ANNOUNCEMENT: Starting June 1st there won't be any updates for at least seven weeks. I'm going abroad for summer classes so I will have pretty much no time for writing. There will be at least one more update between now and then, but then there won't be anything until late July. Sorry to have to make you wait for so long, but this will get finished, so please don't leave me ;n;

Also, I have no idea what type of celebrities gay men think are hot, so if anyone knows please tell me, cause I may need that for later in the story.

Also also, I know Dave doesn't look like Chris Evans. I just couldn't think of any other comparisons.

I do not own Homestuck. Really, I'll come back, so don't forget about me!

Dirk clicked the replay button for the fourth time. What was so great about the Harlem Shake anyway? He checked his email, then Dave's SBAHJ site, then checked his email again. Maybe he should quit staring at the backlit screen and make an outfit for Cal or something. It was four in the morning and he had been on since about eight.

He was just about to click the replay button again when his chat client flashed. Roxy was trying to get a hold of him. He had refrained from taking calls from her since the breakup last week. Jane had tried to call once, and even Callie had reached out, probably at Roxy's prompting. Jake had called once as well. Based on the message, though, it was clear he had no idea Dirk had holed himself up in his apartment.

He was currently on a software project, so working from home was no big deal. He wasn't drinking copious amounts of alcohol or eating tubs of frosting and ice cream. He just didn't want any sort of human interaction while he wallowed in his self-pity.

He sighed though as Roxy's text continued to pop up on the screen. He was afraid he would say something mean or stupid if he talked to her, but perhaps he should type a response and at least let her know he was alive.

TG: Dirk.

TG: Dirk please answer

TG: I am taking very special effort not to make and tyops.

TG: Shit.

TG: * any typos.

TG: Dirk, come on.

TG: If I have to go to your place adn find a corpse I will be very unhapy :(

TT: Hey.

TG: OMFG ur alive!1!

TT: Yeah, I guess. I feel kind of shitty though.

TG: I don't blame you.

TG: What Jake did was very mean. Dumping you right after a spuer romantic date.

TT: Did Jake tell you about it?

TG: Some of it.

TG: he was all 'it was a jolie good gesture, and I felt awsful about it, but I finally did it.'

TT: "Finally"? How long has he been thinking about this?

TT: …

TT: Rox, this is the part where you say you don't know and I shouldn't worry because he's stupid.

TT: Rox?

TT: Oh, god, you fucking knew he was going to dump me!

TG: Dirk, I'm sorry :(

TT: What the hell? Was he talking to you about it beforehand?

TT: God, did he tell you when he was going to do it?

TG: He didn't say much, I sweer!

TG: He just brought it up once or twice. That he wasn't sure.

TT: How long have you known?

TT: Roxy, how long did you know?!

TG: Remember the day we skyped callie?

TT: Oh god.

TT: That was over two months ago! Why the fuck didn't you tell me?

TG: I didn't kno he was going to 4 sure

TG: Janey said I shouldn't worry you, and I agrred.

TT: Jane knows too? Was I seriously the last fucking person to know?

TT: Did Callie know? Fuck, I bet even Jade knew.

TG: Dirk, no

TG: we weren't trying to have sercets.

TG: I'm so sorry.

TT I don't want to hear it right now

Dirk didn't even bother closing the chat window. He just unplugged the computer from the wall. It was childish, but he didn't respond well to having salt rubbed into his wounds.

timaeusTestified began trolling at 12:23am

CG: Don't you dare.

TT: What?

CG: Don't you dare pull a stunt like last time where you drop a single line and then log out before I can fucking respond.

TT: Kar, I'm sorry.

TT: I just had a lot on my mind at the time.

TT: I mean, that was pretty heavy for me. And then later I found out that my friends knew about it for two months beforehand. It kind of pissed me off.

TT: I honestly wasn't even going to bother logging on at all. But I guess I didn't want you to think I was dead or something. But I also wanted to tell you because I wanted to tell you.

CG: Do you want to talk about it like a bunch of teenage girls at a clichéd sleepover?

TT: No.

CG: I sort of know what you're going through.

TT: Do tell

CG: Hey, right now this is about you, so there's no need to be snappy with me. I'm not throwing myself a pity party, but maybe if I tell you about my fuckups you'll feel better.

TT: If you don't want to tell me you don't have to, but I have been curious.

CG: I know I told you that GC dumped me.

TT: You weren't the one who said that. AG told me, remember?

CG: If you want to know then don't interrupt!

CG: Anyway, not long after we broke up, I met this kid. For the sake of simplicity we'll call him J. I met him just a few weeks after GC dumped me.

CG: I really didn't like him at first. I mean, I thought he was sort of cute in a dorky kind of way, but he sort of ticked me off. He would always go on and on about a bunch of really shitty movies. It pissed me off, but at the same time I was sort of drawn to his passion, I guess?

CG: Eventually it just got to the point where I blurted out my feelings for him. I thought that if I was more upfront with J, it wouldn't end up like it had with GC, who complained about me being emotionally closed off. He rejected me, but said we would still be friends. Honestly I think that was probably for the best. I wasn't ready for a relationship yet.

CG: But then about a month later GC introduced me to this guy. I will refer to him as D.

CG: He was incredibly hot. And his eyes were just so awfully, horrifically amazing.

TT: I know you told me not to interrupt, but was he Johnny Depp hot or Chris Evans hot?

CG: Closer to Chris Evans, but less muscle.

CG: Moving right along with the story:

CG: For a while I didn't interact with him. I would just kind of stare at him whenever I had the chance. I still had feelings for GC, though. So when I found out she liked D I got incredibly jealous. After that I would go out of my way to verbally abuse him.

CG: Part of the problem was that he took my insults and threw them back at me with equal force. Most of our friends thought it was funny. I wasn't amused.

CG: Eventually, I started looking forward to our verbal spats. You know I'm anal by nature, and this guy really made me think of new and creative ways to be an asshole. And I thought he was really creative, and then I found out we actually shared a number of interests. It just sort of spiraled out of control to the point where I had really strong feelings for him. So eventually I just decided to be outright with him.

CG: I got rejected so fast I didn't even realize it at first.

TT: Harsh.

CG: When it finally sunk in, I hadn't even been that devastated when GC dumped me. To make matters worse, just a few days later D and GC started dating. D told her about what happened, and I guess he was friends with J so they both knew about that too. For a really long time D and GC refused to even talk to me.

CG: I think D just doesn't care anymore, and we're cool, at least. But I think GC is still upset with me. We still talk, and we try to do the whole 'friends' thing. But she looks at me weird every time we're in a room with D.

CG: I don't know if she thinks I was jealous of D for getting her, and that my confession was just a way to get back at her, or if I betrayed her trust by genuinely going after D even though I knew how she felt.

CG: It's been 3 months, and I'm still afraid to tell her, or ask her, or whatever the fuck it is I'm supposed to do.

TT: Shit. That is pretty rough.

CG: Yeah, well. It's still painful, but it's old news for me. You're dealing with a bunch of crap right now.

TT: 3 months isn't that long ago.

TT: And don't remind me.

CG: You might find this surprising, but I'm not trying to make you feel worse.

CG: I just don't know what the fuck it is you want from me.

TT: It's cool. Just being on here and swapping sob stories is actually helping.

CG: Except we haven't really swapped.

CG: You're on the other end of the conversation, keeping your lips locked up tighter than Scrooge's coffers

TT: Scrooge turned out to be a pretty charitable dude, helping Tiny Tim and all that.

CG: Perhaps you'd like to follow his example?

TT: Hah, okay.

TT: I don't want to get too detailed because that would take forever. Basically, I was being too clingy, and trying to hold my bf too close when all he really wanted was some space.

TT: I have some really great friends, but I've always been sort of a loner type, not really sure how I fit into the group, or if I even really had a place. It didn't help that I was competing for the guy as well. So when he picked me, I was ecstatic, and also scared. I thought that if I lost him, I would be alone forever. Not just romantically either. I thought that if he didn't like me that I would lose my other friends too.

CG: You're a fucking idiot.

TT: Wasn't there some kind of rule about not interrupting?

CG: No, I just asked you not to.

TT: Don't you think you could extend the same courtesy to me?

CG: How can I fucking not interrupt when you are being such a thick-skulled moron?

CG: Why would one person's feelings for you influence the whole group to turn their back on you? And even if that was true then you're too good to be hanging around with a bunch of mindless sheep.

TT: …

CG: Fuck

CG: Ignore the last sentence of that long post for the sake of character consistency.

TT: …Okay, well starting now whenever there is a feelings jam we will not interrupt.

TT: So there was the crippling fear of rejection, coupled with my already low sense of belonging. I guess I just sort of suffocated him to the point where he would go to anyone else for help. So essentially everyone else knew he was going to dump me well in advance of the actual event. The last person to know was me.

CG: Your ex is a douche.

TT: Yeah, he kind of is, actually. We were both selfish, really. I wanted all of his time, and he wanted me to stoke his ego, I guess.

TT: He's kind of full of himself sometimes.

CG: I think everyone is sometimes. But if he couldn't even respect you enough to tell you instead of going around your back and telling your mutual friends, then he isn't worth jack-shit.

TT: He's still my friend, dude. At least, he will be once I stop being furious with him and myself.

CG: If you want to put yourself through that, that's your problem.

TT: Yeah, I know. Now, can we talk about something not depressing?

CG: The economy is no longer in a recession?

TT: That may or may not have been your best worst joke ever.

CG: Shut up! I'm just trying to lighten the mood, nooksniffer.

TT: I appreciate it, Kar.

CG: Yeah, well, you are definitely NOT welcome.

CG: If I would have known how insufferable you could really be, I really would have blocked you on that first day.

TT: Sure you would have.

TT: I bet right now you're thinking about how dull your life would be if I weren't around.

CG: Yes, because arguing with you is the highlight of my life.

CG: In fact, I enjoy it so much that I'm going to log off right this instant and go tell everybody I know about how wonderful you are. How you are the sunshine to my raincloud, the puppy to my homeless girl, the peanut butter to my chocolate, and all other assortment of sappy, shitty comparisons.

TT: You kind of screwed up there.

TT: Peanut butter is the greatest thing ever.

CG: I have to go, but we can talk tomorrow. Or something.

CG: And Nutella is where it's at, you uncultured simpleton.

carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling

TT: Logging out first does not mean you won the argument.

timaeusTestified ceased trolling