Alex watched him limping and felt her mouth turning down, despite her excitement at having him there. He turned to see her expression.
"What's wrong?" He frowned himself.
"Oh, I... your limp." She eyed him with concern. "How are you feeling?"
He gave her a small smile. "I'm fine, really. Don't worry. And you look a little stiff yourself; Are you OK?"
"Yeah, I'm alright. I think you took the worst of the fall..."
He watched as she seemed lost in memory and the sadness was creeping back into her features. He tried to derail her thoughts.
"So Tim said he saw you today... You came by?"
"Tim?"
"My neighbour."
"Oh. Yeah, I went by this afternoon. I just wanted to see how you were doing, and if you needed anything." She shrugged and smiled a little self-consciously. "I guess you're fine... And you don't need anything."
He smirked.
Yeah, that's where you're wrong, Alex.
"Ahhhh. Yeah, I had some errands to do."
He moved his weight to his other leg and Alex realized she hadn't offered him a seat yet.
"God, Nick... Please sit down. I'm sorry, I should have..."
They both sat down, and she looked at him from the sofa.
"Do you want something to drink? Water, juice... probably a beer isn't a good idea since you're on medication."
He laughed. "Uh, water would be good. Thanks."
He watched as she went upstairs to the kitchen and then clenched his hands in front of him uncertainly.
Man, what am I going to say?
He shook his head at himself.
He'd been wandering around the block, telling himself that he'd been stretching out his aching muscles, but in truth he'd been waiting for Alex to return home. He figured she was out somewhere, even though her car was there. He rationalized that she wouldn't have come to see him earlier if she still wanted to avoid him.
All the time he'd been wandering around and waiting for her, he'd been running over what he wanted to say to her, but everytime he thought he had a good speech, he changed his mind and started worrying again.
What if she really can't get by the whole Kristy Hopkins thing? What if she really isn't interested anymore? What if...?
And now here he was, totally unprepared. The moment she'd smiled at him at the front door, his brain had erased everything he'd been thinking about saying and left him with nothing but small talk.
She came back downstairs and he tried to appear relaxed. He reached out for the glass and watched her sit back down across from him.
"Thanks."
She had a glass herself and the two of them sat sipping in silence, neither knowing what to say.
Alex had gone through several stages of panic as she'd been upstairs, and had ended up even more nervous than she'd been before. She looked at him feeling helpless, not knowing what to say. Thankfully, he spoke up again.
"So, I was sorry I missed you." Her eyebrow raised slightly and he stumbled to continue. "I mean, today. I was sorry I missed you today, so I thought I'd come around and see how you were."
She nodded, still stuck for words. "Thanks."
"So, well... Um... A lot has happened... to you...and... Well, it looks like it's all over... at last. You're finally in the clear, Alex. You must be so... relieved."
She considered his words carefully and nodded, but was unable to admit to him that right now the last thing she was feeling was relief. She felt like someone had attached an electrode to her body, and kept giving her shocks sporadically. She was worried she might leap out of her skin at any moment.
"Alex?"
She looked up, worried she'd missed something he'd said. "Yeah?"
"How are you feeling about all this?"
He looked at her intently and she wanted to scream. She wanted to jump to her feet and throw herself into his arms, tell him that if she couldn't be with him, she might lose her mind.
All she said was, "Um, OK I guess."
He eyed her with amusement. "Just OK? That's it?"
His eyebrows were fully raised by this point and she shook her head in embarrassment.
"Uh, yeah, I guess there's more but I... it's just a lot to take in, you know? I don't even know where to start..."
She sighed and ran her fingers back through her hair as she leaned back on the sofa.
I know where I'd like to start, though.
She looked at her knees, not wanting him to see the longing that was probably shining in her eyes.
He smiled sympathetically and nodded. "Yeah, I bet."
She looked back up as he spoke and he looked into her eyes warmly.
"I guess the most important thing is that you got through it all. You're going to be OK, Alex."
She felt her insides turning to warm jelly. "I know. I..." She shook her head and breathed heavily.
And it was all thanks to you, Nick... If only I had the nerve to tell you how much it all meant to me... How much YOU mean to me.
She watched as his face became serious, and a sense of unease worked its way down her spine. She swallowed nervously as he stood up and walked over to one of her windows. He let out a long breath and then turned back to face her.
As he looked at her expectant face, he thought to himself.
OK, it's now or never.
"Alex... Can I ask you something?"
She could barely respond, she was so unnerved by his sober tone. "Uh, yeah... sure."
He moved a little closer, his eyes never leaving her face.
"Do you think... Do you think you've had enough space?"
She frowned as she tried to figure out what he meant. Huh?
"Um... What do you mean?"
He still watched her closely and his expression remained sombre.
"Space. In the message you left me, you said you needed some space."
Her eyes widened in shock.
Oh, God...
She felt all the blood draining from her face for a change, and she looked at him in confusion.
"Nick, I..." She shook her head, unable to formulate words.
His eyes narrowed ever so slightly and he managed to look even more serious. She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach now as he spoke.
"You never really needed space did you." It was a statement, not a question.
A knot had formed in his stomach as he'd been gauging her reaction. He began to doubt himself as she looked back at him like a cornered animal.
This was not the reaction he'd been hoping for.
He'd thought she'd look more relieved or something; happy to finally get to tell him the truth. But now he wasn't sure he wanted to know the truth. It didn't look like it was going to be what he'd been hoping for.
He finally looked away, his eyes on the floor. Alex's eyes were misting over as she fought to overcome her confusion.
He looks so unhappy... So why is he asking me this? Or maybe it's disgust... Has he known all along, after all? He must think I'm so pathetic.
She knew it was going to rip her apart when he finally shot her down, but she had to tell him the truth. If nothing else, she could finally be honest with him, no matter what he thought of her.
"No Nick, I never really needed space. I... I lied to you."
His head had snapped up as she spoke and his surprise was mirrored in his face. His eyes darkened slightly and he braced himself as he asked the question that had been playing havock with his sanity for weeks.
"Then why, Alex? Why did you pull away from me?"
She flinched at the look of hurt in his eyes and it broke her heart to think that she might have caused him pain.
Then it dawned on her:
He's in pain? Does that mean... Could he still...?
She felt a different type of tension now.A tiny hint of hope settled in somewhere beneath the fear.
"Because I... I didn't want you to..."
God, how do I say this?
She didn't want to blow her chances, if indeed she did have a chance now...
"I couldn't bare the thought of you getting in trouble because of me, Nick. I couldn't live with myself if anything bad ever happened to you..."
Then she looked down at the floor, a self-deprecating look on her face. She shook her head.
"Except that you have gotten hurt, haven't you? And it was all my fault..."
A tear slipped down her cheek, and she couldn't look up at him again, afraid of what she might see.
Nick felt as if his heart might explode. His pulse was running like a racehorse.
She didn't... She never...
He felt something release inside of him, something painful that he'd been holding onto for too long. The empty hole in his chest began to fill in with something else...
All he could thing was, Thank God.
His lips twitched into a small smile as he moved towards her, unable to take his eyes off her downturned face. He sat beside her on the sofa and reached out a hand to gently touch her cheek.
She looked up then, uncertainty reflecting in her watery eyes. He smiled at her hopefully.
"You did it for me?"
When she finally understood what he was asking, her heart seemed to stop for a moment and then kicked back in with a vengeance. Continuing to stare at him in wonder, she took a breath and finally spoke softly.
"Yes."
He smiled wider now and caressed her cheek tenderly. "Unbelievable...."
He shook his head and laughed. She watched his amusement and risked a small smile. She wanted to touch him, but she still wasn't sure...
"In light of everything that's happened, this may be the wrong thing to say, but I'm going to risk it anyway..."
He suddenly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly to him, mumbling into her hair.
"Alex, I could kill you... if I didn't need you so much."
She felt him laughing softly and she clung to him tightly, suddenly desperate to be as close to him as possible.
"God, Nick... I'm so sorry."
She felt the tears flowing freely now and she moved her face into his neck. "I didn't think I was going to make it without you. I've missed you so much."
She sniffled loudly and he groaned out loud, squeezing her tighter. He pulled back and placed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. Then he leaned back slightly, his face still close to hers.
"Alex, you have no idea how much I've been longing to hear that... I've been going crazy without you."
His lips pressed down on hers and she felt like she was on fire. His hands ran through her hair desperately and she moaned in happiness as she savoured the taste of him once again. She held onto his shoulders with the same intensity, afraid to let go.
They held each other tightly, and it was only when Alex felt him stiffen after she ran her hands down his arms that they pulled apart.
"Oh, Nick... I'm so sorry. Your arm..."
He chuckled. "It's OK."
He reached out to hold her again and accidentally rubbed against her elbow, and this time she was the one to flinch. He looked sorry and was about to say so when she laughed.
"Wow. We're a mess." She smiled at him through her tears of happiness.
He laughed and nodded. "I desperately want to pick you up, throw you over my shoulder and carry you up to your bed, but..."
"It might kill us both in the process?"
They laughed together, and Nick held onto his sore side.
"Jeeze... This laughing isn't helping much either. This is a sad state of affairs."
She grinned at him shyly. "I'm not feeling sad, though."
He flashed her the full wattage smile and she sighed to herself as he replied.
"No, me either."
He moved back in slowly and they held each other close, not speaking for a moment. Then she pulled back and looked at him earnestly.
"Nick, there's so much we need to talk about. I need to-"
He stopped her with a kiss.
He still felt nervous about the Kristy Hopkins thing, and he was a bit worried about discussing it. He didn't want to ruin the feeling of joy that he'd found again. At least, not for tonight.
She kissed him back eagerly, and he felt a little more secure again.
"Alex, we have a lot to talk about. There are things I need to tell you too, but..."
She looked at him curiously.
"But I'm... I'm just so tired."
He laughed softly and she smiled back at him, reaching out to run a finger down his chin lightly. He loved having her touch him again and had to stop himself from closing his eyes and simply basking in the pleasure... She leaned over and kissed him lightly.
"I know exactly how you feel. I'm exhausted. Life has been wearing me out lately."
He looked at her closely and felt a bit of concern as he could see that she was speaking the truth.
"Oh hon... I'm sorry... I should have probably waited until tomorrow to come by and talk to you. This has all been so-"
"What?" She looked at him in shock.
"Nick, half the reason I'm so weary is because I've been working so hard to keep you off my mind. Honest to God... After being with you again after the accident yesterday and... well..." She exhaled noisily. "I just don't think I could've handled any more... space."
She smirked in embarrassment. He grabbed her hand, smiling.
"Me either."
He looked down at her fingers and stroked one absently. "Can I... Can I stay with you tonight? I just want to hold you..."
She moved back into his arms carefully and put her lips to his ear, whispering softly. "You better."
He laughed softly and hugged her closer.
Later, as they lay entwined in Alex's bed, Nick played with her hair as she slept and thought about how lucky he'd been...
If someone had told him a week or so ago that he was going to be lying here with Alex in his arms again, he'd have said they were nuts. Now...
He sighed happily. They were together and they were going to be alright...
He felt a shadow cross his mind...
If she understands about my past.
Nick pulled her more tightly to him and she snuggled into him, sighing in her sleep.
She'll understand... Won't she?