I felt a bit like a crazy person typing up this chapter in the coffee shop today I was writing furiously with an intense expression on my face and I think I frightened the child sitting next to me. I can't help it, these boys just do that to me.
The song mentioned in this chapter is actually by Ben Folds and Nick Hornby. Hope you all enjoy!
This story is based on a prompt and discussion by the amazing Megachrisfan. If you want, stop by and say hello. I post updates and previews on my Tumblr, practical-amanda.
They were into their second week of rehearsal, the half way point before they started doing workshop performances. Kurt was about to do his song, "Picture Window" with all of the blocking on stage for the first time. It was one of the earliest songs in the show and it was about the death of his mother. The show was set up a bit like a cabaret, with scenes from Kurt's life interspersed with songs. There were a few young boys taking turns playing eight year old Kevin, but all the songs were sung by the adults.
He peaked out from behind the curtain and saw Blaine deep in conversation with one of the kids. It had only taken one week of rehearsal for Kurt to realize that his body and mind were going to continue to betray him where Blaine was concerned, but he remained resilient on the outside. He had a long conversation with Rachel about it the weekend before. After Sebastian, Rachel was his best friend in high school and she had graduated from Mckinley engaged to Finn, but ultimately she decided that she wanted to pursue acting in LA and left her engagement ring in New York along with a heart broken Finn. Kurt loved his brother and he felt for him, but he couldn't help but think it was for the best. She was his main supporter in the whole "career before love" thing and he needed to hear her voice.
"You know I'm with you, Kurt," she had said emphatically into the phone. "People like us shine brighter than the rest and I for one applaud you for holding your talent in such a high regard. There will be plenty of time for boys when we're in our thirties."
The encouraging words had helped, but it didn't stop his stomach from doing funny things when he watched Blaine show the little eight year old card tricks to pass the time. It also didn't stop him from making a fool out of himself during the kissing scenes he had with the other man.
The first time they were coming up on an offending scene Kurt had faked dizziness half way through the rehearsal and had gone home early, scolding himself the entire way for his unprofessional-ness and thunking his head loudly against his desk when he received a get well soon e-card from Blaine.
The next day, when they actually did the kiss, he didn't have to feign dizziness as the feel of Blaine's soft lips against his and the heady scent of coffee and something distinctly Blaine was enough to make him feel like the fainting heroine in some old, black and white movie. He had spent the rest of the day stumbling over lines and generally messing up until Artie had gotten so frustrated that he sent everyone home early. The next couple of times they rehearsed the scene Kurt decided that he would have to distance himself from the role, on stage chemistry be damned and he had adamantly refused to give Blaine more than a peck on the lips. The first time he did it, the other man had given him an odd look, but went with it anyway.
Kurt shook the thought from his memory when Artie called him on stage for his song, taking his place off to the side away from where the scene would be played out.
He finished the song to polite applause and since it was the last thing of the day, the rest of the cast began to pack up their things. Kurt was about to do the same when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
"That was great," Blaine said, pushing his messenger bag higher up on his shoulder. "Do you um...think maybe we could grab some dinner and talk for a little. I wanted to chat with you some more about our characters and the story and stuff."
Kurt had always encouraged his cast members to make comments and suggestions about his writing. He thought it was one of the best ways to improve on a script, but this was the first time that Blaine had ever sought him out outside of rehearsal. He knew that he was getting into dangerous territory, but he couldn't think of a good enough excuse so he just nodded dumbly and followed Blaine out of the theater.
"I thought that we could go to this little Italian place down the street. I go there with my room mate all the time," Blaine said, holding the door open for Kurt. "Hey, actually you might know her. Do you remember Quinn Fabray from high school."
"Quinn is your room mate?" Kurt asked, finally freeing himself from the apprehensive silence that had fallen over him since Blaine suggested they get dinner. "We went to high school together. She was a few years behind me, but we were in Glee club together. I never found out what happened to her. I know she got into a terrible car accident on the way to my brother's wedding, but none of us really heard from her after high school."
"Wait, Finn is married?" Blaine asked, looking a little confused. "Why is he always flirting with the extras then?"
Kurt couldn't help but laugh a bit, "No, they ended up breaking their engagement when they moved to New York together. As horrible as the accident was, it's a blessing that the wedding got cancled because of it."
Blaine nodded along and once again held the door open for Kurt as they walked into the near by restaurant, "She's had a hard life, but she started walking again a few years after graduating and was finally able to start her freshman year at Yale. That's where we met."
"Hmm..." Kurt said thoughtfully, "maybe we could all meet up some time. I'd like to see her again. We weren't terribly close friends, but it's always nice to have a blast from the past."
Blaine hummed in agreement and took his seat across from Kurt. The hostess must have assumed they were on a date and seated them in a little secluded corner. A fact that made Kurt huff out a small breath of frustration. It was a lot harder to remind himself he wasn't on a date with Blaine when they weren't seated, tucked away in the corner of a little bistro.
They both placed their orders, gnocchi for Blaine and chicken marsala for Kurt, before Kurt turned to Blaine determined to get down to business, "so you wanted to talk?"
Blaine looked a little taken aback at his forceful tone, but took it in stride, "yeah, a few things actually. I remember you mentioned that you like it when the cast gives you feedback and I wanted to ask you," Blaine began, tearing off a piece of the bread the waitress has just set down. "I really love the song you sang today. I thought it was beautiful, but have you considered maybe moving it to another point in the show. It's great and I'd hate to see it cut, but Thomas, the kid I was talking to in the audience today said that he didn't understand what it was about and I got to thinking. If it's supposed to be young Kevin's thoughts, maybe it should be a song with a softer attitude. Sorry if I'm over stepping. It was just a thought and I really do love the other song..."
"Don't apologize, really," Kurt said interrupting Blaine's rambling. "Honestly, I was thinking the same thing today while I was working on the blocking. I wasn't lying when I said I love feedback. I really do. It takes a village to write a really successful show and you're part of that village," Kurt assured. "Was that all you wanted to talk about?"
"No," Blaine said, looking a little relieved that Kurt wasn't annoyed at his criticism, "but the other thing is a little more delicate I guess," Blaine said, squirming slightly in his seat. Kurt looked taken aback at Blaine's behavior, but gestured for him to go on. "I was just wondering...did I do something wrong because we were able to kiss normally that first day, but since then it's like our chemistry is totally off and you keep just giving me this short pecks like my grandmother gives me and I was worried that I offended you or something."
At this point Kurt was absolutely certain that he was as red as a tomato. Not only was he now forced to come up with some excuse, but Blaine had picked up on his childish unprofessionalism. It was very, very rare in Kurt's life that he felt like it might be time for honesty hour, but this was one of them He took a deep breath and started to respond, "can I be really honest with you and trust that you're not going to make fun of me?"
"Of course, Kurt," Blaine said, with a heart stoppingly earnest look on his face. "I'd never make fun of you."
"I haven't really...done that before," Kurt said, pointedly looking down in his lap and twisting his napkin between his fingers.
"Done what?" Blaine asked looking a little confused. "Do you mean kissing someone?"
"No, no...I mean, I've kissed people before, but it's never been like that. I've had furious, drunken make out sessions and short kisses with friends, but never something that was supposed to be loving or romantic. I just...don't really know how it's supposed to go. It's not a coincidence that Kevin is so emotionally stunted when it comes to relationships. I know you're aware that it's based on my life."
Blaine gave Kurt a long, sad look, "Kurt—that's...that's nothing to be ashamed of. I know love stuff can be hard, but it's okay. We'll figure out those scenes together and you did a great job that first time."
Kurt was feeling about as vulnerable as he ever did, even with Sebastian or his family and he wasn't sure how he felt about the fact that Blaine was the one to see it. He didn't have time to think on it much before he felt Blaine come around the table to the bench side where Kurt was sitting to scoot up close to him.
"Hey, come on look at me," Blaine said putting a finger under Kurt's chin and tilting it so that the other man was facing him. "It's not so hard," Blaine said, glancing around to make sure that no one was paying attention to them before planting a gentle kiss onto Kurt's lips. He let their mouths linger together for a moment, only allowing the kiss to deepen slightly before pulling away.
Kurt stared wide eyed at Blaine, not believing what the other man had just done. He was even more surprised when he lifted a hand to his cheek and noticed that there were tears leaking from his eyes. In 27 years of life, no one had ever kissed him like that and it wasn't even real. It was just for a stupid play. He stood abruptly and grabbed his bag, tossing a twenty dollar bill on the table to cover his meal, "I'm...I'm sorry, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow," and with that he was hurrying out the door without so much as a second glance, tears still falling.