AN: I hope you guys are enjoying the story. I would really love to know what you all think. Anyway, for this chapter, now that Dean knows who he really is, this is going to get really emotional for him.

Chapter Ten:

Sam was out there watching him. He's been watching him the whole time. Dean didn't know how to feel about that. Should he be angry or happy? All this time Dean thought he was alone, but Sam has been watching him. He gasped.

If Sam had been watching him all this time, then he knows what John did! He knows about what happened at the bar. He began to cry. A man who he came to admire knows about the worst times of his life. How embarrassing.

He felt a pain in his chest. He couldn't breathe. What was happening? He felt to his knees gasping for breath. Was this a panic attack? Was it a heart attack? Was he dying? Because it sure felt like it. He felt tears falling down his face. He didn't want to die knowing that Sam was watching him. He couldn't let Sam see something like that.

The more he thought about Sam, the more the pain in his chest increased. Even though he knew that he was the same Dean from the books, he felt like a total stranger. He figured it had have something to do with the deal Sam made. He felt angry with Sam for what he did, but he didn't blame him either. Sam was just trying to do what was best for him, even if it wasn't.

As Dean tried to get air into his lungs, Dean thought about the bond that Dean and Sam had from the books. When he read about their relationship, he knew that without a doubt that they were soul mates. It was only obvious.

That's when his eyes widened in shock and realization. He was Dean Winchester, and he had a soul mate. That soul mate was his brother Sam. The very same Sam that had been watching him all these years. No wonder he hadn't been whole. If Carver was right about his soul splitting in three parts, then Sam was his core. Because of this damn deal, he will never be whole.

The pain in his chest faded slowly, and he was able to breathe. All this time, what he has been looking for was someone who was never born. Someone who has been outside of time. Sam was his missing piece, and as long as this deal was intact neither him nor Sam will ever be complete...

Dean felt drained and hurt and sad. For the rest of the day, Dean had tried over and over to remember anything. He tried to put some memories to the books he's read, but it was to no avail. Dean couldn't remember Sam, or his life with him.

How tragic for him to have no memory of his brother who was supposed to be his soul mate. This would have to be the worst pain he's ever felt. To know he has a soul mate who he will never remember. The pain was worse than being raped by total strangers and even worse than being raped by John.

The pain from the rape will fade, and he will learn to live with what happened and move on. It could make him stronger. He could even find the courage to go to the police. He could find a nice woman to marry and have a family of his own.

But this pain... knowing the truth, he knew that this pain will never go away. This pain will forever be with him, because the one that could make it stop doesn't exist. Whatever was left of his soul called out to its core, but because of the deal the core and soul will never be together. He couldn't imagine how much pain Sam was in since he always knew the truth.

Eventually sleep pulled Dean under. He fought it because he wanted to try and remember, but he couldn't fight forever. He was tired and soon gave up the fight.

Dean was back in the same darkness, but it felt different this time. Although it was still dark, it also felt lighter. He didn't feel cold or alone. He didn't know if it was because he knew he wasn't, or because he knew the truth.

Dean turned around and saw the light that he knew was from the cage. He looked around where he felt was the wall, but he didn't go there. As much as he wanted to see Sam, he knew he had to speak with Other Dean first.

Walking up to the cage, Other Dean was now in a different position. He was sitting up against the back bars. Even Other Dean felt different. Was it because he could now see Other Dean's face, or was it because of the atmosphere surrounding him? He didn't know.

Dean didn't say anything at first. He just squatted and stared at Other Dean. They looked exactly alike, except that Other Dean was obviously older and more broken. He figured hunting did that to a person.

How sad. One of the two most important heroes is the most broken. How sad it is that the man gave up having a life to save a world that had no idea who he was. How sad that he fought everyday of his life to saving people... hunting things... and never asked for a thank you. Never asking for a thing in return, for doing the most dangerous job in the world... how tragic.

"You just going to stare at me until you wake up, or are you going to say something?" Other Dean asked not meeting his eyes.

"You said you could help me... how?" Dean asked carefully. He believed that whatever help Other Dean was going to give him, that it wasn't going to be easy.

"You won't want it,'' Other Dean said reminding him of what he had said awhile back.

Dean nodded his head in agreement. "I know, but I need it."

Other Dean finally met his gaze, and Dean had to fight back from cringing at the pain he saw in Other Dean's eyes.

"Have you learned the truth?" Other Dean asked slowly standing up.

Dean stood as well. He had to look up slightly to meet his eyes. "Yes. I know the truth."

Other Dean reached from the bar slowly. Dean had to take a step back not knowing what would happen. Even though they were same person, they were two different people.

Other Dean saw the slight fear in his eyes, but didn't bring his hand back in. "Take my hand, and I'll show you a life that you will regret ever remembering."

Dean didn't know what to do. He remembered that Carver said that the two halves of Dean's soul could come together, and it would destroy the wall. The Dean that stood in front of him reaching out, held all the memories and emotions that he took from Dean's half. Would it be wise to remember a life full of pain and loss?

He turned to look at the spot he knew the wall was and frowned. On the other side to that wall trapped his soulmate and brother. If he remembered correctly, Carver said that Sam would have to stay there until Dean died, and they would go to Heaven together. Would it be fair to keep Sam there if he could change that?

Dean looked back at Other Dean then to his hand. Dean reached out to take his hand when he froze at the laughing he heard behind him. Both Deans turned to look off in the distance and saw to Dean's horror that is was everyone that had raped him.

Dean stood there frozen in place. "Why do they keep coming here?"

Other Dean could hear the terror in his younger self's voice. "Everytime you come here you bring your fears with you."

Dean watched as everyone who hurt him made their way to him. "I don't understand."

"You're asleep when you come here, and when you do your nightmares will always follow.''

The men and woman were getting so much closer, and Dean didn't move. He may have fought back the last time, but now that everyone was here he didn't know if he could.

"Dean, you have to take my hand. If you don't want them to hurt you you have to take my hand now." Other Dean's words went in one ear and out the other.

Everyone who raped Dean were now standing in front of him and they all looked very pleased to see him. Kevin an Matt grabbed Dean by his wrist and threw him far enough away from the cage. Dean landed on his stomach and groaned from the pain. Other Dean watched as the two men pinned him down and ripped his pants off. Dean's fear was keeping him from getting away or fighting back.

"No! Get away from him!" Other Dean yelled trying to break the bars. "Dean you have to fight back. I know you don't remember what you can do, but you have to fight back. Don't let them keep hurting you."

Dean's eyes were getting blurry from his tears. He was hearing what Other Dean was saying, but it was hard when he was surrounded by people who have hurt him in so many ways.

Dean felt someone's cock touch his hole. He jerked away, but the man's hands held him in place. He cried out when he felt the man's cock being shoved inside his tight hole. Whoever was behind him pulled all the way out, and then shoved even harder back in. Soon the man picked up a rhythm and it was brutal.

"Please help me," Dean begged Other Dean through his tears. He moaned which caused his rapists to laugh.

"You have to take my hand,'' Other Dean said sticking his hand out as far as he could. Dean reached out as much as he could, but he was too far.

Eventually the first man was finished with him and pulled out. Dean felt weak, but he crawled closer to the cage. Whatever he was going to regret remembering had to be better than this. Before he got close to Other Dean, another man pinned him to the ground.

The same thing happened like the first, and he watched as Other Dean tried very hard to break the bars. He remembered what Carver said. Even though the bars could be broken if the intent wasn't selfish, they were still bars and it would take time. Time neither Dean had.

"Dean take my hand!" Other Dean tried to push even further out to Dean, but they were still not close enough.

When the second man was finished with him, Dean couldn't move. His ass was on fire and his body ached. If this was all a dream, then why did it feel so real? Were his nightmares that strong? Or was he that weak?

"Come on, Dean!" Other Dean yelled. "Just a little more, please."

Dean had to practically drag himself, and just when he was close enough he felt a body on top of him. He could feel the man's breath against his neck.

"I know you like it son,'' John whispered. "Whores like you love big cocks."

Dean flinched. There was that word again. He felt John's cock going inside his ass. "Please, no.''

John licked Dean's neck, and began sucking on it. Dean turned away in disgust. He tried again to reach out to Other Dean. "You say no,'' John pulled out and slammed back inside hitting Dean's prostate which caused him to moan in pleasure, ''but your body says yes.''

It went on like that for some time. Dean would moan in pleasure at how good it felt, but he would also cry from the shame and betrayal he felt. John's pace would never once slow down.

"Stop!" Dean screamed out. He shoved John off and quickly crawled the rest of the distance to Other Dean's hand.

As soon as both Deans' hands connected there was only silence. The laughing and taunting from his rapists were no longer heard. The sound of his heart beat wasn't heard. His heavy breathing was no longer heard. Absolute silence.

Dean's body shook like crazy, and felt like he was on fire, but he never let go of Other Dean's hands. Dean felt like his body was being pulled to something familiar. He struggled to look up at Other Dean and saw that he was reacting in the same way.

Out of nowhere Dean saw Other Dean's body begin to glow a bright blue color. It was almost like an electric blue aura. It was beautiful. He looked down and saw that he was glowing as well. The glow around Other Dean was covering his whole body, and soon Dean couldn't even see his face. Then whatever the glow was was disappearing inside Dean's body.

When Other Dean and the glow was gone, that was when all hell broke loose. The fire Dean felt increased to the point where it was excrutiating. Tears fell down his face, and he fell to his knees clutching his head. His vision burned, so he shut his eyes trying to ease the burn; it didn't.

The silence that filled the room was gone the moment the pain was so bad that Dean opened his mouth and a horrific scream was let loose. Dean's scream was so loud that his rapists had to cover their ears shimmering away.

Dean didn't know what was going on. When he began to see flashes he knew something was happening.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam asked his brother who he hadn't seen in a couple of years.

Dean stared straight in his brother's eyes and said, "Dad's on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been in home in few days."

Dean wanted to bang his head on the ground just so the pain will stop.

"What were you thinking shooting Casper in the face you freak?" Sam asked touching his injured chest.

"Saved your ass."

Dean screamed out even more. He felt as if his brain was going to melt from the firey pain.

"Why did you let me fall asleep?"

"Because I'm an awesome brother. So, what did you dream about?"

"Lollipops and candy canes."

Dean cried so much. He didn't know if it was from the pain he felt was only getting worse or from what he was seeing.

"No, it's our dad!" Dean yelled at the nurse. There was no way they were just going to leave when their dad wasn't breathing.

"Stop compressions.''

"No pulse."

"I'll call it. Time of death: 10:41 am."

Dean screamed even harder remembering when he saw his dad lay there dead in the hospital. He remembered how devistating it was to see the man he looked up to dead. He didn't think that it was ever possible.

Dean thought he was going to lose his voice from all the screaming, but he still manage to scream. He just wanted the pain to go away, and now he knew why Other Dean said he was going to regret ever remembering.

"Shut your mouth bitch.''

"If you could just see your daddy now...''

Dean grabbed his hair still screaming. Why won't this end? When will it be over?! He doesn't care about remembering, he just wants the pain to go away. The imaginary fire was still burning him, and he fell forward. He didn't know how long he could go on.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"You weren't thinking about making that deal, right?" Sam didn't know what he would do if Dean had gone ahead and made that deal. He missed his dad, but he would miss Dean even more.

Dean turned on the radio not answering. Sam flinched away.

Even though Dean didn't see the flinch, he knew Sam did. Knowing that Sam was scared that Dean was thinking of his brother making a deal made him feel guilty. Yeah, he wanted his dad back, but he was ashamed to say that he wasn't thinking of what it would do to Sam. Seeing that flinch caused him to cry even harder.

"I needed to think that there was something else watching too. And maybe..."

Dean looked at Sam when he didn't continue.

"Maybe what?" he asked softly.

Sam smiled with tears in his eyes. "Maybe I can be saved."

"Hey, look at me. It's not even that bad. It's not even that bad, all right? Sammy? Sam! Hey, listen to me. We're gonna patch you up, okay? You'll be good as new. Huh? I'm gonna take care of you. I've got you. That's my job, right? Watch out for my pain in the ass little brother? Sam? Sam! Sammy!"

Sam's eyes closed and his body went limp.

"No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, God. Oh, God." With tears falling down his face, Dean rocks his brother as Sam dies.

"SAM!"

The pain intensified when he remembered Sam dying in his arms. He knew he was hurt when his dad died, and it was painful to see him in the hospital. But there was no comparison to what he felt when Sam died. Having Sam die in his arms was the worst day of his life. He felt his whole world crumble because it honestly did.

The pain from losing Sam was so much worse than the pain he felt now. He would rather feel this pain right now, than the pain he felt when Sam died. A part of him died when Sam did. Now knowing about the soul, he knew it was his core that died.

The more memories that he remembered, the more he realized that the pain lessened when the memory was good in some way, and it worsened when it wasn't. It was different when Dean remembered something that he found special. In fact, the 'chick flick moments' he and Sam shared there was no pain. He just felt warm.

The pain got worse when the time came to remember Hell. Remembering Hell was the worst, because he felt every slice, cut, burn and tear. He remembered it all. The burn and pain increased when he remembered what he did to the souls in Hell. It was terrible to have to remember what he did to every soul that came before him.

"It's like I had one job,'' Dean said to a dead Sam. "I had one job and I screwed it up. I'm so sorry Sam."

Dean will never regret making that deal to bring back Sam. Given the opportunity to go back and let him go, he wouldn't change a damn thing; not even to avoid going to Hell.

"How could you make that deal, Dean?"

"Because I couldn't live with you dead."

Dean didn't know how long he had been laying there on the ground writhing in pain. He didn't know if this is what Other Dean was planning, but he was starting to hate the guy. He thought he would've woken up by now since his dreams never last this long. Maybe it wasn't, and it just felt it.

"Don't you dare think that there is anything past or present that I would put in front of you. It has never been like that. I need you to see that. I'm begging you."

Sam was right. He did save Sam's life over and over, and Dean wouldn't have it any other way. He was the big brother, and it was his job to always watch out for Sam. He didn't know how to not be there for Sam. Although Dean saved Sam's life, Sam saved him just as much. Regardless if Sam's death would solve the world plenty of issues, they would never solve Dean's. Maybe he was selfish for that... and maybe he didn't care.

"You know what I think? I think it should be you up there."

Remembering saying those words to the one person he cared about most on the planet increased the pain. He thought remembering Hell was torture, he was wrong. This one thing he said to his brother felt so much worse. He didn't know how he did it, but he managed to sit up.

He screamed out so loud that he felt the floor shaking. Remembering that one thing he told Sam burned his body so bad. It was so brutal and agonizing. The flashes showed him walking away from Sam. It showed the devastating look on Sam's face as he watched him drive away. That one look from Sam cut deep.

The flashes froze at that look on his brother's face. It was aching to look at, and to have it freeze frame was heartbreaking. He picked up his head and screamed out. The louder Dean screamed picturing Sam's face the more the place shook.

"I'll never forget how much you mean to me."

Why didn't he immediately know what was wrong? Why couldn't he tell that Sam was doing something he shouldn't? He should've known right away that something was wrong with his brother.

"Sam?" He had called out to his brother.

"I'll be waiting for you big brother," Sam said back waving at him, "but make sure it won't be for a long time."

"NO!" He ran to his brother watching him fade away. He fell to his knees when Sam disappeared. "Sam, please come back.''

Castiel held him and cried for a friend that was too good for his own good.

"I'm so sorry, Dean." Castiel whispered to him.

Feeling his soul being ripped apart was worse than being ripped apart by Hellhounds. It was so awful for his soul to fight to be with its mate. He remembered being in the cage immediately knowing what Sam did.

He remembered wishing that he was on the other side with Sam. He remembered for the last eighteen years he tried to break the bars. He needed to get out to be with Sam. He banged and pulled and pushed against the bars but they would never break.

Dean remembered knowing what his other half was going through on the outside. He felt so sorry for him that he had to have horrible parents. He remembered the first time his other half showed up. Seeing him get raped by the man he was supposed to call dad was what drew Dean away from wanting to see Sam to wanting to help his other half.

Dean remembered wanting so bad to help him when he came back, but he knew it wouldn't do anything. His other half had to know who he was and who he was himself to help him. Dean didn't know why he kissed his other half, but felt that it was the only love he could give him during such a terrible act. He felt that his other half needed to know what a real kiss felt like. He wanted to erase the kiss John gave him.

He remembered being pulled back inside the cage. He remembered feeling broken and defeated having to be back in the cage after getting out. When his other half had reached out to his hand, he didn't feel any pain that he thought his other half would be feeling. In fact, he felt relief. He felt almost complete.

Dean managed to open his eyes, and despite the burning feeling he looked around to where he knew the wall was located. Even though it was dark, he could feel rather than see Sam against the wall looking in. He could feel Sam's guilt and pain and regret. He didn't want him to feel that way, because Sam tried to do a good thing.

What was the last straw was feeling Sam trying to break the wall to get to him. The fire managed to get worse than what it was, and with one last painful scream, he felt the cage blow up to pieces. But it didn't stop there. With the cage finally broken, Dean's scream was even more horrific because he wanted to apologize to Sam for what he said.

Watching Sam disappear in the light was the worst, because he feared that he would never see him again. And not seeing Sam ever again wasn't right.

Seeing Sam disappear caused one final scream from Dean that was even more loud that the glass shattered completely. The moment it did, the burning pain lessened and Dean collapsed from exhaustion. Dean breathed erratically as if he ran a marathon.

"Dean?" He opened his eyes and saw the most wonderful sight.

He smiled like he was a kid in a candy store. "Sammy.'' His throat felt raw from the constant screaming. He brought his hand up and gently touched Sam's cheek. A tear fell down Sam's face. He felt a familiar sensation and knew he was beginning to fade. Dean wiped a tear away with his thumb, "I've missed you.''

"I'm so sorry,'' Sam whispered. Sam saw that Dean was disappearing. "Dean, don't leave me.'' Sam said through his tears. He sounded so much younger than he was.

Dean could feel his body waking up. "Sam, I-" As Dean was waking up, he could hear crying in the back of his mind.

Dean opened his eyes and he tried to sit up. He whimpered from the pain in his back. Regardless if he slept through the night, he still felt tired. He sat up and cracked his back, sighing when it felt good.

Dean rose to his feet and was about to go take a shower since he wanted to see Chuck one more time before he hit the road. He needed to figure out what he was going to do now. That was when he heard pounding at his door. He frowned.

Opening the door, the woman who he recognized as the manager, stood before him and she did not look happy.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Winchester, you need to either check out or pay for another night."

Dean furrowed his brow, "What are you talking about? I have another two days."

She shook her head, "No. That was up this morning." She crossed her arms narrowing her eyes at him.

Dean checked his watch. His eyes widened at the time. It almost noon. He never slept in that late. He was usually up no later than eight.

"Okay, hold on. I'll pay for another night." He closed the door and came back with enough for the night. He closed the door on her and went to sit back down. He went to sleep with two days left to stay here, but she said it was up this morning. He looked back at the bed. There's no way he's been asleep for two days.

He tried to think back, and remembered that he was with Chuck at his house. They were talking about him and Sam being locked away for the last eighteen years. He remembered when he went to sleep he saw that he destroyed the cage and the glass. No way did that take two days. He shook his head. His head froze in shock at what he just thought.

Sam! He remembered Sam and the cage. He also remembered his old life. Sam made a deal to reverse time so he wasn't born. He remembered that Carver was actually Chuck. He remembered dreaming of being raped and Other Dean. He remembered Other Dean trying to help him.

Dean's train of thought stopped. He wasn't going to think about this right now. He stood up and went to take a shower. If it really has been two days, he hasn't taken a shower yet. Maybe he'll calm down from the anger he knew was slowly building.

He was wrong. Coming out he didn't feel better. He felt even more angry. Dean put on his shoes and jacket. His body was trembling with anger. He shut his eyes breathing in deeply. He needed to get his anger under control. He didn't have the Mark anymore, so there was no excuse not to able to control it.

Dean looked up to the ceiling. He didn't know if Sam was watching; he just calmly but angrily spoke, "I hate you so much Sam,'' with a single tear sliding down his face.

AN: Wow, Dean has regained all of his memories. Now after what he just said, just imagine the next chapter. Anyway we're almost done. I really hope you guys are enjoying the story. Until next time. -Kauri510