DID I JUST SPILL MY DEEPEST, DARKEST SECRET?

Paul's POV:
The next morning Nina was there together with Ian and my dad. I woke up finding to be restrained. They were all looking at me with a worried face. "Why am I restrained" I asked panicking. "Well Paul" the doctor came in "you had a very restless night, you were sleeping and screaming talking in your sleep, but we couldn't wake you up so we restrained you just to be safe". "What was I screaming about then" I asked. "I'll quote you" Nina said "afterwards you can explain cause we have no clue, what you were talking about". "You can't do this you can't take my kid away why would you do that I will be better I promise just come back please, I need you". "Please don't do this to me, don't do this to yourself don't do this to the kid".

My eyes went big and I started to cry heavily they were going to find out my secret, they were going to find out. And I relived it all over again I had pushed it to the back of my mind almost forgot about it but, it was back a big boom. I cried my eyes out thinking back the baby had to be borne by now probably be almost two months old. How was it that my life became more screwed up by the day. I cried and cried and couldn't talk they all tried to calm me down but didn't succeed. "Would you please leave me alone for a second" I managed to get out "please leave I will answer all your questions later, just not right now". They left the room quiet the doctor stayed with me but didn't say anything he just let me cry. I was angry but most of all I was scared and sad. I kept on crying for what looked like an hour.

"Paul" the doctor stated "are you calmed enough to talk to your family and friends now?". "Yes I am", "I will stay in the room" the doctor stated "so you only have to tell this one's alright". I nodded.
The others came back in and sat down on my bed, I couldn't take it I curled myself up in my father's chest and started to sob again. "Shh" he whispered in my ear while caressing my back and head. "Just tell us what this is". "It clearly upsets you it's better when you get it off your chest". "It's ok I will love you no matter what you know that".

"Alright there's one thing I haven't told anyone, and it's probably the thing that as off this moment hurts me the most". "I tried everything but I just couldn't contact her anymore so I gave up I tried to drive it out of my thoughts by all the stuff I was doing and I'm really ashamed but the last couple of days I kind of didn't think about of kind off I forgot it but obviously I process it when I sleep". "I have to find her I have to". "Paul" Ian said "you're not making sense at this point start with the beginning of the story alright". "We'll listen to you alright" he said while he rubbed my back.

"Alright she left me because I was an complete ass I snapped a lot I didn't even know why". "And one night I was drunk and I apparently hit her, I freaking hit her I couldn't remember doing it but I found her the next day packing her bags". "I asked why she was leaving". "Because I don't want to live with an depressed alcoholic boyfriend who hits me and won't seek for help" "that was her answered". "I became upset and told her I would never hurt her but she stated with her point". "So I guess I probably would have hit her". "And it's just terrible". "So I yelled that she had to go than we were both upset and I snapped again I threatened her so she just fled". "I haven't seen her since".

"But a week after she left she called me and said that she was pregnant and that of course I was the father" . "She thought I had a right to know". "She addressed that she really loved me but I had to get better and that she couldn't go back". "I don't need anything from you Paul she said to me I'll raise this kid myself and give it all the love it needs". "So she hung up and I tried to contact her with phone, mail, everything but I never heard from her again".

I started to cry again like crazy and slapped my head against the headboard they all flew in immediately to hold my head and lay me down. "Ok restrain" I heard the doctor say, "no I'll behave" I sighed but he just said "for your own good Paul". I sobbed and cried while I lay in my father's arms he was crying too, so were Nina and Ian they all hugged, caressed and comforted me. "Paul" Ian asked, "Whydo you always insist on taking the hard road?" I replied, "Why do you assume I see two roads".
"Why did I hit her" I cried out "if I hadn't she would still be here, I wouldn't be here and I had a little baby by now I just want her back" . "I want her and I want my kid", I cried out hysterically.

Ian's POV:
Damn he hid that from us. It had to be so hard for him, losing his mother, his girlfriend his unborn child that all in a month time. No wonder he's like this now. I have to contact Amber, she might have seen the news. I have her phone number maybe she uses it still and just doesn't take calls from Paul or anonymous. I am going to call with my cell phone maybe she picks up who knows. But maybe Nina can call they were pretty close I'll ask her. "Nina" I whispered when Paul finally drifted to sleep in his father's arms. "Can I speak with you". "Yeah sure" she said.

Nina's POV:
Ian explained his planning to me I should call or else mail Amber and hoping for an reaction I would invite her for coffee wherever she was if she wanted to and talk about Paul.
I started to call and to all of our surprise Amber picked up the phone. "Nina how is he" she asked. "Hi Amber" I recalled "he's a mess a total mess". "He's admitted to a hospital and were getting him the help he needs". "Is there a possibility that you and I can talk in private, name the place wherever in the world you are I will come to you". "Actually I'm really close to Atlanta I never went far" she said. "Shall we say noon at Joe's". "Alright" I said "is it okay for me to bring Ian". "Yes it is" she replied.

Ian's POV:
"Well that was easy" I said while looking at Nina, " I don't know about that but it's a good start". "We probably shouldn't tell Paul yet, I won't get his hopes up for nothing" I said. "Ok let's go". I went to Paul's room where his father was still lying on his sons bed who lay sleeping in his arms. I obviously couldn't speak in case Paul woke up so I texted him. He nodded and we went to the café.

We sat there for a few minutes and then Amber came in, she obviously wasn't pregnant anymore so she probably had the baby by now. "Hey" I said while me and Nina gave her a tight hug.
Nina and I had worked out a complete strategy how to talk with her.

"How is he" she asked. "He's a complete mess" we answered, "I saw the show news there are all rumors going around that he's death". "What we haven't noticed anything about rumors but TVD stated a statement that he was not death and that there would be a statement in a few days or weeks with what was going on".

"Ok first we will tell that this morning he fest up why you left him and some other stuff he hid from us all along". "So he told us he hit you and that he was not good for you, that he threatened you and that he was so terrible sorry for it". "He also told us you were pregnant when you left". "Yes" she said "what he told you was the truth but before I start to open up I want to know what happened the last eight months".

"Well" Ian started "he has been and still is in a depression but he already was when you left". "A few weeks afterwards his mother died". "Then he started to do drugs heroin to be precisely he started to neglect himself and couldn't eat". "Due to the heroin he collapsed on set a few months back and was brought to the hospital". "Afterwards we thought he was doing better he put on weight and smiled more". "But he had something to fled from the pain he had started to Self mutilate". "He has cut marks all over his arms and stomach". "He fest up about everything a week ago he was brought to a rehab centre and tried to commit suicide there but didn't succeed he was brought to the main hospital there and remains there still under 24 hour suicide watch".

"But that part is doing better although he has some freak moments every now and then". "That's when we found out about the pregnancy, he was talking and screaming in his sleep about how you couldn't take his kid away and that he was sorry". "So we left after he fest up and last saw him as a complete mess". "He can't really think clear now he knows everything but is in a dark place with mood swings he is in detox and still cuts". "His whole recovery process at this point is four months but probably it's going to take a lot more time".

Amber burst out in tears "o god what have I done, I thought it was better for him to leave to be honest I was afraid of him I drove him insane" she cried. "Hey" I hushed, "you were scared totally understandable you had to look out for yourself and for your child". "You're not the only reason he's in there we are all guilty for letting this come this far".

"Can I meet him" she asked, "well not right now his sisters are coming tomorrow so he has to be strong for them but maybe in three days time if you still want to". "Think about it, would you please give us your address so we can keep in touch" I asked.

"So" Nina asked "what about the baby". Amber got a picture it was a small baby around two months old in a white sleeping suit. "Boy or Girl" I asked, "Boy" she answered, "he has Paul's eyes" I noticed. "What's his name" Nina asked. "Ryan Thomas" she answered. "Wait you named him after Paul" I asked. She nodded. "You can give the picture to him". "We'll meet here in three days" I asked "than we can visit him" alright I asked. "He misses you" I added. "He beats himself up for what he did to you". "Alright I promise I'll be here" she said.