AN: Hi all, hopefully my updates to the last chap didn't end up sending a bunch of emails to people. For some reason there was a page break that wasn't displaying in my browser and every time I tried to fix it, it didn't appear to be working. Anywho, hopefully it didn't get confusing last chapter. If it was, I apologize. Gotta say, I'm sad and happy. I looked at the stats and it's so cool to see how many people are looking at the story, sadly though, seems it's not worth too many comments. Hopefully I can do better for you guys. Let me know what you like/dislike in this story. Oh yes, can't forget! Thanks to Kyliwolf for adding the story to your alerts and to Rainstorm-Mosspath for adding the story to your alerts and favoriting. Okay, I'm babbling, let's get on with the show! ***DISCLAIMER TIME: I don't own BLEACH or any of its characters***
Nemu lay sleeping finally. Jyuushiro sat in the chair next to her bed watching her low steady breathing. It was hard to believe the day's events. He looked at his watch it was already almost midnight. Once they had gotten to the hospital she became even more erratic, fearful. It was so difficult to watch, it was even harder knowing there was nothing he could do for her that would make her pain go away quickly. He thought back about the events when they first got her admitted. Part of him wondering if there was something he could have done better.
"Please, I have to go home," Nemu pleaded with the doctor.
"We have to make sure you're alright Miss Kurotsuchi," the doctor told her calmly.
"I'm fine. Good girls don't tell. Good girls are quiet," Nemu repeated over and over.
"Nurse, prep an injection of twenty cc's of diazepam," the doctor told Orihime who was the admitting nurse.
"Yes sir," she replied and quickly walked off.
"Diazepam?" Jyuushiro echoed.
"We need to get her calmed down. She's in a state of very high anxiety and it's not doing her any good," the doctor replied. Orihime came back quickly with the syringe handing it to the doctor.
"No no no, I don't want it! You're going to kill me! Please, I'll be good!" Nemu cried out fear filling her eyes as she tried to curl herself up in the bed but it wasn't working as she had been restrained due to concern she may hurt herself when she was admitted.
"Is all of this necessary? She's terrified," Jyuushiro said in a highly concerned tone.
"Mr. Ukitake, come with me," Orihime said as she took his arm leading him out of the room. He could hear Nemu screaming in the background and he closed his eyes tightly. It felt like someone was cutting his heart out. "I know it's difficult. Please trust us; we're doing everything we can for her."
"I know that, it's just…" Jyuushiro started as he sat in a chair in the hall outside the room.
"It's heart breaking…" Orihime finished as she gave a sympathetic look. He nodded sadness filling his eyes. "We're going to do the best we can to help her through this. We'll be here as long as she needs us."
"Thank you Orihime," he replied with an appreciative look. He began noticing how much quieter it was in the room, it almost made him more concerned.
"It's alright Mr. Ukitake; the quiet is a good sign. The medicine is working to help her," Orihime reassured.
"Please, there's no need to be so formal, you can call me Jyuushiro. We're not strangers after all," Jyuushiro told her.
"Sorry," Orihime said embarrassedly.
"It makes it harder, doesn't it?" Jyuushiro asked referring to knowing Nemu.
"It'll be alright. It just means I'm going to try even harder to help," Orihime told him confidently. Though truthfully it did make it harder, it took all she had to not start crying.
"You're a really wonderful girl, you know?" Jyuushiro told her with a soft smile.
"Let me go check on Nemu, I'll be right back," Orihime said avoiding his statement. She didn't feel very wonderful; she couldn't make Nemu better in an instant like she wanted so desperately to. She walked into the room and Nemu was clearly sedate. She almost looked empty… Orihime wasn't sure what was worse. "Can Mr. Ukitake come back in?"
"Yes, it may be comforting for her to see a familiar face," the doctor replied. Orihime went out and got Jyuushiro bring him back into the room. "Nemu, I'm going to ask you a few questions, is that alright?" he said as he removed the restraints.
"As you wish," she replied in a tired voice.
"This isn't about me, do you want to talk right now?" he asked.
"Okay," she said with a slight sigh.
"I am guessing you've probably heard this before, but we really do want to help you," the doctor reassured.
"Of course… Everyone wants to fix broken things," she told him.
"You think you're broken?" the doctor questioned.
"How could I not? There has to be something broken in me for these things to keep happening," she replied.
"You blame yourself for what happened?" he asked.
"It has to be my fault," she told him.
"Why? From what I've heard it was a break in," the doctor replied.
"I didn't do what he wanted, so he hurt me. That's how things work. I never do anything right," she said.
"That man was a thief. You were protecting something. That's not a bad thing," he told her.
"Girls are supposed to do what they're told… Be quiet… Stop crying… Don't resist… It won't hurt long…" the horrible memory from the day she was violated came back again.
"Nemu, you're safe now. No one can hurt you here. It sounds like you've had some very traumatic experiences. But I promise, you are safe here," he told her reassuringly.
"It won't go away," she whispered as she pulled her legs to her chest wrapping her arms around them.
"I think Nemu could use a break," Jyuushiro spoke up. She looked over at him with an almost thankful gaze.
"Alright, could I speak with you outside a moment Mr. Ukitake?" the doctor asked.
"Certainly," he replied with a nod. They were about to leave and Nemu grabbed his arm.
"Don't leave me…" she pleaded.
"Nemu, I'm not going anywhere, I'm just going to speak with the doctor and I'll be right back. We'll be just outside the door, I won't leave your sight," he reassured her with a gentle look. "Orihime, could you stay with her?"
"Of course," Orihime said with a nod as she stood next to Nemu's bed. Jyuushiro and the doctor walked out together into the hall and Jyuushiro made sure he was visible to Nemu from her bed.
"How much of her history do you know?" the doctor questioned.
"I'm sorry to say not very much," Jyuushiro told him apologetically.
"It's nothing to be sorry for… I will say this much, this is going to be difficult, it's probably going to be painful at times… If you're not prepared to completely support her, I would really prefer you tell me now," the doctor said in a very serious tone.
"I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help her," Jyuushiro replied without a second thought.
"Doctor Kurosaki, here are the files you requested," a young intern said handing a folder to the doctor.
"Kurosaki?" Jyuushiro echoed.
"Oh dear, I didn't introduce myself, did I? My name is Isshin Kurosaki," he replied.
"I'm sorry, I know it seems like an odd question, but you wouldn't happen to be related to Ichigo, would you?" Jyuushiro asked.
"You know my son?" Isshin said in a proud tone. "Oh wait, of course, you're from Seireitei Co. How is he doing there?"
"He's doing well. He's a smart young man," Jyuushiro told him.
"Well he has good genes," Isshin joked with a smirk. "Back to the matter at hand though…" he started as he looked over the file. His face turned somber suddenly.
"What is it?" Jyuushiro asked in a worried voice moving to get a look at the file.
"You realize this is confidential, right?" Isshin said but made no move to stop Jyuushiro from reading.
"My God…" Jyuushiro whispered as he read.
"It's tragic, isn't it?" Isshin said. "Worse yet is the fact of how often innocent young women like Nemu are assaulted like this…"
"I had no idea…" Jyuushiro said with his mouth slightly ajar.
"She's probably worked very hard to suppress these memories… The mind is an amazing thing, the way it protects itself. But once a floodgate like that opens, it's difficult to pick up the pieces," Isshin told him.
"But not impossible," Jyuushiro said as he shifted his eyes from the documents to Isshin's eyes.
"No, it's not impossible," Isshin told him with an affirming nod.
Jyuushiro was glad to know that Isshin was the doctor that happened to be on this shift. He could tell that he truly cared for his patients. It put his mind at ease as much as it could. Nemu began stirring awake, bringing him out of his thoughts.
"Was I sleeping?" Nemu asked blearily.
"For a little while," he replied gently.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly as she fiddled with the hospital bracelet on her wrist.
"There's nothing for you to be sorry for. There has been a lot of pain in your life. You're very strong really. I don't think I could have lived through all of that," Jyuushiro told her.
"I didn't want to… I wasn't strong enough to stop him… After that… I really didn't want to live," she confided with a despondent look.
"But you did, something must have happened to change your mind," Jyuushiro replied hesitant to ask what it was.
"It took a long time… People can be really cruel, you know… I was a sophomore in high school then… It ended up all over the news. So people started talking… Kids in my classes made fun of me… Called me terrible names… The only one who cared was Mayuri. I was thankful that the court had come to a verdict that what he had done was self defense. And since he was already eighteen he was eligible to be my legal guardian. He took great care of me. He really did," Nemu said a mix of sincerity and sadness in her eyes.
"It sounds like he was a really great older brother," Jyuushiro told her. He was glad she was starting to open up more. He wanted to help her however he could. If it meant staying right there at her bedside he would do it for as long as she needed him there.
"He really was… He still is, he saved me today," she replied. The two continued to talk, Jyuushiro had been allowed twenty four hour access for visiting, given Nemu's delicate condition. They talked for a while until Nemu drifted back to sleep again. Soon after Jyuushiro also fell asleep.
"Yes I'm drinking!" Rangiku's random sentence startled Nanao as she helped Shunsui get her up the stairs to her apartment. They paused looking at her but she was still out cold, talking in her sleep. They continued up and Nanao looked through Rangiku's pockets finding her keys and unlocking the apartment.
She felt around on the wall flicking on the lights. She frowned when she saw Toshiro sitting on the couch asleep. He had been waiting up for Rangiku. Nanao looked over at Shunsui mouthing 'be quiet' as they carried her into the apartment. Shunsui closed the door as quietly as he possibly could but despite his efforts Toshiro woke with a start.
Toshiro looked over not saying a word. He actually wasn't quite sure what to say. He was mad, disappointed, worried, scared… There were so many emotions coursing through him that he didn't even know which to start with.
"What happened to her?" Toshiro asked as he stood from the couch.
"She'll be alright, she's just tired," Nanao said trying to skirt the subject.
"Don't lie to me. I'm sick of everyone lying to me! This is over that idiot isn't it? It's that things fault!" Toshiro said angrily raising his voice.
"Thing?" Nanao questioned.
"Ichimaru," Shunsui chimed in. Toshiro nodded maintaining a scowl on his face.
"Now isn't the time to be angry," Nanao told him.
"Why not?" Toshiro growled.
"She needs your caring, not your anger. Your love, not your spite. Please, she needs you to be there for her, not to be mad at her," Nanao replied her tone starting of lecturing but becoming more consoling.
"I can't do this again," Toshiro whispered and went off to his room closing the door behind him loudly.
"He'll be alright," Shunsui said in a reassuring tone. Nanao rolled her eyes glaring slightly.
"Let's just get her into bed," Nanao told him firmly. He nodded without a word and they carried her into her bedroom. Nanao pulled back the covers and Shunsui set Rangiku down gently in the bed. Nanao removed Rangiku's shoes and pulled the covers up on her. Nanao looked at Rangiku for a moment and frowned, she wished she could have been there for her friend. None of this would have happened if she had been there.
"You can't blame yourself," Shunsui said quietly noticing the look on her face. Nanao's gaze moved to his and she looked at him disappointedly.
"Then I suppose you're it," Nanao replied without giving him a chance to retort she walked out of the room. She set Rangiku's keys on an end table and opened the door to leave.
"I thought we were going to talk?" Shunsui asked curiously.
"We're certainly not going to talk here. I figured you would catch up, unless you wanted to stay here," Nanao replied as she continued out the door.
"Nanao… I'm sorry. I know I broke my promise… I never meant for things to go this way," Shunsui told her as he caught up with her.
"How did you mean for it to go? For you to not get caught?" Nanao asked looking over at him with pursed lips and angry eyes.
"That's not what I meant… I didn't want to hurt you. Rangiku is a good friend; she's like a little sister to me. I could never get intimate with her. She would have gone out tonight even without me. I just wanted to make sure that she would be safe," Shunsui said. "Besides… her heart belongs to another. It's very clear, and you know it."
"It still doesn't excuse you from breaking your promise. You could have watched over her without drinking. In fact you should have done that. That would have been the responsible thing!" Nanao replied her voice somewhere between hurt and anger.
"You know she would have known, and you know she would have been upset. It would have made things worse," Shunsui told her as they continued walking.
"I suppose that's just the way things are then," Nanao replied in a defeated tone as she passed his car.
"Nanao, wait. You know how you said not to give up on you if you fail…?" Shunsui asked pausing and hoping she would turn back. She stopped she didn't want to turn around. "Please Nanao, don't give up on me."
"How… You were supposed to be the strong one. How am I supposed to depend on you, if you have to depend on me?" she asked as she turned around uncertainty in her eyes.
"That's the way it works," Shunsui said with a small smile. "That whole two-way street thing people talk about."
"But, what if we just keep failing?" she asked in a scared tone.
"Then we keep trying. Nobody's perfect, so we have to keep trying, it's life, we do the best that we know how to in the moment. Sometimes we're wrong, but sometimes it's the best choice we'll ever make," he told her as he moved close to her looking deeply at her as he ran his fingers gently on the side of her face.
"I suppose that's true," she conceded looking into his eyes.
"Would you like me to drive you home? Or…" Shunsui paused smirking.
"Or what exactly?" she asked in a mock disapproving tone.
"Well I don't know about you, but I am certainly famished, I was thinking perhaps we could go back to my place and I could make us something to eat and if you happened to want to stay at the house because it's so late, why I certainly wouldn't object…" he replied.
"You are incorrigible," she told him shaking her head with a small smile.
"So I'm told… Shall we?" he asked with a grin.
"Well, I am a little hungry. But I'm not staying over," she told him.
"As you wish," he said as he steered her toward the car opening the door for her.
The phone rang and Yoruichi pulled the covers over her head hoping it would just stop. Kisuke yawned dramatically glancing at the clock. Who would be calling at one in the morning? Well, it must be something important, he thought to himself. He got out of bed picking up the phone.
"Hello?" he said sleepily. He waited and there was silence on the line. "Prank calls aren't very nice you know…" he paused again. He could hear something faint, like computer keys being tapped. "Hello? I'm not going to stay on the line forever you know. My bed is calling me…"
"Urahara," Mayuri's voice sounded strange.
"Mayuri?" Kisuke asked curiously.
"I hate to say this," Mayuri started swallowing his pride. "I need your help."
"What happened, where are you?" Kisuke asked wondering what was going on. It wasn't like Mayuri at all to ever ask for help. Especially from Kisuke who he had been trying so hard to surpass once he had taken over the research and development department after Kisuke to a sort of early retirement.
"I'm in the lab. Get here soon," Mayuri told him.
"But what is this about?" Kisuke asked starting to get concerned. Mayuri simply hung up without an explanation. He walked over to the closet getting out something to wear.
"What's going on?" Yoruichi asked as she sat up watching him.
"It's Mayuri, I don't know exactly what is going on but it sounded as if he were in some sort of trouble," Kisuke replied with a frown.
"Do you want me to go with?" Yoruichi asked as she was about to get up.
"Go back to sleep my queen, I won't be long," Kisuke told her as he went over and gently laid her back into the bed pressing his lips to hers. "Besides, you have to rest up. It's your turn to make breakfast." He said with a smirk.
"Oh get out of here already," Yoruichi said waving him off with a laugh. He nodded and walked out of the house getting into the van and started on his drive toward the Seireitei building.
"What are you up to Mayuri…" Kisuke said aloud to the empty van. What would Mayuri possibly need him for. Unless… Unless he was going to test the hogyoku program.
Kisuke didn't like the idea of the hogyoku program. It had seemed like a good idea when he originally started the project but something about it seemed wrong. Taking people's memories away and changing their behavior patterns, even if it was supposedly for their own benefit… It just didn't sit right with him. So before he finished the project he quit. Mayuri had gladly taken over the project when he was appointed head of the department.
Kisuke pulled into the parking garage and found a spot. He turned off the van and sat for a moment. What would he say to Mayuri? What if it wasn't the hogyoku he called about? Kisuke sighed; there was no use in sitting around wondering about what ifs. If Mayuri needs his help, he'd do what he could. He got out and spotted Mayuri waiting by the door to the building.
"My my, I'm honored. I get an escort," Kisuke called out.
"You wouldn't be able to get into the building otherwise," Mayuri replied.
"Oh I wouldn't?" Kisuke questioned with a smirk as he reached Mayuri and swiped a card unlocking the door. "You really should know better."
"How did you… Never mind, there's no time to waste," Mayuri told him as they went inside.
"What exactly is it we're doing?" Kisuke asked curiously.
"Fixing something," Mayuri said without further explanation as they got to the lab.
"Don't you have a staff?" Kisuke asked him.
"They're incompetent and besides, no one knows this program better than you," Mayuri replied. The program was already booted up on a PC and various vital monitors were set up.
"Mayuri, you don't actually plan on using this on yourself, do you?" Kisuke questioned.
"What better test could there be? This is something I need to do," Mayuri told him as he began to place the vital monitor patches onto his body.
"Something happened, didn't it?" Kisuke asked. He hadn't heard about the break in or about Nemu but he could tell something was very wrong.
"Ever perceptive Urahara…" Mayuri mused as he took the cap that the program used to make alterations and placed it upon his head.
"Well, I can't set the program unless I know what it is you want to change," Kisuke told him.
"You know as well as anyone what it is that needs to be changed about me…" Mayuri replied as he sat down in the chair next to the desk.
"And you know as well as anyone that I can't do it," Kisuke said as he sat down in the chair in front of the computer rolling it so that he sat directly in front of Mayuri. "Ooh, comfy rolly chairs, the lab really has been upgraded."
"You have to do this," Mayuri demanded.
"Actually this might be the worst thing I could do to you… You don't want someone else to change you. You've been as stubborn as anyone I've ever known since the day I met you. Now you're willing to let someone delve into your brain and rewire you? What happened Mayuri?" Kisuke asked in a serious tone.
"A realization of sorts, you know my failings… She's gone to you and your wife before when I've screwed things up," Mayuri said.
"You need to work this out. Behind that cold sarcastic shell is a guy who is ridiculously passionate about everything in his life. Your passion to protect has been misguided at times… But it has saved her life as well. Nothing is really going to be solved by manipulating a part of your behavior. You need to change it. You have to take charge and make a conscious effort. You've realized something you've been doing is wrong, so now you have to fix it. You know as well as I do that nothing is perfect. And you know we don't want it to be perfect, because that means we're not able to improve any further. You have to strive and continue to improve yourself. It's not a simple thing to do, but you have to do it. I'll always be around to help you, but not this way. Not like this," Kisuke told him. Mayuri stared at him his look wavered between hurt and acceptance. He couldn't deny what Kisuke was saying, because it was the truth.
Suddenly Mayuri's cell phone began ringing breaking the silence. He looked at the unfamiliar number. The caller id had the number listed under the local hospital. He quickly pushed the button to answer.
"Nemu?" Mayuri's voice was strained with concern. Kisuke watched silently.
"Mayuri…" Nemu's voice was so quiet… She sounded so tired.
"Are you alright?..." Mayuri asked worry lining his face.
"I will be… I just wanted to see how you were doing… I was so thoughtless earlier…" she said.
"No Nemu, that's not true at all… I'm sorry I've made such a mess of things," he told her apologetically.
"What's wrong Mayuri?... Are you alright?" Nemu asked.
"For the first time, in a long time, I'm actually seeing things a little clearer… But, we can talk another time. I can tell you're very tired. You need to rest," he said.
"I will… Can you do something for me?" she asked.
"Of course, anything…" he replied quickly.
"Promise me you'll come visit me," she said.
"If you want me to, I'll be there," he told her.
"Thank you," she replied he could hear the soft smile in her voice. They said their good-byes and hung up.
"That sounded nice," Kisuke said in a sincere tone.
"She still wants to see me. After everything, she still wants me to go visit," Mayuri replied and something Kisuke hadn't seen in a long time happened. Mayuri actually smiled, not one of his usual devious smiles but a genuinely happy smile.
"That is good news, but you shouldn't be surprised. She loves you more than you know," Kisuke replied. "Back to the matter at hand though. What are you going to do Mayuri?" Kisuke asked.
"Well the first order is to get this ridiculous mess off me," he said as he took off the cap and pulled the patches for the vital machine off himself. "You were right about me… Sadly, I haven't formulated a plan to correct this error."
"Like I said, I'll help you, if you want," Kisuke told him. He hadn't realized how much time they had spent talking until he looked at the clock on the computer. "Oh dear." Kisuke said frowning.
"What is it?" Mayuri asked curiously.
"Why don't we shut all of this down now and get out of here. You can come to the house if you'd like to talk more, Yoruichi should be making breakfast about now," Kisuke replied.
"You're late, aren't you?" Mayuri asked with a slight grin.
"Let's not talk about that now. Let's focus on you," Kisuke told him as he started turning off the power to everything.
"Oh I can't miss this…" Mayuri said with a quiet laugh as they walked out of the lab.
"Well I'm glad to know you care so much," Kisuke replied with a laugh.
Gin sat in his car outside of Rangiku's apartment. It wasn't that he wanted to cause her pain. He never wanted that, it was just a result of something inevitable, she was probably one of the only people he ever actually did care about. But maybe he could make it work. It might even be fun to live two lives. Very secret-agenty…
He had already seen Shunsui and Nanao carrying Rangiku back. He frowned as he thought about it again. He knew it was his fault. He thought he had made it easy for her to forget him when he left. He took everything of his, leaving nothing behind to remind her. But then maybe, just as much as he couldn't stop thinking of her, she couldn't stop thinking about him.
Perhaps things could be like they used to be. Him and her, and even the runt her little cousin, they could get along again. But how exactly would he set this plan in motion. It certainly wasn't going to happen by him sitting out in his car for hours watching her apartment. But it also wouldn't do to just walk up to her apartment at three in the morning and ask her if they could have a chat.
"A letter!" he said aloud to himself, actually startling him by how loud he was about the idea. "She'll love it… Or she'll rip it into little shreds and burn it…" he sighed dismally at the thought. "The only way I can possibly get her back has to be in person… Persimmons… That's it! They should be just about dried tomorrow. Gifts are always good, especially ones that taste like honey sunshine... Man I'm hungry now… Good night love, I'll see you soon," he said as he looked up toward her apartment smiling as he drove off.