Peeta sinks to one knee in front of me.

"Katniss Everdeen, will you marry me?"

I'm standing rigidly on the stage, wishing I could be anywhere else in the world, the Arena included. Everything has been scripted, rehearsed and performed; only my final line remains to be delivered.

By saying no, I'd condemn Gale to death. By saying yes, I'd break his heart. I know exactly which option he would prefer.

Blinking back tears, I force the fateful word out of my mouth.

"Yes."

If I allowed him to be killed, he'd be irrevocably lost. Broken hearts can be mended while we are alive to do so.

Deep inside, I regret I had no chance to warn Gale of what I'll have to do, and hope he'll understand when I come back. And just as fervently, I wish Peeta would understand and forgive me. He knows exactly why I agreed, and I know how he must be suffering under his happy facade. Even if I don't love him the way I love Gale, the sight makes my heart ache. I know I can well add Peeta's heart to the broken list, and add this trick to the endless list of things I owe him for.

I like to think this is not my fault at all, that we all are innocent victims of the Capitol. The lie is my only link to sanity at this stage.

On the first Sunday after my return from the Victory Tour, I hurry to my meeting place with Gale very early. We'd have to be extra careful to keep this conversation private, so I make an arrow from pieces of wood, pointing to the path leading to the abandoned house by the lake. By the time I arrive there, I'm cold and tired, and hope for some time to collect my thoughts and formulate a subtle way to explain things.

But Gale bursts through the door only a few minutes after me. In my mind's eye, I can see the long, angry, purposeful strides that have carried him here. Remembering his old anti-Capitol rages, I shudder when I imagine myself at the receiving end of this one. Does he believe I gave in to Snow's machinations? Or worse, that I really want to marry Peeta? When I notice his expression, I realize there's no time for subtlety.

"Snow threatened to kill you if I don't do it."

"What...?" His anger and jealousy gives way to shock and horror. Then he looks down, defeated. I can only imagine how much I hurt his pride by saving him like this. My own fear vanishes instantly, and my heart clenches. No longer trusting my legs to hold me, I sit down on the edge of the fireplace and bury my face in my hands.

Gale heaves a sigh, and sinks to one knee in front of me. A terrible sense of reliving something that already happened makes me shudder again.

We are not on a stage and this is not a proposal, but... What is he going to say?

Gale gingerly pries my hands off my face, lifts my chin with one finger, and our gazes lock. The pain in his eyes is so unbearable I let my eyelids fall closed as if blocking it from my vision could make it disappear.

"So you agreed to do it because of me, Catnip?" he says, his voice harsh and bitter. "What the hell makes you think I wouldn't much rather die than let you ruin your life for me?"

Fortunately, I have an answer for this. "Nothing. Nothing at all. I know you too well," I say, my eyes still tightly closed. "That is why I had to prevent it, and not ask you to kindly let me, you stubborn..." I bite my lip and change course. "Besides, it's not only you. Maybe they'd kill your family too. And mine. Prim..."

Daring to open my eyes a fraction, I try to gauge the effect of my words.

Worse. Gale looks about ready to take on the whole Capitol with his bare hands. Time for my last hope. I take hold of his hands and squeeze them tightly.

"Gale, I'm not going through with it. I just wanted to buy us some time. Let's run away. You said we could do it."

Better. A smile, brighter than lightning and more sudden, illuminates his face. His arms wrap around me and he all but jumps to his feet, lifting me along with him and spinning me through air. For a fleeting second, I feel as if I were flying again.

Then he sets me down, still grinning, and says the words I both need more than oxygen and dread more than my own death, because they can lead to his.

"I love you, Catnip."

This time I expected him to say it, yet I find myself speechless again. Why does it always come as a surprise? Why do I find it so hard to accept his feelings and admit I share them? Why do I have to hurt him like this? And myself too? I already know I'm not letting the Capitol tear us apart. When I hear his voice saying those words, I almost believe that we could tear down the Capitol together.

Almost.

They fuel the fire within me until it threatens to destroy everything around. The best thing I can do is trying to quench the blaze, so that no one else has to burn in it.

The silence between stretches uncomfortably while the flames inside me drown in cold regret. When I finally find my voice, I choke out the worst possible answer.

"I... I know."

"Catnip..."

I flinch at the hurt and disappointment in his eyes and voice. I can only hope he sees how much I wanted to say something else.

Gale releases me.

Angry my own cowardice, I throw myself at him before he can walk away. I grab his coat; bury my head in his chest to block out his pained expression and press myself to him, hoping that my heart, desperately hammering against his ribcage, would save me and somehow convey the right answer.

"I'm... I'm sorry," I mutter into his coat. "And you know... you know what you mean to me..."

He gently pries me away and I force my head up to face him. This time, I can hardly decipher the emotions on his face. Did the message get through?

"No, Catnip, sometimes I just don't," Gale says softly. "But don't let me make it harder for you." He closes his eyes for a moment, as if trying to lock all his feelings inside. Then he leans down and presses a chaste kiss to my forehead. At the touch of his lips I instantly recall the fateful kiss we've shared a few weeks ago, but I push the memory out of my mind. Now I can't let it distract me. We have to plan our escape now. Then I can kiss him as much as I want. At least I hope so.

I try to get him back on track. "We have to tell our families to get ready... and convince Haymitch... and Peeta..."

That wipes the smile off his face. "You want to take them along?"

"Gale, I have to. I owe my life to them. If I escaped, Snow would go after them to get his revenge. I can't allow that."

Thoughts flash behind his eyes faster than I can follow. "Right... I'm not telling you I like the idea..." he says, his hand cupping my face again, "but I understand you can't let them down. You don't let people down."

"I do all the time," I say softly, my hands locking behind his neck.

Sadness flickers in his eyes when he realizes what am I referring to, but only for a moment. "Only if you can't help it."

He squeezes me in his arms for a moment and lets go. "So we have our mothers, Prim, Rory, Vick, Posy, Peeta and Haymitch... that's a lot of people."

That many... Saying it aloud makes it sound even more hopeless - how can we all elude the Capitol and survive through the winter?

"We have to try, Gale. There's already an uprising going on in Eight, our position is getting more dangerous every day..."

"Uprising in Eight?" Gale cuts me off. I look into his eyes, and see them blazing even more intently than when he lays them on me. The thought makes my throat tighten.

"Yes... we have to..."

"Uprising already going on," he muses, lost in thought. "Catnip, then we have to stay and fight! It is the chance we've been waiting for..."

Oh no. I shouldn't have told him. "Are you crazy? People are dying out there Gale! What if..."

"People were dying before as well, Catnip. You saw a few of them." I flinch and he takes me into his arms again. "I'm sorry. But we have to stop it once and for all. You take everyone and run. I'd trust you to protect them. I'll stay here. I have to get back at them. For everything they've done to you... to us... to everyone..."

I hold onto him tightly. "Gale, no. I can't let you..."

He silences me by briefly pressing his lips against mine. A spark of electricity flickers and dies between us.

"Catnip, the only person in the world I never wanted to fight against is you. But I can't run if there's a slightest chance to win."

"Do you believe there is?"

"Ever since I can remember."

I realize I can't convince him by myself. I can only hope Hazelle would make him see reason. His family needs him. And so do I.

Later, Gale slips through the fence with a wild turkey he'd shot along the way, saying he'd stop by at Cray's. I wait behind, like I always do so that we wouldn't be seen together. I stay longer than I should, my thoughts swirling, torn between anger at his stubbornness and my own reluctance.

When I finally make my way towards the town square, the sight of what's happening there makes my blood run cold. I break into run, weaving through thickening crowd, pushing people aside. I stand between Gale's bloodied, unconscious form and the new Peacekeeper wielding a whip before I actually decided to do so.

As long as there is a slightest chance, I will stand and fight.