"Finding Home"
Chapter 10
Jessie pulled back from the dining room table, her hand resting on her middle. "I can't believe I ate that much," she mumbled.
Race leaned over to rest his hand on her arm. "It's Christmas Eve dinner. It's alright to over-indulge."
Jonny shoved a cookie in his mouth as he pushed the tray of confections toward Jessie. "Want one?" he asked as cookie crumbs sprayed out of his mouth.
Jessie blanched and waved the tray away, as Benton laughed merrily.
Hadji
sat back in his chair, his eyes clouded over, oblivious to the playful
interaction. Jessie stole a glance in his direction as she left the
room.
She plopped onto the sofa in front of the Christmas tree. When did
everything get so complicated? She remembered other Christmases when
she would fall asleep dreaming of treasures and goodwill on Earth. Now,
on the holiest of holy days, her stomach was tied in knots as she
doubted her motives. Hadji's words haunted her, "I don't want to be
your rebound." Was Hadji her rebound? Was she truly so cruel?
"Jessie?" Hadji stood over her, his chocolate brown eyes searching gently. "I owe you an apology."
Jessie stood and met his eyes reluctantly. "Hadji," she started, but laughter from the dining room interrupted her. "Can we go somewhere to talk? Somewhere quiet?"
"Of course. Where?"
He matched her steps as she walked out of the room. "The den on the other side of the manor?"
"Sure."
The den was dimly lit and smelled dusty. Jessie sat primly in a rigid armchair and Hadji folded his legs around himself as he sat on the floor.
"Look, Hadji. I'm sorry too. I don't want to hurt our friendship."
Hadji leaned back on his elbows. "You've had conversations like this many times lately"
"I have, haven't I?"
He laid his slim hand on her knee affectionately. "I will always be your friend. Please do not let that doubt plague you."
"You say that, but I wonder."
"Why?"
Jessie hung her head. "What if I hurt you badly enough that you no longer want to be around me?"
Hadji's eyes darkened. He had been wondering the same thing lately. He wanted to believe that he could be a friend always, but perhaps his pride would fail him.
Jessie saw the acknowledgement as the silence stretched uncomfortably. She sighed and clasped her hands in front of her. "I've ruined Christmas for you and for Jonny."
"Jessie.."
"Maybe we should just make a pact, here and now, that I will not date you or Jonny ever, in order to preserve our three muskateer friendship."
Hadji looked up. He felt like he had been kicked in the stomach and he was lying on the ground gasping for air. As much as his fears and insecurities plagued him, the thought of forever caring for Jessie through the invisible barrier of friendship, stabbed him like a knife. He felt his mouth go dry. "Is that what you want, Jessie?"
She held her head in her hands. "I don't know anymore. I'm not sure of anything anymore."
Hadji let his thumb gently stroke Jessie's hand as he tried to sort out the thoughts running wildly through his head. His words mocked him, the phrases spilling together. "I will always be your friend, first and foremost.. I love you and I can't change it or take it back.. I love you.. I will always be your friend.. I love you.."
Jessie was rocking back and forth slightly in her chair, her firey hair falling over her shoulders. Hadji let his eyes examine her face looking for any sign of tears. But she didn't cry.. He swallowed hard remembering the determined look she wore as a child. Where had that do or die determination go?
Hadji spoke, his voice low and soft. "Jessie, I only want what's best for you.. Let's take some time okay.. Friends. Just don't worry about anything else okay?"
Jessie looked up, her green eyes shining. "Okay.. Are you okay?"
Hadji stood to his feet and extended his hand for Jessie's. She placed her slender hand in his, her pale skin contrasting with his brown hand. "Yes, Jessie. I do apologize for the way I've been acting today.. I've had a lot on my mind."
"Don't apologize, Hadji," Jessie said softly as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I understand.. and I apologize also. I have been careless."
Hadji wrapped his arm around her shoulders in a half-embrace. "Let's not talk anymore, Jessie. There is no need for you to feel badly."
They strolled out of the den, down the hallway, and Jessie enjoyed the warmth of Hadji's arm comfortably draped over her shoulder.
"Hadji?"
"Hmm?"
"We're going to be okay, right?"
Hadji stopped and faced her, his hands laid delicately on her shoulders. "Jessie.." he said firmly. "We are going to be okay."
She looked up hesitantly. "We are?"
He smiled in mock frustration. "Yes, we are. I mean we are okay now." Without thinking he let his hand cup the side of her face. "Stop worrying, Jessie. And you haven't ruined my holiday."
She smiled reluctantly and threw her head back as she stretched her arms in the air. She stopped and her expression froze in terror.
Wrinkling his forehead, Hadji followed her line of sight and saw the sprig of mistletoe hanging above their heads.
Jessie covered her face with her hands. "Hadji, forget it, okay? It's just a stupid tradition. It doesn't mean anything."
Hadji felt an attractive anxiety attack his stomach. He took a step closer to her, filling the gap between them. Jessie looked up, captivated by the warm darkness of Hadji's eyes.
He leaned closer to her, one hand resting on the small of her back and one hand lost in her hair. "Jessie?" he asked, his dark eyes asking the question, wondering if this moment was okay, this confirmation of an old-fashioned tradition.
Jessie swallowed, and closing her eyes, she tilted her chin towards Hadji's face, answering the question. Hadji understood and touched her lips with his.
His kiss was delicate, his lips gently pursuing, stoking a fire gently. Jessie went limp in his arms but he caught her, supporting her weight and continuing to kiss her. She murmured against his lips and let her arms circle around his neck.
Hadji drew away, his arms continuing to support her until she straightened her knees. Jessie stood slowly, shaking her head slightly to recover from such a sweet, mesmerizing kiss.
Hadji cleared his throat and leaned against the wall, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
Jessie blinked several times and breathed quietly, "Wow.."
Hadji heard her and grinned.
Blushing hotly, Jessie started to walk away from the hallway. "Goodnight, Hadji."
"Jessie?"
"Yes?" she said, turning slightly.
"Merry Christmas." His eyes wrinkled into a smile.
Her face still pink with blushes, she coyly lowered her face. "Merry Christmas, Hadji.." she whispered before leaving the room.
Hadji exhaled and sat against the wall, trying to still the wild beating of his heart and stop smiling.
He didn't notice the blond crop of hair walking away down the hallway, shoulders slumped and his hands buried in his jeans.
"Hey, Dad this is great! Thank you!"
"Race, how did you know I needed a new day-planner?"
"What a beautiful color!"
"Oh, wow!"
"Thank you!"
"Thank you!"
"Thank you so much!"
Jessie curled on the sofa, pushing discarded wrapping paper out of her way. Race and Benton, yawning and gathering their treasures retired for a cup of coffee. Jonny was trying on his new leather jacket and Hadji was thumbing through his new books.
"Jessie," Hadji replied, "Thank you, how did you know I loved Tolstoy?"
Jessie lowered her eyes shyly. "I remembered you mentioning him once. I know you already have a copy of War and Peace, but-"
Hadji interrupted her, "It's a special-edition hardback and it's beautiful. Thank you, Jessie."
"Well, thank you for the paint set, I love it."
Hadji leaned back from his place on the floor and laid his hand on her knee. "Even though you are a brilliant scientist, I thought you might need a source of creative release."
Jessie burst into laughter as she glanced at Jonny. Jonny was flexing his arms in his new leather jacket that he was wearing over his tee-shirt and sweatpants. Hadji started laughing too and Jonny looked up sheepishly. "What?" Jonny asked as his cheeks turned rosy. "Just making sure it fits."
Jessie began laughing again rolling on the couch and Hadji clapped his hands in front of him. Jonny settled in the armchair and laughed with them. "Man, this feels good," he commented as he pulled the lapels of the jacket close to his face.
"The jacket?" Jessie asked through her laughter.
"No! I mean, laughing with you two!" Jonny slapped his knee.
Jessie began to quieten. "Yes, it does Jonny..."
"Jonny, thank you for the pen set. I needed new pens," Hadji supplied.
Jonny waved his hand in the air. "Hey, no problem. It's been a good Christmas. Leather jacket from Dad, new CD player from Race, I love the gloves, Hadji, and Jess, the "SNL" dvd's are great."
"Well, you didn't give me any other ideas," she replied with a smirk.
He raised an eyebrow and tugged on the lapel of his jacket.
"Come on!" she laughed, "You have two leather jackets now, do you need a third?"
Jessie thought over the gifts she had received, cataloging them once again. Her eyes scanned the Christmas tree but no more presents lingered there. Jonny hadn't gotten her anything. She swallowed the disappointment and forced herself to smile. They had had so much fun this morning and she didn't want to ruin it.
She got up from the couch, stretching in her navy plaid flannel pajamas. "Guys, I'm going to call my mom and take a shower. Thanks for everything," she called as she ran up the stairs.
Jonny watched her leave, her messy red hair bouncing on her shoulders. He knew that she was wondering why he didn't get her anything, but the truth was, his gift for Jessie was in his room buried in his shirts drawer. He debated all night whether or not he should bring the gift downstairs to place under the tree. Finally, uncertainty and cowardice forced him to come downstairs empty-handed.
Every Christmas he had ever spent with Jessie, he would watch her from the corner of his eye. Every year she did the same thing, gathering her presents and organizing them around her. She put them in piles, according to the giver and then by size. Her green eyes sparkling she would open them each carefully, first the presents from Dr. Quest, then the presents from himself and Hadji, and then lastly the presents from her parents. This Christmas he noticed the blank spot on the carpet that was meant for his gift. He watched her look under piles of wrapping paper and behind furniture for the lacking gift. But she didn't say a word, but merely opened the gifts in front of her as she did every year.
Jonny tore into his own gifts, thinking maybe he should say something but what? Should he say, "Hey Jess, your present wasn't ready so it'll be here later?" or "Jess, don't worry I did get you something.. I'm just not sure if I can give it to you now?" No, honesty was the best policy and the only policy that makes sense in this situation. Jonny sighed to himself.
Hadji watched Jonny become more subdued as he began to gather the crumbled wrapping paper off the floor. "Are you alright, my friend?"
"Oh, yeah," Jonny said, snapping out of his trance, "Yeah, I'm cool." Jonny looked at Hadji, looking familiarly odd with his turban secure and wearing his gray flannel pajamas. The scene of Hadji kissing Jessie tenderly under the mistletoe flashed through Jonny's mind and the thought almost made his eyes water.
Jonny couldn't help but notice the hints of a smile hovering on the corners of Hadji's mouth. Ever since Hadji moved to Bangalore, a cloudiness covered Hadji's eyes. The subdued passion in the depths of his eyes slowly withered away, gradually replaced by a reluctant determination. Jonny hadn't realized how much Bangalore had changed Hadji until he realized that the sultan was almost like his old self again. Jonny knew that Jessie was bringing about this positive change, and as much as he liked seeing Hadji so happy, Jonny didn't know what to think about the situation.
Sighing, Jonny got up from the armchair and trudged up the stairs, hugging his new jacket closer to him. In his room, he shrugged out of the jacket and dropped it on his bed. After retrieving the simple box from his drawer he cradled it in his hands, shaking it to hear the rattling.
After showering quickly and donning a pair of jeans and a sweater, Jonny knocked on Jessie's bedroom door, the box in his hand. Jessie opened the door, her hair still damp from the shower and hanging in her face. "Jonny?" she asked patting her hair with a towel and wrapping her long bathrobe closer to her.
He held out the box and chewed on his bottom lip, offering no explanations. She eyed him quizzically and opened the box, her thin fingers nimbly slicing through the paper.
"Jonny.." she breathed as she lifted out the journal decorated with her favorite photograph of herself surrounded by pictures of her favorite things, pansies, lighthouses, snowflakes, ice skates and even beakers and a lab coat. She opened the cover to see Jonny's handwriting on the first page. "For Jessica Bannon, hoping you can fill these pages with all your thoughts so that one day someone will find this journal and realize that there once lived an amazing woman named Jessica Bannon."
"Oh my god.." Jessie breathed as she traced her fingers over the words. "Jonny, it's.. beautiful.. I don't know what to say."
Jonny was already walking down the hallway, his hands pushed deep in his pockets. "Merry Christmas, Ace," he said called over his shoulder.
Jessie closed her gaping mouth and studied again the words written neatly in black ink. "Oh my god.."
Hope you are enjoying it.. Give me a review! Love, Jema