J is for... Jump (Sister Bernadatte/Shelagh)
Her eyes opened gently to a new day; for a moment fighting the glare of the early morning as it streaked through the Sanatorium window, bathing her room in a bright glow of promise.
Well again; well 'enough' the Doctor had said to be discharged but really where could she, or perhaps should she go? She knew full well her Sisters would care and would wish her back at Nonnatus faster than they could blink but all knew that it could never happen in a month of Sundays. No, this was a fresh beginning for all concerned and as she sat up and gently lifted her legs from the bed, Shelagh saw the suitcase she had packed last night leaning against the wall. She sat for a moment and contemplated its casual presence.
All her possessions in the world were stored there, all tidied neatly and sealed away. Not much to show for almost a thirty-year life she would be the first to admit, but it was almost refreshing in its cleanliness. A life to start anew, a new order and it began with today.
Entirely sure, she thought, of her plans Shelagh dressed in her conservative suit and heavy coat as, once she had regarded the world outside the window, it seemed somewhat misty this morning. She would start her trip early; give herself plenty of time to find her way back to wherever her heart was calling her. Doing up the last button she smiled to herself. Finding her way back…how appropriate.
Sister Bernadette suddenly seemed to very many miles away but now she was Shelagh; back to that young girl leaving Scotland for London and now leaving London for where? Decisions were required to be made. A new home and how she would love to continue nursing but all of a sudden she wondered if Poplar was the place? She had ties there, she would never say otherwise, but was it the place to really begin this life in this new guise?
The chasm before her seemed deep and endless and it almost blocked her road, but she knew she had to jump. Jump higher than she had ever done before and risk that leap into the unknown.
There was a draw back there though that she could not avoid no matter how hard she tried. That was something that she could no longer hide or deny herself. The draw in the form of a man she had known for years, yet he had only known her behind a habit and been forbidden from sight. She had, however, to find herself and her true heart all in one and - as the Sanatorium door shut behind her for the last time - this was her most pivotal point in time it seemed.
And so, looking out onto that almost endless foggy road, she jumped. And began to fly...