Finally, we find out what happened to Jacob. Very sad, very dark and all too prevalent in our society. But don't worry … this is fiction, and a happy ending lurks in the coming chapters. Plus, they're not done making lemonade quite yet…

BPOV

It started to rain – hard. Within seconds, it was coming down in sheets. I hadn't spent most of my life in Washington to misinterpret the fury that was about to descend on us. Neither had Edward.

The two of scrambled up. Edward threw the blanket around my body, picked me up and flung me over the railing toward my house. The wind suddenly blasted toward us, and the deck was instantly soaked. I grabbed the baby monitor, spent several agonizing seconds groping for my cell phone, then slithered to the door. I only fell once along the way, which was pretty good for me.

"I'll be over in a couple of minutes!" Edward bellowed. I could barely see him through the rain.

Wrenching open the door, I slid into the kitchen. A torrent of rain followed me in. Leaving the door unlatched so Edward could get into the house, I raced upstairs to my bedroom, tripping on the blanket the whole way.

I tossed the dripping blanket into the bathtub and looked at myself in the mirror. I have sex hair, I realized. Wet, messy sex hair. I grinned.

After checking to make sure the storm wasn't disturbing Renee, I came back downstairs in an oversized baseball t-shirt and Edward's clean boxer shorts. I had just finished drying off my cell phone when Edward skidded into the kitchen. He slid about 10 feet on the wet kitchen tile in his bare feet, fetching up against the counter. If I had tried that, I would have gone right through the far wall. In one hand, he clutched my wet clothes. In the other, he had something that looked like wet plastic.

"Garbage?" he asked, holding up the used condom he'd thrown on to his lawn. I wrinkled my nose and took it out of his hand with a paper towel. He was drenched, probably from hunting around for the condom in the sheeting rain. The two of us cracked up.

"I'll get you a towel," I said, snorting with laughter. I brushed by him and he grabbed me, pulling me against his wet body. I squealed and twisted away. When I returned, he was still dripping in my kitchen. Edward held still while I dried him off, starting with his hair and working down to his feet. Some parts of him were damper than others and required a lot of slow, tender rubbing. He had a raging hard-on by the time I was done.

"Dear me," I said, looking at the bulge in his shorts. "Where did that come from?" I put my hand down and slowly palmed his erection, feeling it grow under my hand. I spent two or three minutes rubbing him, listening to his breathing get more ragged. Then I pushed him against the counter and knelt, dragging his shorts down to his ankles. He threw his head back and let out a gasp when I wrapped my hand around the base of his penis and slid him into my mouth. His fingers dug into my hair as I got acquainted with his cock.

He was just the right size – not enormous, but a complete mouthful. I let the tip of his cock rub against the roof of my mouth a couple of times, causing him to moan wildly. My tongue slipped along the underside of his shaft as I sucked. My man, I thought, delirious with happiness. Mine.

I gently squeezed his balls and felt him twitch in response. I spent several long minutes stroking and sucking until I could feel him teetering on the edge of release. Then I pulled him out of my mouth, teasing him with my tongue until he growled in frustration.

"Please Bella," he whispered urgently.

"Please Bella what?" I whispered back, stroking him slowly. He groaned but didn't answer. I squeezed him slowly, up and down, making his fingernails scrabble against the countertop. "Was there something you wanted me to do for you, Edward?"

"Please … let me … come in your mouth," he gasped, and I could see him blushing. I wrapped my lips around him again and sucked voraciously until he exploded, filling my mouth with his sweet saltiness. I swallowed and licked him clean. Then I looked up from between his legs with an innocent expression on my face.

"Holy shit," he croaked. "Don't ever tell me where you learned to do that. Just promise me you'll do it to me a lot."

~~ - ~~

Edward sat down on the couch, and I nestled between his legs, leaning back against him. He put his arms around me and held me to his chest. It was very late, and we were both tired – but neither of us wanted the night to end.

"I'm going to have a housewarming party in a couple of weeks," I said, tipping my head back and looking at him. "Rose is coming, and she'll probably bring Emmett. I thought maybe I would invite Alice and Jasper too."

"That would be nice," said Edward. "They like you a lot. My whole family likes you."

"I like them too," I said. "Did you know that Carlisle did a couple of consults on Renee's case last year? I thought I recognized him when I met him."

"Yes, he mentioned it to me – meeting Renee at the party jogged his memory. I don't think my dad will ever really retire," Edward said with a smile. "He loves his work so much."

"Didn't anyone in your family want to become a doctor like him?" I asked, snuggling against his chest.

"Nope. I tried – I was pre-med for a while, but I wasn't happy. I did it because my dad wanted so bad for me to become a doctor. I knew I wanted to work in some aspect of the medical field, but it wasn't until I did some volunteer work at the Foundation that I realized where I wanted to be."

"Did your dad freak out when you told him?" I wondered.

"No. I think he knew deep down that my heart wasn't in it. He was just happy that I was happy." There was a long silence. "My ex-wife, however, wasn't as understanding."

"You were married in college?" I asked, amazed. He shifted beneath me, pulling me closer.

"No, we weren't married at that point, but we were dating. Tanya genuinely thought I was going through a phase – that I would get the philanthropic work out of my system and eventually return to my studies." He paused, and his brow crinkled. "Lily came along a year after we were married, and I started making noise about becoming a full-time dad. Tanya asked when I was finally going to become a doctor." He chuckled humorlessly. "She wasn't pleased with my answer."

I intertwined our fingers. "How bad was it, at the end?" I asked.

"Not as bad as you'd think. We're both reasonable people. It just took us a while to realize we had different goals in life. That's not to say there weren't some spectacular fights," he said with a rueful grin "Tanya has temper, but she's a good mom. She always has Lily's best interests at heart. I trust her and have a ton of respect for her. Plus she's done really well for herself – she's an MBA and one of the top consultants in the city."

"But poor Carlisle didn't get one doctor in the lot of you," I concluded.

Edward laughed. "The closest anyone in our family came to being a doctor was Alice – she married one. Jasper's a shrink, you know. Now my dad goes around telling people that Lily is going to be doctor." I thought about Jasper – it made sense that he was a therapist. He had soothing presence.

"So…" Edward said after a few minutes of drowsy quiet. "What about you and Jacob? How did you meet?

"Oh," I said. "Jake and I were best friends growing up. We knew each other from the cradle. In fact," I said, blushing a little, "Jake was my first. When we were 16."

"You married your high school sweetheart?" Edward asked, with an amused smile on his face. But the smile vanished when he saw the look on my face. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing," I said, turning so he could see me. "But it's an awful story, me and Jake. And you already know it doesn't have a happy ending." I bit my lip. "It's very late. Are you sure you want to hear it tonight?"

"I do," Edward said. "You can tell me anything."

"I know you mean that," I said, "but this story is very difficult. I want you to stop me if it upsets you too much."

~~ - ~~

EPOV

"I know you mean that," Bella said, "but this story is very difficult. I want you to stop me if it upsets you too much."

I was taken aback by her gravity. She really meant it. How bad could it be? Goose bumps broke out across my arms. "Please tell me what happened to Jake," I said.

And so Bella told me.

"Jake and I were inseparable as kids. We got into all kinds of trouble together," she said. "My dad and Jake's dad, Billy, were best friends too." A faint shadow crossed her face. "As we got a little older, I started to feel … differently about him." A private smile crossed her face, and I felt a little pang of jealousy. "Charlie noticed that it was taking me longer to get ready when I went to hang out with Jake. He teased me about that.

"We fell in love as easily as we'd done everything else. The year we were going together, the year I was 16, was one of the best of my life." She sighed. "But then stuff started to change. Jake made some new friends, older guys from the reservation. He changed … he was moodier, more volatile. Billy and Charlie said it was just adolescence. But to me, it felt like something else was changing him, something darker.

"Jake started hanging with his new friends more, and we drifted apart. It broke my heart to lose him. Eventually I moved to Seattle to go to college, and we lost touch. I heard through Charlie that Jacob had finished high school and then pissed away a year or two. Just hung at his father's place, doing drugs. Then he moved away from Forks, and I didn't hear anything for a long time.

"I moved on. Dated some nice boys in college." Bella winked at me. "Had a couple of flings with some bad boys too." I rolled my eyes and made a face. "I had fun, fell in love a few times. But I had no desire to settle down with any of them.

"After I graduated and got my first teaching job in Seattle, Jake looked me up in the city. I could tell right away that things were better with him. He was calmer, happier. Like my old Jacob. He was working at a shop restoring classic motorcycles, and he loved his job. On our first date in Seattle, he took me for a ride on a classic Harley Davidson softtail." We both smiled at that.

"We moved into together a few months later, and were married just after we turned 28. We were so crazy in love with each other, and I was the happiest woman in the world. When I got pregnant with Renee when I was 30, I was over the moon."

I closed my eyes and imagined Bella pregnant, her belly round and full. She would be a woman who glowed during pregnancy.

"When I look back, I realize that the warning signs had been there all along … I was just too caught up in my own happiness to notice. Like Jake's lessening interest in sex – I thought it was because we were trying for a baby, that the lack of spontaneity was bugging him. He got sent home from work one day to 'rethink his attitude.' That was a shock - he loved his job, and had never mentioned any problems.

"Then my mom got sick, and all my attention was on her. Then Renee came just after mom died, and you know what that's like … it takes over your whole world, in a good way. Jake was ecstatic when she was born, and he was the most attentive dad. Everything seemed so good." Bella's breath hitched, and I realized that this is where the unhappy ending started. I rubbed her shoulders, putting all my love into that action.

"Things started to change … just like back in high school. Jake got moodier. After the baby came, our sex life never got back off the ground. He wasn't interested anymore. Jake wasn't comfortable leaving Renee with a babysitter, so we never had any alone time, never went out. He stopped returning his friends' calls. He didn't stop me from going out, but he didn't make it easy either. We became more and more isolated.

"Billy died when Renee was two, and that sent Jake into tailspin. He'd already lost his mom as a kid. When I saw that he wasn't coping, I dragged him to the doctor to get help. That's when everything started coming out." I watched Bella's face harden, and suddenly she looked much older than her years.

"Jake hadn't had a fit of adolescent rebellion back in Forks. He had been diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. The drugs, the moodiness, his inability to focus … it was all part of his illness. Billy had tried everything to get him into treatment – even arranged a traditional native healing ceremony with the elders. Jake refused everything. It wasn't until after he left home that he finally got the treatment he needed. When he showed up at my place in Seattle, he was on medication and coping well for the first time in years. But after we got married, he figured he didn't need the meds anymore …"

Bella's voice became like steel. "He went back on the meds, but it didn't work as well as last time. The doctor in Seattle didn't have the same experience working with Native Americans as the doc in Forks did. He tried switching Jake to something newer, more potent. And then everything fell apart.

"Within a few weeks, I didn't recognize my husband. His moods became wildly unpredictable. He would scream at me, at Renee. He had terrible anxiety attacks. I was sure it was the new meds, and I begged the doctor to take him off. But the doc thought Jake could manage through…

"A month later, Jake was out of control. He flew into a rage at the littlest thing. Then he would sob for hours in remorse. Renee …" Bella broke off, and I could see a tear sliding down her cheek. I wiped it away, feeling sick for her. "Renee and Jake had been so close, and now she was afraid of him. It made Jake hate himself even more. He stopped going to work – he got some kind of medical leave. I think they just wanted him out of the shop.

"The crazy thing is that most people had no idea what was going on. Our neighbors, my friends … no one knew. I didn't know who to turn to. It was months before I could even tell Rose what was going on. How do you tell people that your husband is going insane?"

My stomach was starting to roll. This was difficult to hear.

"One day, Jake refused to get out of bed. He wouldn't go to the doctor. He wouldn't eat or bathe. He just lay in bed, shaking. I stayed home from work, holding him, begging him to go the ER. Hours went by, but he wouldn't budge.

"By nightfall, I told him I was calling an ambulance. That set off his temper. I was so glad Renee was asleep, that she didn't hear the things he said." Bella's voice was steady, but tears were pouring down her face. "He said I was an ungrateful bitch. That I had caused his illness. That I had made him crazy with all my nagging and whining. I lay there and took it – because I thought I deserved it."

I gasped, and my hands tightened on her shoulders. Bella flinched, and I instantly released her, feeling sick.

"Bella … surely you know that you were not the cause of Jacob's illness?" I asked. There was a long pause.

"Yes, I know that. It was the illness talking, not my husband," she replied. "I knew it then and I know it now. But it's different when you're living it, experiencing it. The madness takes over. There was nothing rational about what happened that night." Bella sat up, and picked up the picture of her, Jake and Renee from the table beside us. She stroked it with a trembling hand.

"When he finished his tirade, I didn't say anything. I just dragged myself to the spare bedroom. I took Renee in with me and locked the door because … I wasn't sure we were safe anymore. I lay awake all night, curled up around her. By the time the sun came up, I knew two things. That I had to leave Jake. And that I would protect Renee, no matter what the cost, even my life.

"When I got up, everything was quiet. Jake was asleep in our bed. He seemed peaceful for the first time in a long time. I went into the bathroom … while I was in there, Renee got out of bed and went into our bedroom. She wasn't even three then." Bella let out a harsh sigh. The nausea was getting worse, and I wanted her to stop talking. I didn't want to know what happened next.

"Renee climbed into bed with Jake. Even with all that had happened, she loved him still. I started down the hallway to the bedroom. Then the screams began. I didn't see it happen – I'm guessing she pulled back the covers to see his face. Or maybe just to get in with him for a cuddle."

No, stop! I don't want to hear it! I had to bite my tongue to keep the words in. My stomach was churning horribly.

"Jake was dead," said Bella woodenly. "He had taken pills … there were so many in the house by now that he had his choice. With vodka. The coroner said afterwards that the pills didn't kill though. He strangled on his own vomit. That's how my beautiful baby found her daddy. In our bed with a vodka bottle and a bunch of empty pill containers. His mouth full of puke. His face was all black."

I lurched up and shot across the living room. I made it to the bathroom just before I threw up. I hunched over the toilet for a few minutes, shaking. Then I rinsed my mouth and came back. Bella was still sitting there, staring at the picture. She had stopped crying; her face was blank.

"I told you it was difficult to hear," she said without expression. "You should have asked me to stop."

"Bella," I whispered, kneeling down in front of her. I took her hand. Her cold fingers slowly closed around mine. "Bella, love, I'm so sorry." It was such a stupid, inadequate phrase in the face of her pain.

"I know," she said. I felt a tear escape from my eye and run down my face. She wiped it away gently. She continued in a small voice. "There was a coroner's inquest because Jake had died at home. I had to call Charlie and tell him. I was grateful beyond words that Billy had died the previous year. I don't know how I could have told him.

"My work and Jake's did everything they could to help us, bless them. Rose was a godsend. Once the coroner released the body, we took Jake home to Forks and buried him on the reservation. Most people never knew that Jake committed suicide – they thought it was some kind of accident. We never went back to the apartment again – Charlie and Rose packed our stuff and moved us into a new place.

"It was clear early on that Renee was … damaged … by what she had seen. She screamed herself hoarse after they took the body away. After that she spoke less and less until finally she stopped altogether. It's taken more than two years to get her to the point she's at now. Her therapist thinks she's still blocking a lot of it out. Of course, she was very young when it happened …" Bella's voice trailed off, and I remained kneeling at her feet.

I realized now that this is where I belonged … kneeling before her. Her strength, her courage … she was a goddess to me at this moment. How had she survived this?

Bella put the picture down on the table and leaned forward. She took my face tenderly between her cold hands. I was not prepared for what she told me next.

"Edward," she said, "I think you should go home now. Get some sleep. And spend some time thinking about whether you want to continue this relationship with me."

I gaped at her uncomprehendingly. "Continue … what, do you think I'm going to leave you? I love you … more than words can say … how …" She put a finger over my lips to stop my babbling.

"I know you love me. But I am a profoundly scarred individual. I've spent days, weeks, in therapy and will walk the rest of my days on earth with baggage that no one should ever have to carry. What's more, I'm a package deal – I come with a daughter who has suffered a trauma so deep that it has rendered her unable to speak." She withdrew her finger from my lips.

"Sometimes love is not enough, Edward. There are those who believe love can conquer everything. They are wrong. My love for Jacob was boundless, and yet I could not save him. In the end, death won, and love was not enough. You need to think about this objectively, and consider whether you want to have a woman and child in your life who have been deeply and permanently emotionally maimed."

I forced myself to speak through numb lips. "Love was enough," I insisted. "Not enough to save Jacob, but enough for you to save Renee. Your daughter lives because you loved her so much that you didn't allow yourself to give up."

Bella's frozen face softened a bit. Then she cocked her head slightly, as if she had heard a noise that was beyond my hearing.

"Perhaps you are right, my love" she whispered to me. Then she raised her voice, startling me. "Renee, darling, I'm downstairs. Edward is with me. It's OK, baby, come down." We stood together. There on the stairs stood Renee, holding a battered teddy bear. Her face was flushed with sleep.

Renee came downstairs and went straight to Bella, hugging her legs. She was barely awake. Bella picked her up, and we walked together to the foot of the staircase.

"I'll take her upstairs. It's …" she looked over at the nearest clock, "… 3 a.m. and you need to get some sleep." Bella turned to the sleepy child in her arms. "Do you have a goodnight kiss for Edward, Renee?"

Renee turned her beautiful face to me, yawned and stretched over to me. Her lips touched my cheek in a chaste five-year-old kiss. I kissed her back just as lightly, then turned to her mother. I let Bella take the lead, not sure if she wanted me to do anything in front of Renee that might suggest we were more than just … neighbors.

"I love you, Edward," said Bella. She leaned forward and kissed me softly on the mouth.

"I love you too, Bella." She turned and carried Renee upstairs. I watched until she disappeared, and then let myself out the back door.