A/N: Finally, here's 10! I'm so sorry for being late. My head was in a fog. Some days I hate him and can stay angry and focus. Other days, I miss him and get distracted. Ugh, breakups suck! Anyway, enough of that. Let me know what you think, this ch. was a little funky for me. 11 will have some adult moments, so just be prepared ;) xoxo

The following morning Ren left his quarters early and made sure the guards posted in the hall were well hidden, just in case anything popped up.

When he finally made it to the bridge, he wasn't surprised to find everything running smoothly. Perfect harmony. Perfect order.

"Captain? Any success recovering the Resistance pilot and FN-2187?"

Phasma turned from her place besides a console, her chrome helmet gleaming from Jakku's sun. "Negative. We have a team searching the crash site, but it seems they may have separated so I am sending a second squadron to blanket the area."

"Good. I want to be alerted as soon as there is any news. If you need me, I will be training on the lower decks."

"Very well, Lord Ren."

He'd taken two steps before he realized he needed to ask her a question. "Captain, one last thing; I…I need to find suitable clothes for my guest. See to it that a female member of the enlisted crew takes care of the matter, but does not interact with her. Is that understood? And I appreciate your discretion on the matter."

Phasma's face remained hidden from him, but he could feel her eyes on him. Hers was one of the strongest mind's he'd found, but he could still make out her stronger thoughts. In this case they were hardly hidden from him. Horror. Confusion. Outrage.

After a long pause, she said "Of course" before returning her attention to the task of tracking their crew.

Poe winced.

"What do you mean she didn't go with you? Why not?!"

The voice on the other end of the com rose to a decibel he was sure would rupture his eardrum.

"I don't know, General. There wasn't much time to discuss it. She just said she was working on something for Luke and didn't like it."

The woman's voice paused and for a second Poe wondered if he'd made a mistake.

"She's working with Luke?"

"Apparently." Poe rubbed his eyes, exhausted. The trek from the crash site to civilization had been brutal and hot, but his emergency beacon had been damaged in the crash and he needed a recon team to pick him up.

At least the First Order has fewer spies out here….

As if General Organa could sense his fatigue, she sighed, her voice returning to normal levels when she spoke again.

"Forgive me, Poe. We'll continue this conversation after your debriefing. Our team should be there in the next ten minutes, hang tight and stay out of sight until they land."

He nodded, guilt gnawing at him. Of course Genera Organa was excited to learn about Luke. It was the first word anyone had had of him in months. "Sure thing, General. Dameron, out."

A few minutes later, two of his own squadron arrived early and picked him up, jubilant that he was still alive. The trip back to the Resistance base was quick, and Poe was lucky to sleep for most of it. Though he wouldn't qualify it as rest.

Each time he closed his eyes, his mind replayed the events leading up to the crash. Torture at the hands of the soldiers, the woman in chrome, the redheaded man, and finally Kylo Ren. The way his thoughts hadn't been his own and secrets had slipped from his mind without his permission. His jailbreak. The way Lira had appeared like a ghost out of air, threatening the Stormtrooper – Finn – who was helping him escape. Trying to find BB-8, and the sudden jolt as they were hit, crashing nearly full speed into the sands.

Gasping he came awake, surprised to find he was no longer on the ship, but in the base's med bay.

"How are you feeling, Poe?"

Turning his head to the left he found the speaker. General Organa was sitting beside him, hands clasped together in her lap, brown eyes worried. Whether it was the limited light inside of med bay or something else, a part of Poe was startled to see such a strong woman looking so frail. Defeated. It was not the way he wanted to see his commander.

She looks the way I feel.

"I'm okay, General. Just got a bit of First Order hospitality, that's all. Was the recon team able to find my friend? Finn?" he asked, sitting up.

Her expression faltered, and she shook her head. "No. I'm sorry. They spent as much time searching for him as they could, but there was no sign of him or BB-8."

Restless, Poe ran a hand through his hair. "We'll find them. We have to if we want to find Luke."

The General flinched at her brother's name and looked away. "Poe…about that. I'd like to know what Lira told you. Even if it's not much….it's…it's something."

Empathy squeezed his heart, reminding him that not knowing about her brother or what secret plan he'd worked out with Lira was probably eating away at her. Taking a breath, he recounted the conversation he'd had with Lira but left out the tugging feeling in his gut that it was more dangerous than she'd let on.

General Organa has enough on her mind.

Lira sneezed. A tingle at the back of her neck bringing her mother's old tale that it was "a sign someone was talking about you", to mind. She shook it off, reveled in the moment. For the first time in days, she felt like herself.

The power of the Force coursed through her, stronger than before, sharpening her mind and quickening her thoughts. Every muscle, every cell in her body felt alive, responsive, like she could try to fly and would.

Which is what happens when you don't have stupid chemicals in your system.

Delighted, she stood up and moved, reminded herself what she was capable of when she wasn't sedated. That she was powerful, strong. A need to get up and move, do something to offset the abundance of energy she felt had her training for the first time in weeks.

Basic ground work that didn't require a weapon, was first. The stretching and tightening of muscles and ligaments making her sigh with pleasure. Training was one of the few things that gave Lira joy in life. She imagined it was the way Poe felt when he was flying, or when Jae was smuggling goods from behind enemy lines.

It had taken her a bit to come to enjoy it, though. After the temple fell, Luke had insisted he help her train. Her father had agreed, saying it was for the best, but insisted she master hand-to-hand combat as well…unfortunately, it was a suggestion she hadn't taken seriously until later in life.

Don't go there, Lira. Some things are best forgotten.

Annoyed that her mind was drifting to darker times, she pushed her body harder, forcing herself to focus on the minute movements of her routine. Two hours later, she was exhausted.

Whoever said body weight wasn't a workout had no idea what they were talking about.

Letting her body fall from her headstand position where she'd been doing crunches, she grunted. The best kind of pain was firing like a live wire through her. She'd need a hot and cold shower to help prevent tomorrow's stiffness, but it had been worth it.

Her clothes had just pooled around her feet when something rapped on the door. Panic flicked through her first, but a quick check with the Force told her she wasn't in danger. Curious, she wrapped a towel around herself and made for the door. Ben had said it was coded to his biometrics so unless he was about to walk through the door, she didn't have anything to worry about.

After several moments of silence, she shrugged and turned back to the shower.

If it's Ben, he'll just come in; if it's not, whoever it is will be in for a rude surprise.

Satisfied with that reasoning, she took a quick shower to remove the sweat and when she had finished, sat down to mediate.

There's got to be a way to reach Ben Solo, the question is how...

After a few hours of training and a quick shower to cool down, Ren was ready to return to the bridge. For the millionth time that day, he considered telling the Supreme Leader about Lira, but he knew that if he did, she'd be executed.

She'd never convert to the Dark Side….and once the Supreme Leader realizes that she will not betray her allegiance or tell him anything he doesn't already know, she's as good as dead.

For reasons he didn't want to consider, the thought of her dying, again, bothered him. He'd rather keep her a secret than know he'd killed her. Again.

I need to come up with something, though. Hux will come back eventually, and Phasma will get suspicious if I keep a "guest" without cause….

Slamming his helmet back on, he headed for the bridge. He'd need to get Lira to give him answers, and while she said she would talk about her work, he would need more than that. Letting his mind wander back to the years he'd tried to forget, he began to remember their time together. Piece together their past.

What do I know about her that could be useful….She loves sunfruit, and the sea. A holobook was always within arm's reach. She loved to sneak out at night and star gaze….and she detested sand storms.

There was nothing else he could remember of the girl he'd known.

"This may be harder that I anticipated." He grumbled, stepping onto the bridge.

"Ah, Lord Ren. We were just about to call for you," said Captain Phasma as she strode towards him. Without waiting for him to acknowledge her, she continued. "It seems FN-2187 has escaped Jakku with the BB unit and an unknown girl. Poe Dameron has been rescued by the Resistance; and General Hux will be returning to the Finalizer in two days."

Ren growled, the anger he'd spent half the day burning off was returning, simmering inside him. "How, exactly, Captain Phasma, were FN-2187 and the BB unit able to escape?"

Phasma paused and gestured to a screen. He followed and felt his face pale, thankful she couldn't see it.

"They stole an old freighter; which I'm surprised to say, was able to get off the ground. We're trying to track it now."

The Millennium Falcon….

He'd recognize it anywhere. His father's ship. A whirlwind of emotions stirred, and it took as much control as he had to keep from blowing up. Thankfully, Phasma continued speaking so he was able to set aside the inner turbulence.

"As for that other matter, an ensign was unable to deposit the items in your quarters, and felt it impertinent to leave them in the hall. Should I have her try again, give them to you, or would you prefer another alternative."

Ren could feel Phasma's curiosity, and anger, as she studied him. He'd never kept a companion this long and they both knew Supreme Leader Snoke had future plans for the two of them, though he refused to let that plan come to fruition. As Kylo Ren, he knew he played – and would continue to play – many roles for the Supreme Leader, but Sire for future First Order Dark Jedi wasn't one of them.

"Send a protocol droid to my quarters, instead. I'll be there to ensure that there are no future issues. As for General Hux, alert him that we will be tracking the escapees' freighter, so make sure you inform him of our changing coordinates."

She nodded, her voice cold and hard. "Very well."

Ignoring the sensation of her eyes boring into his back; he left the bridge and headed to his quarters. Even though her presence made him feel on edge, and she was able to drive him mad, something about being near Lira also soothed him. Calmed the storm he could feel brewing in his chest. Suddenly the memories came back, forcing him to stop walking as images he'd forgotten flashed in his mind.

The day they'd met. She'd been covered in mud and scratches, jubilant that she'd fallen out of a tree without breaking a bone. The way she would run straight for the archives when she visited with her father, because nothing could keep her away from reading anything and everything. How she'd been injured in a fight and had fought back tears because she didn't want anyone to think she was weak, but he'd found her by a tree later, crying quietly; and he'd used the Force to make a flower dance for her because as much as she annoyed him, he hated seeing her cry. The nights they slept under the stars and imagined their futures as Jedi Knights, and guessed at what life in other parts of the galaxy was like. The way he hated that her visits became fewer and farther apart, but when she did visit, he was the first one she looked for. How she'd found him wandering the grounds one night, terrified and lost in the shadows of his mind, visions pulling him towards a dark path; and instead of running from him, she sat beside him, silently stroking his back, trying to ease his pain. The night they'd told each other their feelings and had let their bodies demonstrate what that meant.

Ren gasped, his hand pressed firmly into the wall to keep from falling. He shook his head, trying to clear his mind. He'd been expecting a few memories, sure, just not an onslaught of them. Unsure of what had just happened, he continued to his rooms, shoving the thoughts and emotions they'd stirred up into the darkest part of his heart.

Focus. First the droid, then the fugitives, then everything else. Memories like that serve no purpose.

I am Kylo Ren.

Ben Solo is dead.