Disclaimer: All of the characters, concepts, and anything affiliated with the Merlin franchise belong to the BBC. The rest of the work belongs to me and should not be copied in any way, including translations, without my explicit consent.
AN: So, RL is acting up so I think this might slow down, but hey, who knows I might find some time to write. Anyhoo, on to the chapter.
Warnings: Homophobia, self-hate, underage sex, underage drinking, drug abuse, and internalized homophobia
The Hell that is My Life
As it turns out, when he puts his mind to it, Arthur can avoid anyone he wants (even Morgana who seems to always know where everyone is at any given time).
He spends all of Friday alone. He avoids his friends, his twin, and Merlin; especially Merlin. After what happened yesterday, Arthur's sure that he wants to stay away from Merlin for quite some time.
It just hurts when you like someone more than they like you.
It hurts even more when they think that you're the biggest prat in the world while you think that the sun shines out of their ass.
So yeah, right now, space from Merlin would be good. Also, beer. Beer, some spliff, take-away, and some horrible action films. Seeing how all of this will be done at Leon's, Arthur opens his locker and gathers his stuff.
Getting drunk at Leon's has many benefits. For one, he doesn't have to lock himself in his room to: a) hide from Morgana, b) drink his feelings alone, and c) hide from Morgana's mocking of him being an emo kid hiding in his room whilst drinking his feelings before pestering him for the reason why he's drinking his feelings, resulting in a giant argument that may or may not lead to his disinheritance, being disowned, and kicked out of the house.
Other benefits are that the guys won't care to ask why he's being miserable, if the guys do ask why he's miserable, they won't press for an answer; he'll get free beer and spliff, and Leon has a trampoline in his garden. If jumping on a trampoline drunk doesn't lighten up his mood, then he's pretty much doomed.
Having finished packing his bag and making his way to the carpark, Arthur starts the car and drives to Leon's. He's getting a little bit excited thinking about tonight. It's going to be a proper Guy's Night. There will be no talking about anyone's love life, family issues, college, uni, or anything to do with responsibility or the future. Tonight is about getting drunk, watching horrible films, sharing a spliff or four, and just relaxing.
Pulling up in the drive, Arthur feels good about tonight. It'll be like old times; just him and the guys hanging out and doing absolutely nothing.
He enters the house and tosses his bag in the lounge before making his way to the games room, where he hears the rest of the guys. Arthur makes his way to the pool table, grabbing a can of beer on the way, and watches as Elyan slaughters Leon. He laughs with the rest of the guys as Leon curses them all, "I fucking hate all you tossers. Cheering him on," he points to Elyan, "when he's clearly a cheater."
When he gains no sympathy, Leon gives them all the two-finger salute and grabs another beer before collapsing on the couch. Elyan and Gwaine start up a game and Arthur's content to just watch for a bit before he joins in, when someone sidles up next to him.
He sees Merlin out of the corner of his eye and tries to hold in an aggravated sigh. The brunette made it quite clear yesterday that he had no interest in coming today and Arthur was looking forward to that.
Noticing his irritation, Merlin leans and says in a serious voice, "We need to talk."
Arthur makes no move to let Merlin know he heard him, let alone agree to go and talk with him.
He looks at Arthur with pleading eyes and whispers, "Please."
Caving, Arthur nods and follows Merlin out of the games room and into a spare bedroom on the other side of the house.
Arthur walks and stands in the middle of the room, clenching his fists, trying to hold back his anger as Merlin locks the door.
Why? Why does Merlin have to be here tonight? Does he really have to talk now, when Arthur was just beginning to relax and forget about all the crap in his life?
He's about to ask Merlin what the fuck he's doing when Merlin turns and speaks, "I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."
Arthur looks at him with raised brows, clearly skeptical, "You're sorry."
Merlin stares at Arthur, as if waiting to be forgiven. When he realizes that Arthur isn't going to say anything, he lets out an annoyed huff. "Listen, this isn't all my fault y'know."
"What," Arthur scoffs, "you being a dick is partially my fault? Please, enlighten me on how I made you behave like a dick," he waves his hands in front of him, giving Merlin space to explain.
Merlin crosses his arms, as if in defense from Arthur's sarcasm and anger. "For months you've been watching me," Merlin starts, "and I get that you're confused or whatever, but you being a creep and watchng me day-in and day-out has been making me uncomfortable. And tense. Not to mention freaked the fuck out." He runs a hand through his hair, no longer looking at Arthur, but staring at the carpet, "You kiss me at that party and then have your sister spread rumours around the school about how I jumped you. How I'm the bum boy at school that jumped Arthur Pendragon to try and 'make him gay.'" Letting out a humourless laugh, Merlin continues, "You made my life a living hell and then started looking at me like-." He finally looks back up at Arthur and shrugs, "What was I supposed to think? How was I supposed to know what you wanted? And then you get my number from Gwaine and start texting me, inviting me to these parties with your friends, and try to act like it never happened," he shakes his head.
The room is silent for a long while; Merlin is trying to control himself and Arthur is starting to understand Merlin's side of things, his hesitance, not to mention his skepticism and anger. Arthur realizes that he's not been the only one who wasn't understanding what the other boy in the room was doing and what his motivaions were given their history.
Just as he's about to apologize to Merlin, Arthur's cut off by Merlin. "Listen, I came here to apologize and to broker a truce."
"A truce?"
Merlin nods, a tentative smile on his face, "Let's make a deal," his smile grows mischievious when he meets Arthur's gaze, "no more head-fuck behaviour; you try to sort yourself out because I sense that you really need it."
Rolling his eyes, Arthur fights a smile off his face as he agrees, "I'll sort myself out if you stop being a dick."
"Deal," Merlin agrees with a huge grin on his face, "No more headfuckery or dickory. Good."
Arthur can't help but laugh at Merlin before asking, "Why are you here anyway? You hate all this stuff, remember?"
The hurt Arthur tried to hide on his face as he exchoes Merlin's statement from the other day must be clear to Merlin who softens his voice and tries to comfort him, "Listen, I'm trying, yeah?" He clears his throat, "We made a deal right? I'm going to try and be less of a dick to you and I figure the only way to do that is if we're friends", he rummages around in his pockets before he pulls out a spliff from his back pocket. He offers it to Arthur, "So what do you say? Let's be friends. Then when we can get to know each other we'll have a good reason for hating each other."
Arthur takes the spliff and nods, smiling, "Cementing our friendship with a 'peace pipe'? I'm in."
"Excellent," Merlin finds his lighter and offers the flame to Arthur who lights the spliff and inhales deeply.
After the first spliff, the guys laid down head to toe next to each other on the floor, snagging pillows from the bed for their heads. They shared the first spliff in relative silence with a few comments in between, before they sarted the second.
Sometime in the middle of the second spliff, Arthur feels relaxed enough to ask what's been on his mind since he thought he might like a boy.
"Merlin," he nudges Merlin's shoulder with his foot.
"Mm?"
He takes another drag before passing it to Merlin and asking, "What do two guys do to one another any way?"
Accepting the spliff, Merlin laughs, "I dunno, usual stuff. Why are you asking me?"
"You are gay," Arthur points out, rolling his eyes.
Shaking his head, Merlin corrects him, "I'm bi." He takes another drag or two before passing it back to Arthur, "Also, there is a wonderful thing called the Internet and can provide you with all this information." He smiles, "Even helpful videos."
"Yeah, I know. It's just," Arthur tries to explain why he needs to hear it from him. How it would help to hear it from someone else and not have to risk open those pages on his computer at home where his dad could check the history.
He gives up trying to find the words, "But you've been with a boy."
Merlin rolls his eyes, "I've done stuff, fun stuff, with guys." He shrugs, "Blow jobs, hand jobs, and based on what I hear at the clubs, you've done those too."
Arthur shifts uncomfortably, "Not really. I mean, other blokes have," he shakes his head, "but I never, not to them."
Merlin nods, "Yeah, I'm still waiting for someone before I do the serious stuff, too." They share a comfortable silence before Merlin speaks again, a laugh creeping out, "'Sides, if I want random sex girls are easier to pull. I just have to smile and bat my lashes and I'm done."
Arthur, not laughing, sits up and asks Merlin again, "But what do you do with a guy? I mean, how does it work?"
Merlin finishes their last spliff and sits up, "I guess you just, do what you do to yourself, only a bit more rigorously. And with a lot more lube." Both boys look at each other before bursting out laughing.
"Lots and lots of lube," Arthur says as he waggles his brows.
Merlin lies back down and continues to laugh, "So much lube. Lu-ube, lots and lots and lots of lube. Lube and fun stuff."
Giggling, Arthur lies back down as well and draws out the word as well, "Luuuuuube."
Turning on his side, Merlin looks at him seriously and adds, "And fun stuff."
Arthur turns on his side to face Merlin and nods, "And fun stuff."
They both look at each other and smile. Merlin brings his hand up nods to Arthur, "Friends."
Smiling, Arthur tangles his hand with Merlin, "Friends."
Merlin lays back down and stares at the ceiling, still giggling and occasionally saying the word "lube" before bursting in a fit of giggle again.
Arthur stays on his side look at Merlin for a bit before laying back down and closing his eyes.
Neither one of them let go of the other's hand.