Ten

"We were the kings and queens of promise; we were the victims of ourselves."

- 'Kings and Queens' by 30 Seconds to Mars

When Harry arrived at work the next morning he immediately spotted Nikki sitting at her desk, hunched over a report and writing furiously. Every so often a blonde curl would fall over her face and she would tuck it behind her ear again impatiently. He fought the urge to smile and instead crossed over to his own desk. Once he was seated behind it, he said awkwardly, "Morning."

The pen stopped moving across the paper as she looked up at him. "Hello," she replied stiffly. They held each other's gaze just for a second before she turned back to her report.

Deciding to simply bite the bullet, Harry said, "Will you come over for dinner at mine tonight?"

Without even looking up, she said, "I can't, I'm going out with Mark."

A sudden swell of anger filled Harry's chest. It was like she didn't even care anymore. Unable to help himself, he said caustically, "You know, you can be as pissed off with me as you like. I get that and, quite frankly, I'm beyond caring. But you cannot let John down. He has been dying to see you; he'll be devastated if you don't show up!"

Once again, the pen's journey across the paper ground to a halt. Her stormy eyes made contact with his. "I am not cancelling a reservation that has been planned for weeks just to fulfil one of your empty promises!"

"No!" Harry exclaimed. "You'd be cancelling a reservation to make a recently orphaned little boy happy for a while!"

"You do not get to do this!" she said angrily, her report apparently forgotten about. "You do not get to guilt trip me, that's not fair! You know I love that little boy."

"You've got a funny way of showing it," he muttered.

"I'm not his mother, Harry!" she practically screamed. "And you're not his dad, either! Stop pretending that you are!" There was a painful silence, in which every nerve in Harry's body seemed to ache. Eventually, more calmly now, Nikki added, "I'll ring John later and say I'm sorry; but I am not cancelling a date just because you told him that I'd be there. Perhaps if you'd asked me first."

With a great sigh, Harry said, "Fine. Whatever. Do what you like, Nikki."

Fed up and angry, he grabbed a random folder from his desk and stormed away. Realising that he hadn't exactly thought this plan through, Harry pushed the door open to Leo's office and disappeared inside. It was absent, his boss obviously being out a scene or perhaps in the cutting room. Sinking down into the chair opposite Leo's seat, he ran a hand through his hair and glanced back out of the clear glass walls. He could still see Nikki, or her back, anyway. Her posture, the way she was slumped over her desk with her head resting on her hand as she wrote, suggested that perhaps she was more upset by their argument than she had let on.

Flicking through the case file to make it at least look as if he were working, Harry allowed his mind to drift. When had all this happened? One minute he was happy and visiting zoos, the next he was shouting at everybody, John included, and had quite possibly lost his best friend.

He chanced another look at her. She'd promised to be there for him through this. Support him as he found his feet with John. Well, unless he was very much mistaken, her attitude right now wasn't exactly what he would call supportive.

Leo appeared in the offices, standing slightly behind Nikki's desk. He spoke to her, something that Harry couldn't make out due to the fact that both of them had their back to him, but whatever it was caused Nikki to sigh and shake her head. Leo turned around, saw Harry in his office and headed over. Bracing himself, Harry felt the need to sit up a little straighter in the chair as Leo entered the room and shut the door behind him.

"Anything you want to tell me?" he asked shrewdly.

"What did Nikki say?"

"Nothing. Just that you had a disagreement."

Snorting, Harry said, "Yeah, that's one word for it. Two-day-long-blazing-row is another."

Sighing despairingly, Leo sat at his chair and leant his elbows on his desk, resting his chin on his fingertips. "What happened, Harry?"

"It doesn't matter," he mumbled, picking at a loose thread on the hem of his top.

"Clearly, it does," Leo corrected. "I'm not asking you to tell me because I'm being nosy. I'm asking you to tell me so that I can help you fix whatever has happened."

"You are?" Harry frowned, making eye contact with his boss for the first time.

"Yes," Leo nodded. "Look, you two and Janet are all I've got. You're my family. And after the year that we've all had ... I just think that you deserve to be happy, Harry."

A lump rose unbidden in Harry's throat. Although he knew that Leo cared about them, just as they cared about him, he'd never really been one to express it before. And suddenly Harry found that he wanted to tell Leo everything.

"It all started yesterday morning, when I told Nikki that I was going to be coming back to work. She insinuated that I wouldn't be able to cope; wouldn't be able to do everything. And then ... then I don't even know what happened. But we can't even be in the same room as each other anymore without arguing about something. If she'd rather be with her new boyfriend that she didn't tell me about than John and myself ... Well, that's up to her, isn't?" he said angrily.

"Ah," Leo said, a small knowing smile on his face.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said quickly, but it took a moment for that smile to disappear. Eventually he sobered up slightly and said, "Look, you've put Nikki in a difficult position. How do you think Mark's going to feel if she's spending all day every day with you and John?"

"You knew about Mark?" Harry interjected quickly.

"Yes, but that's neither here nor there. What I'm saying is, Nikki can't do everything. She already sacrificed her day off to go to the zoo with you the other day, didn't she? She's her own woman, Harry. She's not here to be at your constant beck-and-call."

"I know that," he said indignantly. "I don't expect her to be."

They fell into silence for a moment. Harry could feel Leo's eyes on him. After a minute or so, Leo said, "There's something else, isn't there? Something else bothering you?"

"What? No."

"Harry..."

"Fine," Harry sighed. "I shouted at John last night."

To his surprise, Leo chuckled. "Oh, Harry. All parents shout at their kids from time to time."

Shaking his head, Harry said, "This is different. He only wanted me to play a board game, but I was busy doing a report and got frustrated with him."

"It's understandable-"

"No, Leo! No it's not understandable!" he interrupted. "He's just lost his mother. All he wants is someone to comfort him and play board games with him – I'm supposed to be that person, but I completely lost it with him."

Leo remained silent, sensing that Harry had more to say, and sure enough, a second later, Harry added quietly, "What if I can't do both? Work and looking after John? Nikki's right, isn't she? I mean, it would be all right if I had some nine to five office job where everything was meaningless and easy and I didn't take work home with me, but I don't. I have this job."

"And this job is insane, I know," Leo nodded.

"How did you do it, Leo? How did you juggle work and a family?"

Leo was thoughtful for a moment and then he said, "Harry, you have to remember that it was different for me. I was still a trainee when Cassie was born. I was only just out of med school. I didn't have these hours or this job. But ... you just have to make time. You have to learn to prioritise and let some things go – but not the important things."

"I already have let things go. I'm already working part-time. What am I supposed to do, quit altogether?" he exclaimed.

"Is that what you want?"

"No," he said certainly. "Definitely not. I love this job; I can't imagine never coming back here again. It would be too..." he glanced over at Nikki quickly, "... too painful."

"For goodness sake, make things up with Nikki," Leo sighed wearily, as if it was a piece of advice he had given Harry just once too often. "I think you'll find that everything will fall into place when you do."

"I don't know how this time. It's different to the other times we've argued," he muttered dejectedly.

"Well, you're just going to have to," Leo said clearly, and it was such a clear end of conversation that Harry got to his feet.

"Thanks, Leo," he said as he reached the door.

"You're welcome," Leo smiled. "Oh, and Harry? She and Mark won't last."

Harry considered this for a moment and then said, "I don't know why that piece of information should affect me."

"Of course not. Silly me," Leo said, a twinkle in his eye as he opened up a case file on his desk.

. . .

Harry had been putting off making dinner for as long as he could. It was now six-thirty and, true to her word, Nikki hadn't shown up. John was happily colouring in at the table in the kitchen as Harry finally conceded defeat and began to chop up an onion for spaghetti Bolognese. He was hoping that John might have forgotten as he hadn't mentioned it all evening, but sure enough, when Harry set the table for two, the little boy said, "Don't forget you need a third bowl for Nikki too!"

Stopping what he was doing, Harry crouched down beside the table next to John and said, "I'm sorry, I don't think Nikki's coming."

The crestfallen expression on John's face was heartbreaking. "Doesn't she want to see us anymore?" he asked quietly.

"No!" Harry told him quickly. "Of course she still wants to see you! She told me that she wished she could be here tonight, but she already had plans to go out with a friend."

"Perhaps another day?" John asked sadly.

Harry smiled at his innocence, although inside he was seething. Hadn't Nikki told him that she'd call John to explain? It was still relatively early, but she knows Harry's evening routine now.

Pushing himself to his feet with a groan, Harry ruffled John's hair and crossed the kitchen to the stove to stir his sauce. Just as he was putting some spaghetti pasta into a large saucepan, there was a knock at the door.

He froze, and John looked up hopefully. "I'll get it!" the little boy said, slipping off the chair.

"No, no," Harry said. "You stay there."

The person on the other side of the door knocked again as Harry approached it and he instantly knew that it would be her. Sure enough, when he tugged open the door she was standing on the doorstep.

"I'm not too late, am I?" she said, her voice hard and cold, indicating that their argument was far from over.

"I suppose not," he said, as he took in her appearance. She was wearing a cream blouse underneath a black blazer, the sleeves of which were rolled up a couple of times, and dark skinny jeans. Her hair was down and immaculately curled. On her feet were a pair of black patent leather heels which were so high she was very nearly as tall as Harry. Clearly, she was dressed to go out.

"Can I come in then or what?" she asked.

He stepped back and said, "What about your date?" as she crossed the threshold.

"Mark got tied up at work – he's a surgeon – and he had to cancel. So I thought I'd come here instead," she shrugged, dropping her handbag in the hallway and kicking off her shoes. At that moment, before Harry could retort about how he shouldn't be a last resort, John came running into the hallway, a massive smile on his face.

"Nikki!" he cried, launching himself at her. "I knew you'd come."

Laughing, she hugged him back tightly and said, "Of course I came! I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"You look very pretty," John said bashfully when he let Nikki go.

"Thank you," she smiled. "You look very handsome today too. Now tell me about your day at school."

Hand in hand they went off to the lounge, while Harry went to check on the spaghetti. How could she walk in and tell him that she only came because she had nothing else to do, and then blatantly lie to John and tell him that she wouldn't miss it for anything? And she was clearly still angry at him, too. He wasn't entirely sure what he was supposed to have done, but he was quite pleased because it meant he could be angry at her as well without feeling guilty.

As they ate John managed to keep the conversation going by chattering away about school, and thankfully he didn't seem to notice that Nikki and Harry weren't actually directly talking to each other unless they had to, and even then it was with a high degree of reluctance and forced politeness. Afterwards, as Harry was doing to washing up, Nikki helped John get ready for bed. The little boy came running up to Harry after his bath, his pyjamas on now, and said, "Nikki said she'd read to me tonight, is that okay?"

"Of course," Harry nodded with a slightly strained smile. "Are you going to bed now then?"

John smiled and nodded so Harry bent down to give him a hug. "Goodnight, little man. See you in the morning."

"Night night," John said, before running back to his bedroom.

Harry was then left with nothing to do except wait, although he wasn't entirely sure what he was waiting for. Another argument? Because he didn't want to upset John. But he couldn't see them being civil to one another, either. They'd only been putting up with each other all evening for John's sake. It certainly hadn't been the most enjoyable meal Harry had ever eaten.

Finally, nearly an hour later, Harry heard the sound of John's bedroom door closing and Nikki tiptoed into the lounge. When she spotted Harry looking at her she said, "He's already asleep."

Harry nodded and Nikki headed into the hallway. He could hear the sound of her putting her shoes back on.

"Wait," he said, and he wasn't even aware that he'd been intending to say it until he did. "Wait!" he called again, louder this time. He pushed himself up from the sofa and jogged to the hallway, grabbing a piece of paper from the side on his way.

"What?" she asked exasperatedly.

"You can't just leave!" he exclaimed.

"Why, so I can hang around and we can have another argument?" she asked, her voice laced with sarcasm. "I don't think so, Harry. I'm going home."

"He drew this yesterday!" he cried, brandishing John's painting of the three of them at her. "Look at it, Nikki! Look!"

Reluctantly, her gaze fell upon the picture. Immediately, her eyes filled with tears. "Harry..."

"Please stay," he murmured quietly, an sense of desperation evident in his voice.

"I can't," she whispered, and a tear dribbled down her pale cheek.

He stepped towards her, until he was so close that he could smell her shampoo and feel the soft skin of her arms against his. She did nothing other than gaze at him imploringly. He wasn't even sure what she wanted; hell, he wasn't even sure what he wanted. Sliding his fingers down her wrists he laced his hands with her own, and then roughly pushed her up against the wall. A gasp escaped her lips as he pressed their hands to the wall either side of her head.

"Don't," he breathed, his voice shaking. They did nothing but look at each other for a moment, their eyes connected as if someone had frozen them in place, vivid green against deep brown. He could feel her breath tickling his neck and it caused goosebumps to erupt on his arms. Knowing that he was risking everything, yet at the same time not caring, he moved one hand from the wall and ran his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the trails from her earlier tears.

Nikki exhaled a trembling breath and he felt her shiver with his whole body. Physically, they had never been this close before. Not in this way. It was like all of a sudden nothing else mattered except that moment.

Of its own volition he was sure, his head drew closer to hers. He let his eyes close. Her lips were so close to his that he could almost feel them. This is it, he found himself thinking. This is it.

And then her phone rang. And it was as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over them both. The spell was broken, the magic gone. He'd missed his moment.

"Don't answer it," he muttered, almost pleadingly.

"I – I have to," she said shakily. "Harry, let me go."

Reluctantly, he released his grip on her arm and stepped back. She glanced at him and then pulled her phone from her pocket, looking at the screen and pressing the end call button.

"That was Mark..." she mumbled, more to herself than him.

"So why didn't you answer it?" He didn't mean to sound that accusatory, yet somehow that's how it came out.

"I don't ... I don't know. I should be – I need to go," she stuttered, and he noticed that she couldn't seem to look him in the eye.

"No, we need to talk!" he protested immediately, as she turned and placed a hand on the door.

"No we don't," she whispered, "because there's nothing to talk about. Nothing happened, and nothing has changed."

And she left, letting the door close sharply behind her.

A super-quick update because I had so many lovely LOVELY reviews for the last chapter. :)

xxx