Chapter 10-Confession

AN: No author's note for this one... Although, on a totally different note, if you're an artist, please message me about participating in Project Metafiction.

My name is Irasi Nianome, and this is my confession. I fought with the commandos under the rogue Matriarch Benezia, I murdered the justicar who was sent to hold me to account for my actions, and have been impersonating her for nearly a month after.

I have never done evil, or at least I would not consider myself an evil person. I am a victim of circumstance only; I had the misfortune of being born a Dichromate, you see. I would never wish such a fate on any other, for I experienced such bitterness at the hands of my fellow asari that I could no longer consider them my kinswomen. Because of my condition, I was unfairly labeled an Ardat Yakshi, sent to the Lessus monastery, and stripped of my family name.

It was in this monastery that I spent my formative years. From the other children I learned cruelty; experienced unkindness without end. They showed no sympathy for me, despite coming from similar backgrounds; but I do not blame them. They likely knew as little sympathy from their birth families as they showed to me. The other children were cruel, but the Matrons who ran the monastery were kind. It is they who I have to thank for the fact that I am not, as of yet, insane. I must thank one Matron in particular: Matron Gauren. She's a Matriarch now; one of the best on Lessus, from what I've seen.

When I had grown old enough to join the military, I expressed my desire to become a commando to Matron Gauren. After much difficulty, she found a place for me serving under Matriarch Benezia. While there were those in my squad who were just as cruel as everyone in my life has been, there were others who treated me no different than any other asari. I grew close to them, and my loyalty to Benezia was unflagging.

When Benezia decided to go to Saren, to try to convince him to adjust course, she offered us a choice: those who didn't want to take the risk could leave, no questions asked. Some left, but I was not about to turn my back on the one asari who had given me a chance to make something better of my life; I followed Matriarch Benezia.

I'm not sure when it became clear that something had changed; it just happened. The Matriarch and her closest handmaidens started saying things that didn't fit with their personalities, and they would get a hazy look in their eyes when you would talk with them. Matriarch Benezia, once so loyal to those serving under her, made Shiala (one of her acolytes) stay on Feros, where she was to become the prisoner of the beast there.

The Matriarch died on Noveria, or so I am told. I wish I could say that she died honorably, or that her last actions revealed some of the strength of her character, but I cannot. What good there was in her died when she became Saren's thrall; I know this because I watched my fellow commandos, the only friends I have ever known, die. She sent us against Commander Shepard, and her own daughter; they slayed us one by one. Mortrix, my best friend, was last to die. While we struggled against Shepard, Benezia cowered in a corner.

I should have died on Noveria, on the Peak 15 station. But I didn't. The krogan traveling with Shepard aimed a shotgun right at me and fired. My armor was gone, and my barrier had long since run out. As I said, I should have died. But a turian doctor saved me, on Thessia's dime. Soon after, a justicar showed up; Justicar Maelstra. She loaded me onto a frigate while I was still recovering from my wounds. Maelstra wanted to take me back to Thessia, to account for crimes I had committed while serving with Benezia.

The Matriarch placed me and my fellow commandos under Saren's command, and we committed many crimes on his say-so. I will not go into all of them here, except to say that, while many we killed were those who might have been said to have deserved it, we often blurred the lines between moral executions and cold-blooded murder. It is now clear that everything we did was to get the pieces in the right position for Saren's betrayal of the council, but at the time I thought we were simply working as sheriffs of a kind; in a part of the galaxy that was largely lawless.

Suffice to say, what I did at Saren's behest guaranteed me a spot under the axe. When Maelstra showed up to take me to Thessia, I knew that public sentiment was largely against those of us who had followed Benezia, and what we had done; so I did the only thing I could. I murdered the justicar, and escaped from the frigate in a UT-40 shuttle.

My shuttle was picked up by pirates, who had been attempting to recover the body of Matriarch Benezia (which was also onboard the justicar's frigate). They took me to Sur'Kesh, and through a series of strange events I ended up standing before the Shadow Broker. He told me that I was to become an agent for him, impersonating the justicar I had just killed.

I did what he asked. To my shame, I obeyed without question. For the past month I acted in a way many would describe as treasonous; I do not consider it as such. In fact, I consider this the least of my crimes. What loyalty do I owe to those who showed me nothing but cruelty, who so hated an innocent child that they stripped her of everything that ought to be a child's birthright?

But I can avoid the penalty for my crimes no longer. I will stand to account; seven days from now I will arrive in the Elasa square, so that you all may judge me as you see fit. So that you, who molded me; who gave birth to this damned creature, can look upon your creation and decide whether to strike down her pitiful form.

As I said at the beginning, I do not consider myself an evil person. But I suppose in the end that will be for you all to decide, a week from now.

-Ha'Porri

It took barely fifteen minutes for the article to get posted on the most popular news sources. Irasi had sent it as a message to several asari reporters, and they made sure that it got to the right people. She had been worried that the Shadow Broker might try to keep her from getting the letter out to the public, but apparently he lacked either the desire or ability to do so.

Irasi made her way to Llastra's cabin, to inform the captain of their new destination. When she arrived, she found Llastra staring at the console on her desk, engrossed in something she was reading.

Llastra looked up at Irasi, "Is this all true?"

"Every word of it."

"Holy shit!" Llastra whispered. She smiled sympathetically, "You know the pub courts will crucify you, right?"

"Yes, that is—"Irasi sighed, "that is an inevitability."

"Then why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Write the letter, admit to all of those crimes. You have put yourself at the mercy of those who have none. Why?"

Irasi shrugged, "Because it was made clear to me that the only way I could atone for my crimes was to admit to them and accept whatever judgment comes."

"BS. That would only be true if the courts actually dealt out justice. Look, I read through what you did, and I don't think your crimes have earned you the kind of punishment the pub courts will deal out. I mean, sure you killed some people who may not have entirely deserved it, but you were just obeying orders. Any good soldier would have done the exact same thing."

"Maybe, but they didn't. My crimes are mine and no other's."

The captain sighed, "What I want to know is why you decided to get away from the courts the first time you were going to be brought before them, but now you are choosing to go to Elasa. By the Goddess, you killed a justicar to avoid the pub courts! And you could have avoided them again by just keeping your mouth shut. No one would have found out."

"I can't say that I have an answer for you," Irasi looked down at her palms, "I've been asking myself the same question. All I can figure is that I did this because the only person who could have commanded me to told me I should. That it was the only way to absolve myself of guilt for all the bad things I've done. Both before I met Maelstra—and after."

Captain Llastra stood, "Well, I know taking you to Elasa isn't something the Shadow Broker wants. He even sent me a message saying as much. And the businesswoman in me says I should do as he says so I can keep collecting his money. But the asari in me wants to help you out, although I'm not sure I will be helping you by doing this." She thumbed a button on her omnitool to open a line to the pilot, "Chart a course for Elasa. We have some important cargo to drop off there."

"Thank you," Irasi said.

"Don't you dare thank me. I've very likely given orders that will result in your death." The captain's chair creaked as Llastra leaned back. She rubbed her temples, "Goddess help me, I must be insane. Giving up some of the easiest credits I've ever earned just because a fake justicar's decided she's had enough of playing pretend." Llastra took a deep breath, "Look, if you need someone to testify on your side, I'll do it."

Irasi laughed, "What would you even say? 'Oh, she only shared a few secrets with SB, nothing important'?"

"No, I'd say that you didn't have to come clean. That you could've stayed undercover for as long as you wanted. That the only reason you're on trial is by choice. It won't be much, but maybe my testimony will be enough to spare you from death."

Irasi leaned over Llastra's desk to grab the captain's hand, "I thank you. Even though you say I dare not. I need to stand trial, and maybe with someone to testify for me it won't be as much of a one-sided case."

Irasi went back to her own room; she was surprised by how calm she was. Perhaps this is how animals feel before the slaughter. Her calm mind wasn't one born of a certainty of safety, but rather of a certainty of death. Perhaps what causes worry, Irasi mused, is not the eventual outcomes we see for a situation, but the uncertainty of which outcome will come to pass.

There was no doubt in Irasi's mind about what the result of this trial would be. All that was left undecided was which method of execution the Elasans would choose.