Legitimate Rape (14x18)

Purcell; But all the, what, hundreds of others- if you thought they were guilty, they were. Men, they're all rapists, right?
Barba: Objection, argumentative and ridiculous.
Judge: Sustained.
Purcell: Do you hate men?
Barba: - Objection.
Purcell: When was the last time you were in a relationship?
Barba: [Laughing] Objection!
Judge: Sustained.
Purcell: Detective How often have you seen an actual rape victim become pregnant and decide to keep the baby?
Olivia: It happens.
Purcell: Like convicting innocent men happens.

"What happened?"

Although an entire evening had passed since I had spoken to Nick about my parentage I knew exactly what he was asking. We were two of last ones in the squad-room, since Cragen had left to speak with Calhoun. 1PP would be watching us closely and making sure we had nothing to do with Averys and Theos disappearance. We were supposed to be writing our reports, but I knew he couldn't concentrate either.

"My mother was raped by a man called Joseph Hollister when she was a young woman. Six years after her death I...found out I had a brother and...and that's how I found him. He had already been dead. Suicide."

"When did she tell you?"

"When I was old enough." I drank a sip of the coffee standing on my table, it was already cold, "Things suddenly began to make sense. About how she'd always treated me." I had wanted to say how she had always hated me, but that had seemed too dramatic.

"It's not exactly a secret...I'm not ashamed of it or anything, but...could you keep this to yourself?"

"Of course." He nodded once and then gave me a stern look, "Whatever you do, don't tell Barba."

"Don't tell Barba what?" Just in the right moment our ADA had entered our squad-room and looked at us expectantly.

"That I hate suspenders." I joked.

"Please." He rolled his eyes, "Nobody hates suspenders."

I was glad he hadn't pressed the matter any further. It was hard for me to lie to him.

"Is Cragen still in?"

"No, he left about an hour ago." Nick answered, looking at his computer screen. An hour ago? Where had the time gone? "Is there something we can help you with?"

"You could tell me where Avery is."

I froze in my seat and began to feel numb. Nick didn't even flinch.

"We don't know that and neither does Cragen."

I continued to look at the papers in front of me intently.

"Good. I do not need to tell you how being part of her disappearance is a crime?"

"No." I looked up now, "We're good here, Conselor."

He met my gaze and then said, "For what it's worth, I'm glad Avery got out."

"Yeah." I drank from my cold coffee once more, ignoring the bitter taste in my mouth, "I think everyone is."

He left then, probably to drop of some papers for Cragen and I turned to Nick, who wasted no time whispering, "It's better if he doesn't know, he will tell 1PP and they will start asking questions."

"I know." I tried to speak soothingly, but failed to do so. What did Nick think of me? I had my emotions under control, I wasn't going to pour my heart out to our ADA, "I won't say anything."

Besides I didn't want to drag him into this. I had helped Avery escape, I felt no regret. It was just painful to see a mother love her child of rape and to see it was possible.

Even if I hadn't experienced it.

"Do you want some more coffee?" Nick suddenly asked, looking up from his computer.

I was tired and needed caffeine, but it was like my body had taken on a life of its own, as I shook my head and stood up to walk up to Barba.

He was engaged in a conversation with a young police officer and while I couldn't hear what they were talking about, I could see he wasn't exactly enjoying his company.

"Conselor." I stepped towards them boldly, interrupting the young man, "Could you...uh...take me home?"

I saw the surprise flicker in his eyes, but it lasted only a moment, "Sure. I'll be right there."

"Thank you."

When I returned to my desk to get my jacket Nick was frowning, "Are you leaving?"

"Barba's taking me home."

He raised his eyebrows questioningly, but didn't comment on this fact.

"I won't tell him anything." I promised, "I just need to get home and sleep that's all."

"I would have taken you."

Of course he would have, I knew that. But I wanted to drive home with Barba for reasons I didn't even understand myself.

"Detective." He stood behind me suddenly, "Are you ready?"

"Yes." I walked to Nick and put my hand on his shoulder, "Good night, Nick. Be safe."

"You too." He reached up to pat my hand and when Barba and I left the squad room I felt more relieved than I had in a long time.

"So." He spoke once we were safely inside his car, "Do you want to go home or somehwere else?"

A bar sounded perfect. We could drink and tease each other and laugh. But I was so tired and vulnerable I knew alcohol was the worst idea that had come to my mind that evening. And I had just helped commit a crime.

"Home, please."

He started the car then and as we drove through the night, which was full of bright lights he gently asked,

"Are you ok, Detective?"

"No." It was almost ridiculous how easy it was to admit this to him. Even Elliot, who had been my best friend, had usually only received the answer 'I'm fine'.

Barba didn't ponder on this fact and I found myself sighing, "I miss my mother. She died twelve years ago."

"I'm sorry."

I understood everything so much better now. I wanted to tell her that. She had abused me emotionally and that wasn't ok, but it made sense. I knew she had done the best she could and I loved her more for that than I had ever told her. And I wished I had. I wished she could have seen me now, seen how much I had learned and how much I had grown.

"Mr. Barba." He was speaking in a high-pitched tone, "I would love to find out, if that quick-witted tongue of yours knows its way around a woman's body as well as it does in the courtroom." He paused and then he spoke in his normal voice again, "This is precisely how Efron hit on me that night in the bar."

I burst out in laughter, doubling over and gasping for air, "That's amazing!"

"I thought it might cheer you up." He grumbled, "Just don't tell anyone."

"Who would believe me?!"

Now he began to laugh as well and the car was filled with the sounds of our laughter, which made no sense at all, considering the circumstances, but maybe that was all I had needed: Something that made no sense, something meaningless, which could make me to laugh for hours and for whatever reason Barba was the one who was able to give me just that.

However when he pulled up beside my apartment-complex our laughter had faded and we stared out at the night in silence.

"Detective." He finally broke the silence, "I know about your mother. I know you are a child of rape."

I didn't ask him how he knew this, "I didn't help Avery escape, I swear."

"I know." He said quickly, "I never thought you had."

I couldn't tell if he really did believe I was innocent. Legally I was not, I knew this and Cragen knew it as well. I had informed her what the consequences of her actions would be, I hadn't packed her bags, nor had I driven her to where she had to go. I had merely given her three hours time to run. Those three hours had been some of the longest of my life. It had been painfully obvious what the right thing was to do, even if it meant risking my job, facing kidnapping charges. Theo would grow up in peace far away from the rapist, who had fathered him. Avery had done the right thing.

"Am I in trouble?" My voice was barely a whisper and Barba leaned closer, touching my arm lightly.

"No. Purcell doesn't know about your parentage and I'm not sure if 1PP does, but even if they did I don't think they'd make the connection. You're safe."

And just like that I stopped worrying. If Barba said I was safe, then I knew I truly was.

"You left her and then she fled. It's not your mistake or your fault."

"Thank you, Conselor." I sighed, letting the unbuckled seat belt slide through my fingers, "For taking me home and...being in my corner." For making me laugh, for taking off the pressure. For letting me feel safe.

"You're very welcome, Detective."

Hey guys! So, I was really stuck on this one, because I just could not make up my mind if Olivia tells Barba about her past or not. Because it seemed like a really stupid idea to tell him (he would know of her involvement and would do the right thing by going to 1PP) I decided to let him already know. It's sill slightly OOC for him to not have thought she had something to do with Averys disappearance, but on the other hand he doesn't know Olivia all to well yet.

Also, from now on I will replying to your reviews, I've realised I always ask you to leave a comment, but never answer or tell you what I think, so from now on I'll be doing that :)

And last, I'm running out of ideas WHERE Liv and Barba can have their scenes, in a car, bar or office seems to be all I can come up with, so if you any suggestions please let me know via review or private message.

Thank you for all your messages and reviews so far, please tell me what you think! :) 3