CHAPTER TEN features: Azkaban, And All That That Implies

"Hello, Hagrid," Serena said.

"Oh, 'lo," he said glumly.

"What's wrong?"

Hagrid eyed her. "Oh, nothin', nothin'." It was obviously a lie, but if he didn't want to talk about it Serena wasn't going to push the conversation. "I jus don't like ter see anyone goin' up ter Azkaban. It's no' a nice place, 'specially for pretty young girls like yerself."

Serena was getting very irritated with people telling her not to go visit her father. It's not like visiting Azkaban would change her life forever, she thought. She'd been around Dementors before. Not nearly this many of them, and not for hours at a time, but still. "I'll be alright, Hagrid," was all she said.

He looked at her for a long moment and then McGonagall said, "She wants to go, so we'll take her, Hagrid."

Hagrid nodded then busied himself checking the Thestrals' straps. Serena started. Thestrals? Oh, Merlin, she could see them now. Well, of course she could. Thestrals had been covered exhaustively at Durmstrang and she really shouldn't be this surprised, and she shouldn't let it get to her like this. She climbed into the cabin, pushed her tears down, and wiped away the few that had fallen on her cheek.

The trip in the carriage was awkward, but it was nothing compared to this. The boat was rickety and the wind was biting cold and while she was much too distracted by a growing apprehension to feel awkward it certainly wasn't an improvement.

She drew her cloak around herself and stole a glance at McGonagall. She was pale and stony-faced. Her hat was buffeted by the wind, only held on by a charm Serena was sure. She looked at the Ministry official sitting at the front of the small boat. He simply looked resigned. Serena guessed that he had to make this trip more times than he'd like. She looked at the other two people in the boat. They were large men, and they were holding oars that looked like they could do with replacing. She couldn't see their faces and could tell nothing by their body language, understandably as they were spending a lot of effort on rowing.

She looked at the approaching island with its large, grey structure adorning it. It looked like possibly the worst place in the world. There were three Dementors standing by the dock and she wondered how much of the cold was the North Sea in November and how much of it was the Dementors. She looked away; she couldn't stand the sight of them. It was unfortunate for her that she did so, she did not see them gliding up to the end of the dock.

The boat lightly bumped the dock and Serena stepped out. She heard the Ministry man's voice as though it was underwater saying, "Wait!" but it didn't register. All she could hear was screaming. Suddenly it was hot, so hot, red flames dancing on her closed eyelids and such horrible screaming. She couldn't open her eyes, she knew what she would see: a man in a black robe standing over the bed, holding a wand, her mother fighting for her life, blood everywhere and fire and laughing—

A jerk on her arm and suddenly someone was holding her. Serena screamed and tried to push them off but a soothing, female voice, not the harsh laughter of the Death Eaters, said, "Calm yourself, child, it is only a memory. It cannot harm you now."

Serena remembered where she was and stopped trying to push McGonagall away, instead grabbing her and holding her tightly, sobbing into her robes. "I didn't— I couldn't— there was so many—"

"Hush, child." She quieted. McGonagall started to pull back but Serena held on tighter. McGonagall let her stand there for a while, then said, "I have something for you in my pocket," and this time when she pulled away Serena let her. McGonagall pulled out some chocolate and she felt a little ashamed. She ate some. Then she turned away and threw it all up. McGonagall actually held her hair while her stomach emptied itself on the ground. After dry-heaving for a few minutes, Serena wiped her mouth and nibbled on the chocolate slowly.

"Thank you," she said, hoping to convey all that she really was thankful for. By the look on her face, McGonagall seemed to understand.

"Inside the prison the Dementors will not be allowed to come that close to you. I don't know what you were thinking getting off the boat like that." She shook her head but softened the words with a hand on Serena's shoulder. "Are you sure you want to continue?"

Serena hesitated. She asked, "Does he know I'm coming?" and then hated herself immediately.

"No, he has not yet been informed," she said, and added perceptively, "He would not know if you turned back now."

No, Serena thought, she did not want to continue, but she'd be damned if she'd leave now. She'd already made it through the worst of it. Inside they weren't allowed to be near her and she had a large amount of chocolate from McGonagall.

She steeled herself and McGonagall smiled and looked, for once, proud. "I did not think so. You are a Gryffindor, after all." And then, as though that might not have been the best thing to say, she looked away quickly towards their Ministry guide and said, "We're ready."

They walked inside, signed their names on a parchment, and continued on to the visitor's room. Just one room. Clearly visitors were a rare occurrence, and Serena now understood exactly why.

"Is there going to be a Dementor in the room with us?" Serena asked.

The man glanced at her, then hesitated. "Usually… usually there is. But I think in this case I can persuade them to stand outside the door."

Serena smile at the man, Jeffries, she remembered. "Thank you."

He nodded. They came up to the room. She looked through the window in the door. Her father was behind a table with his head down on the top of it so she couldn't see his face. His hair was dirty and his hands were more pale than usual. There was a Dementor in the corner. She shuddered. Jeffries went inside for a few minutes, and when he came out she could see the Dementor was gone, presumably through the other door.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Professor McGonagall asked.

Serena shook her head. "Thanks, but I need to do this alone."

McGonagall nodded, and she went inside.

As she sat down in the chair across the table Severus stirred.

"Serena?" he said. He sounded disbelieving and his voice was cracked and raspy. He looked up and when she saw his face she almost cried. He'd only been here a week and already he had huge bags under his eyes and it looked like he'd lost a lot of weight; he was gaunt and pale. His eyes spoke of such pain it was hard to look at them.

"Oh—Father…" she said softly and she got up and walked around the table. She knelt on the floor and put her head in his lap, hugging him around the waist like she used to when she was younger. Severus stroked her hair and she wished she could believe it was like old times.

"Serena, I can't believe you're here. When the Dementors brought me here I thought McGonagall, or some Ministry person to question me, I didn't think…"

"Of course I'm here Father."

"But why?"

Serena straightened up, still on her knees. She looked up at him. He seemed so genuinely confused. It couldn't possibly be that he didn't want her here? "I couldn't just leave you in here all alone in this terrible place. You're innocent; you don't deserve to be here! And this place is so horrible…" she trailed off, thoughts returning unbidden to the memory of that night, the night she watched her mother die.

Severus reached down to touch her cheek. His fingers were freezing cold. "How much…?" he asked.

"All of it."

"Oh, Rina," he said, using her nickname she hadn't heard from him since she was ten years old. And she began to cry.