AN: This chapters and the next one were originally going to be uploaded together, but it all ended up being too long and so they are going up in two parts. So that's why this one's a little short. It's also not as important to the plot, but it is really important to understanding Ten, which is why I left it in. Because the stories I'm writing are set after the last time we see the Tenth Doctor, his character is evolving past what we know. He was really starting to change even before he regenerated. I'm trying to extrapolate his character development and guess at what he will become. And how Xan will affect that path. So this is subtle, but it is pretty important. I'm not saying this for the readers, but really for the reviewers, so that they can know what it is I'm trying to do and tell me if I've done it.
Shocked silence.
It was magnificent. It was one of those silences where you became uncomfortably aware of the fact that your tongue cannot fit in your mouth - you feel like it might roll out on its own - and you suddenly start thinking in nothing but complete sentences - My tongue feels weird right now. How couldn't I have noticed it before? It's horrible! - that start to loop like in a feverish half-sleep - I can't believe I'm thinking about it in complete sentences... I can't believe... I can't believe I'm thinking... Thinking this in a complete sent... Can't believe I'm... - All of it sounds so ridiculously scripted but your tongue won't just stay in your mouth... thoughts just won't stay in your head... everything loses all significance like a word you repeat over and over until you undo your own humanity and the illusion of meaning... Nothing... Nothing...
Until everything reorganizes itself in a way that makes sense.
"I'm not surprised," said Xan at long last. "I'm really not."
The Doctor gave her a brief look that managed to communicate a whole monologue's worth of complex and powerful emotions, but the main theme was gratitude. Relief and gratitude. He smiled and made a sort of generic friendly gesture that ended in physical contact - it was a strange and improbable blend of a light shoulder punch and a hand squeeze - and said to himself quietly, "There's a good reason to have a human around."
Xan hadn't caught what he'd said, and wondered what it was.
"And yeah, when you think about it like that," he grinned, popping to his feet and speaking at a normal volume. "Simple enough."
"I never actually said how I thought about it," said Xan, who had wanted to be asked.
The Doctor put his hands behind his back and recited, "The dimension we're occupying existed before the universe began; therefore inaccessible to anyone who does not have a time machine; therefore the signal originates from a time machine. If it does, then someone sent the signal, therefore either the occupant of the machine is alive or the machine is alive itself. If the latter, probably a TARDIS. If the former, then the time machine can hold together in a void, therefore is capable of travel through space as well, and of existing in non-standard, or possibly relative dimensions... So, TARDIS. And given the fact that we're here, it seems perfectly reasonable that in the million or so years that the Time Lords were capable of temporal manipulation, someone else would have had a problem like ours. Therefore, highly probable." He gave Xan a sidelong glance and a smile. "Did I get it?"
"Almost. I didn't use 'therefore'."
"What'd you have there, then?"
"Hence. I used 'hence'."
He wrinkled his nose. "Hence, eh? That's right posh, that is..."
"So who's answering the phone?" Xan asked. "Why don't you?"
"No, why don't you?"
"Are you joking?"
"No, I'm serious, you answer it. Communications button's right there, go on." He gave her a little push.
"Come on, Doctor, stop it."
"I'll set up the channel for you-"
"The heck? It's your ship, you answer it! What could I say to a... a Time Lord?"
He shrugged. "Something clever. You can always do that with me."
Xan realized that the Doctor was actually going to make her do this. "What could I possibly say to them?" she said angrily. "Is this just your idea of punishing me for screwing up? I couldn't handle one responsibility, but you don't think I've been put in my place quite yet, so you give me a bigger one. Is that what it is?"
"What you'd like it to be," corrected the Doctor, who leaned back against a column of coral and folded his arms. "What you'd like me to be."
After a second, Xan shut her eyes. "No. Not... not anymore."
"What does that mean, not anymore?"
"It means... just forget it. Start that over." She hated the way her first impulse was always suspicion. If only there was some way of testing out the way words would sound coming out without having to commit to them. Make sure, as it were, that you said what you were trying to say. "Why don't you want to talk to whoever it is?" Xan asked, trying to keep an edge of irritation out of her voice.
For a brief moment, the Doctor looked very small and vulnerable, like the world was falling away from him. He swallowed and then numbly echoed, "What could I possibly say?"
The signals kept chiming softly.
"You're busy," Xan said reluctantly. "We've just got here, and everything needs fixing, so you can't be spared to answer the signal. Does that seem like a fair excuse?"
There was another moment of stillness, and Xan wasn't quite sure if the Doctor had heard her. His eyes were focused on something to far away to see. Then he inhaled sharply, and glanced her way without exactly meeting her gaze. "Yeah, that sounds about right." He rocked forward off the column.
A sound louder than a chime now, and more abrupt.
"We're being hailed," declared Xan. "Sorry, but I always wanted to say that."
"Well, go on, answer it."
She dragged her shoe over the floor contemplatively. "I'm... I'm scared to," she confessed.
"What for? You're not..." The Doctor looked a bit serious. "You're not afraid of the Time Lords, are you?"
"No, no," Xan said, shaking her head spastically and almost laughing. "No, I'm... I'm nervous. I'm all jittery - oh help, I'm getting stage fright, this is awful." She put her face in her hands. "This... oh, god..."
The Doctor smiled ruefully. "So am I," he admitted with a giggle. "Me too."
Xan lifted her face out of her hands. "You coward, you," she accused.
"I'm not-"
"Yes, you are."
The call again, and this time the sound ended with static, and it didn't seem as though whatever was on the other side was finished. The static held for a few moments longer, and then a sharp noise like an intake of breath.
"Contact," said a voice over the comlink. "I repeat, contact. Is anyone there?"