Chapter 10
The pain grew worse as the night wore on. If I had ever needed confirmation that I had truly gone to Hell, this was the proof. The oppressive weight continued on my belly. The pain that shot between my legs was agonizing. It seemed to never end. As soon as I felt some small relief, the pain would start again.
Grace stayed by my side the whole time. She went to the foot of my bed and began to look between my legs. "Keep going, Bertha," she said. "It's coming. I can see it. It will all be over soon."
Something seemed to slide out of me. The pain subsided. I lay my head back on the pillow and allowed the sweet relief to wash over me. I saw Grace pick something up. It looked like a baby. She was right. I had a baby. Was it really possible? "Grace, is it really true that I had a baby?" I asked.
"Just rest," she said. "You'll be fine."
"What about the baby? Can I have it?"
"Never mind about that," she said. "You must rest and let me take care of everything."
I grew enraged. "No. You said I was having a baby. I want my baby." I was tired, but the rage within me grew. Everything I had ever loved was taken away from me. I would not allow this. Somehow, I managed to stand. Somehow I was able to overtake Grace as she walked away from my bed and began wrapping the baby up. I grabbed her and looked at the child.
The baby was tiny, too tiny to live. It was gray and lifeless in her arms. I had spent these months denying my child, and now it wasn't going to live.
I remembered that it was his child too. Edward had ceased to visit me. He continued to hate me. How he must have hated the baby too. How could any baby live with a mother who denied it and a father who hated it. I fell to the floor in exhaustion and began to sob.