A/N:

Buffy might have kissed Faith, but that doesn't necessarily mean things are smooth sailing. And what happens when a reality altering demon interferes?

This is set during 'Normal Again', though as always that just means some parts of that episode appear here.

Given this deals so much with Buffy's mind, it felt only right that this chapter be from her POV. Italics are the asylum world.

Chapter 10: Reality

Buffy has always hated how many alleyways there are in Sunnydale, it's unnatural for a small town to have this many places for demons and vampires to lurk. But, right now she can see the positives as Faith presses her up against one of the alley's walls. Her brain is nothing but goo as Faith's mouth makes her legs feel like jelly and Faith's hands creep under the back of her shirt. She moans at the feel of Faith's tongue on her bottom lip and eagerly opens her own mouth as her hand threads deeper into Faith's dark locks to scratch lightly at the nape of her neck.

"God, B," Faith husks as she pulls away from Buffy's lips and begins kissing down her jaw. God her voice drives Buffy a little crazy when it's like that. She feels tingly all over as Faith continues her assault on her jaw before moving to nip at her neck. She runs a hand down Faith's side, dipping it beneath her shirt to feel warm, soft skin and it's like she's buzzing all over. It's the most alive she's felt since before…

Thinking about that kills her good mood instantly so she gently shoves Faith away from her. Faith looks a little concerned and more than a little frustrated as she pulls back.

"Why we stopping?" Faith asks, not removing her arms from around Buffy.

"We shouldn't let ourselves get distracted when we need to find where these guys are living," Buffy says with a shrug, removing Faith's arms from around her waist. Not that she wasn't enjoying Faith holding her, she actually really enjoys being in her arms. But, she needs the distance right now. Being pressed up against Faith doesn't do much for letting her brain be rational.

"Not buying it," Faith huffs as she tries to reach for Buffy again, "c'mon B, it's not like much will change if we take a make out break."

Buffy evades her grip again and sees the hurt flash in Faith's eyes. She hates being the one to put that there, but she's still trying to get used to whatever this is. This thing where she and Faith sometimes kiss that's been going on since the wedding. The thing is, Faith is a really good kisser. Like exploding fireworks and everything good. Buffy really likes kissing Faith and she knows she likes being around her, but she's still not sure what that all means. Every time she starts to feel happy she wonders if this is what happiness felt like before…well before.

"I'm getting tired of this, Buffy."

And oh boy Faith saying her full name always means things are serious. She liked it better last time though, when Faith used it to say she loved her.

"Can we talk about this later?" Buffy pleads.

"It's always later," Faith bites out, and Buffy knows she deserves the harsh tone. She knows it's not being fair to Faith that she keeps kissing her only to pull away when her brain starts making her think too much. It's just hard because Faith kisses are a little addictive.

"I know, I'm sorry," she says quietly, looking down.

Buffy hears Faith sigh and feels a warm hand cupping her cheek. She looks up and Faith's eyes seem so gentle, so warm that Buffy just wants to sink into them.

"I don't mean to snap at ya, B. I'm just all hyped up from patrol earlier and that already does things to a girl, even without the hot make out session we just had," Faith winks and Buffy feels her cheeks get hot. She blushes a truly ridiculous amount around Faith.

"Lets just split up for a while yeah? We both need to focus on the list," Faith adds seriously, dropping her hand from Buffy's cheek.

Right the list. All the places the Trio might be staying that they'd been checking before the alley had tempted them into taking some alone time.

"Okay," Buffy says as she splits the list of addresses in two and hands one half to Faith.

"Just when we find them you gotta stop avoiding me," Faith says, before turning and leaving Buffy alone in the alley.

Buffy sighs, wanting desperately to call out to Faith. But, instead she just watches sadly as she laves. Because it's true, she has been avoiding her. Well, less straight up avoiding and more using kissing as a distraction. And she's just not sure she's ready to stop, not while her head's still such a mess.

Suddenly something grabs her and she's flung back into the alley wall she and Faith had just been making out against. Alleys officially suck again. She flips herself up and spins a kick at the giant white demon. He's uber gross looking, even by demon standards. Red eyes and skin that looks like melted wax.

The demon leaps at her, grabbing her before she can deflect him and she feels a searing pain in her left arm. She looks down and she swears it looks like a syringe is-

"Buffy stop you're hurting yourself!" a man yells as she opens her eyes to find herself in an unfamiliar place.

Panic swells within her as she looks around the room. It's stark and white and the only thing in it is a cot and two men in orderly uniforms that are moving towards her.

Did she pass out? Is she in hospital?

"Strap her down!" one of the men reaches for her and she can't do anything, she tries to move but-

She blinks and she's back in the alley. The demon is gone and she feels like she's just gone ten rounds with a hell-god.

What the hell just happened?

"I just didn't expect to see her with anyone. Especially not with her pressing her Tara lips against the cheek of some girl that's not me," Willow rambles as they walk through the cemetery.

Buffy's patrolling and Willow…well Willow is pre-occupied with Tara rambles. She doesn't mind though, she really just brought Willow along for company. She's been having these weird flashes ever since the demon in the alley and she knows she should tell someone about them, but she wants to see what they're about first. Right now it's just images of doctors, a big empty room and the feeling of being trapped. Not really conclusive enough.

Still, even if she's keeping it close to her chest, patrolling alone hadn't seemed like a good idea. And she's still being super childish and avoiding talking to Faith, which meant Willow was the go to patrol partner what with Xander and Anya on their honeymoon.

"Don't worry about it Will, once someone falls for Willow they stay fallen," she smiles warmly at Willow, trying to throw herself into the conversation so her brain can stop thinking about Faith and these weird visions.

"Thanks Buff," Willow gives her a small smile in return and for a minute they walk in a comfortable silence.

A rustle nearby sets Buffy's spidey-senses to tingle and she freezes. It's Faith. So that stops her plans to not think about her. Maybe when they finally do talk they should discuss this connection between them, how she's always been able to feel Faith if she wants to. Sometimes it's nice just knowing she can sense her and sometimes it's useful when she's looking to avoid her. Then again, if Faith feels it too than that means she lets Buffy avoid her. The thought of Faith doing that for her seems oddly sweet and it makes Buffy feel all warm and gooey inside.

"Thought we weren't patrolling tonight, B."

Okay so this Faith isn't going to be adding to the warm, gooey feelings. She looks pretty mad and Buffy cringes at herself for lying.

"I told her to tell you that," Willow lies, "I just needed some quality Buffy time."

She's grateful, really, that Willow has her back, but adding onto the lies really isn't a good move.

"Right, and I'm out here practicing for my debut for the Red Sox," Faith bites out sarcastically.

Buffy opens her mouth to respond-

"Hey no need to be so snappy."

She presses a hand to her head as the other two continue to bicker, she feels like she's going to pass out.

"Ask B why I'm so damn snappy!"

"Guy's don't-" she looks up and Faith and Willow are gone. The graveyard is gone. She's in that tiny room again with the cot. She shakes her head as she twirls around, searching for something familiar.

"Buffy? Can you hear me?"

A man in a white coat steps towards her, smiling kindly as he reaches her. She blinks rapidly, why is she with a doctor?

"Buffy do you know where you are?" the doctor asks and she looks around the room. She knows it from the flashes before, but outside that it isn't familiar at all. She knows where she's supposed to be though.

"Sunnydale," she says weakly and the doctor places a hand on her shoulder. She jumps, removing his hand.

"No, Buffy none of that is real. You're in a mental institution. You've been with us for six years, don't you remember?"

He sounds so kind as he explains this to her, that she feels bad for not believing him. But, no this doesn't make sense. Something's gone wrong.

"Buffy?"

Oh god it's her mom. Tears form in her eyes as she turns to the door. She's missed her mom so much and-

A hand touching her cheek snaps her right back to the graveyard. Where did her mom go?

"B?"

Blinking she focuses on her surroundings and realizes Faith is kneeling next to her, gently stroking her cheek. She must have fainted. Though that doesn't explain the vision and why her mom seemed so real.

"Take me home," she whispers, looking up into Faith's concerned eyes.

"Please," she adds when Faith looks like she's going to question her further.

Right now she just wants to rest. Question and answer time can come later.

Nodding, Faith scoops her up and begins to carry her out of the graveyard. She allows herself to sink into the embrace. Faith's arms holding her tight are the only things that feel real.

She's in the room again, but this time her mom and dad are sitting on either side of her. They're a family again and it feels nice. Really nice. She can't even begin to express how much she's missed her mom looking at her like she's the most important thing in the world. That's the part of this vision she likes best, that her parents are here to look after her again.

The doctor has been explaining that she has schizophrenia and that everything-Sunnydale, vampires, her friends, Dawn- she's believed for the past six years has all just been a deep delusion. That's the part she likes the least. Because it just doesn't make sense. She can't have just made that all up. Someone simply can't make up the life she leads.

"Buffy we want to help you," the doctor states calmly and she feels her mom take her hand. "But, in order to do that you have to start seeing that 'Sunnydale' is a delusion."

The comforting smile her mom is giving her makes her want so badly for this to be real, even though she knows it can't be. If this is real than Sunnydale isn't.

"No, it's not a delusion. I need to get back. Willow, Dawn and Faith must all be so worried about me."

She searches around the room for some kind of escape, some portal back to what she knows. She's breathing hard and panicking now. She needs to get back, even if it means having her mom look disappointed in her.

"Faith? That's the girl who is in love with her, right?" her dad asks the doctor. It makes sense that even in her vision her dad would get caught up on things like that. Whatever these visions are, they're very convincing.

"Yes, another bit of proof that this delusion you want to be real is starting to fall apart, Buffy. The story has stopped making sense. First Faith was another 'Slayer' who turned bad and then you tried to kill her. She took your body and spent time in jail, but now she's back and in love with you? She's fighting by your side and she's sweet and caring, not at all like the girl you once imagined her to be. She's offering you all the comfort and support you started to crave in this 'Sunnydale'. Doesn't that seem just a little too convenient?"

She hugs her legs to her chest as she listens to the doctor, trying desperately to find some kind of comfort. Because, god,that makes sense. Why would Faith suddenly come back and love her? And she had come just when Buffy felt so badly like she needed something.

Maybe this is real. Maybe Sunnydale is the false reality.

She opens her eyes and she's back in her room. Or rather back in her room in Sunnydale. A room that she's suddenly not entirely sure exists.

"B?"

Faith is sitting on the edge of the bed and she looks so worried that Buffy wants nothing more than to reassure her that everything will be okay. But, she can't get what the doctor said out of her head.

"Hey," Buffy says softly and Faith's answering smile is gorgeous. She wants so badly for Faith and her dimpled smile to be real.

"You have no idea how good it is to see you looking at me, B."

There's so much aching emotion in Faith's voice that Buffy can't help but reach out and take her hand. Faith squeezes hers back and this all just feels so real. The warmth that spreads through her as she just looks at Faith has to be real. She can't-

"Buffy," her mom says as she blinks and suddenly she's in that room again, slumped against the padded wall.

She wants to go back to Faith.

"Buffy, please sweetheart. You need to fight the delusion," her mom pleads, grabbing her hands.

She doesn't want to lose her mom again. She doesn't want to disappoint her again. Maybe-

Faith squeezes her shoulders. This is all just too much. The back and forth. One reality needs to end.

"No, you're not real. You can't be," she shakes herself out of Faith's grip and moves further away on the bed. She refuses to look at Faith. It hurts too much.

"C'mon B," Faith reaches for her again, "you know no one could possibly make me up."

"You have to start ridding your mind of the things that support your hallucinations," the doctor says as Faith drifts away again. All she sees is the white room and her mom holding her hand and all she hears are the doctors certain words.

"Think about the things that make you want to stay there and do what you need to do to get rid of them."

"Faith," she whispers. Faith makes her-

"I'm right here, B," Faith leans forward, pressing a kiss to Buffy's forehead. "Red's working on the antidote and I ain't going nowhere. I love you."

That sounds so nice, Faith always knows exactly what she wants to-

Her mom brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. She's missed this so much, the way her mom used to always look after her.

"Buffy, she's not real. Faith's just a trick you're illness made up to keep you from being healthy."

She nods, enjoying the feel of her mom's fingers brushing through her hair. She can get better, she can beat this thing, she can-

Buffy jumps off the bed, needing to be away from Faith. She needs to free herself of this delusion. It's just too perfect to be real, the way Faith just seems to get her.

"God it just doesn't make sense does it? That here I am struggling and then you just happen to show up and love me? It's not real. You're just tricking me so I'll stay sick."

"Buffy you gotta believe me, please," Faith begs and the tears in her eyes make Buffy feel like crying. She closes her eyes so she doesn't have to see. It'll be easier to believe it's all a delusion if she doesn't have to look at her.

"I want to be healthy," she says through tears, sinking into her mom's embrace.

"Then you need to do whatever it takes to get rid of the traps in your mind," the doctor sounds so cold and she knows exactly what she has to do. It'll be hard to hurt them, but-

Faith is standing in front of her, raw and vulnerable in a way Buffy has never seen her. She's reaching for her, eyes desperate and Buffy almost gives in. It would be so easy to pretend that this is real.

Instead she smacks Faith hard across the face, knocking her into a dresser and effectively knocking her cold.

"I'm sorry, but this is the only way for me to be healthy again," she says into the empty room.

She won't let them trap her here. Not even Faith.

She stares at the bound and gagged people she has assembled in her basement. Willow, Faith and Dawn-the people she cares most about in this world. Their pained expressions as they struggle against their restraints make her heart ache. She can hear Dawn's muffled sobs through the tape across her mouth and she can see the betrayal in Willow's eyes. She doesn't want to look at Faith.

"Honey," her mom's voice soothes her, "just take your time."

She moves towards the demon Faith chained up down here earlier. Faith, always trying to save her. She really invented a perfect partner for herself.

She turns to look at her, unable to resist one more look before she closes herself off to this delusion. Her eyes lock with Faith's and there is no pain, no confusion or betrayal there. Only love. She freezes, unable to tear her gaze away from the tenderness she sees in Faith's eyes. It would be so nice to just-

"Buffy, look at me. You can fight this," her mom says as she finds herself back in the white room, "you're too good to just give up."

She shakes her head, trying to clear her mind and focus on her mom. Her mom and dad will take her home if she does this. Faith is just a trick. Faith isn't-

The demon is awake and angry, trying desperately to free itself from his chains. She starts to help it, but she fumbles as she feels Faith's eyes on her. They burn away her resolve. She's never had a stare affect her the way Faith's does. She'll miss those expressive brown eyes so-

"Be strong honey, I know you're afraid," her mom's holding her hand again, "I know the world feels like a hard place sometimes, but you've got people that love you."

Suddenly her mom seems blurry, distant as all Buffy can think of is Faith. Faith loves-

Faith loves her. Even now, tied and gagged Buffy can feel that love. It's the only thing she knows is real because there's just no way she could make up the way it makes her heart-

"There's a world of strength in your heart, honey. I know there is. You just have to find it again."

She nods as it all becomes so clear to her. She knows she can find it again, she thinks maybe she already has. She can hear the struggles of the basement even as she stares into the eyes of her mother. The white room is starting to fade, so she squeezes her mom's hands. Fuck, it hurts knowing this is goodbye.

"I just want to be happy," she says quietly, still squeezing her mom's hands as she feels her eyes begin to water.

"I think I can be,"

Her mom looks so happy and she can't stop the sob that escapes her. She knows this isn't real, but that doesn't make this hurt less. She gives her mom one final, sad smile.

"Goodbye."

Breathing hard, she wipes the tears from her eyes as she focuses on her reality. The demon is close to breaking free from it's chains and Faith, Dawn and Willow are still struggling to free themselves for their restraints. Without a thought she grabs the demon around the neck and twists. It drops to the floor dead, messy and very real.

"Eximete!"

Tara bursts into the room, freeing Faith, Willow and Dawn from their restraints. They all stare at Buffy as she looks around the room, taking in the damage she has caused. God, she can't believe she hurt the people she loves like that. She looks down at her feet, unwilling to meet their eyes. She doesn't want to see how much she's hurt them. She feels exhausted enough without having to see their weary expressions. They'll probably never trust her again.

It's all too much and she stumbles forward, but she's caught before she hits the floor by two strong arms. She looks up and there it is again. Love. Faith's love. And it's so bright and real that she just falls into it, collapsing into Faith completely as she lets the tears flow.

"I'm so sorry," she chokes out between sobs. "I'm so sorry."

Gentle hands run through her hair, soothing her and making her believe she's found her heart again.