Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, or a piano for that matter.
Chapter Ten
His worries are partly taken away, when Santana continues in a much softer voice.
"I started playing piano when I was about 4. I know, pretty early, but I had fun, and it was all games to begin with. I got so much into it over the years that
by the age of 8, I was already pretty good. That was when my mum for some reason got so stressed out, that she began popping pills like crazy. I never
found out what it really was that made her start – and it was not like I would get answers from either of them just walking up, saying 'Hey dad, mum, so
what's up with mum's drug habit?' - but somehow in my mind this link appeared between her being miserable, and my playing piano. I know fucked up. It
was…I mean, I hardly saw her anyway, she just…at the time I thought she did not want to be around me anymore. Now I understand that it was not at all
that she did not want to, but that she could not. Before she completely retreated from me she used to at least still sit in on my piano lessons, sometimes
even play a little too. I thought the world of her playing back then. You know how kids are, the littlest thing can seem like so much. Today I could not for
the life of me tell you if she really was any good, but in my memories she still is. So maybe there was never such a drastic change in her behavior as I
thought all along. Maybe it was more that I, growing up, began to see things that I just did never before. Either way…she – what to me seemed suddenly –
was in that dazed state every time I got to see her. Her expression was always so empty, and her smiles really not that at all, they were only sad attempts
at something resembling a smile. So, seeing her drugged up like that during my lessons four times a week was just too much to take by the time I turned
nine. I stopped right there and then, maybe thinking in my childish mind that I could stop her being sad if I just gave up that thing that seemed to bring her
just more down. "
"It was not your playing Santana." Blaine says softly.
"I know. I know, but my 9year-old self did not. I mean what would you think, if every time your mother saw you playing piano she would throw you those
sad looks – of course she did it all the time, but I somehow back then noticed especially in my piano lessons – even now at our age it would be though,
getting those looks. Back then it became unbearable. Kurt, you know how much looks alone can hurt. You get them all the time." Blaine frowns at that,
looking over to Kurt, but Kurt only nods slowly and says "I understand Santana. Different kind of looks, but yes, I get what you mean."
The boys give her a moment to breath, both aware that she has worked herself up quite a bit telling them all this.
After a few moments they see a hesitant smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
"I missed it so much, all this time. Playing. So when you, Blaine, unknowingly offered me this opportunity to be with people who I could share some love
with, without the pressure and guilt I had felt before, most of all without my parents in any way connected to it, I just…I just had to jump at it. Reclaim
some of my happiness. I must sound crazy."
"No," both boys reply instantly, and it makes her smile wider.
Kurt gives both a quick glance then says "So today I get to listen not only to Blaine playing, but you as well. You know he has not told me what he is going
to play. I suspect you cannot help me out with that either?"
At that Blaine smiles, and leans over to whisper something in Santana's ear.
"So you can tell her but not me? Not fair you two." Kurt grumbles.
"That is a great choice Blaine. You will so love it Kurt."
That said Santana stands up and walks over to the piano.
The boys are about to follow her when she holds up her hands, shaking her head "No, you two just stay there. It is really very comfy back here Blaine, you
are absolutely right. So you just stay right there, get cozy again…or well, finally, since I don't imagine it was that great having crying-her-eyes-out-me
sitting in between you all this time." She pauses. "When you came in I was just about to do a final run-through of my piece for this evening. I mean you are
free to leave of course, but you are more than welcome to stay. Maybe give me some advice?"
So they stay, and they listen, and Kurt watches as an expression so soft and relaxed slowly begins to form on Santana's face…in that moment she looks
nothing like that angry girl in a cheerleading outfit that he has never been quite able to read. And Kurt smiles thinking to himself 'So that is Santana.'
When she finishes Kurt lets go of Blaine – who he had been holding, and who had been holding him all through Santana's piece – stands, walks over to
Santana, and pulls her into a hug "Nice to finally meet you Santana Lopez."