Hello for the tenth time!

Your reviews were all very kind. Another shout out to all the anonymous reviewers, thank you for taking the time to read and review. I can't thank you via email like I do the others, so this is my gratitude to you!

Happy tenth chapter! I'm trying to get to one hundred reviews, ten per chapter.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Twilight.

Chapter 10: Physical

We lay together on the hard, soggy ground for what felt like hours, but was more likely mere minutes.

Jasper's hands were continually running up my spine, tracing patterns on the bare flesh he found. My face was nestled into the crook of his neck, inhaling as much of his scent as I could.

He let out a deep, low sigh.

"We should probably head back to the house now. We've still got to pack and decide who's going when and how…"

I knew what I was about to say would sound like a petulant child, but it slipped out anyway,

"No. I don't want to, you can't make me."

He chuckled a deep, throaty laugh and kissed the top of my head.

"I don't want to either, in fact, I think I would be plenty happy if I could spend the rest of my eternity here, But…"

"Nope. No buts. The first half of that sentence sounded good enough to me, let's go with that."

I was being stubborn and foolish, but I didn't want to go back and have to feign remorse and sadness for Edward's departure. While I was concerned for his safety, I was also incredibly excited to have time with Jasper -without Edward. Alice would of course still be there, but I was beginning to think that was a good thing. I often found my mind playing out scenario's in which Jasper and I would betray, so to speak, our "no 'physical' togetherness" rule. I knew the rule had been implemented for a just cause, but right now the reason escaped me.

"Come on," Jasper said, hoisting me to my feet. "If Alice has another vision and we're, oh so conveniently, not in it -They may get suspicious."

"Right, I should probably take the barrier down now.. I mean it's not like we're actually…. Doing anything… physical that is…" I was babbling as my mind played out more rule breaking scenarios between Jasper and I. Jasper pushing me against a wall, Jasper kissing the life out of me, slowly undressing each other…

No! I shouted to myself, There was a reason! You may not be able to remember it right now under your current circumstances, but there was a reason.

But was it a good reason? The lustful part of my mind countered

Of course it was a good reason! The logical half replied, If it wasn't a good reason you never would have enforced the rule would you?

My mind had me there. Dammit. The truth was I was actually hoping that the lustful part of my brain would have a reason good enough for me to give in. Stupid… hormone driven… uncreative half.. I muttered to myself.

"Bella please," Jasper said, breaking me out of my mind's argument. "I may not be a mind reader, but I can tell you're thinking on something pretty hard. Your emotions are bouncing of each other like nothing I've ever felt before; confusion, denial…. And can I say quite a large amount of lust," he said, cracking a smile at the end.

And now embarrassment was added to the pile too. I thought to myself, mortified at what I was about to say.

"Well.. I was just thinking… you know that whole… 'non physical' thing we put into place.. I was just kind of wondering.. Uh… what the reason for that was. Not that I wanted to break it or anything," I said in a rush, "I was just wondering is all…"

"Oh." He replied, eye's wide. "Oh.. Oh. Uh, well I think.. I think we put that into place, because you said you wouldn't be able to handle the guilt... Not that I would have pressured you or I wouldn't have felt guilty.. I would have!!" He said, nearly shouting, and scuffing his shoes against the dirt, eyes down.

I almost burst out laughing. He must have felt my sudden change in emotion, because he looked up, confused.

"What?" He asked curiously.

"Well listen to the two of us!" I said laughing, "we sound like little teenagers having the dreaded 'sex talk'."

We looked at each other silent for a moment, then simultaneously, burst out laughing. After both of us had been thoroughly tired out, Jasper took my hands in his.

"What will be will be. We can't plan for these things, if they happen, they happen. But let's not put any pressure on ourselves, if and when it happens, we'll deal."

"Okay." I said softly, "let's head back."

We took of running back the way we had came. When we neared closer to the house, I relinquished the barrier between us and Alice's vision. Jasper let go of my hand, and we walked into the house together very casually, changing our emotions to a lighter, more casual feeling.

"You're back!" Alice almost screamed, "I absolutely have to tell you the new plan, it's flawless! The Volturi won't be able to touch you Bella."

I nodded along, seemingly very interested in what Alice had to say, while truthfully having the strongest desire to run upstairs and bathe myself. I was still nice and bloody from my previous hunt with Jasper… after our first kiss. The thought made me giddy, and I soon found myself replaying the scenario in my mind;

"If there was some way I could bring you back…"

"Bella!" Alice screeched, "are you even listening to me?!"

"Oh, sorry Alice. I kind of zoned… Look guy's do you mind if I go shower, then we talk battle plan? Both Jasper and I are still really filthy from the hunt, and I'd really appreciate a nice long clean. I still haven't quite had a chance to come down from the initial Volturi shock."

"I second that idea." Jasper said, sending me a wave of lust. I was unsure if it was intentional or not, but it left me struggling to stand up right.

"Oh.. Of course," Alice said apologetically. "Just come down when you're ready, we'll just be talking strategy."

Both Jasper and I nodded and turned to run upstairs, but Edward grabbed my hand.

"This may be one of the last times I see you before I go, do you think you need some 'help' in the shower?" He said -voice thick with innuendo.

I felt two things then; the strongest urge to run far from the 'help' of Edward, and a stab of hatred and jealousy from Jasper, whose breathing had become low and forced from his anger.

I just looked at Edward, unsure of how to phrase my answer.

"You know that I'd …love… to," I struggled out, resisting the urge to shiver, "But really, what I need right now is a good clean.. And I don't think what you suggested will result in a thorough scrub.."

He was displeased with my answer, but he seemed to believe it.

"Okay then. Can I have a kiss instead?" He asked hopefully.

I could hardly refuse that request. I prayed that Jasper wasn't watching as I leant in, intending to give him a quick peck on the lips. But the second my lip's touched his, he leant in and held my face to his, pushing his tongue into my mouth. The feeling almost made me gag, as I struggled not to push him roughly from me. He moved his tongue in a jerking motion, seeming to enjoy it and hoping I would too. I was suddenly overcome with a crippling amount of sadness as I heard Jasper run from our presence up the stairs.

I pushed Edward's face from mine.

"I don't think your family exactly want's to see this." I almost spat at him.

I didn't even wait to see his reaction, instead I bolted up the stairs after Jasper. How could I have let Edward kiss me like that in front of the man I claimed to love? It was despicable and inexcusable. I was so used to feeling other's emotions, that the intensity of my own shocked me, as I struggled to compose myself. How could I have done this? And worse yet, I allowed Edward to see what his affect on me was; revulsion, anger.

I should have been more careful, careful to control myself and my emotions. Now the entire family knew that some thing had changed, Alice would be careful to keep an eye out now… Alice. As I remembered my sister, I also remembered that my barriers were currently down, I quickly built them back up, wary to allow Alice to see much more than she already had. I had to find Jasper, the blow of sadness I had felt from him was incredibly strong and I needed to try and make amends.

I could hear the shower running in his and Alice's bathroom -he was most likely just standing around in the bathroom with the water running, so I assumed it a good place to find him. I walked over cautiously to his bedroom door and knocked. No answer. I pried it open and stepped in softly. Various bits of furniture had been chucked around the room, fortunately none were broken. I quickly put everything back to where I thought it belonged and moved over to the bathroom.

"Jasper? Can I come in?"

There was silence for a few seconds, then I heard his husky voice.

"Uh…I don't think you should."

"I was just being polite Jasper, I'm coming in anyway."

"Really Bella," he said distracted, "You shouldn't come in, not yet."

What was wrong with him? I couldn't not kiss Edward! It wasn't my fault Edward had behaved the way he had, and it's not like I asked Jasper to watch.

I pushed the bathroom door open roughly, breaking the door knob, But I was completely unprepared for the sight that awaited me. Jasper was standing in the shower, water dripping in his hair and cascading down his skin -He was completely naked. Driven by stupid my body's stupid instinct, I threw myself at Jasper. Stepping in to the shower and kissing him, not unlike the way Edward had just kissed me.

"Uh… Be…Bella!" Jasper said against my mouth.

"Oh my god!" I screamed, pulling myself off Jasper, realizing what I had done. I ran from the bathroom -and a very confused Jasper- and hid myself in the closet, completely ashamed of what I had just done.

I heard a soft knock at the closet door.

"Bella, honey, can I come in?" Came Jasper's soothing voice.

"No, god, go away! I don't want to see you." I replied, mortified.

I heard a soft laugh from the other side of the door,

"Well you know I was only being polite, I'm coming in anyway." He said, mimicking the words I had used just moments ago.

The door creaked open a smidgen, and in stepped Jasper, covered by only a small towel.

"Aaaghh!" I whined out, "the towel isn't actually helping things!"

He laughed, then sat down next to me on the floor.

"…So.." He started, "I guess we're even now with the whole 'seeing each other naked' thing." He said laughing.

I, however, was not laughing. I buried my head in my hands, ruing the day I was ever born.

"Please don't feel like that…" He said, brushing his fingers through my hair. "If anything I find it a compliment that a goddess like you would find me attractive!"

The words were so familiar, and I realized that it was what I had said to him when I first came out of the change and caught him staring at me.

"Are you just going to use all my lines today?" I said, only half joking.

"Well it's just they were all so good!" He said, cracking a smile.

Jasper's happiness was so infectious that I smiled too.

"I'm sorry for kissing Edward." I said solemnly, "or more exact, let him kiss me."

"You couldn't not," He answered simply.

"But you were so sad, I could feel it coming of in tons."

"Of course I was sad," Jasper said, staring at me questionably, "The woman I loved was being kissed, or more accurately; eaten, by another man. I can't help how I feel- Just how I act. So I came upstairs and took out my anger on the furniture. I decided all I needed was a shower to clear my head… but then you came in, and …well you know the rest…"

"Right." I said, looking down. "Sorry about that."

He laughed, "Uh… this is just a guy thing.. I mean you don't have to answer obviously…. But, uh.. Did I measure- not a good word- was my body as 'attractive'.. As Edward?"

I burst out laughing. Men were such odd creatures.

"You two didn't even compare," I said, still laughing.

He looked down, embarrassed and upset, and I realized how he must have took my words.

"No, no, no! I didn't mean it like that!" I said almost yelling, "What I meant was Edward has nothing on you. I don't know if it's because I never really took the time to notice him, maybe it was because I was human…or because… maybe because I love you more… but you were more beautiful than anyone I've ever seen.." I said mumbling off, embarrassed.

He moved his hand to the back off my neck and kissed me softly.

"Thank you. That meant a lot to me." He whispered into my ear.

I looked back into his eyes.

"You have meant more to me than anything I have ever known, in my life and unlife." I said smiling.

He kissed my forehead, then my nose and my lips.

"Well," He said clearing his throat, then he looked deep into my eyes before continuing.

"Shall we go shower?"

Haha, little bit of fluff!

Not really much to say… Just try and get me to 100 reviews!

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