The Descent

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat. "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat. "Or you wouldn't have come here."
Lewis Carroll –Alice in Wonderland

'What are you going to do now? Huh? You're all alone, no one loves you, no one stays with you. They all think you're fucking crazy. Charlie couldn't wait to cut and run; couldn't wait to leave your kind of trouble behind.'

I slam the door closed behind me letting the sound reverberate through the hallway. This is the first time that I have truly felt like I was on my own and it's a terrifying and liberating feeling. I sink to the floor, leaning my back against the wall next to what used to be Charlie's bedroom.

I feel utterly and hopelessly lost, to an extent where I'm beginning to wonder if it's even worth fighting anymore.

'You've finally learned that fighting is a lost cause.'

I picture my father, or at least what I remember of him before everything changed and I am overwhelmed by sadness. He used to be such a happy man, used to be so full of joy and life. In the last few years he had lost his luster and he drank more than ever. I guess I should have seen this coming.

Maybe then I would have been more prepared.

'You should just give up.'

Before I can really consider it, I find my feet moving down the stairs. The tears are dripping from my eyes and I can barely see through the blurriness. I make my way past the living room and stop at the front door, sliding the lock free.

If he wants me, let him fucking come and get me.

'This is so stupid.'

I make my way down the hall to my room, leaving the door wide open. If I'm not going to fight it, then I might as well make it easy for him. I curl my body under my comforter, the material doing little to warm the chills that are filling my body.

'This isn't your only option. Call Edward, call Alice. Don't just sit here and wait for him. You've gone through too much to just give up.'

My cell phone is sitting on the dresser beside me and I know that it would be so easy to just reach over and pick it up. So easy to dial the number and drag more people into my mess. Did I really want to put them through that? Through the pain and the fear and the loneliness that has become my life.

I don't think I can.

So I lay and stare at my walls, at the clock on my nightstand, at the stucco on the ceiling and I wait.

10:35

11:07

12:46

1:32

My eyes are heavy but I can't seem to force myself to sleep. I watch the shadows from the moon play across my wall. Watch as they dance in front of my eyes and lull me into a sense of security.

Before I know it my eyes are so heavy and the lids droop in sync with each beat of my heart.

'That's right, just fall asleep and it will all be over.'

And before I know it, I do.

I wake up the next morning, the sun shining brightly through my window. My heart is heavy and as I roll out from under the covers I look around confused.

I am still here in my room, in my bed.

'What the fuck?'

My room is exactly as it was when I went to bed. The door still lay open and I looked into the hallway expecting to see something. But there is absolutely nothing.

I walk down the hallway and pull open the unlocked door. I look outside, not really sure what I am expecting, but expecting something or someone.

There is nothing.

It was the perfect opportunity, the perfect chance for him to get to me if he really wanted to and yet he didn't. What did that mean? It was all so confusing and I found myself making my way into the living room and plopping down on the couch.

'It's a game of cat and mouse. You made it too easy for him.'

The night has seriously messed with my head and I am beginning to wonder if I really am crazy. I make my way down the hall and search for something, some tangible proof that I am sane.

But the note, the fucking note that was left with the jacket, is gone.

I scour the floor around and in my closet before pulling every item off of my desk. The note is nowhere to be found and I know for a fact that I had kept it.

'Maybe he came in last night and took it?'

The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I find my hands clenching. I search the room to see if anything else is missing but I can't seem to find anything. If I don't leave soon I know I am going to be late to school and there is now no Charlie to call in for me.

Letting out a small scream of frustration, I grab my bag and head for the door.

'I know I'm not crazy. I just know it.'

The parking lot is packed by the time I arrive, forcing me to park on the farthest end from the school. As I walk past the other students a chill rolls up my spine. I can feel the hairs on my neck stand and I can't help but casually glance over my shoulder. I feel like I am being watched.

And if I am, then that means he knows Charlie is gone, and he is waiting.

As I trudge into the school, I find Alice waiting by my locker her textbooks in hand. I haven't really had time to think about the note, haven't had time to process everything, and from the look on her face I know that she isn't going to take that as an answer.

"Morning Alice," I grumble as I twist and turn the lock to my combination.

"You didn't call last night," she replies, her small smile turning into a frown.

"I had to deal with the whole Charlie thing," I respond, shrugging my shoulders. I can't exactly let her know that my father abandoned me so this seems like the most legitimate response without causing any questions. I know that if this 'friendship' continues that it will become more and more difficult to hide things from her.

'And you've become so good at hiding.'

She takes it at face value and nods her head, letting a small sigh escape. "Well did you at least read the letter I left for you?"

There is a commotion behind me and I turn around to see Jessica heading straight for us. Her eyes are slanted and her mouth is set, making her look years older than she actually is. Alice lets out a groan of disapproval and I can't help but smile at the response.

'She looks pissed.'

I can feel a presence of fellow students behind me, pressing in on us as if they can feel a fight coming. This mob mentality spreads and soon there are more people in the hallways than in the classrooms. As she comes to a stop in front of Alice and me, two arms wrap around my waist and pull me back.

'Edward.'

"Listen here, crazy," Jessica spouts her finger pointed at me in disgust, "that shit you and your little friends pulled at the diner was unacceptable."

There is a murmur, a spread of whispers rising through the crowd. I'm not really sure if it's in response to the fact that Jessica called me crazy or that she in confronting me about something none of them have heard about. Either way she has their attention and she is eating it up.

I so badly want to respond, to say something in defense of myself, but the words are lodged in my throat. Being called crazy brings back so many bad memories, ones that are tainted with fear. I don't like being in crowds, I don't like feeling swarmed, and suddenly I realized that I was surrounded by people.

'All of whom could close in on you at any moment.'

I hear Alice spout something back, but the words are fuzzy. Jessica's face gets redder and she is almost smoking from the ears. I feel fingers grip into my hips and pull me tightly against a body. I'm taking deep breaths trying with all my might not to get sucked into a panic attack, or worse pass out.

"You're just bitter because Edward didn't want you," I hear called from the crowd. My eyes scan the area and I see Rose, Emmett, and Jasper grouped together laughing. The jeers and cat calls are getting worse. People want to see a fight and are getting restless that all that is happening is yelling.

'You need to get out, this is getting ugly quickly.'

Spurred on by the crowd, Jessica moves closer, her fists clenching and unclenching. Her face is so red that if it wasn't me her anger was directed towards, it would be comical. The arms unlatch from around my waist and there is suddenly a body standing in front of me.

"Not a good idea, Jess." The tone of his voice is gravelly and she looks at him in awe.

"You're standing up for that freak?" she questions, as if it's so unbelievable.

Instead of responding her turns around and looks at me, brushing a few stray hairs out of my eyes. "Yes," he whispers before his voice gets louder, "and she isn't a freak."

'Woah, now there is a keeper.'

Edward's fingers linger on my chin for a moment and then he is bending down his eyes searching mine. For once in my life I forget about the crowd around me, forget about the horrible weekend I had, and just appreciate the feeling of being a part of someone else's life.

He leans in slowly his lips meeting mine softly, just barely brushing them. He pulls away to look into my eyes again a sheepish grin on his face before leaning in again. My body suddenly seems alert, on fire, and I wrap my arms around him pulling him closer.

'Wrong move, Bella dear.'

And with those four simple words, I knew the game had changed.

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Thanks to my beta B for getting this read so quickly!

Special thanks to those of you who are reviewing! I love hearing your theories about what is going on and what you think!

N