Jan King - Fading away

"And so we lay our friend Warren to rest, praying that his soul shall forever be released in the kingdom of our father."

"Ahem."

The small crowd softly said. The priest then made the sign of the cross before closing the bible and blessing the casket. Moments later he turned and began walking away. A few distant friends of Warrens began to walk away, mostly people he met on the street. It had been nearly four days since the accident. Still the shock hadn't left them. Mark stood beside Marian, who had been released from the hospital and staying with him for the moment. Sleeping in his bed, he took the couch and looked after her. Taking a few weeks off from work, he made sure she was sedated at night and had everything she needed. She still had to sort through the grief and let the truth finally hit her. Since she left the hospital she often just sat around, looking off into space and crying. The rest of the time she slept, tossing and turning, calling out Warren's name.

It broke Mark's heart.

Helping her to the funeral, Satori came over with some of her clothes and helped her dress. Everyone was unspoken and slow. Marian looked as though she was only half there. Arriving at the cemetery, they all stood around saying goodbye to their friend. This was really it, Warren was gone.

Elmer told Mark right before walking up that he still hadn't gotten any contact from Warren. In fact, nobody had.

"Your sure he crossed over?"

"Sure of it."

"Then what?"

"He's unable to reach us, something is stopping him."

That's when Mark lead Marian over to the grave, she looked thin and deadly pale. Standing by her side for support, he looked around at the gray overcast morning and wished so badly things were different.

As everyone began walking away, Satori who had tears in her eyes dropped a necklace of hers onto the casket and made the sign of the cross. Others walked away before Elmer joined Marian and Mark.

"There was nothing you could do…"

Elmer softly said to Marian who stared at the casket.

"I let him die…I said such awful things."

Elmer's arm went around Marian.

"He loved you…we all knew, you made him very happy."

"No I didn't…I shouted at him and told him I wanted an abortion."

Mark looked down at Marian, he couldn't believe it. Elmer simply held her closer.

"He knew you loved him and that's all he needed…I know you don't understand yet, but it's all part of the process. He's crossed over and someplace where he can watch you…and wait until it's your time."

"I want him back, I would do anything to have him back…"

Marian's face then crumbled up.

"My family didn't even know I was in the hospital, they don't even know I'm pregnant!"

Mark could see she was getting worked up. Crying she shook her head.

"What am I going to tell them…one of my psychic homeless friends got me pregnant, now he's dead and I'm completely alone! Just some stupid girl that got knocked up and now have to fend for myself…"

She began crying, Elmer held her.

"You'll tell them in your own time…whatever decision you make it's your own…it's your path."

"Why Elmer, why Warren…why did he have to die?!"

"Because it was his time."

Elmer lied.

Marian reached over and pressed her hand against the casket, tears falling from her face.

"I don't think I can do this…"

Her voice began to break and sound uneven.

"Sure you can…"

Marian then nearly fell as she began to break down.

"I loved him!"

Elmer put his arms around her as she cried against him.

"Shhhh, we know…we know…"

Mark stood there unable to do anything. Warren was dead and Marian was pregnant. If there was some evil force after them, he had no idea what to do. He was helpless and didn't want to believe.

At Marks…

Mark brought Marian back to his apartment after the funeral. Sitting her on the couch, he rolled up her sleeve and gave her another shot. Sitting there, he wanted her silently cry before the drug took hold. Sitting there and looking off into space, her bloodshot eyes glanced at him.

"I'm keeping the baby."

"Your what?"

Marian shook her head.

"I don't care if my family hates me, or if I'm making a huge mistake…this baby is all I have left of Warren, he wanted it so badly."

"Marian…you shouldn't do things out of guilt."

Marian looked at him, tears still falling.

"I loved Warren, I just wouldn't believe it…now he's gone and I feel alone. There's just been so much that has happened, I know this baby will always be there for me, no matter what."

"Marian you should think about this."

"No…I couldn't kill all that's left of Warren, I'll figure something out."

Mark then placed his hand on her shoulder, trying his hardest to smile.

"I think Warren would of liked that."

Marian stared down.

"He's really gone…"

Mark cleared his throat and didn't say anything, he couldn't.

"I don't know what I'm going to do…all I have is my baby…"

She began to cry harder before Mark held her.

"Your not alone Marian, I'll help you…I'll take care of this baby with you."

Marian shook her head.

"You don't need my problems…I need to figure some stuff out that's all, I mean every night I dream about Warren and each time I wake up and he's not there. I mean it never stops, the pain you know? Everything reminds me of him…every time I think it was just an awful nightmare and he'll come walking in. I swear I would of done anything to make things different. I would made things work and have the baby with him, I loved him so much and I was so stupid."

Mark then gently touched her face.

"Your not stupid…'

"I just wish I knew he was okay, and I could tell him how sorry I was…he was right, this baby was special."

Marian rubbed her flat stomach before crying some more. Mark sighed before holding her.

"Marian, no matter what you decide…I want to help you and your baby, I promise I'll love you and it."

Marian looked up at him, tears falling from her eyes. Mark then gathered her up in his arms and held her as she softly cried. There was a lot to think about, but right now all that mattered was making Marian feel safe. He wanted to take care of her, he wanted to help with the baby if she really wanted it. He didn't want to feel scared and always looking over his shoulder. He was done with it all. He wanted to love her.

Finally Marian cried herself to sleep. Laying her on the couch, he covered her up and shuffled to the kitchen. Loosening his tie, he opened the fridge and grabbed himself a beer. Leaning against the counter he sighed.

Thinking of Warren, he really couldn't believe it.

It seemed as though part of them were really missing now.

He felt guilty about being jealous. He cared deeply for his friends, but stuck it as funny that Marian would fall for someone like Warren. They were complete opposites. There he knew those bitter feelings were still coming from shock. He was attracted to Marian, but knew she was just a college student. But with Satori things were so complicated, He wished so deeply that things could just be normal. He hated his gift, and hated the fact that everyone had met each other. Maybe if Marian hadn't joined the group things would have been different.

He wished they took the warnings more serious.

But could he tell Marian the reason that Warren was now dead was probably because of that spirit that came to Elmer's house nearly a year ago. The thing that found out what they wanted the most and waited in the shadows to use them against them. Looking in the living room at her sleeping he knew he couldn't bare to do it. She had gone through a lot and now had a very unknown future ahead of her.

Thinking of her keeping the baby made him nervous.

Would they always be scared if something would happen?

He wished the paramedics could of saved Warren, he just wished Marian didn't feel so alone. Sighing he finished his bottle and grabbed another one. He cared for his friend, and if this was the choice she was going to make, he wanted to support her. Maybe this was the way life wanted to work out. Maybe it was all meant to be. A second chance with Marian, teach her that he wasn't that bad of a guy and cared for her and her baby. Maybe that's what he needed in this empty life of his.

A family.

He knew his father would have a field day with it. Walking over to his small kitchen table he sat. This really had all happened. Warren was dead.

Just then there was a gentle knock on his door. Getting up quickly so Marian wouldn't stir, he opened it and saw Satori and Elmer. Satori held a cardboard box in her hands. Right away Mark felt tried, he really wasn't in the mood to discuss the other side and what might of happened the day the accident took place.

"Listen guys, Marian is asleep…maybe you could come by in the morning."

Just then it began to rain outside. Hard as raindrops splattered against his apartment's windows. Elmer sighed before stepping forward.

"I think we better talk now."

Mark sighed before letting the two of them in. Shutting the door behind them he slowly walked over to Marian who was sleeping.

"I'll move her to the bedroom."

Satori watched as Mark bent down and picked Marian up in one single scoop. The throw still around her, Mark walked her into his bedroom and gently laid her down. Brushing back her hair, he sighed. Even if her sleep she looked in pain. Walking back out, he found Elmer and Satori sitting at the kitchen table. The box on the floor.

"What is that?"

Mark asked pointing before grabbing his third beer.

"Most of Warren's stuff that he left at our places."

"What do you want me to do with it?"

"Marian is grieving right now, things that remind her of him might help the pain."

Mark glanced in the box before shaking his head.

"I think it would only make it worse…"

"How is she doing?"

Satori asked, her eyes slightly hopeful.

"How do you think?"

Mark then took a seat and stared ahead.

"God this is such a fucking mess…"

Satori lowered her head, softly crying. Elmer sat back and studied the two.

"She's keeping the baby?"

"What?"

Satori's head snapped up before she looked at Mark in disbelief. Mark slowly nodded.

"She was talking about it."

"She will, I can feel it."

"But she's just a kid…how does she expect to take care of a baby?"

Mark shrugged.

"I don't know…maybe she'll change her mind. I think she just needs time."

"But…"

"She lost Warren Satori, she's in shock. Maybe she's right…maybe having the baby is for the best."

Satori looked over at Elmer for help but he said nothing.

"But how will she do it?"

"I told her I would help."

"You what?!"

"Keep your voice down!"

"Mark, she what? Twenty-two? Twenty-three? You're a full time doctor, you can't take care of a baby!"

"Who says?"

Satori just stared at him.

"Warren was my friend, and so isn't Marian…I won't let myself always be afraid of what's going to happen. She needs our help and I want to give it."

"Elmer please help me out here…"

Satori turned towards Elmer before he sighed.

"I think Mark is right."

"What?!"

"Something is strange, it's holding back a lot of things. I can't seem to find Warren on the other side, yet I know he crossed. I can't feel the future since it's dark and unknown…I think this is just a simple case of moving on, living, and seeing what will happen."

"But the warnings, we just can't ignore them!"

"I don't know if Warren's death was truly a result of what happened to all of us that night last year. But what I do know if life needs to move on, Mark is right…we can't always be scared."

Satori stood up shaking her head.

"Fine, if you wanna set up house with little Miss college then go ahead!"

"Satori!"

"No, our friend just died…am I the only one who knows that?"

"We all know it, but what can we do…we can't bring him back!"

"There has to be something, something to help us!"

Elmer shook his head.

"Marian will ask the same thing, in fact she'll beg it. But what made Warren is gone, his body is dead and he can't ever come back. The only human thing left of him on this earth is that baby growing inside of her in the next room."

"Jesus…"

Satori quickly got up grabbing her coat. Before Mark could call after her, she slammed the door and left. Elmer simply shook his head.

"Don't worry, she'll come around…she's just upset."

"With Warren being dead, or the fact I want to help Marian."

"A little bit of both, she's human after all."

Mark stared down at his beer bottle.

"I really don't know what to do…"

"Your doing just fine, being there for Marian…I have a feeling if there's more to come, your friendship will stay strong and help."

"And the baby?"

"I don't know, it might have something to do with it…but it's part of our friends, and that's all that counts."

Mark sighed before nodding at his old friend. He know understood that life did have to move on. No matter how many terrible things happened.

Later that night…

Mark stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and combing back his hair. It had been a long day and he wanted to get it over with. Before walking out and searching for some clothes, he heard crying.

"Marian?"

Walking down the hall, he found her sitting on the couch, with the box open in front of her. Mark stood there for a second. Listening to her soft weeping before walking over.

"Marian? I didn't know you were awake."

Marian looked up, her eyes raw from crying.

"I couldn't sleep…I kept having dreams."

"Dreams of what?"

"The accident, only in my dreams I scream out to Warren and he jumps out of the way before the car crashes. He looks stunned, but smiles at me across the street. He's alive and everything is okay…but right before I reach him I always wake up…"

Tears rolled down her face. Mark walked over and took a seat, forgetting that he only had a towel on.

"Satori and Elmer brought these things over…"

Marian nodded, picking up some of Warren's clothes and holding them.

"He had so little…"

Mark sighed as she clung onto one of Warren's shirts. Marian leaned down and dug out an old VHS tape.

"What's this?"

Mark learned over and looked.

"The tape Miles shot last Christmas."

Marian softly smiled, her slim fingertips brushing against it. There Mark felt suddenly terrible. Remembering last Christmas, almost everyone had no place to do. Marian's flight got canceled back home, and Mark's father was away with one of his many girlfriends. The rest had no family to spend the holiday with. There everyone gathered at Elmer's house and spent two whole days there. Mark remembered it was the first Christmas he truly felt happy.

"You wanna watch it?"

Marian nodded.

"Yeah, I don't want another shot…I won't be able to sleep anyways."

Mark took the tape and put it into the VCR. Seconds later the screen lit up. Mark quickly went into the next room and threw on a pair of sweatpants. When he returned to the living room, he saw it was still raining. Marian was curled up with one of Warren's shirts and watching the TV. Mark joined her on the couch.

It was all of them, trying her hardest to set up the tree. Mark, Warren, and Miles struggled to stand it up while Albert snapped orders from the couch. Right away pleasant memories filled Mark's heart as he saw Satori must have been working the camera then. There was laughing and more rude comments from Albert as he called the guys a bunch of little girls that they couldn't stand a stupid tree up. The camera showed Elmer and Marian off to the side taking out the decorations, laughing while watching.

Marian smiled as Mark looked over.

The camera then switched to the tree how standing, slightly off to the side and leaning against the wall. Marian and Satori decorated it. The rest all sat around drinking beer and laughing. Miles had a running commentary as he filmed everyone. Finally Elmer shut the lights off and the tree glowed.

It was beautiful.

Satori sat down beside Mark, and Marian sat on the edge of the couch beside Warren and Albert.

Marian's face crumbled up again, but she didn't cry.

Seeing and hearing Warren made her feel better.

An hour later, the tape finished and Mark drifted off to sleep. The beer helped as he sat there leaned up against Marian.

Marian meanwhile, held onto Warren's shirt and kept rewinding the tape. Watching them, back when things were normal. Before everything awful happened, and before Warren had died. Watching it, she laughed and softly cried.

He was really gone.