I've been planning out an outline for this story. I've got big plans... ;)
The first question I ask when something bad happens is: how did I get here? How did things shift from being so good to so bad? How is it even possible? How do you pick yourself up off the ground when you just feel like you want to disappear? After some time curled up on the bathroom floor, I realized that life will go on regardless. You need to forgive in order to forget. Even if they blame you. Even if it seems impossible. You need to let go of all that negative energy in order to go on. It's the only way to go on.
Cassie woke up to her aunt snoring on the other side of the bed. She was extremely loud! How did Derek ever sleep with that thing? Even worse, she smelled like she herself had downed the whole bottle of tequila. She could have least shared with Alex!
She reached for her crutches but failed. She wasn't even supposed to be going up and down, but she hated lack of movement. Even if it was painful, she was going to move on her own, even if that meant scooting up and down the stairs one by one (or having Alex carry her as he had been doing).
So, she tumbled off of the bed and onto the ground, making a loud bang. She wondered how long it would be until someone ran into the room and gave her the look. The 'you are injured and incapable of walking let me help you' look.
"Shit," she muttered. Meredith stirred, and no one came running in. Amelia, however, walked in, looking somewhat irritated. Her hair was pulled back in a bun, and she was still in her pajamas. Cassie didn't know what time it was. Was it time for the surgeons to go be surgeons?
"Did you have to fall off of the bed right now? I was in the midst of planning Penny's murder." Cassie just looked back at her, waiting for her aunt to help her back onto the bed because now her leg felt like it was twisted the wrong way and it hurt just a little.
Amelia realized this within a second and helped Cassie back onto the bed. She handed her the crutches and offered to help her hop down the stairs (because Amelia felt she would drop her). Meredith still hadn't moved an inch, and Amelia muttered something along the lines of 'it must be nice to drown her sorrows in alcohol.'
Maggie and Alex were already sitting at the kitchen table. It was obvious to Cassie that the three other adults had spent a lot of time discussing what had transpired already. Cassie had questions, but she didn't know if it was her place to ask. So, she hobbled to the pantry and got the cereal she wanted, watching Maggie and Alex go back and forth.
"Is she okay? Maybe I should stay home..." Maggie was saying. "She was there the night he died. She was there when none of us were. If we were there..."
"Yeah, well, he's dead. He's dead, it sucks, but Mer has to deal with all this crap." Alex retorted. Amelia seemed to be the silent observer of the three in this particular moment, sipping her coffee and watching the two of them go back and forth. She probably wasn't lying about planning Penny's murder. It was, Cassie had come to the conclusion, her negligence that led Derek to his death. And everyone has their McDreamy, but it was Meredith's that died that day. It was Amelia's older brother that had died that day.
"One of us should stay with her today. I was such a bad sister! I left her here because of my sex with DeLuca and yeast infections and..."
"You couldn't have known it was going to blow up like that."
"Well, it always does, doesn't it?"
Cassie chose this as her moment to speak up from her corner. "I know I am the kid here, and maybe I have no place in this conversation, but can someone please fill me in here?"
Amelia looked up, and Cassie gulped. The look in her eyes was one she had never seen before. It reminded her, just a little, of some of her old foster parents. She immediately felt bad for thinking that, because Amelia was grieving and had a right to be angry. "Callie's new girlfriend was there the night Derek died. She chose not to get a head CT, and he stroked out waiting for an incompetent neurosurgeon who didn't give a shit."
Cassie had known this, but she didn't want them to think that she had been eavesdropping the previous night. "Okay, but, can't you like, sue the hospital for being negligent? Isn't that a thing people do these days?"
Alex spoke up. "Meredith did. When she was living in Boston. We didn't even know until Dillard announced that it was closing. It was so small that most of us barely knew where it was."
"Wait, Mer lived in Boston?" She hadn't known that one before today. How much information was she truly missing here? Meredith had told her so much more than Cassie could have asked for; she knew that it was hard for her. This must have been pretty recent, how had this not come up? Did they really adjust that fast to her being back?
"Yeah. The hospital closed. That's why Penny got rematched."
"This is all the Grey curse," Cassie muttered under her breath. "She never catches a break! She's going to eventually stumble down those stairs when she decides she should, and she's going to be extremely hungover and..."
Alex just started laughing. "Cass, she's been hungover so many times that I don't think it even fazes her anymore. Shepherd and I will go to work, and you and Maggie will stay here and make sure she's fine. And she is fine. Meredith is always fine."
Cassie nodded and let the adults continue talking while she chomped on her cheerios. Zola soon came bouncing down the stairs and chose to sit next to Cassie at the table. Cassie got her a bowl and dumped some Cheerios into her bowl and push it towards her. Zola kept staring at the grownups. How long would it be until she wasn't completely lost as to what they were talking about? She was almost old enough to go to school for the whole day! No more daycare! She was old enough to know! Maybe Cassie would tell her. Cassie was old but not a grown up.
"Cassie." She whispered, afraid the grown-ups would hear. "Are Aunt Amy and Mommy still mad at each other?"
Cassie had to fight a laugh. If only this was only a catfight between Amelia and her aunt. She knew how often those happened and how short lived they were. "It's more than that, Zo. It's a grown-up thing. When you're old enough, they'll tell you."
Zola rolled her eyes at her cousin. "But you're not a grown-up, and I know you know." It bugged her a little bit, how all the grown-ups seemed to adjust so quickly to Cassie. They told her what was going on. It was like she had been here forever. And why wasn't her mommy spending time with her anymore? It was the only thing that seemed to sit in her brain these days. Her mommy forgot about her.
Cassie read the girl's mind. She knew exactly what she was thinking. She spent her whole life thinking the same thing. "Look Zo, your mom might not be spending a lot of time with you, but it doesn't mean she loves you any less. I am not replacing you. You are Zola Grey-Shepherd, daughter of the infamous neurosurgeon Derek Shepherd and the legendary Meredith Grey. No one will change that. Do you understand me?"
Zola nodded her head at the older girl. When she put it that way, she was right. She would always be her parents' daughter... even if she didn't come from them. There was a part of her that said they were forever. It sounded like her mommy. So, she decided to listen to it.
...
Sometime later, Cassie and Maggie were playing an intense game of chess (because putting two geniuses in a room was a great idea). Both of them looked up at the sound of Meredith coming down the stairs. Maggie jumped up at the sight of her sister, and Cassie just stared at her, unsure what to do next.
"Mer!" Maggie started. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here! If I would have known..."
Meredith stared back at her, her face void of emotion. "Maggie it's fine. You couldn't have known. I'm cursed. Things like this happen all the time." Her voice sounded like a croak as if she'd overexerted it by crying and screaming. Her aunt's eyes met her own. Cassie blinked in response.
"Cass." She started. Did she remember the previous night when she came up to the attic and crashed into her bed? Maybe not.
"I am so sorry. Yesterday was supposed to be about you. The dinner was so you could meet everyone. But..."
"I know. It's okay Mer." Cassie responded. She couldn't be upset when her aunt was in this much pain. Things were never about her. How could she expect anything else?
"Cassie. You've spent your whole life putting other's wants before your own. You put yourself on the back burner. That's not how it's going to end here. You are important and beautiful and smart and you need to let people spoil you and be proud of you."
Okay. Where was this coming from? Was the tequila still talking?
"Maggie," Meredith muttered, turning to the direction her sister had went. "I need you to go to the hospital."
Maggie stuck her out from the kitchen. "For what?"
"To make sure Penny doesn't even make it there on Monday morning. It's my hospital. I own it. I shouldn't have to deal with the woman who killed my husband."
Maggie bit her lip with a nod. "Is that what you want Mer? I mean, is Bailey going to do it? Deny her requests to join the residency program? She was matched here..."
"They better." Meredith bit. "I bought the hospital. Bailey does not own any part of it. If I need to take it up with the committee, which most of the people that were here last night are on, then I will."
Maggie didn't want to argue with her older sister. How could she argue with that? The lady had killed her brother-in-law. She had been fortunate enough to get to know the guy a little bit, to have his support in making a relationship with Meredith. She knew accidents happened, yes, she herself had never killed anyone due to her negligence, but Maggie was sure that it did happen to some surgeons when they started out.
So Maggie nodded and left to get dressed to go to the hospital. Cassie just stared at her aunt. It was bothering her. It was really bothering her. Did she have the right to say it?
She scooted closer to her aunt on the couch, looking into her sad miserable eyes. Seeing her aunt like this was painful. She could only imagine what it had been like after her sister's death and after her husband's death.
"Mer." She started. "Can I say something? I know it might not be something you want to hear, but..."
"Go ahead." Meredith snorted in response. This was the part of her that came from Lexie that was talking. She was going to tell her to be nice to the dummy, even if she had killed her husband.
And she was pretty much right. "I know Penny is a bitch. She's the reason Derek is dead. But, I need you to hear me out. I can't believe that I want to come to her defense right now. She killed my uncle. It was negligence like this that got my mother killed in a plane crash. Someone designed a faulty plane. Someone forgot a head CT. But these things don't happen on purpose. At least, we don't think they do. She didn't mean to kill Derek. She was too scared that day to fight for him. And maybe that's on her. But maybe part of it is blamable on society or on the environment she learned to be a doctor in. Dillard didn't teach her to fight for her patients. It didn't teach her how to be a shark. She feels inferior to the men around her because they treat her as though she is inferior. So maybe you need to teach her. You need to teach her to be a shark. You need to teach her to fight for her patients. And you know what? Fate or curses work in mysterious ways. This might be a pain for you, but it's just as bad if not worse for her. You're her one. She has been seeing your face every day in her mind and every night in her dreams. If you teach her, it will stick. She will be a better doctor for it, and more people will be treated by her. So by doing that, you're punching the curse in the face and you're changing people's lives. Don't fuss to Bailey. Be the bigger person. Bitching and moaning is not the right thing to do here. You need to man up and teach her how to be a doctor."
Meredith hadn't expected a speech. She hadn't expected that. And, irritatingly, her niece was absolutely right. The Grey Curse followed them. But she didn't have to let it ruin her. She could punch it in the face and tell it to screw off.
Maybe that's what she was supposed to do.
Cassie twiddled her thumbs. She had said some questionable things, no doubt, but she felt like she had said the right thing. She had advocated for Penny, a woman she didn't know whether or not she could ever look at without a grimace. If that didn't get her points against the Curse, she didn't know what did.
Her aunt cleared her throat a few moments later. "Cassie." Her niece turned her head to look at her aunt. She didn't know whether or not to expect yelling or tears, although she doubted tears because it was her very strong aunt that didn't cry (unless she was alone in a supply closet or in her room with her person).
"You're right. You're so right. And you know what? I think Lexie would have said the same thing. She always saw the good in people. That was the thing about her that I loved the most. You see the good in people, and you fight for them even if they did something incredibly stupid like murder your aunt's husband. She could have just shot him in the head for what she did. At least it's quicker than feeling your brain fail until you eventually die."
"Meredith!"
"Sorry."