Chapter Ten:
"Anyone have any idea where Pidge is?" Lance asked as he tapped his foot.
"With my mom, apparently." Hunk said. "Pidge's mom said something about them wanting a haircut."
"Well, they need to hurry." Keith said. "Because we're supposed to be at the conference room in five minutes."
"Hey, hair is an art. Also, its magic when my mom does it." Hunk said. "There is no 'hurrying up'. It takes all the time it needs."
"Come on, Hunk, he has a mullet, you can't expect him to understand this." Lance said.
"Hey, you like my mullet." Keith said with a small pout.
"I like you, the mullet was just part of the deal." Lance said with a grin. "But, yeah, shouldn't we worry? If not about Pidge, about Hunk's mom? Because there's magic, then there's—"
"The infamous stubborn Holt hair." Shiro finished with a small smile. He remembered many mornings watching through half-lidded eyes as Matt tried to tame his hair to no avail.
"We should still worry, because we will be a Paladin short." Allura said with a frown.
"Hey guys!"
Everyone turned as Pidge turned the corner, running up to them.
At least, they all assumed it was Pidge.
It was Pidge-height. It was Pidge-shaped. It was in green armor with a green bayard hanging at their side. It had Pidge's eyes and glasses.
But there was also an almost sparkle that surrounded them. Or, more accurately, their hair.
"Oh my gosh, you look so good!" Hunk said with a huge grin.
"I know! I absolutely love it!" Pidge said with a grin of their own, reaching up tentatively to their new, shorter hair. "I swear, Hunk, your mom must have gone to Hogwarts or something."
Pidge was now sporting a pixie cut, the short hair curling this way and that, with their hair parted to the right, and some of it pinned back with two crossed bobby pins, each with a white star on them.
"Like, right now, I look like a girl, but if I take out the pins and change the part and arrange my bangs right, I look like a boy, and then I could put the part down the middle and ruffle it a bit, I'll totally make people have to guess!" Pidge said excitedly.
"You need a flower crown. Like, stat." Lance declared with a grin. "Start without me, I've got to remedy this now otherwise it will be a crime against humanity and every other species there is in this universe!"
"You are not going anywhere." Allura said, grabbing Lance as he tried to run past. "But I do not disagree. That would look rather nice… You look absolutely lovely right now, Pidge, and we cannot wait to see the other ways of styling your hair that you have mentioned. But we need to go to the conference room now if we do not want to be late."
Pidge nodded and they and the other Paladins quickly fell into "Voltron Formation" beside Shiro, who walked behind Allura and Coran. Keith was at Shiro's right side with Lance at Keith's right side, while Pidge stood on Shiro's left side with Hunk beside them. Pidge saw Keith stretch his fingertips out almost invitingly at his side and Lance hesitate before grabbing them quickly, squeezing, and letting go again. They could only see this small hidden gesture, not either of their faces.
Pidge was a little surprised at the gesture, and wondered why they were surprised. Then, they realized why. It was because they had become so used to Keith and Lance almost hanging off each other lately. Sure, there were the small little touches like that, linking pinkies or something similar. It wasn't like they were constantly clinging to each other, but they had all gotten used to the physical affection the two shared frequently.
They had seen very little of that physical affection since the two had come back from Keith's shack the night before.
That was definitely odd.
"Your hair does really look nice, by the way." Shiro said in a low voice as he gave Pidge a smile, shaking them out of their thoughts. "It really suits you."
Pidge blushed some and smiled shyly.
"Thanks." They said, reaching up to tuck a strand behind their ear.
"So, for future reference, will how you wear your hair mean you want us to use different pronouns?" Shiro asked.
"Oh, huh. I hadn't thought about the pronouns, actually." Pidge said, tilting their head some. "Um… 'They' is still cool regardless. But… Um, can I think on that question?"
"Of course." Shiro said with a grin, reaching to put his hand on their shoulder.
"Thanks." Pidge said.
"Are we ready?" Allura asked, turning around to study her Paladins briefly, looking both nervous and excited. They all nodded.
"Alright." Allura said, taking a deep breath. "Then let's form some alliances."
"Hard to believe at one point we thought forming Voltron was the hard part of this job." Lance said as followed Allura.
The meeting was actually pretty short and to the point; all of the world leaders were eager to sign a treaty with the Alteans and Team Voltron, welcoming Earth as the next planet in the Voltron Alliance. Pidge was pretty sure that this was as close to world peace as they could get.
It was also agreed upon that the Galaxy Garrison's board of directors were going to take a little more control than before over the Garrison, and new measures would be taken for when and if the Galra returned, asking for two days to create agreed upon procedures before running them through Allura and Shiro. The two agreed, but said that they would leave the day after regardless of whether or not they approved of all of the procedures. The team needed to get back to space as soon as possible.
Pidge also felt very pleased with their mother when the entire board of directors begged them to convince their mother to drop the court cases. They promised they'd think about it; a look from Shiro made them amend the promise to try to convince Mrs. Holt to stop destroying every single Garrison lawyer within five minutes of entering the court room, but could not make any promises as to whether or not anything would come of it. A compromise was reached later that afternoon, which resulted in every little piece of information concerning the Kerberos mission being declassified and available to the public, in addition to a formal apology.
The Team spent the most of the afternoon at the Castle of the Lions, with Allura giving a tour of the Castle to the Paladins families while the Paladins themselves went to tend to their Lions and to make sure that the Lions were prepared to meet the Paladins' families.
Pidge was starting to wish for a second pair of hands again when they heard the door to Green's hanger open.
"Hey, Pidge!" Keith called out.
"Hey Keith!" Pidge called back, glancing over their shoulder. "Hey, can you bring up that socket wrench for me?"
"Sure." Keith said, finding the tool then scaling Green. "I finished patching up Red, and wanted to see if you needed some help. I knew Green was in pretty bad shape yesterday. How's she doing now?"
"Much better." Pidge said, and Green gave a purr of agreement beneath their feet. "And, thanks, I need a second pair of hands to get these dents out, if you don't mind."
"No problem." Keith said, grabbing tools.
Pidge hesitated and watched Keith work for a moment, then said,
"Hey, Keith? Is everything okay? Between you and Lance?"
Keith paused and looked up.
"Everything's fine." He said. "Why?"
"Well, it's just… I guess I've gotten so used to you two being on each other all the time, and so I kind of noticed that you're, well, not. At the moment. So, I wanted to make sure you weren't having a fight or anything."
"Oh. No. We're good." Keith said, blushing some. "Everything's good. It's just… Well… Okay, I should probably tell you this, and the others, before something slips. Probably should have done that yesterday but… Lance's family doesn't know he's bisexual. So he didn't want to introduce me as his boyfriend yet. So everything's still good, we're just… Well, not taking a break but rather we're keeping things on the down-low for a while. At least until we're back in space."
"Oh. Okay." Pidge said. "And… You're okay with this?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I dunno. I guess I just wanted to make sure your feelings are taken into consideration."
"Lance already did," Keith said. "We talked about it before, and he gave me his reasons. He didn't want to give his parents too many surprises, and he was a little worried about me. He knows that his family is loud and there's a lot of them, and he knows I'm not really that good with that. So he thought it'd be a good introduction to them and then I'd be more prepared when we say we're dating."
"Well, I'm glad that you two have that kind of understanding." Pidge said. "But, honestly I'm surprised that Lance isn't out. I mean, as long as I've known him, he hasn't hidden it. He's always so open about himself and just so… Lance. But, I guess at the same time, I understand. Not wanting to come out, I mean."
Pidge suddenly became very focused on the wiring, trying hard to swallow their tears.
"Pidge? You okay?" Keith asked, looking up to see Pidge wiping at their eyes.
"Yeah, it's just… I told Matt everything, you know? He was my best friend and confidant and big brother. And, for months I kind of struggled with trying to figure out if I really, truly felt like a girl and was a girl and why somedays I didn't feel like it. I started researching and terms like non-binary and gender-fluid kept showing up and kind of served as confirmation, but I wanted, needed someone to talk to it about. I could have gone to Matt and talked with him. Could have told him how I felt and asked what he thought. And once the Kerberos mission was announced, I had to decide if I was going to tell him and when I was going to tell him. And I chickened out. I told my mom when I told her how I planned to get into the Garrison, because I couldn't do that again, not tell the people who matter the most to me how I felt. And she was so supportive and helpful, not only with sneaking in to the Garrison, but accepting that I'm non-binary and switching to gender-neutral pronouns and terms of endearment and stuff. But… I still regret that I didn't talk with her sooner about it, or with my dad and especially Matt. So, even though I'm really happy as I am, I feel a little bit of guilt about it, because I didn't tell Matt before he disappeared. And some part of me kind of holds me back; that I can't really be myself or don't deserve to be myself until he's back."
To Pidge's surprise, Keith reached out and put a hand on their shoulder. Pidge looked up to see Keith's dark eyes staring at them.
"I know exactly what you mean." Keith admitted. "And you shouldn't think that way. Matt wouldn't want you to think that way, to act that way. He'd want you to be happy with who you are. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty over this. So don't. I know you won't really be happy till we find your family, but, do your dad and Matt a favor and find a little happiness in your life. And if that happiness is just being comfortable in your own skin, so be it."
Pidge nodded, sniffling some and rubbed their eye.
"Thanks, Keith." They said, smiling at him. "When did you get to be so good at these pep talks? Or, wait, is that the real criteria for piloting the Black Lion? Or is it just a side-effect of having been in that pilots' seat?"
"Shiro probably rubbed off on me, I don't think so, and maybe. I'm not really interesting in finding out a definite answer. One time was one too many." Keith said with a small shudder.
The team had discovered that, in the event of an emergency—namely Shiro in a healing pod and the Castle under attack and they really needed Voltron—the Black Lion would let Keith pilot her, Lance was pretty good at flying the Red Lion, and Allura could pilot any of the Lions.
Though they all did their best after that to avoid any more emergencies that involved a game of Musical Lions.
Pidge nodded, but then thought of something.
"Hey, Keith? What did you mean when you said you knew what I meant?" Pidge asked. "That pep talk, it sounded like you got it mostly through personal experience."
Keith hesitated, then said,
"Okay, I haven't told anyone any of what I'm about to tell you, so you have to promise not to tell anyone."
"Paladins' honor." Pidge said with a nod. "With Green as my witness."
Keith nodded, then said,
"When I realized that I'm gay… It wasn't really a big deal. I just figured it out and I thought that was that. I didn't have anyone to come out to, either, to worry about their reaction or whatever. I mean, I didn't really announce it to the whole world, but at the same time it didn't matter. I don't even really think I was 'in the closet' or anything. And I wasn't afraid to tell the few people I was close to. Shiro, Tali, your brother. They were my friends. I trusted them and respected them enough to tell them. But… Before Shiro left, there was something else I wanted to tell him. And I thought I'd never be able to. And I still haven't. Maybe I will someday, even though nothing will come of it."
"What do you mean?" Pidge asked.
Keith took a deep breath and said, "Part of how I realized I was gay was because I had this huge massive crush on Shiro."
Pidge stared at him in disbelief.
"Shiro? You had a crush on Shiro?" They repeated. Keith nodded. "Then… You and Lance? How did that happen?"
"I'm still not sure." Keith admitted. "I guess… Once I found out what my father was, what I am, I thought you all wouldn't have anything to do with me. So I freaked out and in the process became purple and covered with fur, which freaked me out even more. I was horrified that I was like our enemy, but also terrified that I was going to upset Shiro while looking like a Galra. That I was going to make him suffer one of his PTSD flashbacks or that he'd be scared of me and that I'd lose the only person I had after having finally gotten him back in my life. Or, the only person I thought I had. You all spent so much time trying to convince me that you all still trusted me, but I wasn't really trusting any of you. And then Lance comes in and he just pours his heart out, telling me about all of his family members and the stupid stunts he and his siblings pulled as kids and what he misses here on Earth. And he did it not because he needed to talk, and not to entertain me or make me feel better, but to show me that he trusted me enough to tell me all of these things, to show me his heart and feelings and everything, and that I could trust him to listen to me. That I could bare my soul to him and he'd protect it. Take care of it. It wasn't in the romantic sense at the time. It developed into that later. But at that time, I could—and still do—trust him."
"So basically you realized that Lance was kind of cute when he wasn't making a fool of himself trying to show off?" Pidge said with a small smile.
"Yeah, well, there's that." Keith said, smirking some. "But… I did a lot of grieving and regretting and wishing when Shiro was declared dead. And I kind of thought I had a second chance at it all when he came back. But I don't think he'll ever see me other than as a younger brother. And I realized I was okay with that, because I needed that. I needed what he was trying to give me: a mentor, a brother, a friend… I think it was probably because I hadn't had someone who had stuck around me for so long, who wanted to be around me, who had been so genuinely kind to me for so long, that I think I misinterpreted his love for me."
"And, you know, Shiro's hot." Pidge said.
Keith laughed.
"Oh yeah, that helped a whole heck of a lot. But I don't regret having a crush on him, though, or really feel embarrassed by it, because it helped me figure out who I am, and I better appreciate all that he's done for me and the relationship that we have now. And the relationships I have with the rest of the team as well. You and Hunk and the Princess and Coran… Lance… Not to mention the friendship I have with Tali that I should have made stronger instead of abandoning. And besides," Keith added as he popped out a dent with a grunt. "I'm now pretty sure Shiro likes someone else."
Pidge swallowed hard, biting their lip.
"Oh." They managed to get out, cursing that it was a rather pathetic sound they had uttered.
To their surprise, Keith chuckled.
"You know I'm talking about you, right?" He said, smirking some.
Pidge felt their face heat and their eyes widen.
"Nope." They said, backing away some. "Nope nope nope nope nope. There is no way Shiro can like me that way."
"Are you not into guys?" Keith asked, arching a brow.
"I am. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm pansexual so, yes, I am into boys, but also girls, and also people like me. I mean, I don't go around flirting with everything with a pulse and two legs like Lance does—did—but still, I don't—" Pidge rambled, stuttering and mumbling.
"So why can't Shiro like you in that way?" Keith asked.
"Because he's doesn't!" Pidge said, cheeks still heated and realizing that they were practically squeaking like the mice. "He… He just doesn't!"
"You sure?" Keith asked, arching an eyebrow, all of the humor suddenly gone from his face. "Because Shiro basically went to pieces yesterday when you crashed and it was like ten times worse than a flashback episode for him. He screamed your name and then went completely silent. Black had to take over on her own to prevent him from getting seriously hurt. And he's always looking out for you and—"
"He doesn't and won't ever like me in a romantic sense because I'm Commander Holt's daughter and Matt's little sister!" Pidge said angrily, cutting him off. "I'm the daughter of his mission leader and the sister of his best friend. He's probably just trying to make sure he doesn't lose another one of us Holts to the Galra. Shiro wants to find my dad and Matt just as much as I do. And on top of that, I'm small. The smallest member of this team, mice excluded. I'm physically weaker than the rest of you, and I am, biologically, a girl. Shinji was right, I'm also the least trained for space. Shiro probably thinks that all those factors mean that I need protecting. You all do, really."
"Pidge, none of us think you need protecting because of your sex, or your size, least of all Shiro." Keith said firmly. "We protect you because you're our teammate. We look out for each other. And I can name more than a few times you've saved all of our butts. We wouldn't be here right now if you hadn't freed the Castle—pretty much on your own—from Sendak."
"Yeah, well, do me a favor and stop trying to make me think I actually stand a chance with Shiro!" Pidge snapped, jumping to their feet.
Their voice echoed off the hanger walls as Keith stared up at them.
"Ah." He said with a nod. "You've got a crush on Shiro, too."
Pidge clenched their jaw, taking deep breaths before saying,
"Keith, do you realize just how big of a cliché it is to be in love with your brother's best friend? I crushed, and I crushed hard. And then you know what happens? I lose everything. Lose my father, my brother and the guy I had convinced my nerdy little thirteen year old self I was in love with. And that there'd be no way he'd ever, ever like me. I mean, the first time I met him, I was eight and in full Disney princess regalia for crying out loud! The last time I had seen him before Kerberos, he was pretty much a full-blown adult going on a mission that would probably change the whole entire world and I was just a stupid middle school girl whose bedroom walls were covered with posters of British boy bands and Hello Kitty stickers!"
Pidge huffed some, trying to regain their breath as Keith stared at them.
"That was all then." He said. "So what's now?"
"Now… Now…" Pidge took another deep breath and sat back down, absently running their hand over Green's paneling. "Yeah. Still crushing. But it's different. I don't want to be the cliché protagonist of a teen novel who has this huge mission and goals that must be achieved or the whole world is doomed, but still spends most of the time flirting and having make-out sessions with some hot love interest. I have two goals: be part of Team Voltron to take down Zarkon, and find Dad and Matt and bring them home. That is all I can focus on right now. And Shiro's the Team leader, Head of Voltron. He's got to focus on that, and he's got enough to deal with as is between that and his PTSD and all that. So, even if you're right, even if he does like me in the same way Lance likes you, neither of us can or should act on it. It's just… It can't be good for either of us right now."
Keith frowned but nodded.
"I get it." He said. "I do, I really do. I'm sorry, that I upset you."
"No, I… I let myself get upset. And I shouldn't have." Pidge said. "But, even if it was a lot of ranting and raving, thanks for listening. To everything I've kept so much bottled up and it felt good to finally let some of it go. And thanks for sharing."
"You're welcome. I've been keeping a lot of stuff inside, too. Feels good to let it out. So thanks for listening." Keith said with a nod. They were both quiet for a second, absorbed in the work, then Keith spoke again, "Pidge, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."
"That depends on what it is." Pidge said, glancing over at the dark-haired teen with a frown.
"I have this tablet computer. Well, more specifically, it was my mom's. Supposedly, it's got all her research on it. It's passcode protected, and I've tried every combination I can think of to no luck. I was hoping you'd be willing to give it a shot."
"Yeah, no problem." Pidge said. "I'll take a shot at it. Even if I can't figure out the passcode, I should be able to find a way to override it without damaging the hard drive or the data. How soon do you want me to do that?"
"It can wait a few days. I mean, it's waited ten years, another couple of days isn't going to change anything." Keith said. "And, thanks."
They were both quiet again, working, and then Keith said,
"So… full Disney princess regalia, huh? Crown and everything?"
"Quiznak it, Keith, don't you dare start." Pidge groaned, glaring at him as he grinned.
"Come on, now I'm curious. At least tell me which princess it was."
"Nope. Not going to happen. Never."
"I promise I won't tell Lance!"
"Won't tell Lance what?"
Keith and Pidge both went over to Green's side and looked down at Lance, who waved up at them as he entered the hanger.
"Don't worry, it's not important." Pidge said. "Is Allura's tour almost done?"
"Just about." Lance said, scaling up Green to join them. "How's Red, Keith?"
"She's fine. I think she's eager for us to get going again. She doesn't like to go for too long without destroying something of Zarkon's." Keith said. "And Blue?"
"About the same." Lance said, settling onto the hull between Pidge and Keith. "So, guess what? My mom told me that while we were in our meeting earlier, Bella told my parents that she wanted to do her First Communion sooner rather than later. She was supposed to do it with the rest of her class later this year, but she wanted to do it while we're still on Earth, and the priests gave an okay for it. So you're all going to meet the rest of mi familia while we're here. I'm including you, Pidge, because I'm going to drag you all to Mass with me."
"Lance, you are the only one of our team who's Catholic." Pidge pointed out. "The rest of us will just sit there the entire time completely lost."
"That doesn't mean you can't come." Lance said. "Anyways, it's going to be the day after tomorrow, in Florida, since we'll be leaving the day after." Then, suddenly, he blinked, as he realized what he said. "Two and a half more days on Earth. It's weird to think of it like that. I mean, we didn't know we were leaving last time. But we also don't know when we'll be back."
"We'll come back more," Keith said. "There's no way any of us are going to live on food goo alone until the rare time we find a planet with edible food again. And Coran says that the Castle is equipped to carry as much fruits and vegetables and that sort of thing and keep it fresh for months. If the dishes Hunk makes up on the spot with weird alien produce are so fantastic, I can't wait to see what he can do with Earth food."
"Oh, Keith, buddy, I cannot tell you how hashtag-blessed you will be with Hunk's mad skills." Lance said, grinning. "We seriously need to make a list of stuff to get to stock the kitchen."
"Well, someone did promise Allura a trip to the mall, so it sounds like we have a lot of shopping to do." Pidge said. "I know I need clothes. I don't know how much I have at home that still fits. Apparently, sometime between enrolling at the Garrison and now, I grew a few inches."
"Would never have known it." Lance said. "But I wouldn't mind a new pair of sneakers or two. Mine are pretty ratty and smell kind of rank after months of walking around on weird planets. Oh, and I'm definitely getting some soccer balls. I want to see how many planets I can spread the beautiful game to."
"Games? What kind of games are we talking about?" Hunk asked as his head popped up over the side of Green.
"Fútbol!" Lance exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air excitedly.
"Well, we need other kind of games, because I don't think we need to be playing soccer in the Castle." Shiro said from the ground, gently putting a hand on Green's muzzle, which made her purr.
"Oh come on, Shiro, you don't think it'd be fun to add a soccer ball into the mix on the training deck?" Pidge asked, swinging their legs over the side of Green to grin at him. "It'd be an interesting addition to the invisible maze."
"Yeah, no. We can barely get through the invisible maze alone on a good day." Shiro said, grinning up at Pidge with his arms folded over his chest.
"So, can we get board games and card games and that sort of thing?" Lance asked, getting on his stomach to poke his head over the edge to look down at Shiro. "Because nothing says 'bonding' like family game night!"
"And legally acquired movies?" Hunk suggested.
"Yes to both." Shiro said.
"I think my mom would be okay if we raided our DVD collection to take to space." Pidge said.
"I am going to bring pretty much every book I own." Hunk said excitedly.
"Ditto with my music." Lance said.
"And bring your own darn headphones this time!" Pidge said, reaching over to playfully poke Lance in the side of the head.
Keith came and sat down beside Pidge, briefly putting a hand on their shoulder as he said,
"I hope Zarkon's enjoyed this break as much as we have. Because he is not going to know what hit him."