Surprise! Two chapters in one week! You guys deserve it for being so honest and supportive of this story. I'd be a monster if I made you wait a whole week for this.
If you've made it this far, thank you.
-.-
Chapter 10
So hi.
I don't really know how this works. Obviously I've never done this before. I've tried to look up how to write this note, but all I got was a bunch of generic responses about why I shouldn't do this. "Things will get better, your life is worth it, you have so much to live for!" Well I call bullshit. I've been waiting for things to get better since the moment I saw my father hit my mother. Things only got worse. My life isn't worth anything and I haven't made an impact on anyone. Who's going to care if I'm gone? Everything is shit and I'm so fucking tired of waiting for "it" to get better when that'll never fucking happen. I don't even know what's wrong with me.
Honestly, I think it's time for me to leave. See, I've always looked at my pain, at my entire life like a notebook. Once you fill up a page with ink, you have to tear it out to get to a new one. This should explain why you'll find so many scars on my upper body. I wanted to tear out the pages the only way I knew how, but notebooks don't come with unlimited paper. If you keep tearing and tearing, you'll eventually be left with the front cover, the back cover, and the metal spiraling that keeps it together. Even that's coming apart right now so why hold on to something that's genuinely useless?
I'm not going to sit here and explain my pain because I doubt you'll understand it. Nobody ever understood it. Everyone thought I was either a dramatic crybaby or an attention seeking bitch. I am neither of those things. I'm tired of people assuming things about me and treating me like shit and getting punched in the head by my dad and arguing about sex with someone who might not even really love me. I'm tired of feeling stupid and weak and ugly. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of being manipulated. I'm tired of craving a razor blade and relying on it to fix my problems.
I'm so fucking tired of everything.
Mom, I know I should have told you how I felt about dad hitting us, and tried harder to get you to stop letting him come back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so weak. But it's like you said, the world's only going to get worse. I can't handle anything worse than this.
Dad…even though you've singlehandedly ruined this family, I still feel the need to apologize. I'm sorry for not listening to you and for arguing with you. I'm sorry for whatever it is about me that caused you to raise your hand to me. I'll never know what that is now, but at least I won't be able to make you angry ever again.
I'm sorry, Yuffie. I know you were looking forward to us being friends again and I know you're probably still getting over Riku's death, but I can't do this anymore. I don't want to eventually hurt you too. You are so amazing. You deserve a better friend than me, one who won't include you in drama or cry every five minutes. Thank you for not being like everyone else. Thank you for being kind to me for the brief time that we reconnected.
Roxas
I still love you. That's the problem. I hate myself for loving someone like you. If you were to come over right now and tell me to put this pen down and stop being stupid, I'd listen. I'd throw away every pen that I own just to make you happy and I don't know how to make that feeling stop. I refuse to turn into my mom.
But it's also my fault. I could have loved you the right way. I could have stood up for myself before it got this bad and taught you how to love me but I don't even love myself. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to be what you needed me to be. I'm sorry I was too afraid to say this to your face.
I'm okay. Please don't cry because I'm gone. I don't think I was ever supposed to exist anyway. I love you all so much. I'm really sorry I couldn't be a better person for all of you. Goodbye.
Naminé
Roxas had read the note at least a dozen times, and yet he still couldn't wrap his head around it. Since when had Naminé been in pain? She had never talked to him about that. They only argued and made up a lot, which he wouldn't have considered to be pain. The last words he'd said to her were pretty harsh, but this letter had eluded to a deep-rooted pain that had never been going on for a while. But…how? Naminé was mostly all smiles around him.
There was this one time where she had asked him about depression, but he didn't give it that much attention because Naminé didn't have depression. She was never diagnosed with anything. Besides, people who were depressed cried all the time about nothing and walked around wearing dark clothes while listening to heavy metal—so the very opposite of the kind of person Naminé had been. It just didn't make any sense.
He folded the letter and placed it on his dresser. It had been two weeks since she'd passed and it felt like his heart was beating for nothing. He almost wanted to die too, but he was too…afraid. It sickened him to even think like that after such a tragedy, but it was the truth. Roxas was afraid to die. He didn't want to die yet. He wanted to go to HBSU and start his sports career. He wanted to die peacefully in his rocking chair when he was like a hundred years old. Not now. Not today.
His chest physically hurt every time he thought about her, which was too often. Whenever he wasn't sleeping (which he didn't do much anymore) he was up at odd hours of the night trying to figure out if he had missed any key points in Naminé's life that would have foreshadowed something like this, but came up with nothing.
Fuck, he had even remembered the word foreshadowed from when she'd taught it to him all those years ago.
As painful as it was for him to admit it…this wasn't anyone's fault but his. It had nothing to do with Riku, nothing to do with Seifer, nothing to do with Yuffie, nothing to do with Axel or Olette, her mom, dad, no one else. He'd hurt her after he promised he never would.
Inhaling shakily, he rolled out of bed and got to his feet. He was supposed to be at school, but he just didn't feel like going. He didn't feel like doing much of anything anymore. In all honesty, he was just waiting for this awful feeling to pass like everyone promised it would.
He pressed his lips together in a desperate attempt to keep the tears from his eyes he opened the top drawer of his dresser and pulled out a key. It was the spare key to Naminé's house. Her mother would still be at work at this time of day, so he had some time to be in the house without being disturbed. With the key held firm in his grip, he let his feet carry him out of his room, down the stairs, and across the lawn.
The key slipped into the lock the same as it always had, and the front door creaked open. Upon stepping inside, he noticed that the house was several degrees cooler than it was outside. An eerie chill rolled down his spine as he exhaled deeply, taking his time as he made his way to her room.
Everything looked…normal. The room was clean, her books, binders, and papers were all in their designated places, and her drawing easel and stool were sitting upright in the corner of the room. His knees weakened at the sight of her bed, and he remembered all the naps he used to take after school while she sat elsewhere reading one of her books or drawing something.
Smiling sadly, he staggered over it and pulled the sheets back, then climbed in and pulled them up to cover the bottom half of his face. A familiar, pleasant scent reached his nose, and he realized it was coming from the sheets. Sighing, he grabbed a fist full of it and held the fabric against his nose. "It still smells like you…"
Roxas shut his eyes and let his mind wander back to that unforgettable moment where Naminé had agreed to be his girlfriend, then to the moment where Naminé had given herself to him just before Yuffie got involved in their relationship. Back then, everything was perfect. They didn't have to do all the unnecessary talking. Her body screamed loud enough for the two of them as he explored it. He missed the way her skin felt beneath his fingertips. He missed the way she'd called his name like he was the only lover she'd ever had or wanted.
He'd let something so perfect slip right through his fingers. He was such an idiot.
Roxas took another deep breathe, inhaling more of her scent as he reached beneath the sheets to get to the button on the front of his pants.
-.-
"Can I talk to you about something?"
Riku peered up at the blond from beneath his bangs, tired eyes a little glazed. The two of them had been sitting hunched over while silently reading the assigned textbook pages for the last half hour. Or at least Riku had been. Roxas was looking at the words and following the lines, but he hadn't absorbed anything that the story was supposed to be about. A certain blonde had been on his mind for the past few weeks and his concentration had turned to shit.
He was also thinking about the boy in front of him, who had been monopolizing all of the blonde's time and acting strange around her. Roxas was slightly suspicious, but he didn't want to outright accuse him of anything. If he were going to accuse him, though, he'd say that Riku was pursuing Naminé like a snake and was a disappointment to his entire family. But he wasn't accusing him.
Yet.
"Sure," he groaned as he stretched his arms high above his head. A loud crack emanated from somewhere behind him, and he relaxed. "What's up?"
Roxas bit his lip, drumming his fingers against his textbook. "I just…I've been thinking a lot about Naminé lately."
Riku raised an eyebrow, amusement sparking to life in his teal colored eyes. The corner of his mouth even lifted into a half smirk. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," he chuckled awkwardly, reaching behind him to rub the back of his neck. What was Riku doing? What was with that look in his eye? That stupid look made Roxas want to hit him in the head with a blunt object. "You remember when I told you…how I felt about her, right?"
Riku's smirk widened. Roxas didn't like it. "Yeah, I remember. You remember when I told you that you should ask her out, and you told me you weren't gonna do that?"
"Because I can't," Roxas frowned. "I mean it's not like I'm scared or anything, but…I don't think I'm ready."
"Well Naminé's not going to wait for you. And neither am I."
"I know that, but I have enough ti—" The blond blinked, then narrowed his eyes at his friend. "So you are pursuing Naminé, like I thought?"
The silver haired teen shrugged. "Yeah. Guess I am. I tried asking her out, but she thinks we're going as friends. I didn't correct her."
In that moment, nothing felt real anymore. Everything he knew, or thought he knew, about Riku was a big fat lie. He felt like a child being told that Santa Claus wasn't real after believing in him for so many years. His trust was shattered and the betrayal weight down on him like…like…
He couldn't even come up with a proper analogy to describe how hurt he felt.
He hadn't even realized that his jaw had gone slack until he had to lift it to speak. "You—" God, he could barely breathe. It felt like he'd been hit in the gut with a basketball. "You…can't do this to me. You can't go out with her. You heard me say I want to be with her, and yet you're gonna try to get with her anyway? What kind of friend does that?!"
"Were you not listening to me, Rox? You still have an opening. Naminé has no clue what my real intentions are. She knows we're going out as friends. I purposely didn't use the word date with her because I knew you liked her—"
"If you knew I liked her them why ask in the first place?! That makes no sense!" he yelled. "God, I should have known. You've been flirting with her right in front of my face and I noticed that shit, but I wanted to believe that you wouldn't do that to me. Why would you dothat?!"
Again, Riku shrugged as if this were a casual conversation. "It was all a part of my plan to get you two together. At first. When you introduced me to Naminé, I was interested from the start. But when we started hanging out together, I noticed the way you looked at her, the way you talk about her, the way you light up like a damned Christmas tree when she calls you Roxy. The you told me you liked her, so I figured that being a little flirty with her from time to time would make you jealous enough to ask her out. Yeah, I like her, but I'm not going to ask her on an official date until I know where we all stand."
Roxas' blood was boiling. Yes, he was mad at Riku, but he was also mad at himself. How did he not see that Riku was interested in Naminé? How could he have introduced his friend to the girl he liked? He'd set himself up for failure. "And where do you think we stand now?"
The amusement on Riku's face was no longer there. Instead, he looked slightly annoyed. "You know how I feel, I know how you feel—you tell me."
"…Fine," the blond spat. "You're not going out with Naminé. Ever. If the three of us aren't together, I don't want you around her."
"That's fair. I'll respect how you feel and stay away from her if you're going to ask her out soon."
"Oh, there's no if. I don't have to ask her out at all. You just stay away from her until I'm ready to ask her out, got it? She's mine."
"No. That's not how things work in the real world, Roxas. You can't call dibs on a human being, or whatever it is that you're trying to do. You're lucky I'm the one that's interested in her because I'm actually holding back. Dude, I care about you. Do you really think it's fair to forbid me from seeing someone I have feelings for because you like them, but don't want to ask them out? What happens when she gets to high school and other people start looking at her? What happens when Seifer sees her? You know she's his type."
"You heard what I said. Back. Off."
The two boys stared at each other for a long while, neither one backing down. This was exactly the type of thing Roxas was worried about. There would always be people like Riku, who would befriend him just to get to Naminé. They probably never would have been friends if Naminé didn't exist. That sick, disgusting freak was not his best friend. They had never been best friends.
Roxas exhaled through his nose, trying his best to contain his anger. "I'm warning you, Riku: leave Naminé alone."
"I can't do that. Not when I feel this strongly about her. If you're not going to ask her—"
"Riku, I can't!"
"Well I can! And whether she wants to be with me or not, you're going to have to deal with that! Neither of us even knows if she'll actually go out with me. She might say yes and she might turn me down."
Roxas wanted to pull out all of his hair, he was so frustrated. "But there's still a possibility that she will say yes!" Roxas huffed. This was the last attempt he would make to get through to him and to save their friendship. Maybe Riku was just confused and didn't understand. If he didn't listen to reason this time, then… "Knowing that Naminé could say yes to you scares me more than anything. I...I love her, Riku. I don't know what I'll do if someone takes her away from me."
After a prolonged silence, Riku sighed. He actually looked a little sympathetic. Could he have changed his mind?
"That's no longer my problem. I'm telling you now, if you don't ask her to be your girlfriend, I'm going to ask her to be mine."
Roxas glared. He no longer recognized the boy in front of him. This guy…this is traitor was actually sitting on his bed, in his home, giving an ultimatum about the love of his life? He could fuck right off. "Go home. And don't ever come back. This friendship is done."
The silver haired boy frowned, but stayed silent as he stood and began packing up all of his materials. Roxas watched him carefully, fully expecting him to lash out and do something wild like…push him down and run over to Naminé's house to declare his undying love for her. He wouldn't let that happen. He would notlet Riku and Naminé happen.
He pulled the strap of his bag over his shoulder and fixed Roxas with a hard stare. "I don't want to hurt you, Rox. You're one of my best friends. I'm giving you until summer. That's three months from now. If you two aren't together by then, I'm making my move."
"You were never my fucking friend! You're a backstabbing, two-faced shithead and that's all you'll ever be! Naminé would never want to be with someone like you!" Roxas growled.
Riku held his eye for a couple more seconds, then turned to leave. "I'm sorry you feel that way." Roxas knew that the sound of his door slamming shut was the start of his countdown. He had three months to grow a pair and ask Naminé out, and Riku was deadly serious about that.
Could he do that? Really, truly ask Naminé to be with him?
He had until summer to find out.
-.-
"What kind of sick fuck…" Roxas mumbled, head cradled in his hands as he rocked himself in the corner of his room, "…does that in a dead person's bed? What's wrong with me—what's wrong with me?!"
The tears he'd been trying to hold back were now flowing freely down his face. He was completely and utterly disgusted with himself for ruining yet another one of his memories of Naminé. Maybe this is why she had wanted to get away from him so badly. It was probably things like that that made people think he was crazy. But he wasn't crazy. He just needed to get it together.
He was only acting out like this because he didn't know what to do with himself. His best friend, girlfriend, love of his life, soulmate had killed herself recently. What was he was going through was…what was it called…survivor's guilt? That supposedly made you do crazy things until you got over it but good God, he never wanted to do that again. He couldn't look her mother in the eye knowing what he had done. He couldn't look anyone in the eye anymore. They would see it in his eyes and think he was some sort of pervert. He'd lose all of his friends, his scholarship, and his life would be over.
All he had ever done was love Naminé. He didn't deserve to go through this. If it wasn't for Yuffie and Riku and Seifer, Olette, Axel, her mom and dad and literally everyone else, none of this would have happened. Life just wouldn't let them be happy together—God didn't want them to be happy together. After all those times he'd sat through a boring ass church service and gotten on his knees to pray for her, this was the result he'd gotten?
Fuck that. Fuck everything and fuck everyone. He wasn't the crazy one. None of this was his fault. Everybody else was the problem. All of the outsiders kept coming into his life and creating problems and making her think that it was all Roxas' fault. The only thing he was guilty of was not being there when she needed him. He had a car and some money saved up. They could have run away together, far, far away from that stupid town where none of those assholes could ever bother her again. Her stupid ass "friend" wouldn't have been able to brainwash her anymore and he wouldn't have to hear those annoying comments from his fake friends.
Why…why didn't he think of all that before?
"Stupid, stupid, stupid!" he hissed as he repeatedly hit the back of his head on the wall behind him and squeezed his eyes shut. He hadn't been thinking. He should have run after her the moment she left and fixed everything. She didn't need space, she needed him. He could have stopped her. Naminé had said so in the note.
There was a light knocking on his door, but he didn't bother to see who it was or what they wanted. The door opened, and several pairs of footsteps began to echo around the room. "Roxas?"
"Go away," he muttered, sniffling. "I don't want to see anybody right now."
Seconds later, he felt a hand touch the top of his knee. It took him a moment to open his eyes, and he saw Yuna kneeling before him with a worried look on her face. Behind her stood Axel, Sora, Hayner, and Pence. All of them had expressions similar to Yuna's. He avoided looking in anyone's eye. He didn't want them to know what he'd done.
"We need to talk," she said. By the tone in her voice, he wasn't going to get them to go away any time soon.
"About what?" he frowned.
The brunette sat back on her heels, hands placed delicately in her lap. He had never seen her so submissive before, not even when they were dating. "We're worried about you. We all know how torn up you must be about Naminé's death."
"Seriously. We don't even recognize you anymore," Sora commented softly.
Yuna glared at him pointedly and he quieted down, but the second she turned back to Roxas, her face turned back into a mask of sympathy. His eyes hardened as he looked at all of them. This whole thing felt planned and rehearsed. Did they really have the audacity to do a group intervention while he felt like absolute shit? Two weeks after her death?
She pushed her hair over her shoulder in a very Naminé-like fashion. How dare she? "We wanted to talk to you about your relationship with Naminé."
He smirked bitterly, shaking his head slowly. "What relationship? She's de—" Roxas choked. He couldn't say that word right now. That would be the straw that broke the camel's back. "Whatever your point is, it can wait until I don't feel so bad. Please get out."
That's when Axel, who appeared to have been storing venom in his cheeks the entire time, stormed up to him and gently pushed Yuna out of the way. "Look," he hissed, kneeling in the spot where the brunette once was. "We all came here during lunch to talk to you because we want you to feel better. What we're about to say may or may not help you get over it faster, but we've agreed that this is something you need to hear. So cut the attitude and listen, all right?"
Roxas frowned at the carpet. "You have some real balls coming into my house telling me what to do and what to listen to. Do you honestly think two weeks was enough time for me to mourn a loss like this? You didn't barge into my house and confront me like this when my mom d…" He huffed. He couldn't say that word either.
"That's because the situation is different," Axel spoke, voice a little softer now. "Your mom was a sweet woman who was taken from you too soon because of a terrible disease. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that. The only thing we could have done was let you get through it and offer you our support. With Naminé…she was—"
"A hot mess who didn't deserve you," Hayner stated bluntly.
Roxas sat up as straight as he could and just looked at them. He wondered why he even bothered with these people. All they did was put him down and make him feel bad for every mistake he made. Oh, and their favorite pastime was attacking Naminé. "You guys have no idea what you're talking about."
"Oh, we don't?" Hayner growled. "You complained about her every other day of the week, man! And on the odd days, you'd praise her like she was the best thing that ever happened to you! You're…you're mood swingy when it comes to her. You call her dramatic and annoying, then you turn around and make excuses for her childish behavior and it pisses everyone off! We're tired of hearing about her! Either you hate her or you love her! Pick one and shut the fuck up, man!"
Roxas felt his lips flatten into a thin line. "If it's annoying you all so much then why didn't you say something about it before now?"
"Because we didn't want to hurt you, Rox. You loved her so much and we could all see that, but even Sora thinks…"
The silence that followed was heavy and uncomfortable. Roxas raised an eyebrow at the brunet. "Go ahead. I'd love to hear your wrong opinion."
Sora huffed, frowning as he folded his arms over his chest. He was his cousin for crying out loud. How could he say anything bad about Naminé at a time like this? How could he say anything bad about anyone? Sora was such a happy-go-lucky freak of nature that was always smiling and always looking for the good in people. What could he possibly have to say about such a perfect angel?
"We think you…might have been in an emotionally abusive relationship," Sora mumbled.
At first, there was silence. Roxas was so stunned that he didn't even know how to respond. Moments passed, and a bark of laughter echoed around the room. If only Sora could understand how ridiculous that statement was. He hadn't been in an "emotionally abusive relationship." No one was being abused. Sure, they'd been a little mean to each other here and there, but that couldn't compare to actual abuse like what she had to endure from her father. They never knew about that. They didn't know the first thing about her.
No, the only problem their relationship had was all of the outside people thinking it was okay to give opinions where they weren't needed and connecting dot number one to dot number twenty-four because it fit their disgusting agendas. For all he cared, everyone who had an opinion could go fuck themselves.
"Wow, you're stupid," Roxas laughed, staring at them in amazement. It sounded crazed, even to his own ears. Of course it did because they were making him crazy. He was already close to losing it before they came to bother him. Honestly, who in their right mind would force an intervention on someone who had just lost their future wife? "You all are actually so stupid. Naminé was not abusing me in any way. She was sweet and kind and just needed a little help."
"Roxas, no. You're romanticizing who she used to be because she's not here anymore. Your survivor's guilt is making you believe that you could have done more to save her when that's not the truth. It's not your fault, and Naminé wasn't the saint you believed her to be. She was manipulative, she insulted you, she monopolized all of your time, she—"
"How fucking dare you?!" Roxas roared as he quickly rose to his feet. "You didn't know her. None of you knew her, so how the hell are you going to tell me what my girlfriend was like when none of you have even talked to her for more than five minutes?! I was with her for my entire life and she was never like that! Where are you getting this shit from?!"
"You, dude," Axel spoke up. Unlike all the others, he didn't appear to be spooked by his outburst. His voice was calm, yet firm. Roxas had no choice but to listen. "Everything Sora just said about her came out of your mouth first. We're only repeating what you say about her daily. Hayner's right: you're mood swingy. One minute you want to kiss the ground she walks on, the next minute you're talking about her like she killed you're dog. That's what people who are being manipulated do: they have mood swings and constantly change their opinion about their abuser."
"They also get incredible defensive when people say anything bad about their abusers," Yuna added matter-of-factly.
Roxas felt his left eye twitch. This was ridiculous. He didn't have to stand there and listen to that. "You guys are all sick in the head if you think I'm going to let you brainwash me into believing that my Sunshine was abusive. I don't care about any of the shit you read on fucking WebMD at two in the morning while trying to put this shitty conspiracy theory together. Get out of my house."
"We're only trying to help—"
"Get out!" he snarled, pointing at the door.
Wide-eyed and probably terrified, the teens slowly began shuffling out of the room in an almost single file line. Just before the spot shut, Pence lagged behind. Pence was the quiet one in the group—the techie nerd that everyone went to for help with homework and questions about whatever technological device they owned.
"I just wanted to say that…I don't think you were being manipulated." He said this with a weird look in his eye. Roxas had no idea what it meant, but he was grateful to have someone on his side. At least one of his friends was smart.
"Thank you," he smiled."
"Yeah," Pence smiled back. It looked a little strained, like he was uncomfortable. "I really hope you get the help you need, Roxas. You'll always have a friend in me, but…please seek help."
Seek help? No, he didn't feel like talking to some quack about his emotions for $100 an hour. "I'm fine. I don't need a therapist getting into my head and twisting my thoughts around."
"…Of course. I'll see you later."
Pence left. Roxas sighed and sank against the wall again, threading his fingers through his hair and pulling as hard as he could bear. Everything was such a mess. His friends were against him, Naminé probably hated him in the afterlife, Riku was probably right there beside her, lying to her, and his mother was most likely ashamed of him.
He allowed himself to sit there and stew in his misery. Partly because he knew that he deserved to suffer for letting his precious Sunshine down, partly because he didn't know what else to do with himself. But he soon realized that he could only take so much silence. He'd almost wished that he hadn't ran them off like that. They were bad company to have, but at least they were company. They just kept saying all of the wrong things. If Riku were there he would have—
His head shot up as he gasped. It had finally hit him after all this time.
He missed his best friend.
Shaking his head violently, he scrambled to his feet, pulled on the nearest pair of shoes, and ran out of the room. He couldn't be there anymore. His stupid ex-friends had ruined that room with their bad vibes and now he was thinking things about people that he didn't want to think. Not Riku. Definitely not him. He had been nothing but a traitor and he hated him for it. He hated him for taking Naminé away from him, for making their lives so difficult when it didn't have to be. He hated him for stealing her flower when it so obviously belonged to him. Roxas didn't miss that son of a bitch.
It didn't matter that Riku gave really good advice. It didn't matter that they had good times together. It didn't matter that he had been good to Naminé when Roxas couldn't pull it together. It didn't matter, it didn't matter, it didn't matter.
Roxas' feet carried him down the stairs and out of the front door. A nice, calming walk around town would get all of those disgusting thoughts out of his head. He didn't know or care where he was going or where he would end up, but he knew he needed to get out.
He walked for what felt like hours, but what was probably only twenty minutes in reality. The world around him was dull and gray…except for that tiny flash of bright yellow in his peripheral vision. As he lifted his head to get a better view, he could see a skinny blond girl right in front of the ice cream vendor he went to when he was trying to avoid Olette. The old man took her change and handed her an ice cream packet. Before he could stop himself, Roxas was walking over to investigate.
"Roxas!" The man offered him a smile so bright that he knew it was forced. "I haven't seen you in weeks."
"Uh…yeah. Been dealing with some stuff," frowned. The urge to turn and run was great, but he couldn't leave without talking to that girl. At least once.
The man gave him a knowing look. "I understand. Hey, how 'bout a free ice cream for my favorite customer?"
Roxas smiled weakly as he accepted the treat from the vendor. "Thanks, Phil. I appreciate it." He looked at the girl beside him and almost heaved a sigh of relief. She hadn't left. If he hadn't known any better, he would have thought she was waiting to be acknowledged. He offered a nod, hoping he didn't look too desperate. "Hey."
"H-Hi," she spoke, turning to face him. Looking at her nearly winded him. This girl looked exactly. Like. Naminé. "You're Roxas? Like, the Roxas Strife, the Struggle player?"
He blinked rapidly in pleasant surprise. "Yeah…you've heard of me?"
"Who hasn't heard of you? You're one of the best players anyone has ever seen. I love watching you play," the girl smiled. It was absolutely radiant, just like Naminé's.
"I—wow, thank you," he chuckled. This was insane. How was it that this girl who looked just like his Sunshine would appear when he was at his absolute lowest? This same girl loved to watch him Struggle, and apparently loved seasalt ice cream as well. To top it all off, she was wearing the same HBSU pullover that the university sent all of their incoming freshmen last month. It was like the universe was handing her to him.
Maybe Naminé—wherever she was—was giving him another shot. Maybe this was his chance to make up for all the wrong he'd done, all the things he could never fix with Naminé. It was a do-over. She loved him enough to give him a fucking do-over. What an angel.
The smiling girl differed a bit before she eventually extended her hand to him. "I'm Stella."
Roxas reached out and took her hand in his. This was a sign, and it had smacked him dead in the face. He swore to himself, to Naminé, and to his mother that he would get it right this time. He would love her enough. He would bend over backwards to please her and give her the world because that was what Naminé wanted.
He would do anything to make it up to Naminé.
"Hi, Stella."
-.-
Naminé sighed in exhaustion as her baby cousin began to scream his head off in the middle of her reading. Roxas, who had been taking a nap on her bed, groaned as he grabbed the pillow from beneath his face and forced it over his head. She chuckled at his slightly bratty behavior as she sat her book upside down to hold her place and got up to check on him. He was usually a quiet baby, but he was unbelievably fussy this time around.
"Make it shut up!" Roxas growled.
The blonde leaned over and pulled the chubby baby out of the crib. "Stop it, Roxas. He's got a cold and he misses his mama," she spoke softly as she gently bounced him.
It was the summer before her seventh grade year (Roxas' eighth) and Naminé had gotten stuck with babysitting. Her parents, aunt, and uncle had decided to go on a cruise for their summer vacation. She was supposed to go with them, along with Roxas and his parents, but Roxas had been grounded for spray painting a nasty slur on the principal's car with his friends. That meant no awesome cruise vacation for him. Naminé knew that going without him wouldn't have been as much fun, so she offered to babysit her cousin instead of making them cancel the trip because he was sick.
She hoped Roxas would remember this the following year and not do anything stupid that would cause his parents to ground him again.
"Hey, hey, it's okay. You know, you're going to have to get used to me eventually," she cooed at the screaming babe. "They'll be back soon. Until then, I promise we'll have a fun time—after your nap. Is that okay?"
Her words did nothing to soothe him. Roxas whined pathetically behind her, and she almost lost it. Her cousin, she could deal with. Roxas, on the other hand, was an entirely different case. He wasn't a man yet, but he definitely wasn't a child. It was like he constantly switched back and forth between protective older brother and bratty toddler. Unfortunately, she wasn't getting paid to watch him.
She sighed as she began walking in slow circles. There was one song that he seemed to love more than anything. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."
Her cousin screamed louder, but she expected it. It would definitely take him a while to get used to her voice again. They hadn't seen each other in a couple of months.
"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamt I held you in my arms. When I awoke dear, I was mistaken. So I hung my head and I cried."
This song was actually pretty sad. She frowned as she noticed, but didn't stop singing. How many times had she and Roxas sang the first verse as kids and thought it was cute and fun? She wasn't trying to be a downer, but it seemed that most things started out cute and fun before they started to go downhill.
That would explain what her father did to her mother last week. But that was different. He swore it would never happen again. It was an accident.
The loud cries died down to soft sniffles, and she smiled. He even looked like he was about to fall asleep. Good, the song still worked on him. It didn't matter what the real meaning of the song was. As long as it worked its magic on cranky babies, she would continue to sing it to him.
Her cousin finally drifted off to sleep. Just to make sure he wouldn't wake up again, she hummed the rest of the song until she reached the very end, then gently put him back in his crib. Now she could return to her book.
"That song's really depressing," Roxas mumbled.
Naminé looked up at his half asleep form—hair a complete mess, dried drool stuck on the corner of his mouth, half-lidded eyes—and laughed. "Yeah, I guess it is. But it gets him to sleep every time."
He shut his eyes, exhaling through his nose. "Come here."
It was her turn to whine now. "Roxas, I'm reading. What is it?"
"Just come here," he frowned, patting the small portion of open bed beside him. Rolling her eyes, she sat her book down again and went to sit beside him. His eyes were still closed, which annoyed her greatly. If he had something to say, the least he could do was open his eyes and look at her. "You have to lay down with me to hear what I have to say," he spoke as if he'd read her mind.
So Naminé did. He didn't say anything for a long while, making her think he had fallen asleep again. It wouldn't have been the first time he'd done that.
"I um…" He opened his eyes, looking nervous as hell. "That song might be really depressing, but I think the first part is kind of sweet. It's like…you're my sunshine, you know?"
Naminé snorted. "Yeah, okay. Go to sleep."
He quickly grabbed her arm as she made to move, holding her firmly in place. That was when she noticed the light blush on his cheeks. "I'm not kidding, Naminé. We've been really close since birth, literally, and I want us to stay that way. I know I get on your nerves and play mean tricks on you all the time, but I do care. Always have, always will."
His blush spread to her as she averted her eyes. She appreciated his words, but all of that was so out of the blue. Roxas wasn't usually the emotional one. That was all her. He was the one that made fun of her for being that way. "If this is a trick, Roxas, I swear…"
"It's not. I just…I see how my friend Riku talks to you sometimes. You seem to like that he's all "vulnerable" or whatever. I want to be that way with you too."
The sincerity in his eyes caught her off guard. This was the real deal. Yes, Riku did talk to her about what he was feeling and inquired about what she felt a lot, but she never expected that from Roxas. She accepted him for the emotionally stunted dipstick that he was. Then again, she had been spending a lot of time with his best friend. Was he feeling left out?
"You don't have to do that. I know that's not who you are so I don't force you to."
"But that's who I want to be. I'm not just your annoying older friend. I want to help you. You shouldn't have to go to my friend to get things off of your chest. That's what I'mhere for. So…let's…do the crying thing sometimes."
Naminé snickered, but quickly covered her mouth to keep from waking the baby. "If that's what you want to do."
He nodded, smiling bigger than she had seen in a long time. "It is."
"All right then."
"…All right then."
The two stared at each other, not really knowing what to do. Was Naminé supposed to just…go to Roxas whenever she had a problem now? Would he even know how to handle her problems? What would all his friends say about him being "mushy" with her? He seemed to care a lot about what they thought of him.
As she opened her mouth to ask, Roxas propped himself up on one elbow and leaned down to press a gentle kiss on her forehead. After three fill seconds, he immediately retracted and turned his back to her, leaving her stunned. "Going back to sleep now. Night."
"I-It's…the middle of the day."
"Good night, Sunshine."
Naminé blinked, staring at the back of his head in awe. A huge smile broke out on her face as she hugged him from behind. "You are such a sweetie!"
"Whatever…"
"I love you, Roxy."
"I…Iloveyoutoogoawaynow."
Naminé beamed as she returned to her book with butterflies dancing along the lining of her stomach. This was amazing. She knew that this moment was the true beginning of what would be a long, fulfilling friendship between the two of them.
Things could only get better now.
-.-
And that's the end of this story! Things took quite a turn…or several turns really, but I hope it wasn't too much of a mess. This story means a lot to me for so many different reasons and it's wild to think that something that started out as an incessant idea that just would leave me alone is now a whole thing. My story is a thing now and that's really exciting.
This is the first multi-chapter fic I've posted and completed and I am just really proud of myself for sticking to my word and getting it done. Was this story perfect? Nah. Could I have done better? Hell yeah, you can always do better. But I'm confident in what it is right now, so that counts for something, right?
There will be a bonus chapter, but it's an explanation as to why this was written, and will hopefully clear up any confusion I might have caused by switching from past to present so often. There are a lot of things I would like to say about this story. I know I can't have chapters where the whole thing is an author's note, so there will be a twist to it.
I know how to bend the rules and get away with it. The guidelines won't stop me -_-
If you're interested in the bonus chapter, then you have one more update coming. If not, then the story ends here for you. Either way, thank you all so much for taking the time to read this story. I put all of my heart into it and it truly does mean a lot to know people have read and enjoyed this.