February 1st, 2001

Kerry lay in bed and watched as Kim dried her hair. A smile appeared on her face as the blonde, now with dry hair turned off the hair dryer and came back into the bedroom. Kerry had meant to talk with Kim, hash out everything, she really had, and then. She never let go, she was always in control, it was how she dealt with... everything. People died when she said it was time to give up, people jumped when she said, and they did it however damn high she wanted them to go. Kim seemed to simply have the pass code to her control, with one look she could turn it off.

Kerry suddenly realized that Kim had been talking to her, "Sorry, I wasn't... what?"

Kim hid her smile, "Are you gonna take a shower too?"

"Mmmhmmm..."

Kim smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. She brushed a lock of hair from Kerry's forehead, then kissed her and stood. "I'll be in the kitchen."

Kerry followed Kim with her eyes and then stared up at the ceiling for a moment. Out of control wasn't as scary as it had been as a kid. She smiled and rolled out of bed.

Sandy sat at the table in the kitchen of the station house. In front of her sat a bunch of papers. She stared down at them and sighed.

Jake Brady flipped the other chair at the table around and straddled it. "Let me guess. Brother and Officer Eddie came through. It's not going to work out Sandy. She's straight. You're not."

Sandy spoke, "She was married."

"See."

"To Robert Romano."

Brady winced. Everyone and anyone who worked with or passed through County knew who Romano was, and no one particularly liked him. "Seriously?"

Sandy passed the background her brother Eddie had gotten on Kerry to Brady. "You're probably right. But the way we kissed. Hell, I probably won't get a chance to even see her for weeks. My schedule's crazy."

Brady smirked, "Want me to show you the world's smallest violin playing 'Hearts and Flowers'?"

Sandy gave him a kick under the table as the alarm went off and they both stood as they got called out to a car fire.

Kerry came around the corner into Kim's kitchen. The night before, in Doc Magoos, in her lack of control, she hadn't quite thought everything through. That was why she was wearing one of Kim's shirt. At least she hoped it was Kim's. The buttons were on the wrong side to be a woman's blouse.

Kerry looked up and her mouth went dry. The hoodie, the hair. She swallowed and smoothed the back of her hair. It never seemed to do what she wanted it to. There was Kim looking drop dead, Angelina Jolie, gorgeous and there Kerry was in a too big male shirt and day old pants.

Kim looked up and spoke, not pausing from making her bagel. "That looks good on you."

"What?"

"My, uh, blouse."

Kerry looked down at the shirt as if it would animate and jump off her body, "Uh, yeah, it's not too long."

"No."

Kim fell silent and Kerry had no idea what to say. It had been a couple of years since she'd done the uncomfortable morning after dance with anyone at all. And that had been at a conference in New Jersey. Greg something or other, one night. She hadn't called and he hadn't either. This, Kerry realized, this wasn't going to be that, even if she wanted it to be, and truthfully, Kerry wasn't sure what the hell she wanted anymore.

Humor always worked for Kim, so to break the silence that was only punctuated by her pouring coffee, she joked, "Good thing I have a forty gallon water heater."

Kerry got flustered, "What?" Kerry mentally whacked herself upside the head. She needed to get away from the idiotic sounding 'whats', but couldn't seem to find other words.

"You take long showers." Kim nodded, a smile to diffuse the tension that was suddenly filling the room.

"I'm sorry."

"No, no." She chuckled, "Sometimes I have to stand under there for twenty minutes, just to wake up, when it's cold. Especially in winter."

It was probably just in Kerry's head, but everything that Kim uttered suddenly sounded like a proposition. And that wasn't helping keeping her head clear. No, she should have been thinking about what she needed to do in the ER, but all she could see were Kim's legs, and breasts, and the curve of her abdomen, and the eyes, and... Kerry decided to change the subject, "Is it cold outside?" She went to get her coat.

"Low twenties. Do you want a bagel?" Anything to get the redhead to stay another moment, or even just look at her.

"No thanks, I got it, I'll get something at work."

Kerry turned, her coat halfway on and Kim was there. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Kerry couldn't meet Kim's eyes and Kim sighed, "Are you okay?"

Kerry continued to put on her coat. "I've got it."

Kim put a hand on Kerry's cheek and waited until the redhead looked at her. "No, I meant about us." Kim paused, "The first time can be a little..."

Kim trailed off and Kerry spoke, "No, it's just... different."

Kim smiled just a bit and nodded, "That's true."

Kerry smiled back, "But good."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Kim put a hand on either side of Kerry's face and felt Kerry put her arms around her as they kissed. Finally it was Kerry who pulled away. "Kim, about work..."

Kim's face fell, "Just between us." She sighed and took a step back. She started to cross her arms over her chest, but one arm got caught by Kerry. She looked up.

"I'm not saying forever, but I'm... I'm not you Kim. I don't let people in, and suddenly having my entire department knowing my private life..."

Kim nodded, "Knowing you're gay."

Kerry laughed and Kim looked up with a frown, "You think that's what this is about? Sleeping with a woman instead of a man?" Kim shrugged, "It's not. Please. Give me time."

Kim stared at Kerry for a moment, then resorted to humor with a slight smile. "It'll cost you a kiss."

Kerry raised an eyebrow, "Only one?"

Kim's eyes twinkled, "How high can you count?"

Randi cleared her throat in the doorway of the doctor's lounge. Kerry kept working, so Randi did it again and Kerry turned, pinning the clerk with a look and snapped, "What Randi?"

Randi held her hands up, "Just wanted to let you know that your hickey's showing. If you'd rather I hadn't..."

Kerry's hand went up to her neck and she pulled Kim's blue shirt's collar higher. "Thank you, and Randi..."

Randi met Kerry's eyes, "My lips are sealed Doctor Weaver."

Randi left the lounge and Kerry sighed, "They've never been before. God, you'd think I was in high school."

Before Kerry could get back to work Dave crashed through the door. "You have a problem with me Weaver? I know I'm not saint fucking Carter, but I'm a damn good Doctor and... and..."

"I know."

Dave blinked, "Huh?"

Kerry turned in her chair. "Dave, I've gotten yelled at by Luka and Peter and... it seems like everyone else today about everything from my treatment of Carter to calling the authorities on the sweatshop. Truth be told I'm surprised Robert hasn't come down to jump on the bandwagon yet. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Chief."

Kerry put a hand up. "I'm not putting you off David. You think you know me, would I put you off by lying? I just. Not today. But, we will sit down, just us, and talk."

Dave stared at Kerry for a moment, then hurfed, "Tomorrow. Is it okay if I get outta here? Or does Carter need another day off?"

Kerry turned back to her work, ignoring the sarcasm in Dave's voice, "No. We'll be fine. Go."

He did without another word. Kerry was nearly done when she heard the door again and closed her eyes. She didn't expect the voice she heard next. "Is she okay?"

Kerry turned, "Sandy?"

"A child. I think Morales brought her in. She okay?"

Kerry nodded, "Yes." She paused, "and no. All she had was a non displaced fracture of her tibia. But her mother died."

Sandy grimaced, "Thanks for telling me. Are you okay?"

Kerry nodded, "We still on for the game next week?"

Sandy nodded, "If you want, or... maybe something you want to do instead? Symphony, or Opera, or something?"

Kerry raised an eyebrow, "You think I like that stuff?"

Sandy tried to muffle a chuckle, but didn't succeed. "Damn straight." Sandy frowned at Kerry, "You sure you're okay?"

"Just tired. You're still on."

Sandy nodded, "All night. Just wanted to check on the little girl. Call me when you figure out where to tortu... uh, take me..."

Kerry let herself smile for just a moment, "I will. Stay safe."

"Always do."

Kerry walked up her steps and stopped at the top. Even seeing Sandy hadn't buoyed her mood for long. Of course, having Luka shooting her death rays the rest of her shift, and seeing the little girl at the end of the day had hit her hard. Sandy was on duty, but shew as pretty sure that Kim was off. She went back down her steps. It wasn't fair to go to either of them. It wasn't there problem, it was hers.

Sitting on the El she couldn't stop thinking. Why did she always follow the rules? Why didn't she listen when people told her to let it go, to let something be? They usually were right.

She found herself in front of 305 TeMPLE. Kim's. She mounted the steps and after a pause, knocked on the door. After a moment Kim came to the door in a Chicago Bears sweatshirt. Neither spoke as Kim put an arm around Kerry and pulled her inside.

Kerry didn't speak until they sat on the couch. "Am I horrible bitch Kim?"