a.n. As I said in one of my other stories, my update schedule should be getting back to normal, at least once a week for my scheduled stories. For those stories that I don't have an update schedule for, it might be a monthly sort of thing until I get life into a more structured little box.

Now that we're out of the major angst of this story, we're going to look for some fluff. If you follow my stories, you'll know that this is not my forte. So, this chapter is as close as it's going to get for me. Some authors can do that mushy shit, but I think that their first date would go more like this, given what they've been through in this AU.

Disclaimer: I own Castle. *looks away towards the voice behind me and says* "What's that? I don't own Castle?" Oh. Right. I don't own Castle. Damn.

xxxx

They went to a little Italian restaurant for their date. At first Kate was shocked, because she expected something big and grand from Castle, but then she realized that big and flashy wasn't really him. The restaurant was tucked in between two older buildings, and was plainly family owned. The tables had the stereotypical red and white checkered table cloths, and their waiter even had a real Italian accent. Kate loved it.

"This place is amazing, Rick," she said, looking over the menu.

"Yeah, I've loved this place ever since I was a little boy. Mama Maria, who opened this back in the 30s, was still around back then. She doted on me like I was her own. I spent quite a bit of time here while Mother was off in plays since we lived right around the corner." He picked up his own menu.

"Did you bring your friends and girlfriends here?" she asked curiously.

"No. I really didn't have any friends, and my first girlfriend didn't come until college. I was, believe it or not, a nerdy loner. It didn't really help me catch the eyes of the fairer sex."

"Well at least you're still a little bit of a nerd," she joked.

"A little bit," he said, smirking.

"Well I was trying to be nice."

He snorted, "Sure. Don't make me remind you that I know for a fact that you have a comic book collection."

"Okay, so I'm a bit of a nerd too." The waiter came back to take their order, then retreated leaving the couple to get back to their conversation. "What are you going to do about your writing?"

"Well I have two options. I can bring Rook back from the dead, or I can come up with a new character."

"With the way Rook died, that'd be hard wouldn't it?" she asked, even though she hoped that he would still be writing about Nikki Heat.

"Maybe. I guess I haven't really given it much thought. It's been a week and half since I got the all clear, and I guess it's still sinking in that I actually have a future. I'm leaning towards a new character though. I have a good idea for a new series, but it'd take some research."

Kate fell ice grow in her stomach. If he was looking at writing about something other than her would he still want her in his life? Would he come back to the precinct? And what sort of research? Did he already have a new muse? Her insecurities nearly drowned her as she sat there looking across at the man she had come to love more than life itself.

"Research?" she whispered.

"Yeah. I know a lot of the crime stuff already, thanks to shadowing you, but this idea is set outside of official law enforcement and deals with a pair of P.I.s set 500 years from now in Chicago. So I need to find out more about the PI life, and do some research on science to make what I have planned at least a little believable." He had apparently not noticed the color drain out of her face when he mentioned this new idea.

She had to know what this meant for them. "What about your research with me?"

He smiled, "I'm coming back to the precinct if I can, Kate. I've talked to Gates and she doesn't have a problem with it as long as, and I quote 'you don't fuck with my precinct, and you obey my rules, Mr. Castle'. I didn't even have to call the mayor. I just went in and told her that I enjoyed helping the department, and that I was willing to volunteer my time. It took some convincing, but I'll be back next month. I have to work on getting my strength back before I can follow you into the field."

Kate let out the breath she had been holding. She should have known that he wasn't going to leave her.

He started again, "I'll probably do some prequel works for Nikki. And I might do one where it's just her, dealing with Rook's demise and finishing her mother's case. I have a meeting in a couple weeks with Gina and Paula to sort out what's next."

"I'm glad you've got a plan. I love your writing, and I'd hate to see what happened take that away from you."

"Thanks," he said, reaching across the table and grasping her hand. "So what about you? How's work? I haven't really heard much from the boys in the last six months."

Kate blushed and pulled her hand away, not really wanting to tell him about how she had acted in his absence. "I…uh…didn't handle the situation with you very well. I got suspended twice, and kinda distanced myself from the boys and Lanie."

"Oh, Kate, I'm sorry. I-"

"Not your fault," Kate said, reaching over and squeezing his hand. "It was mine, but that was probably why you haven't heard much from the boys over the last six months."

"Everything okay now?"

"Yeah. It'll take some time to get back to normal, especially once you come back."

"I miss it a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, but helping you makes me feel useful for the first time in my life, if you know what I mean."

"Rick, don't ever think that your writing doesn't matter. It…it saved my life once upon a time."

He raised an eyebrow at her in question. "It did?"

Looking down at their intertwined hands, she said, "Yeah. When my mom died, I was lost. My dad had abandoned me, and I was trying to figure out what to do with school, and I missed her so much. I admit that I contemplated ending it all a couple times right after her murder," at this Castle looked shocked, so she hurriedly continued, "what saved me, Rick, was your writing. I found one of your novels amongst her things, and read it cover to cover in one day. Reread it again the next day, then found the rest of your books. I've read everything you've ever written. So don't sell your writing short, it's very important."

She finally looked up and saw the tears forming in his eyes. "I…thank you, Kate. That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Wow," he said, his voice breaking. He cleared his voice and tried to change the subject to something less emotionally compromising, "So when you were at work, any fascinating cases? Any weird ones?"

She laughed, grateful to move on to something more comfortable. "A couple months back we had one where the killer ended up being a guy pretending to be James Bond."

"Really, tell me about it," he said, the sparkle in his eyes undeniable.

So she did. They spent the next two hours talking and eating, renewing the comfortable banter that had become a trademark of their relationship. They were just finishing desert when Castle asked her, "Kate, I've had a wonderful time tonight, and I hope we can do it again. I…uh…have a question to ask."

"It's okay, Rick, you won't scare me away. What did you need to ask?" While the words were true, she couldn't deny that she was suddenly very nervous about the direction of their conversation.

"Where do you see us in five years? I know the first date isn't the greatest time for the 'where are we going' conversation, but I don't want to ruin this. This is it for me. We've both been through so much, and we both deserve to know what this is. I'll…I'll understand if you don't have an answer, and I won't pressure you or walk away, but I'd like to know."

"Rick, I…I don't, I don't have an answer for you, not really."

He looked disappointed, even if he tried to hide it. "That's okay, Kate. I didn't figure you'd be able to answer, but I had to ask."

"Does it matter?" Kate blurted out, knowing immediately it was the wrong thing to say. "I mean, can't we just take it a day at a time?"

"Of course, we can, Kate," he smiled, but she saw that it didn't reach his eyes. "It's just that I'd hoped…no, it doesn't matter. Listen, we're only a few blocks from your place, let's walk off some of this food. God knows I could use the exercise after the last few months of not doing any."

They got up and walked out of the restaurant after Rick had paid the check. Kate wanted to take his hand, but now that she'd screwed something up she wasn't sure she should. Why couldn't I just answer him? Dammit, Kate, will you ever stop hurting him?

As they started walking, Kate stopped suddenly and asked, "What were you hoping for Rick?"

"Huh?" he asked, stopping beside her.

"When you asked me the question a few minutes, ago, you then said you were just hoping for something, but you didn't finish. Please tell me."

He frowned and shook his head, "It doesn't matter, Kate. You were right, we'll just take it a day at a time. I don't want to push you. I shouldn't even have asked the question."

"Please?" she begged. She knew she had to fix this, for him. For them.

He took her hand and started to walk again. "I've been married twice before, but I've only been in love twice. Once with Kyra, once with you. I don't regret my time with Meredith as she gave me Alexis, but I knew it wasn't love when I found her cheating on me in our bed and I didn't care. All I cared about at that point was raising our daughter, and that is what prompted me to end the marriage. If she could do that, while ignoring our daughter who was crying upstairs, then I didn't want her to be a part of Alexis' life.

"I do regret my marriage to Gina. It was more a marriage of convenience than anything else, a business transaction. Once we were married, we fought constantly. It ended after only a year, when we decided that our professional relationship was more important than our personal one." He sighed, and then looked over at her. "I asked you that question tonight of all nights, not to put pressure on you, but to find out if this is real for you, as it is real for me. I…needed to know what this is for you. I mean am I like Demming and Josh, just another man to be with until you get sick of me? One foot out the door? Or is it more?

"I've already been in two failed marriages. I won't be a part of a third."

Kate was shocked. He had just poured his soul out to her, and now she understood why he had asked her the question. And she hadn't given him the answer. The obvious answer. She knew he was her one and done. She knew it. But she was still scared. Deciding to fix this instead of letting it fester, or worse running away, as she might have done six months ago, she pulled them to a stop again and said, "I love you, Richard Castle, and I mean it. You are it for me. One and done, remember? Sure I don't know where we'll be in five years, but I know where I want us to be. I imagine marriage. A stable one where we're both really happy. Sure we fight and argue, and I threaten to shoot you at least once a day, but we're happy. Maybe we have a couple kids too. But I've never looked into the future with any relationship I've ever had, even before my mother was killed. You're the first for me in that respect, and it scares me a little. But I'm working on it. For you. You are it for me. I love you."

He gave her a huge smiled then placed his free hand on her cheek and kissed her senseless. When they finally pulled apart, they both said, "Wow."

"I love you too, Kate. I'm…uh…sorry for making the end of our date so emotional."

"No. You're right. We should talk about these things. I'm not the most open person in the world. Shut up," she added when he snorted, "but I want to try. I know it's going to take work, but you're worth it. We're worth it."

He smiled at her again, gave her another brief kiss, then started walking again, making their way towards a brighter future together.

xxxx

a.n.2. So I know that that seems like a good ending for the story, but there is one more real chapter and an epilogue to go. Please leave a review and let me know what you think!