"It's okay, sweetheart. Everything's going to be okay." Lily Potter was saying as she looked down at her son in concern. Harry couldn't figure out where that worry was coming from. Hadn't he defeated Riddle? Wasn't his job done now? "Yes, sweetheart, you're done. Just rest and remember that we love you no matter what, okay?"
"Okay, Mum."
"Good boy. Now go back to your friends; you're worrying them." Lily's smile was a little strained, but the love in her eyes was still genuine and warm as Harry remembered from his time in the afterlife. Harry looked around and found his father standing a little further back with Sirius. The two were whispering like naughty school boys and Harry couldn't imagine that those grins were the result of anything that his mother would approve of. They broke off their snickering long enough to wave at him and grin.
"She's right on all counts, son." James Potter grinned. "We love you no matter what, now get back to that waking world."
"Yeah, or you'll miss out on a pair of girls wanting to drape themselves all over you." Sirius added causing the pair to break down in howling laughter until Lily swatted them on the backs of their heads with a long-suffering expression that couldn't quite hide the twinkling of her eyes.
"I think the reason he grew up to be such an admirable young man is mostly down to you two not being able to corrupt him." she sniffed while the corners of her mouth twitched up.
"I wouldn't say that." James disagreed rubbing the back of his head with an unaffected grin. "If he'd been allowed to complete his seventh year he might have come pretty close to our detention records."
"Yeah, and he's still here and not with the cuddly girls so you should be thinking about how much sooner our influence could have gotten you grandkids." Sirius added, almost hiccuping with laughter that wanted to burst out.
"I don't have to stay here and take this from someone who's main form of sexual activity for two decades was licking himself." Harry shot back, trying to ignore the way his cheeks were heating up.
"Oi! I was only in Azkaban for less than twelve years!" Sirius protested.
"Are you going to try and convince me that you weren't licking yourself before that?" Harry asked slyly. Watching Sirius sputter as he tried to find an answer gave all three Potters a laughing fit. As it petered out Harry found himself being hugged by three people at the same time like he had been before his mad flight to get back to his body. He couldn't have stopped the sigh of contentment that slipped out if he had wanted to. He stepped back and looked over his family one last time. "Bye, guys. I'm going to miss you."
"That's not wrong, sweetheart, as long as your remember the living who love you too." Lily's voice sounded like it was coming across a distance or as if someone had closed a door between them. The thought saddened Harry as he looked wistfully at the figures fading into the light. When the figures stopped fading and the background seemed to shift Harry blinked his eyes a few times in an effort to clarify what was going on.
"Madam Pomfrey! I think he's waking up!"
"Luna? Why are you yelling?" Harry groaned as he brought his hand up to rub at his eyes. It never got there as it stopped to rub at his aching chest without conscious input from him. Before he could work out what was wrong with him, he was distracted by Luna's voice.
"Because you're finally awake, you great, stupid, muscle-brained troglodyte." She sniffed, giving Harry the uncomfortable impression that she was crying. A moment later he was sure as she flung her arms around him and Harry could feel her body shaking and her tears dripping onto his neck. She smells like wildflowers. Irritated at his own thought he swatted it away. Not the time for that now. He slipped his arms around the little blonde's shoulders and tried to comfort her as best he could while he was still lying flat on his back.
Off to one side Harry could hear two voices arguing. The tone was so familiar that he knew that Hermione and Ron had to be close by. The next bed over if I had to guess. Strange, I don't remember seeing them in here when I woke up. I hope that means that they saw sense and hid and not that they're in here because they got injured even more during the battle.
It seemed that Luna had caught onto the sounds behind her as well as she slowly sat back up using the sleeve of her robes to wipe at her eyes. Harry thought he could hear the sounds of a scuffle and turned his head to try and get a look at what was happening. Before he even got a chance to try and get his eyes to focus he was caught in another strong hug while his face was assaulted by a wave of chestnut curls.
"You colossal, unthinking, stupid, noble idiot! You promised! You promised you wouldn't go and get yourself killed!" Hermione was half sobbing into his neck.
"Um... I'm alive?" Harry tried. Hermione reared back and Harry didn't need his glasses to know that he was being glared at.
"Did you stop to think for even a moment?" she hissed. "Do you have any idea what it was like to have to watch you when-... you were dead, Harry! Your skin was cold."
"Oof." Harry grunted as he was grabbed by both girls at the same time. "I wasn't really dead... not exactly... technically."
"Shut up, Harry." Luna muttered as both she and Hermione squeezed him a little tighter.
"Miss Granger." came an exasperated sigh from somewhere above the bundle of arms that Harry was trapped in. "Why is that when Mr. Potter is staying in his bed for once I have you hopping out of yours every hour or so?" The arms withdrew as both girls apparently straightened up.
"But-... but-..." Hermione couldn't seem to decide how she wanted to argue her case.
"Get back to your bed. You'll be able to hear his diagnosis perfectly fine from there." Madam Pomfrey snapped in that strange sharp-yet-gentle tone that Harry had never heard anyone else use. The shuffling footsteps that followed the command made Harry think that it was being obeyed, however reluctantly. "As for you, Miss Lovegood, you'll need to let his hand go and stay out of the way while I'm working; understood?" Harry hadn't realised that he'd been holding Luna's hand until she withdrew it with a disgruntled look at Madam Pomfrey that looked strange on her usually dreamy face.
Madam Pomfrey ignored it all with practised professionalism and began casting diagnostic charms at Harry. He just waited for the clucking and tutting and remonstrations to take better care of himself to begin. When those reactions didn't come and Pomfrey just frowned in concern instead Harry felt worry roaring up inside of him.
"Madam Pomfrey?"
"Hmm? Oh. No there is just a strange reading on your magical core and I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. It could just be down to your ability to apparently perform wandless magic, or surviving another Killing Curse, or taking control of Fiendfyre cast by another wizard, or any of the other ridiculously impossible feats you've pulled off recently. I'd simply feel better if I could say what was causing it with any certainty. Do you feel up to a few tests?"
"What kind of tests?"
"Casting a few spells to let me see how your core reacts."
"OK. I should be able to do that."
"Excellent. Let's get you sitting up straight and then you can begin." Madam Pomfrey declared as she stepped forward. Luna joined her and together they helped Harry wriggle his way into a sitting position where he was leaning against the pillows on his bed. Luna slipped his glasses onto his nose with a smile and the hospital wing came into much clearer focus. Harry noticed that Hermione was watching him with concern and tried to give her a reassuring smile. Standing next to her, wearing a guarded expression, was Ron. When green eyes met blue Ron just gave a cool nod which Harry returned. Madam Pomfrey pushing the acacia wand into his hand pulled Harry's attention back to where it was supposed to be. He saw that she had also placed a pillow on the floor.
"Right let's start off easy: the Levitation Charm. Please make this pillow hover at a height of five feet." Harry nodded and performed the spell. Just to be on the safe side he used the incantation and wand-movement. The pillow rose into the air without protest until it was hovering at Harry's best estimate of five feet. "Good. You may put it down, Potter." As soon as Harry had released the magic Pomfrey was waving her wand in front of his chest again. "How do you feel?"
"Not really any different?" Harry offered. His chest was still sore, but he thought that was probably due to the Killing Curse rather than anything to do with his magical core. After all, it hadn't changed while he was casting the spell.
"Mhm. The Summoning Charm next, if you would, Potter." Again Harry cast the spell as he was asked. The pillow soared through the air cleanly and landed in his lap with a soft sigh. Is it my imagination or does she looked relieved. "Good. Perhaps we could round it off with a more advanced spell. The Patronus Charm perhaps?" Nodding, Harry lifted his wand for a third time and gathered his memories of the people who meant the most to him.
"Expecto Patronum." The glowing silver stag erupted from Harry's wand like it usually did, but a split second later Harry's world was consumed with a burning pain. He thought he might be screaming, but he couldn't be sure. The only thing he was sure of was that his body was on fire and that the flames were lancing out from somewhere behind his sternum. Slowly, bit by bit, Harry managed to gain control over his senses again. He discovered that he was hanging off of the side of the bed and that the only reason he had apparently avoided smacking his face into the floor was the small body under his chest that was desperately holding him up. There was sweat streaming out of his every pore and he was panting like he had just swum for his life against a shark. He brought his trembling arms up to push himself back onto the bed and to take some weight off of his rescuer. Gaining some space he saw that Luna had been the one to catch him. The worried look on the little blonde's face was mirrored on Madam Pomfrey's. Harry was struck by the notion that he couldn't remember ever seeing either of them with this particular expression. Looking around he saw that Hermione looked just as worried and that Ron just looked freaked out.
"How bad is it?" he rasped out before swallowing and trying again in something that sounded a bit more like his normal voice.
"Bad, Potter." Pomfrey admitted. "It would seem you damaged your core. If I would have to guess I would say it probably happened during that last exchange with You Know Who when you were using both your wand and wandless magic. You must have used more magic than your body could handle."
"What's it going to take to get me better?"
"I'm not sure. It's going to take me a few days to understand exactly what the damage is and whether there's anything we can do at all. As a preliminary diagnosis though: you may never be able to cast anything more taxing than an O.W.L. level spell again. I-... I'm sorry, Harry." A part of Harry wanted to crumple in on himself when he heard that. That means that I'll never be able to get my N.E.W.T.s. Maybe I should just admit to casting those Unforgivables. At least in Azkaban I'd have a roof over my head.
Harry didn't know why he was laughing or if what he was doing could even be considered laughing. He didn't know when he had started. He didn't know when he had been pulled into a warm pair of arms that had brought his head down onto a shoulder. The world had simply stopped making sense. He didn't resist when a pale, blue potion was poured down his throat and the noise around him seemed to subside. He found himself lying down on his bed again with Luna's hand clutching his almost painfully tightly; or maybe he was holding on to her that tightly. Don't let go... please, don't let go. I'm afraid that if you let go I'll drift away and never find myself again.
"Don't worry, Harry Potter. I'm not letting you go. If you do lose yourself we'll just go find you again. Just rest now." Did I say that out loud? Am I dreaming? Harry's thoughts couldn't give him the answer as they just kept circling around the fact that he had become a magical invalid. In the end he couldn't keep up with his own tension and his eyelids fluttered closed.
:-:-:-:-:
Harry was sitting with has back leaning against one of the walls in the courtyard where Riddle had finally died his last death. He had positioned himself so that he was looking out at the Forbidden Forest through the open gates. Over the past few days he'd had to endure being poked, prodded and fussed over by everyone from Molly Weasley to St. Mungo's Chief of Healing. In the end the conclusion from every expert had been the same: Harry Potter would never cast another spell beyond the O.W.L. level successfully.
It had been a devastating realisation for the experts as much as for Harry. The wizarding world was apparently having trouble coming to terms with the idea that its most recent saviour wasn't going to be a replacement for the likes of Merlin and Dumbledore. Harry felt the pressure of this perceived failure keenly and it had almost swamped out another feeling; one he had come out here to hold on to.
It's done. It's really, finally done. The realisation that he had finally fulfilled the prophecy left him feeling empty behind the relief. I can do whatever I want with my life now. Strange how I never realised that I have no idea what that might be. He knew that he could be inside with everyone else celebrating, but something about the pain in his chest left him utterly unwilling to put up a happy front. I wonder if it's due to the damage to my core?Should I ask Madam Pomfrey? No, that will only lead to more bed-rest.
Not that Harry had been particularly active outside of the hospital wing, but being forced to stay there on top of everything else might be what finally cost him his sanity. And that really would be letting my parents and Sirius down. Harry hadn't told anyone about what he had seen while he had been 'mostly dead' and no one had asked him about it yet. He had spent a lot of time thinking about it though. He had been going over every detail of what he had seen and heard in an effort to understand what his father had tried to tell him about their surroundings being a reflection of his soul.
The sound of a twig snapping of to his right interrupted Harry's musings and caused his head to jerk up, but upon seeing the dirty blond hair of the person who was encroaching on his solitude he decided to let it be. I'm not sure hiding from Luna is even possible. The little blonde was shunning normalcy as much as ever and came skipping barefoot across what had been a battlefield only a few days ago. She didn't say a word as she sat down next to him, she just joined him in staring at the woods for the moment. Eventually it was Harry who broke the silence.
"Is there something you need, Luna?" Harry hadn't wanted his words to have any kind of biting tone to them and unfortunately that meant that they came out bone weary.
"Yes, actually. I want you to promise me that you'll come and say goodbye before you leave." she told him sounding unusually firm.
"What makes you think I'm leaving?" Harry asked in surprise.
"You are drawing back from everyone. Every time someone thanks you, you look like a cornered animal. When you don't think anyone can see you, you stare longingly at the horizon. You want to leave. I don't know if you will, but if you do I want you to come and say goodbye." Harry thought about Luna's words for a moment. Leave? The idea alone brought a wave of longing crashing into him. I want to leave. Leave this place. Leave these people before they turn on me again. Leave a life that will never be my own. What's keeping me here? The faces of his friends flashed in front of him, but even those couldn't dampen the sudden desire to be away from here that had filled his heart.
"I won't be leaving before the funerals are done, Luna. Those people fought against the darkness, just like we did and it would be worse than rude not to pay my respects. After that…" Harry just shrugged, unsure of where that sentence was likely to end.
"I think I understand, Harry. You will come say goodbye though?"
"I promise I will, Luna." The two friends sat in quiet companionship after that. Harry's thoughts kept returning to the desire that Luna had made him aware of. Leaving sounds very appealing, but where would I go? I did promise my parents that I would visit their graves properly once the war was done, but that isn't going to take more than a day at most. What about after that? Harry was drawing a blank on what he might want to go see or do.
This is pathetic. Even when one of my friends shows me the direction I want to take, it turns out that I don't actually want anything. Maybe I should just travel around and see what comes my way. I could go and see the ocean, the mountains, anything really. Just keep travelling until I find somewhere that I actually want to stay. Should I use magical or muggle travel? Why not both? I can use my broom and apparition to get around or trains and buses.
A vision of a tent filled Harry's mind's eye. It was the tent he had seen at the edge of the afterlife, but it seemed to somehow be overlayed with his memories of his time in another tent with Hermione while they searched for ways to accomplish their mission. The longing jumped up a notch as Harry thought about the peace he had felt in the middle of a war in that tent.
While Harry was mulling over the possibilities he never noticed the way that his hand had come up to play with the simple stone that still hung around his neck. It didn't have any more magical properties, but it hadn't even occurred to Harry that he might take it off. The sun was starting to set when Luna finally broke the silence between the two.
"Come on, Harry. I think it's time that we get back inside." she said quietly while laying a hand on his shoulder. Harry's head came up and he blinked in confusion.
"I guess you're right." I'm already lucky I had such a peaceful afternoon. I'm really lucky that Luna came out to talk. "Hey, Luna? Thanks."
"You're welcome, Harry." Luna smiled in response. Harry walked into the Great Hall with his blond friend by his side. As soon as they stepped inside Harry was swamped in a tide of people wanting to be close to him that swept Luna away. More than the previous nights though Harry was able to put up with the swirling press of humanity. Luna's words stood like a breakwater in front of him and promised that there would be an end to this and that he would be able to choose when that end came.
Over the next few days Harry became increasingly difficult to find except when there was a funeral being held. He was always there to pay his respects to the fallen, but afterwards he disappeared like mist under the morning sun. No one noticed a small elf visiting Gringotts or a store that sold magical tents. Because no one noticed the elf they also didn't notice the worried look on its face or the way it nervously bit its knuckles when it was sure that there were no witnesses about. The elf was wrestling with its conscience and it knew that time was running out for it to come to a decision; a decision that could be considered monumental for several magical beings.
:-:-:-:-:
Hermione wiped her brow as she placed yet another ancient tome on a shelf in the library. The damage to most of the castle's interior had been minimal, but the shaking that had resulted from the attack had led to absolute chaos in the library. Madam Pomfrey had decided that Hermione would be the one to put all the books back in their place. According to the nurse it was an ideal form of physiotherapy for Hermione since it incorporated something she loved, staying mentally alert to ensure that the books went in their proper places and allowed her to exercise her left hand which was still giving her trouble. Not to mention that Madam Pince had fled the country once it became obvious that You Know Who would be running the school through Snape. A squib librarian would never have been tolerated in a blood purist's world.
It had also been agreed that Hermione wouldn't be allowed to work unsupervised, just in case. Ron had joined her on the first day, but it soon became obvious that sitting around in a library still wasn't something he would ever do well. Hermione couldn't say that she was sad to have some time without her red-headed friend around. There were still too many unanswered questions about what he had and hadn't told her and Hermione still hadn't worked out why he was acting the way he was.
Harry had volunteered to help, but that had been shot down since he was still convalescing himself. Madam Pomfrey still had several patients who had been hit with particularly nasty curses during the battle and couldn't be away from them for too long. As a result Hermione now spent her days with Luna as a supervisor while she reorganised the library. The little Ravenclaw was only too happy to be able to spend some time reading and occasionally checking in on Hermione to make sure that she wasn't overdoing things.
"I think it's about time you took a break, Hermione." Speak of the devil...
"I think I can do another shelf or so." Hermione disagreed while giving the shelf in question a critical look.
"Hmm, then I should probably get Madam Pomfrey down here. If you think that you can keep going when your hands are trembling like they are then you might have a Fustian Grumpling infestation." Hermione had to recentre herself after that off the wall comment. It's fantastic that she's willing to help me like this, but sometimes I wish she was a little more here with the rest of us.
"Fine. I'll take a break." Hermione huffed, her disappointment that her body wasn't able to keep up with her any more sneaking into her voice.
"Great! Let's have some tea." Luna beamed. There was something disarming about the way she managed to ignore the little things that would have annoyed anyone else. Well, anyone else except maybe Harry. Besides, I know that she does notice these things. She wouldn't have noticed that my arms were trembling if she didn't pay attention at all. Self-consciously Hermione shoved her hands in her pockets. It was less reassuring than it might have been since she knew how many times she had chided Harry and Ron for walking around like that.
Hermione followed Luna to one of the tables in a section of the library that she had managed to clear already and sat down trying to force herself to not look like a petulant child while she flopped down into the chair. Luna just serenely called for Dobby and asked him to bring them some tea. It had taken Hermione some time to accept that the little elf seemed to have assigned himself to be their personal butler and caretaker. It wasn't until she had seen Dobby physically chase another elf from the library because he thought it had been trying to usurp his position that she had really accepted the current situation the new normal. After that Hermione had decided to let the matter lie until she managed to come with an utterly unshakable argument for why Dobby shouldn't be straining himself like this. Maybe I can get Harry to talk to him for me?
While Hermione had been pondering Dobby's strange behaviour, the elf in question had returned with the requested tea and some biscuits. Hermione had to divert all her attention into pouring herself a cup of tea without spilling anything on the tabletop. A single drop outside of her cup and she'd never be able to convince Luna that she could still do more after a little rest. The Ravenclaw Tyrant was a lot harder to convince than either Ron or Harry.
"Dobby? Is something wrong?" Hermione looked up and saw Luna looking at Dobby with concern. He was still standing next to their table, nervously twisting one of the hats Hermione had knitted for the elves back in fifth year.
"Dobby-... Dobby is not sure, Miss. Dobby was not sure what was the right thing to do and now that he has made a decision... well, Dobby still isn't being sure, Miss." Hermione worked her way through the pidgin English and arrived at the conclusion that the elf had been facing a dilemma that he had recently resolved. But why is he telling us this now?
"Is there anything we can do to help, Dobby?" she askesolicitously.
"There is, Miss." Dobby agreed slowly, turning his bulbous eyes on Hermione. "Missies please be reading these letters and... and please be helping Harry Potter, sir."
"What's wrong with Harry?!" Hermione demanded sharply, worry sweeping through her. Damn it, Harry, you had better not be hiding some kind of injury from us.
"Perhaps the letters will tell us." Luna saved a slightly frightened Dobby from having to answer. "You seem to have two of them so we should probably get started." Hermione accepted the gentle rebuke for what it was.
"Sorry about that, Dobby. I just worry about Harry and well... I'm sorry."
"Miss does not need to apologise to Dobby." the little elf said quietly. "Dobby understands. Dobby worries about Harry Potter too." Hermione gave Dobby a reassuring smile and turned her attention to the letters Harry had written her. It did not take her long to become completely absorbed in the words her best friend had written for her.
It was a bit disconcerting to read as he was clearly writing it to her as if he was dead already. When she got to the reason he had chosen to write the letter like that Hermione couldn't stifle a gasp. A horcrux? You had a horcrux in your head? Oh, Harry... It was clear that her friend had been struggling with this last thing that was being demanded of him to end You Know Who's reign of terror once and for all and Hermione couldn't blame him in the slightest.
When she got to the end of his letter and read what had given him the courage to face such a bleak destiny Hermione couldn't stop the tears that softly leaked down her cheeks. Knowing that she had a friend who was willing to lay down his life, just to give her a slightly better chance at surviving... it felt like something had fundamentally shifted in Hermione's understanding of the universe. She looked up in surprise when a pair of warm arms slipped around her and found Luna hugging her tightly. Hermione couldn't see the younger witch's face, but she suspected that tears much like her own were staining it. Eventually Luna pulled back and rubbed at her eyes with the sleeve of her robe, confirming Hermione's suspicions.
"Have you read your second letter?" she asked. Hermione blinked down and saw that she had indeed forgotten about the second letter Dobby had given her.
"Not yet. After that first one, I have to admit I'm a little apprehensive about it."
"Dobby gave it to you for a reason though." Luna insisted.
"I suppose so. Why did he give them to us though?"
"We'll ask him after you've read your second letter. After all: it might contain the answer we're looking for." With a theatrical sigh and an almost involuntary smile Hermione gave into the Ravenclaw's gentle bullying. Picking up the letter she began to read. It was similar to the first one she'd read except that it was... lighter somehow. It was clear to Hermione that Harry hadn't really believed that he would die when he wrote this particular letter. I can't believe it took a letter for me to realise that there is no way the Weasleys would have stocked their tent with muggle foods. That was before I was injured too. I was just so happy to have a source of food that I didn't even think about where it might have come from. It was sweet of Harry to write this letter even if he didn't really think it would be needed. No, this letter is fine. The other one... A shiver passed through Hermione as those words, words Harry had thought would be his last, danced in front of her eyes again.
"Dobby?" she croaked out.
"Yes, Miss?" came the elf's quiet voice.
"Why did you give us these letters?"
"That is being a difficult question to answer, Miss. Mostly Dobby is doing it because Harry Potter told Dobby to give those letters to his Misses if he dies."
"Harry's dead?!" Hermione was on her feet ready to go, even if she had no idea where she would go or what she would do once she got there. A small hand tugged her back down.
"You said it was difficult to answer Hermione's question, Dobby. That sounded fairly straightforward." Luna said dreamily and Hermione couldn't quite escape the feeling that Luna was speaking more for her benefit than Dobby's.
"It is, Miss. The great Harry Potter was dead, but now he is not." Dobby answered. If Luna hadn't pulled her down into the chair, Hermione was sure the relief would have made her collapse.
"That would complicate matters." Luna agreed easily. "What made you decide to give them to us anyway?"
"Harry Potter, sir, asked Dobby to give those letters to his misses if he died, but he did not say that Dobby could not do it if Harry Potter came back to life." Well, of course he wouldn't. Who expects something like that? Dobby was scuffing the toe of his sock against the hardwood library floor. "Harry Potter also asked Dobby to take care of his Missies. Dobby is worried that if the Missies did not read the letters they will lose Harry Potter and they will be hurt. That would not be taking care of Harry Potter's Missies." Dobby's explanation sounded more like a rationalisation than a reason to Hermione, but given that Dobby wasn't being forthcoming about his real motivations she didn't think that pestering him would help. Besides, I think I can guess the actual motivation. Dobby's worried about something Harry is about to do.
"Thank you, Dobby. We'll take it from here." Luna said with a smile. Dobby returned the smile gratefully and popped out of existence. Hermione stared at the space where the little elf had been standing a moment before and felt that familiar, gaping uncertainty opening up in front of her; the same uncertainty that sorting books managed to keep at bay. Guess I can't put off facing it any more. The choice is about to be made, one way or another. "Hermione!" Hermione jolted as she realised that Luna had been trying to get her attention for a while now.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Luna. What were you saying?"
"I was saying that we should find Harry before he leaves."
"Leaves?" Hermione couldn't remember the idea of Harry going anywhere coming up before. Then again I can't really count on my memory too much right now, even if it is getting better.
"You mean that you haven't noticed?" Luna asked incredulously. "Harry is preparing to leave us, Hermione. He promised that he would at least wait until after the funerals, but I don't think he'll be around much longer. If we're going to help him it has to be now."
"But-... but the last of the funerals was today!" Hermione cried out. "Harry can't leave. I'm not ready yet."
"You're going with him?" Luna asked, sounding delighted.
"What?! Where did you get that idea?"
"You're the one who said that she wasn't ready yet." Luna pointed out looking at Hermione in a way that was eerily similar to the way most people looked at Luna when she was talking about one of her creatures.
"I was talking about-... something else." Hermione tried to dodge the implicit question. Luna just kept looking at her until she cracked and reluctantly admitted to the confusion that had been plaguing her. As Hermione spoke, Luna just watched quietly and listened. Finally Hermione finished recounting her uncertainties regarding her two friends and fell silent. For a long time Luna didn't say anything.
"What we need," she said when she finally began talking, "is to apply reason to the problem."
"What do you think I've been trying to do?" Hermione asked, feeling a little hurt.
"Don't take this the wrong way, Hermione, but you haven't always been thinking clearly in the past few weeks." Hermione gave a grim nod, admitting Luna's point. "I think it's best if we go through this point by point. Let's start with 'why'. Why do you mistrust Ronald?"
"Because I know that he's not been entirely truthful with me and I can't understand why."
"You can't? Well, we'll come back to that in a moment. Why do you mistrust Harry?"
"Same reason."
"Very well. Let's verify the lies they've been telling you then." Luna suggested.
"How?"
"Well, let's take one lie from each of them; the ones that are bothering you the most."
"For Ron that would be not telling me what really happened at Malfoy Manor. For Harry it's that he told us he was held under the Cruciatus when he wasn't." Hermione bit out as she fought the pain of betrayal that washed through her.
"Hmm. How about if you went to talk to Ronald and ask him about several details about what happened? I was there for part of it, so I can corroborate or contradict at least some of what he tells you. Would that work for a verification test?" Luna asked. Hermione thought it over for a moment before giving a jerky nod.
"Why don't we have both of you tell me what happened separately? I'll use a Dicta-Quill to record your stories and compare them. That way there won't be any way for you to react to what he's saying."
"An excellent idea." Luna agreed happily as she pulled a piece of parchment and a Dicta-Quill out of her bag. Hermione was assaulted with a sudden suspicion that despite this set-up being Hermione's idea, Luna was the one getting exactly what she wanted. Luna set up the writing implements and began telling her story. When Hermione asked questions Luna answered them without hesitation. Finally Hermione had a piece of parchment filled with Luna's account of what had happened. "Now, why don't we leave the set up here and I go find Ronald for you. Personally I would make sure that the parchment is out of sight." Without waiting for a response the eccentric little blonde skipped out of the library.
Hermione sighed and decided to do as Luna had suggested and put the quill and parchment behind the nearest bookcase. She didn't have to wait long for Ron to show up. He came running into the library, chest heaving as he tried to gulp down air.
"Herms! What's going on?! Are you alright?! Looney told me you really needed to see me." Concern was clearly written across the red-head's face and for a moment Hermione felt the sight warm her heart. No. Focus. I have to get an answer here before its too late.
"Don't call her that, Ron." Hermione reprimanded, the annoyance at having to do so again wearing at her like a familiar weight. "She was doing me a favour."
"Yeah, yeah. What's wrong? What can I help with?" Hermione took a deep breath and set aside Ron's dismissive attitude towards Luna for now.
"I want you to tell me about what happened at Malfoy Manor." Hermione felt a stab of disappointment at the way Ron's expression shifted from concern to suspicion.
"Why?"
"It's-... it's because of my nightmares. I need to know what really happened and what my mind is just throwing up as a guess. Please, Ron?" Hermione was a little surprised at how easily the lie rolled off of her tongue, but tried to look as earnest as possible. Ron's eyes tracked over her face for a moment before he gave a curt nod.
"I'm not sure what I can tell you that I haven't already. Um, you do remember what I told you, right?"
"Could you tell me again? Just in case." Hermione tried to make her question as pleading as possible. Experience told her that both of her best friends were more likely to give in if she did.
"Fine." Ron gusted out in a sigh that was definitely part annoyance. " We managed to get the key to the dungeon away from Wormtail. We got out of there with Luna, Mr. Ollivander and that goblin. We found you and Lestrange and managed to get the drop on her. We carried you off of the grounds and then I apparated all of us over to Bill's place."
"How did you get the key away from Wormtail? They'd taken our wands hadn't they?" Hermione focused on Ron whose eyes were darting back and forth for a second before he answered her question. That doesn't look promising. Luna was able to look me calmly in the eye while she spoke. Ron's nervous about his answer, like he's trying to figure out what to tell me.
"I managed to grab Wormtail's arm through the bars of the door and pulled him back. The force of his head hitting the bars knocked him unconscious and I managed to get the key out of his hand. I opened the cell door and Harry rushed out past me and took the chance to stamp on Wormtail's neck until it broke. I couldn't get to him in time to stop him." Hermione noticed that Ron hadn't made eye-contact once during his recital. He's lying. I don't even need to compare his story to Luna's to know that. Why though? I don't think he was lying before, so why start now?
"Oh. And getting the drop on Bellatrix? How did that happen?"
"Well, after we'd gotten Harry off of Wormtail, I took the rat's wand. I used to cast a Stupefy at Lestrange's back while she was gloating at you. Then I picked you up and carried you out of there."
"There weren't any other Death Eaters?"
"I didn't see any." Huh. That bit was true. He actually looked me in the eyes for that one. Then again if I believe Luna's account, Ron wouldn't have seen any Death Eaters.
"And then you apparated all of us back to Shell Cottage?"
"Of course. I really wanted to make sure that you got help as quickly as possible." That looks like it was truth as well. At least it seems like he really was and is concerned about my health.
"Thanks, Ron. I think I'll be able to sleep a little better now."
"You need any help with that, I'm always available." Ron grinned at her with a wink. "You ready to get out of here?"
"Not quite yet. I want to at least finish a few more shelves."
"Alright. I'll see you at lunch then?"
"I'm going to try and convince Luna that we can have our lunch here. Once she drags me out of the library she never lets me back in."
"Dinner then." Ron decided, leaning over to kiss her. Hermione turned her head slightly and the kiss landed just next to her mouth. Ron gave her a look before shaking himself and leaving the library with a half hearted wave. Once he was gone, Hermione deactivated the quill and began putting books back on the shelves while she waited for Luna to come back. She only managed to replace four before she heard a throat clearing behind her.
"Well?" Luna asked idly. "Did that help?"
"His story is nothing like yours." Hermione admitted, dancing around the idea that Ron had been lying to her.
"It's up to you to decide which one of us you believe." Luna shrugged shoving them straight into the topic in complete disregard for Hermione's doubts. "Shall we check Harry's lie next?"
"How did you plan to do that? There aren't any other witnesses we can question about what happened at the end of the Tournament. Everyone who was there is dead except for Harry."
"We don't have direct witnesses, but I can think of a way to get indirect confirmation." Luna said dreamily. "Let's go." She grabbed Hermione's hand and began pulling. Hermione resisted for a moment as her last excuse to not have to accompany Ron hadn't been a complete lie: if she left the library, Luna wasn't likely to let her return. The urgency of working through her confusion quickly reasserted itself though and washed away her hesitation. Luna led them to the hospital wing and pulled Hermione over to Madam Pomfrey.
"Ms. Lovegood, did something happen to Ms. Granger?" the healer asked sharply.
"Nothing acute, Madam." Luna responded airily. "We just had a question and I think the answer would go a long way towards helping Hermione heal."
"Very well. What did you want to ask?"
"How long was Harry held under the Cruciatus in his fourth year?"
"I cannot divulge information on my patients like that, Ms. Lovegood." Madam Pomfrey said sternly.
"But Hermione is getting in her own way because she isn't getting better at the same rate Harry did back then. Can you at least reassure her that there's a reason for that?" Hermione did her best to look like this wasn't news to her. She didn't have to fake her nervousness and need to know though. Madam Pomfrey scrutinised the two of them for a moment before gusting out a sigh that reminded Hermione uncomfortably of the one she had heard from Ron a short while ago.
"Ms. Granger... without getting into too much detail about the two cases, I can assure you that you are doing very well in your recovery. The damage to your nervous system was far more extensive than Potter's and you didn't see a healer until two weeks after the event. Potter was brought to me within hours of his ordeal."
"Is it possible that Harry was hit with a different curse?" Hermione asked, trying not to sound like she had a hope for one answer over another.
"No. No, I'm afraid that Potter was definitely hit with the Cruciatus in his fourth year. I do believe that that and damaging his core are the only two times he's ever admitted to me that he was feeling any kind of pain. Figures it would take the unforgivables to get him that far." The last sentence was more of a mutter and Hermione didn't think that it was really directed at her or anyone else.
"See, Hermione? The difference in your recovery rates is simply down to the circumstances. You really shouldn't be comparing the two at all." Luna reassured her serenely. Hermione couldn't help but hear the underlying message though. Harry didn't lie. Not about that at least. He confessed to the times he did lie in those letters, but... they don't seem so bad for some reason.The two girls dutifully accepted Madam Pomfrey's admonitions that they take it easy and certainly come to her if there was anything else she could do for them before they left. They walked side by side in silence for a while before Luna asked the inevitable question. "Has our research given you a new perspective?"
"I-... I don't know. Harry's lies don't seem so bad after he confessed to them and the worst one turned out not to be a lie at all, but-... why? I still don't understand." Hermione could swear that Luna looked a little disappointed in her.
"Haven't you figured out why those two lied to you yet?"
"No. Why?"
"It has to do with how they see you."
"What do you mean?" Luna just shook her head.
"You need to figure that out for yourself. It won't work if I just tell you. The difference is important though." Darn it all. Why won't she just tell me? No, I can work this out for myself. Let's start with the hint Luna just gave me: what is the difference between how Harry and Ron see me? Well, that's easy: Ron sees me as his girlfriend and Harry... doesn't. How does that affect why they lied to me though?
"Arrgh!" Hermione cried out her frustration.
"Hermione, calm down." Luna scolded her dreamily. "You're trying too hard. Instead of asking yourself why, try asking what they hoped to accomplish."
"They didn't want me to find out the truth."
"Why not?"
"Because it would make them look bad? Because I would get angry at them for what they were doing?"
"Hmm. Is that true for both of them?" Hermione opened her mouth and then closed it again as she mulled over Luna's question.
"I wouldn't have gotten angry at Ron if he hadn't been the one to single-handedly pull me out of Malfoy Manor." she began slowly, feeling her way through her answer. "And I don't think that running of to get us provisions or sacrifice himself for us would have made Harry look bad." Luna didn't say anything, but there was a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips that told Hermione that she was getting closer to what her blond friend had meant. "So Ron lies to me to make himself look better... and Harry lies to me because he is afraid I'll stop him from doing something stupidly heroic?"
"More or less. I would have said that Ronald lies in an attempt to impress you and Harry lies to you in an attempt to protect you, but your phrasing works too."
"But I know that Ron was showing honest concern for me." Hermione protested. Luna just shrugged.
"Of course he was. They both love you, you know? They aren't the same though, so their love isn't the same either. One isn't necessarily more or better than the other, but you need to decide if the difference is important to you." Hermione turned that thought over in her mind a few times.
"I-... I think that the difference is important to me." she finally mumbled out.
"I think it's important to you too." Luna agreed.
"Why do you say that?"
"When Dobby asked us to take care of Harry you were up out of your seat before he could get another word out. You already knew what mattered to you, you just didn't know it yet." Hermione shook her head as she tried to wrap her mind around Luna's unconventional phrasing. "Still, now that we're up and about we should probably go and give into that first instinct of yours."
"You know where Harry is, don't you?" Hermione asked suspiciously.
"I don't know. I have a pretty good guess though." Hermione decided to simply follow Luna until she led them to Harry, convinced that Luna's 'good guess' would turn out to be as accurate as Dumbledore's 'good guesses' had usually been according to Harry. Luna led them to the courtyard and unerringly headed over to a corner that was thrown in shadow by the castle's great walls. As they got closer Hermione could make out a familiar figure sitting with his back against those walls. There was something about the way that Harry was staring out into the distance that made Hermione reluctant to break him out of whatever thoughts he was having. Instead, when Luna sat down next to him, Hermione sat down on Harry's other side. As she crossed in front of him she saw his eyes blink and he seemed to slowly come back to the here and now. Once those green eyes were focused on her Hermione couldn't hold back her voice any more.
"Hey. You looked a million miles away. What were you thinking about?" Hermione kept her voice hushed in deference to the atmosphere of deep contemplation that still lingered around them as if Harry had managed to bring a bit of the library outside with him. Harry himself just shrugged.
"Stuff." He croaked, his voice gone from having sat in silence for what must have been quite a while. To Hermione it seemed like his voice hadn't quite joined his attention in coming back to them.
"Stuff?"
"Stuff. What happens now? Where do I go? What do I do? You know... stuff." Harry's gaze was already heading back to the horizon and Hermione's next question tumbled out of her in an attempt to draw him back before he drifted too far away from them.
"So what do you think your future holds?"
"I don't know, Hermione. There isn't a particularly bright future for a wizard who isn't fully qualified and the dim lighting makes it difficult to see." Smart arse.
"I thought the Ministry had offered you honorary N.E.W.T.s and a Mastery in Defence?" Hermione tried, hoping to pull him out of his funk. Harry just shook his head.
"Accepting those makes a mockery of the entire system. Those certificates are supposed to tell the world that you can do the magic involved in getting them; I can't. It wouldn't be fair to people like you who are going to get them the proper way."
"I'm years away from getting my N.E.W.T.s, Harry." Hermione admitted bitterly. "Right now I can't hold my wand, so I can't do the practical parts. Don't!" she warned as she saw Harry about to object. "I know what you're going to say: I still have my right hand. I've tried, Harry, but it performs all the wand-movements as mirrors of themselves. I may be able to relearn them, but like I said: that'll take years."
"What are you going to do in the meantime?" Harry asked quietly. Maybe he's hoping that my future plans will help him gain some clarity?
"I'll probably take a job at the Ministry. Writing policy doesn't require any magic." Hermione replied with a shrug. Harry nodded, seemingly unaffected and resumed staring at the trees. It didn't take long for his silence to get to Hermione. "What about you?" she asked when he didn't volunteer any information.
"I think I'll do what Luna suggested and leave."
"What?!" Hermione's gaze swung to find her blond friend. Luna was already shaking her head in denial.
"I didn't suggest that to you, Harry. I just saw that you were getting ready to go and asked you to say goodbye before you did."
"Maybe, but it hadn't occurred to me before then." Harry smiled at them. "It makes a lot of sense to me though. If I go into the government like you want to, Hermione, then there will always be idiots who insist on listening to me even though I have no idea about how the world really works. I realised that I'm never going to be able to escape that. It's like Ginny said: No matter how you play with the semantics of it I amthe Boy Who Lived and everyone else is going to insist on seeing me like that. If I can't change that, then I can at least work at learning enough that I don't muck it up too badly." Hermione couldn't keep from throwing her arms around Harry and the thump that travelled through his body told her that Luna had done the same on the other side.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I thought you were just running away." Hermione whispered. "Will you tell me what your plan is?"
"I'm not sure it really counts as a plan." Harry admitted as Hermione felt his arm settle across her shoulders. "I was just going to go out and see the world. I've never really been anywhere except for Little Whinging, the Burrow and Hogwarts. I thought I'd start by travelling around Europe and then across Asia. I figure that in a couple years I should have reached- um..." Harry trailed off uncomfortably.
"Should have reached what, Harry?"
"Should have reached Australia. I figured that if you hadn't picked up your parents for some reason I'd check in on them and make sure they were doing okay." he said while his body tensed.
"Oh, Harry..." Even when he's won a war at great personal cost he just won't stop thinking about others. This is what Luna meant. This is the difference between Harry and Ron that I couldn't find with my brains scrambled.
"Can I come with you?"
"Wh-what?!"
"I want to come with you." Hermione repeated, smothering the urge to giggle at Harry's dumbfounded look. "As far as I know there is no way to bring back my parent's memories, but if we're going to be travelling all over the world then maybe I'll be able to find something." Harry was just blinking at her like he couldn't wrap his head around what she was saying.
"Are you sure? This will just be several more years in a tent and-... well, aren't you and Ron...?"
"A few years in a tent with you sounds like exactly what I need right now. As for Ron... I'm sure he does expect us to get together, but I just keep remembering more and more and I don't think that I could do it. When are we leaving?" And I don't think I shall be telling Ron where I'm going. That would serve him right for doing the same to Harry and me in the tent. What goes around comes around.
"I-... I was going to leave tonight, b-but we can wait if you want to take the time to say goodbye to everyone first." Hermione almost cheered out loud at the idea that she had a goal to work towards again and that she had a chance to do so with her best friend made it feel like everything they had been through might just be worth it.
"Oh, I'm going to miss the two of you." Luna sniffled from Harry's other side. Harry caught Hermione's eye. She had no problem reading what he was asking her with his eyes and could only smile her consent.
"Well, um, you could come with us, you know, Luna?" Harry offered softly. Looking past his chest Hermione could see the way the little blonde had stilled. Her eyes were wide and Hermione could see the fragile hope reflected in those grey orbs.
"R-really?"
"Well, yeah. If you want to that is. I mean, I'd understand that you'd want to stay here with your dad."
"My father's dead. I'm not sure what was finally one publication too many for the Death Eaters, but-... it looked like- like they'd put his body in-... printing press..." Luna broke down in sobs and Hermione was proud of Harry when he immediately pulled the younger girl into his lap and began rocking her. Hermione adjusted her grip so that she was now hugging both of them. It took Luna a long time to cry herself out in their arms. When she finally had the light had changed and the sun was about to set.
"So, it's decided? The three of us together, we're going to leave Britain and see the world?" Harry asked tentatively. Luna sniffled and nodded, using the movement to snuggle deeper into Harry's chest. Hermione had a different idea.
"Not so fast, Harry Potter. We're not going with you just like that. There's a condition."
"But-... didn't you just-... I thought you coming with me was your idea?" Harry asked, looking utterly confused. Hermione just fixed him with her best attempt at Professor McGonagall's Students-Out-Of-Bed-After-Curfew look, instead of the teasing grin that wanted to break out.
"We're getting a new tent before we go anywhere." she told him in a tone that brooked no argument. Harry gaped at her while Luna's slightly watery giggles drifted up from where she had her face buried in Harry's chest. Those giggles set Hermione off as well which left Harry looking between the two of them, trying to make sense of it all.
"Um, well, Dobby did get me a new tent already and I'm all packed." Harry got out, still sounding a little overwhelmed. "How long will it take you two to pack?" There was a pop and Dobby was handing Hermione her beaded purse.
"Dobby has put Miss Lunie's things in there as well. Would the Missies prefer Dobby look for another bag?"
"No, Dobby this is fine." Hermione told the loyal little elf before turning to Harry. "Right. Let's get out of here. Where are we going first?" The smile that slowly formed on Harry's face was like a beautiful sunrise to Hermione.
"I am so outnumbered." Harry muttered happily as Hermione took one of his arms and Luna took the other. Together the two girls laughingly pulled Harry up off the ground and away from the castle and the life that waited for them there. Their dreams were waiting for them out in the wide, unknown world and they were going to find them and take them together. Our lives are going to be our choice from now on and I for one am choosing to be happy.
AN: Right, I owe the lot of you an apology. I had intended to get this done in a more timely manner, but my parents dropped by and took me on an unannounced vacation to Switzerland. Very nice of them, very enjoyable for me and, unfortunately, very far from my computer with my fanfic drafts on it. I got back just before the weekend and figured I should get a move on polishing this thing to the point where I felt comfortable throwing it out there. I hope you'll forgive me for the wait and as a bribe I have included an epilogue, so go ahead and click 'Next'.
Fustian Grumplings: fustian is actually a noun meaning "Pompous or pretentious writing' while "grumpling" is entirely made up and is derived from grumpy. Luna is telling Hermione that she's pretending to able to do more than she can and that it isn't a particularly endearing trait.
As always: thanks for reading.