I was muddy, exhausted, and terrified. And I still wasn't sure if I was in someone else's nightmare or just tripping badly on something, someone might have slipped into my drink. Because I refused to believe my life had become this screwed up in a matter of hours.

I stood in a four foot deep; six foot long hole leaning on the collapsible shovel Jasper had magically pulled out of his ass. The horrifying alternative was that every car the Cullen's owned was fully equipped with an emergency 'Hide A body' kit.

Jasper was in his words, being my look out, since I needed the practice of digging graves because I would be doing this a hell of a lot after I turned, and if he had to dig it he might give into temptation and stash my body alongside the already dead guy in the trunk. I hated him so much I felt like I would shatter into a tiny million pieces.

I looked up as I felt his shadow loom over me, "Needs to be deeper." He said, a sick, amused smile sitting easily on his lips, "Or animals are going to dig it up later when it starts to rot.

"Then you do it, you pretentious piece of shit."

Jasper tutted, "Language, nena. I don't want Edward to blame me for your potty mouth."

"Yeah? Just you wait till Edward hears about this." Oh hell, I sounded like a freaking child and Jasper's patronizing smile reminded me how much of a well-trained puppy I truly really was.

Fuck.

I stuck between a ruthless killer and my shaky sense of independence. Who could I turn too, I didn't trust the Cullens thanks to Jasper anymore, and now I couldn't even trust him.

I thought Jasper was the only one I could trust to lead me right but it was obvious he had plans of his own, and they didn't hinge my survival. I had never felt this alone, so isolated from help. When had I become just a pawn in the ever ruthless games for these immortals? I wasn't as smart or experienced as them but even I could see that the only way to survive was to play dirty and cut-throat, there were no sides but your own, no concept of good and evil. It was a game of power and survival.

I couldn't run fast enough, or far enough before they found me, my best bet was to pull away from Jasper and find sanctuary with the Cullens and bide my time. There was safety in numbers.

I was at a clear disadvantage with my mortality; I either took the cowards way out and absolved myself of any responsibility or I stayed and fought.

Looking up at Jasper's smirk, I wished I was a vampire right in that instant so I could punch his pretty little head off and throw it into into a fire and dance around it, only to piss on his ashes afterwards.

Patronizing son of a bitch.

I turned back to my shallow little grave and dug farther down anyway, Jaspers threat still fresh on my mind.

I wasn't due home, still Sunday night, I had played hooky with Edward on Friday, the night he left with the rest of the family, and stayed most of the night at the Lake with Jasper till the late hours in the morning, sleeping all the way till noon, where Jasper had convinced me to step out of my shell and just live a little. Now here I was on a cloudy Sunday morning, attempting to shower off the feel of a dead man's grope, while mud and other debris clung to my skin from digging his grave.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel anymore, I felt oddly numb, removed from the whole situation.

Stepping out of the shower, I saw my favorite sweats and shirt laid out on the counter. This stumped me, I was sure they had been in my dresser back at home. Stepping closer a realized, that this was all Jasper, he had gone out of his way and gotten my clothes knowing they would give me a modicum of comfort after a harrowing experience like last night and early this morning.

But why would he do something like that?

That man had me tied up in more knots then I had sense. I hated it and yet there was another part of me, so deep and tucked up in dark a corner that I didn't want to acknowledge that shivered in delight, enthralled with him and all his demented antics.

Jasper was sitting in the kitchen, a half-formed, little, stone carving of what looked like a bird in his hands. He didn't look up from his sculpting, etching details into the rock with nail of his thumb as I entered. Curiosity drew me forward.

"I used whittle wood as a human, it helped in the long hours between scrimmages and uncertainties, after I was turned, the habit stuck but wood was too fragile in my hands at first, Maria suggested I use stones, but most of them still crumpled to dust in my hands, so it became an exercise in control, I eventually gained enough control to work with wood again, but I prefer stone now."

"The trick is finding the right stone, it can't be too soft because it will crumble at the slightest of pressure, but it can't be too hard either because it'll resist any type of change and crack under the strain eventually."

Jasper looked up from his hands, catching my gaze he gave me a terribly jaded smile, "You and I are kind of like the those perfectly malleable little stones that are so hard to find, nice to shape and mold into whatever you want or need at the moment. Then easy to discard after you've used it and no longer have a reason for it."

I looked at Jasper and felt his heavy melancholy settle around my heart like physical weight, this man right here made me want to stick by his side and rescind every nasty thing I had thought or said about him. He had seen the world burn around him, and lived to bear the scars.

He spoke slowly, as though trying to find a way to convey his tangled thoughts, "Even though last night didn't go as planned, I wanted you to see how we can charm and coerce those around us with natural grace. We are predatory creatures by nature and can spot weakness and vulnerability with laughable ease, how we manipulate it to our advantage is up to the kind of vampire you're dealing with."

His fingers setting down the beautiful little stone bird and moving to my hands that lay on the kitchen counter with a tentative slowness, holding them softly. "I wish you hadn't experienced last night but there's an important lesson in that too, don't ever wait for someone to come for your rescue, most of the time there isn't anyone there. Don't allow any weakness, Bella. True survival is about annihilating those that mean you harm with such thoroughness and cruelty no one ever dare stand against you ever again."

My hand rose against my own accord, softly cupping his face, I searched his shadowed eyes, trying to understand the horrors this man faced and survived. His shoulders were stooped like the weary soldier he was, I could hear it in his voice and every inch of his being, he was on fire. He was burning and as much as I hated him, he spoke to me on a level that no one else did, I couldn't let him suffer.

"I can help Jasper, just tell me how." I pleaded.

I wanted to cut him open, make him spill every last of his secrets and fears, drive away every hurt and immerse myself into this man.

He leaned into my touch, "you've done enough nena, to last a life time. Believe me." He looked into my eyes. "But I can't ask you to do this,"

I shook my head, desperate, "Anything."

Jasper looked at me with fire in his eyes, and violence in his lips.

Nena: is a Spanish term of endearment.

Yes they pulle and push each other so freaking crazily but this chapter reflects that perfectly, they wanna kill each other on minute and then rip each others clothes off in another.

Any question or comments? let me know

Over and out,

Actionhero1