his gaze away from the companion vainly hoping that this loss of contact would break Jess's attention on him…in a sort of if I can't see you, you can't see me way. Of course that wasn't the case.

"Sam?" she questioned again placing a gentle hand upon Sam's shoulder squeezing slightly in the process. "Sam what's the matter? What's happened? Please Sam we are all worried about you, everyone is asking after their Master and no one is willing to accept anyone else as ruler a part from you. What has made you come this way? What has made you suffer in this state?" Jess pressed with her eyes darkening to a deep blue with an amber tint around the edges.

Sam sighed deeply brushing away the still flowing tears with the back of his hand before settling this on top of the female's hand. He still managed to find a small amount of comfort in her touch and gestures and he was willing to gain as much relief he could from his pain from her touch.

"Jess…you don't understand…"

"Then make me Sam. I want to understand, I want to help with whatever it is that you're suffering with. You can't carry this burden alone by the looks of you. Let me in I can help." She replied using her soft loving tone that Sam had never been able to resist.

"I left because I had too…because I wanted to…because I was needed." Sam replied shrugging his shoulders breaking his grip on her hand and her grip on his shoulder. His eyes strayed out towards the car park so that he wasn't directly looking into those increasingly darkening blue.

"I need a bit more detail then that Sam if I'm going to help you at all."

"Jess on that first hunt I found more than food. I found a hunter…" before he could continue what he was saying he was interrupted by a snort and a low growl coming from the female vampire. Her eyes by now had morphed into a deep crimson at the mention of a hunter.

"A hunter? A fucking hunter huh? So you are on a run from a hunter is that why you left us, left your coven? Where is this hunter then? I'll help you kill him and then we can head back to the rest your people afterwards."

"NO!" Sam shouted breaking through what Jess was saying instantly causing her eyes to widen in a mixture of surprise and disbelief. "No that isn't the full story, I don't need them killed…I don't want them killed!"

"Ok then…Sam I'm having a hard time following this. What you are saying that on a hunt you met a hunter who you are on the run from but don't want them killed?"

Sam nodded his head and let a smile grace his lips for one small moment. Even he had to admit how ridiculous that sounded out loud. "In a nutshell…yeah but there is more to it then what you can take on face value."

"Care to explain Mr. Cryptic?"

Sam sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair once more before cupping this to his chin. He could feel the tears press against his eyes adding pressure to allow their freedom but Sam knew he couldn't afford to lose any more blood…just like Dean…He couldn't afford to allow his hunger to grow anymore than it had already even though he had fed a week ago.

"Jesus Jess I don't know where to start. I've fucked up, fucked up big time and probably destroyed my only chance of a future. There's nothing left for me in this existence not if…I can't even think of that happening. It can't happen. It just can't…" Sam sobbed feeling the female vampires arm wrap around him pulling him close into her chest. A position he knew well over all these years.

He felt himself leaning into her warm embrace but it wasn't her arms he craved. It wasn't her love or concern he wanted. It wasn't her he desired and that made everything so much harder, that made him spiral further down the deepest pit of despair. His old life wasn't what he wanted at all. He had a taste at what his future could contain, Dean, hunting, Dean, road trips, Dean, motel after motel and most importantly Dean. His Dean, not that he could ever claim that title or that the future was even a possibility.

"Sam?"

"On that hunt I found more than food or the hunter. I found my soul mate, my blood partner for life."

"Fucking hell, Sam that is great right?" Jess questioned with a fake tone of happiness evident in her voice with an undertone of false hope there as well. "But if it was why would you be here of all places? Even I know that you refuse to steal blood from the hospital because of your obvious love for humanity. What happened?"

"The hunter…"

"The hunter? Did that bastard kill your soul mate? Tell me who it is and I'll fucking kill them, I'll tear their throats out through their necks and make them watch me extract their heart from their chests…" before Jess could continue on her oh so graphic and violent threats Sam interrupted her with a ghost of a smile of her lips.

"No it's not like that, not at all. The hunter is my soul mate. I had to see Sire because I had no idea what was happening to me or why I saved the hunter's life from the hands of those twin vampire bitches. He told me that I had found my mate for life so I had to leave Jessica….I had to…"

"I understand but a hunter? Sam if you haven't realized you aren't exactly…well…human. Didn't she have a problem with you being a vampire?" Jess asked her eyes darted behind her briefly before turning back to lock onto Sam's who shared her same sense of unease but for now he decided to ignore this fact.

Sam frowned slightly "Huh?" he replied stunned at the use of the female description.

"Well she is a hunter and you are a vampire it kind of screams a death match don't you think? Is that why you are out here? Did something happen between you two?"

"Dean became injured, blood…fucks…blood was all over the carpets and skin…it became too much…my self control failed. Jess I almost killed my soul mate. I had to get away as far away as I could but I couldn't go very far for long. I had to make sure that Dean is still alive; I had to make sure Dean was alright even if I was going to be hated now. I just couldn't leave without knowing."

Sam could sense Jess's arm tense around him with what he assumed was a reaction to his words finally hitting home. Her blood red nails dug into the skin on his shoulder but he felt no pain only the possessiveness behind that one touch.

"Dean? That's a funny name for a girl let alone a female hunter…" she choked out in denial. Her eyes remained locked onto Sam's hazel gaze.

"The hunter…umm…Jess…It's not a she…He's a he."

Jess removed her arm and her eyebrows rose instantly. Her lips pressed together in a tight line with the bottom lip quivering slightly. Her blue eyes glistened instantly. "A he?" She lifted her right hand to scratch the back of her head as she was no longer able to suppress her laughter any longer. The chuckle rolled off of her lips effortlessly while she kept her eye contact on the male vampire who looked at her incredously. "A he…really Sam…your soul mate is a fucking dude! So the whole time we were together you were wishing I would suddenly sprout a penis?"

"NO!" Sam was quick to defend that statement knowing that if he could he would be blushing a deep shade of red at this moment in time. "No you know it wasn't like that with you, Jess I did…I still do love you but not as more than a best friend now. Honestly I haven't even thought about guys in that light before not before Dean came into my life. He is the first man I have ever found myself lusting after but now I have destroyed that chance to be together…"

"You want to know what I think."

"You know I do." Sam replied instantly without a moment's hesitation.

He watched as the female vampire sighed deeply and stood up in the process so that she was towering in front of him. Jess leaned down and placed both of her hands on his knees so that their eyes could once again lock onto one another. Those blue pools were full of different emotions but the most evident ones were concern, sorrow, pain, guilt and an undying love.

"I think that you're too busy with your head up your own ass you don't see the bigger picture here!"

"What?! What the hell are you talking about?" Sam exclaimed with his eyes narrowing, the normal hazel slowly darkening underneath the slits.

"Well just look at you…a vampire sitting outside the hospital mourning the loss of his loved one because of his stubborn assumptions. Do you really think that Dean is going to want nothing to do with you now?"

"Jess I tried to…"

"I don't want to know what you tried to do or what could have happened. Now the next words out of your mouth I want to be the answer to my question and no more guilt or woe is me bullshit. Do you really think that your mortal is going to want nothing to do with you now?"

"Yes I do."

Jess snorted and rolled her eyes in the process. Her gaze on the male hunter was both patronizing and understanding at the same time. Her grip tightened on Sam's legs by now he was pretty sure he had indents in his skin from her. "Then you're a bigger fool then I thought you were Samuel Konvinski!"

"You don't know what he's like, what's he's been through…"

"No? Do you?"

Sam tensed at the backfiring of his question. He wanted to stand up and run as far away as he possibly could. Get away from the hospital, from Dean, from Jessica, from this existence but he knew he didn't have enough strength.

Her words ran through his mind on a continuous loop. He wanted to think that he knew everything the mortal had been through and just what he is like but there was this voice at the back of his head that contradicted these thoughts. It told him that the Dean he had come to know over the past month or so isn't the true Dean Winchester. That Sam had only begun to scratch the surface. That there was so much more to see and experience compared to the cocky arrogant fearful confident hunter he had come to know and love.

"The Sam I knew and followed wasn't a quitter; he wouldn't let a little obstacle stop him from getting what he wanted. He would face the problem head on and make the situation twist to his liking. The Sam I knew was a mighty Vampire who was respected by both his coven and his species. The Sam I knew wouldn't have let anything get in his way of true love, the love he showed me, the love he had given to me at one point."

Jess removed her hands from his legs and stood up straight. She crossed her arms against her chest with her glare glowering down at her companion. "The way I see it Samuel you know have a choice to make. You could forget all about this Dean and everything he does and could mean to you and come back with me to your coven. Come back home where you belong or you can turn on your heels and head into that hospital to reclaim your man. It's your choice…"

Sam bowed his head slightly. There was a third option he knew but it was the cowards way out, only cowards would run so far away from their situation so they wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. Sam might be many things but you can guarantee that a coward isn't one of them.

Instantly he was reminded of the events of that dreaded motel room only a few hours ago and his lips tingled with the memory. It was then he knew there was no choice, not now, he knew that on this day his mortal had made his choice now it was time to make his and this time nothing was going to get in his way. Nothing.

Sam pushed himself up off of the bench with a small smile on his lips for his companion's eyes only. "You're right Jess."

"When aren't I?" she smiled back at him pulling him into her body for what she knew could be the final time. She placed her head upon his shoulder, wrapping her left arm around his waist while her right hand ran through his chocolate locks.

"What would I do without you?" he whispered in her ear making a small droplet of blood run down her cheek.

"Crash and burn," was her immediate reply.

For a couple of minutes both vampires remained locked in this position with neither one pulling away from each other until Sam decided to break the embrace. He held the female at arm's length with the smile still plastered on his face which made him look slightly psychotic with bloodied tear tracks staining his cheek as well.

The past was the past and there was nothing he could do to change it but he was as sure as hell control his future even if he has to run along a darkened winding road to get there. With a genuine smile on his face and he took a step towards the future and a step away from his past.

"It's time I went to my true home," with those words Sam turned on his heels and started the walk towards the hospital entrance never once looking back on his old life he was leaving behind.

TBC (There we have it part Ten; I really hope you are still reading and enjoying because otherwise it would be pointless for me to write this fic. Don't worry there will be some Sam and Dean fluff coming up soon (if there is anything you want me to try and add in just ask and I'll see whether I would be able to before the main plot starts) as well as a Sam and John confrontation, along with the main plot of this story, this story has only just really gotten started. Hope you're all strapped in because it will be a hell of a ride. Sorry for the slightly late update but I haven't been able to find inspiration to write as fast but anyhoo…as always reviews are much loved and I'm sorry I don't normally respond to them but that doesn't mean they don't mean I don't love them any less. See that green button down there…click it…you never know what might happen. I'll see you all in Part Eleven)