Song: Problem by Natalie Kills

RATE M

"We just need one code," Hill said from her stop at the computer. "Then we're in Hydra's database."

"Hell yes!" Tony cheered. "I knew that mission would be worth it."

"I almost died," Bruce said questioning.

"Yes, almost," Thor nodded.

"What's the last code?" Steve asked.

"Better yet," Clint sat up from his seat. "Where? Syberia?" He scoffed.

"It's a fifteen number code one of our informants just so happens to have," Furry smirked.

"Which one?" Natasha asked only half paying attention.

Fury smirked, pulling a flip phone out of his pocket as he held it out to her.

Natasha looked up from her knife to see the phone, immediately deflating. "No."

"What's happening?" Bruce asked as Clint burst out laughing.

"I can't believe it," He said whipping a tear away. "Someone, make some popcorn, this is gonna fucking rock."

"What exactly is gonna rock?" Steve asked.

"We uh," Hill answered fighting back a laugh. "We have an informant who trades intel for… well-"

"Phone sex with Natasha!" Clint yelled laughing.

"Phone sex?" Steve furrowed his brow. "How does that even work?"

"No," Natasha said finally. "I'll kill whoever you want just don't make me call that phone." Furry raised an eyebrow as the stalemate began. With a growl, Natasha snatched the phone away and hit one on speed-dial.

"Hello, sexy," Natasha said over the phone in a sultry voice. "Of course I've missed you." She put her hand over the receiver when Clint began snickering. "Do you people need to be here?"

"Yes," Clint laughed. "I enjoy your pain."

Natasha rolled her eyes as she put the phone back to her face. "Oh, where we left off? Uh well of course I remember, silly." She shot Tony a glare as he choked on his water from laughing. "There was Sweat dripping down your chest…" She staggered off putting her face in her free hand as he filled her in for a few minutes. "Oh, I'm Thinking 'bout your tattooed knuckles on my thigh, boy…. Cold shower?" She sat up more alert. "Please lover boy, You got no power to control how I make you my toy." She kicked her heels up on the table. "What I'm doing right now?" She looked at everyone's amused and pink faces. "I've got My hips rocking, as we keep lip locking." She began to play with her knife again. "Uh huh… ooooh yeah…. The neighbors? We Got the neighbors screaming even louder, louder." She sighed as she stabbed lightly at the table. "Uh huh, Mrs. Kerns if fit to be tied."

"This is the most humiliating thing," Tony smiled. "I love it."

She glared at him and took the phone away from her face. "First off, pretending to be interested in you was the most humiliating thing I've ever done and second off if this gets your rocks off then get the hell out of here." There was a shout over the phone make her put it back to her face. "You know I'm still here baby…. Yeah, I love that…" She rolled her eyes. "Lick me down, like you were rolling rizla." She huffed leaning her head back. "Am I hot? Honey, I'm smoking, come and put me out."

"I love when this happens," Clint laughed. "She can't kill us till after she gets off the phone."

"Why I'm so sweet to you?" Natasha rolled her eyes again. "I'm your dream girl. This is real love. But you know what they say about me-"

"That girl is a problem?" Hill smirked.

Natasha glared at her. "I can't be tamed."

"Maybe we should leave?" Steve asked clearly uncomfortable.

"Nah, too late now," Natasha leaned back again. "He'll be done soon and you've all heard more than enough." She turned her attention back to the phone. "What am I wearing?" She glanced down at her suit pants and white button up. "I got your name hanging from my chain. Oh yeah, baby. Don't you wanna claim my body like a vandal?" She yawned. "Am I sick? Oh yeah I have a fever and the only cure is-"

"More cowbell?" Clint and Tony asked at the same time. Sadly Clint was the only one able to dodge the stapler she threw.

"You got the cure underneath your shirt," Natasha smiled as Tony held the forming bump on his head. "Don't you wanna save this dirty little damsel?" She huffed out a laugh as Clint pulled a staple from Tony's head. "Oh yeah you know, Got my mink coat falling on the motel floor. You're on the bed wolf whistling louder, louder. Uh huh."

"Telephone sex seems very strange," Thor mused. "What is he doing? Does anyone get to-"

"Your lips smudging all my makeup, Kicking both my heels off, Come and pin me down," She made a disgusted face holding the phone out so everyone could hear a loud deep moan. "Ooh baby, you so bad, boy," She moaned rolling her eyes. "You Drive me mad, boy But you don't care what they say about me…. Uh huh… I'm yours." She rolled her eyes holding the phone away as more male moans fill the room. "Are you sure I can't just kill this guy, Fury?"

"Negative, he has information on us as well," He shook his head. "He's a lonely little computer nerd trusted with too much information. This is easiest."

"For you maybe," She snarled. "What we're doing?" She asked the phone. "We're hell-raising, and we don't need saving 'Cause there's no salvation for a bad girl. We're rock bottom, but there ain't no stopping 'Cause they don't know nothing about love."

"Oh yeah, baby," She rolled her eyes holding out her hand for a pen and paper. "Let me see you take your shirt, shoes, jeans, all off. I'ma take my skirt, boots, rings, all off And we ain't even at the beach… uh huh, yeah right there." She nodded and began to write down numbers on the paper.

"Good job, thanks for the intel… dinner?" She looked at everyone confused. "Maybe another day, you know, let me think on it, I'll call you later bye." With that, she hung up the phone and threw it at Fury. "There's your damn code." She pushed herself up and began to walk out.

"Where are you going?" Clint called out. "Got a dinner to get to?"

"I'm taking a shower," She called back. "I feel disgusting right now."

"A cold shower?" Tony joked.

"A scalding one," She muttered.

"She is a God damn problem," Steve shook his head. "Let's put the last code in shall we?"