Disclaimer: Once again the story and characters involved belong to J.K. Rowling. I'm simply borrowing them.
The day has finally come for Draco to arrive. Hermione had done everything she could to make herself presentable. She couldn't understand her desire to change her zombie like appearance; she'd already told him how little she was sleeping and how miserable she'd been, but the need was there so she went with it. No matter what she did she still carried heavy bags under her eyes and she hadn't been able to put back on much of the weight she'd lost, but when she'd checked herself in the mirror she could just begin to see her old self staring back at her. That was good enough for her.
Glancing over at the clock on the wall she realized Malfoy would be arriving in ten minutes time. She'd been watching from the kitchen, sneaking glances out the large window that overlooked the front of the house. She would never admit out loud to being anxious, but she was. When she'd finally accepted his request to meet she'd done it out of malicious frustration. She had so much she wanted to say to him, so much she wanted to do to him. Those things could only be said and done in a face to face setting.
She wanted to tell him how angry she was. She wanted him to know that she was broken and lost and that she though it was all his fault. She wanted him to understand that she couldn't figure out how to be herself anymore, she couldn't remember who she was before all this. Her life was different now and she'd changed in a way that she could no longer forgive as easily as she once had. She'd told him that she needed to forgive him too but she didn't think she could just yet.
Checking the clock on the wall once again she watched as both hands pointed upward. Signaling that it was now noon. Briskly walking over to the window once again she waited. Wanting to see the exact moment when he arrived, she patiently waited for the loud familiar popping sound that came with someone Apparating. Several more seconds past by and he did not immediately appear. She turned from the window and began pacing the length of the room. She couldn't believe he wasn't here yet. As the minutes trickled on she became more and more agitated by his lateness. Didn't he realize it wasn't easy for her to allow him to come this close to her and he didn't even have the decency to show up when she requested. She didn't think she was being unreasonable; she just liked when everyone respected a schedule.
"That slimy no good wanker. I should have known, the coward would never have the nerve to face me. But to not even have the decency to write to tell me he wouldn't be coming. What kind of person does that. Oh yeah he would because he's an—" Before she could finish her rant, a sound she would never forget echoed through the silence of the outdoors. Slowly tiptoeing to the window, she peaked out to make sure she'd heard what she thought she had. Seeing a tall man with white blond hair appoarching her dwelling she jumped back just slightly. Immediately straightening herself she ran both hands down the front of her jumper and walked to the door. Hesitating when she reached the front door, her hand hovered just above the door knob for a moment. While she'd been waiting, she had been nervous. Now that he was finally here she was terrified. She wasn't sure which way this meeting would go but she already wanted it over. Taking a breath she opened the door and watched as Draco Malfoy walked towards her; hands in his pocket and his head down facing the ground.
"I'm sure I asked you to be here at noon Malfoy, its now past that." She said when he was close enough to hear her clearly. She stood with her arms crossed as he placed one hand awkwardly behind his neck."Sorry, I really tried to be here when you said but I had a meeting at St. Mungo's. I needed to stay for it. Sorry" Hermione continued to glare at Draco as he spoke. As he never looked up at her the gesture had very little effect. "Well I guess you're here now, even if you are late." Moving to the side, she allowed Draco passage inside. Once inside he stood back and allowed her to lead him to the front room.
Reaching the small lounge Draco didn't wait for her permission; he walked straight over and sat on the sofa. When she'd moved into the bungalow it had come furnished with very few items. Hermione planned on purchasing things to fill her new home, but as she had yet to actually go anywhere the house remained the way it had been before she'd moved in. She wished she had gone out and gotten something. Even if it was just to enhance the furnishing in the one area, as the room currently only held the one sofa. The only other furniture in the room was a small table with a lamp atop it. Deciding that standing would look extremely bizarre, she sat on the far opposite end of the sofa. As far from Malfoy as humanly possible.
Neither said a word for a few more moments until Malfoy cleared his throat. "Are you well?" Looking down at her hands she mumbled her response. "Perfect and you?" "I've been well." Once again they fell into a silence. In all her worrying and frustration she hadn't thought about what they would talk about. She seemed to have forgotten that they hardly knew each other. Other then discussing the weather and how they were each doing they had little to talk about. Deciding that she needed to take control of this interaction she sat straighter. She'd invited him here for a reason. She refused to sit in this stupid manner any longer avoiding the obvious. "Why did you write me?" She turned her whole body to face him when she posed the question. She wanted to be able to detect a lie.
Looking up at her, for the first time since he'd arrived, he stared. He looked as if he'd been as tired as she was. He also carried dark circles under his eyes. His once neatly styled hair was now down to his chin and slightly tousled. The confidence he once exuded was gone and he now seemed unsure of himself. He'd always been unnaturally pale but now he seemed more so. His skin seemed translucent white. "Um…..My Mother thought it was a good idea, since you wrote the Minister for me." He looked away immediately after he finished, Hermione found this to be very irritating that he refused to meet her glance for longer then a few seconds. Moving closer she spoke firmly."Yes, you mentioned that, but I'm still confused as to why you did it. You said in you letter that I was your salvation. What does that mean?" Hermione watched as Draco looked at his hands and spoke. "It's like I said, I hear your screams all the time now, my mother has this idea that I hear them because I feel guilty. She suggested I write you. Honestly I think she might be right. Of all the things I've seen I only hear your scream...I need you to forgive me. Or I think I'll hear them for the rest of my life."
The glare she wore intensified, her lip curled up in a snarling manner. Hermione became very angry at his statement. So he just wanted to stop hearing her screams. He wanted her to forgive him so he could stop having memories of that day. "I hear my screams too. Every night in my sleep I hear myself screaming. Sometimes I'm actually screaming. I hear your aunt laughing and I see you and your horrible family watching. Watching me suffer." Suddenly pulling herself from her seat she continued, looking directly at Malfoy; who still refused to meet her eye. "should I gain your forgiveness too? Will that stop my dreams? Can you forgive me too? Can you forgive me for being a mudblod?" She spat the last word at him with as much venom as she could muster. "Can you forgive me for being better? That's all I need right? You just have to forgive me for being me and that'll make everything ok right? RIGHT?"
She was now standing directly above him. Malfoy refused to move. It looked as if he hadn't heard a word she'd said because he stayed so still. This only incensed her more. "Look at me Malfoy. You looked that day. You looked right at me on that floor and never looked away, so you shouldn't have a problem looking at me now." Despite her murderous tone he continued to look down at his lap. Pulling her wand from her pocket she pointed it at him. "Look at me!" He continued to look elsewhere. "LOOK AT ME!" She screamed but Malfoy still refused to even glance in her direction. "Everte Statum" Draco was thrown violently back off the sofa and into the adjacent wall. He scrambled to his feet and pulled his wand out. He didn't raised it in a defensive manner, he only held it in his hand at his side. Which only caused Hermione's anger to intensify. Waving her wand she shouted another spell. "Flipendo"
Malfoy apparently had no intention of fighting back, but he was definitely prepared to prevent anymore of her spells from causing him harm. As soon as the words left her mouth Draco countered by producing a shield. Waving her wand again she tried another one. "Stupefy" once again he deflected it. "Confringo" when Malfoy deflected that one it caused a gaping hole to appear in the wall behind her. "Flipendo Duo" a window shattered "Expelliarmus" another hole in the wall behind her. "Crucio!" After Malfoy's shield deflected the spell that she'd been tortured with Hermione dropped to her knees. "Why? What did I ever do to you?" She cried. The tears fell so quickly they now completely covered her face. She was crumpled to floor crying louder then she'd ever allowed herself to before.
She heard footsteps over her wails. The sound was of someone approaching her but she couldn't look up. "I'm sorry, you did nothing but be better and I hated you for it. My family hated you for that and I'm so sorry." He slowly wrapped his arms around her shuddering form. Once he was sure she wouldn't pull away he held her tighter. "Once I hated you enough to want you dead. Then I was forced to watch day after day innocent people die and I got scared. Scared I would be next. So I kept my head down and stayed quiet. Then the universe did something terrible. It made me eat the same words I'd repeated numerous times before…..you were brought to my house and the thing I'd wished for…. I just wanted it to stop, but I didn't know how to do that without Bellatrix turning her curse on me and because I'm a coward I stood there and watched…..and now I can't get your screams out of my head. I don't want you to forgive me because it'll make them stop. I want you to forgive me for begin scared. If I was a better person I would've done something but I'm not. Please forgive me for not being better, forgive me for begin a coward. For always being a coward"
His words only caused the tears to increase there falling. The harder she cried the tighter he held her. After a long moment she felt him lift her off the ground and carry her out the front door that she'd forgotten to close. She buried her face into his neck and continue to cry. She was concerned about where he was taking her but she couldn't get the tears to stop long enough to find out. Finally coming to a stop he jostled her just slightly. "I need you to stand up ok? Try to stop crying." The tears continued but she calmed herself enough so that she was able to see clearly. She lifted her head from where it lay on his chest. Now that she was semi level headed she was uncomfortable by their current position. She'd never been this close to Malfoy in all the years that they'd been acquainted. It was an odd feeling. "I'm fine you can put me down now." She mumbled.
He slowly put her down on the ground. Once she was steady he took a step back from her and then another. "You'll always be smarter then me, you're always going to be braver and loads more clever. You're always going to be better at everything and I'm sorry that I've made you forget that. I'll never forgive myself for that but I want you to look back and remember all those things. You've faced greater things then this moment. Don't forget that you survived." She heard the tell tell sound of him moving to sit on the ground behind her. She could feel him watching her but choose to ignore it. Simply standing where he'd placed her she looked around. It was another beautiful day. Usually this would have caused her more sadness but in this moment she felt nothing. The colors were unnaturally bright from the tears still filling her eyes. The wind ran its fingers through her tangled hair. The feeling caused a shiver to run down her spine. She couldn't believe she'd attacked him. This was as far as she wanted to sink.
"I'm not ready to forgive you but I think I'm getting there." Turning around to face him she stared blankly at him and he at her. "You're right though, I am better and I have forgotten that. I let myself think I was gone. I wasted all this time looking for someone whose always been there…..I guess I owe you something for that huh?" He looked up at her and snorted. "I'm the last person you'd ever owe anything to, so how about we call it even….or we can put it towards my tab." She chuckled at his joke and then realized she actually found it humorous. Before she knew it she was laughing very loudly. Malfoy looked as if he wanted to join in but wasn't sure if she was completely alright so he simply stared at her in a very confused way.
Doubling over she realized that she could stop laughing. She hadn't laughed in so long she assumed the laughter was because she'd been stuck in despair for so long and the happiness was tired of being forced down. Straightening she forced herself to calm down. Walking over to where Malfoy sat she stuck her arm out to give him leverage to stand. He looked at her hand for a moment before he taking it. She didn't blame him. This whole interaction was very strange. Once they were face to face she smiled. Not anything forced or phony, this felt real. She was actually smiling at Malfoy. He hesitated and then returned her smile. "I was very serious Granger. I owe you more then you realize and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for every wrong thing I've done to you." Her smile falter slightly when she took in what he was saying. This person before her was so different then the snobby little boy who'd tormented her and called her terrible names. His presence felt different then when she knew him before. She wondered how different she looked to him. "I'm going to hold you to that Malfoy, just so you know."
Putting his hand out, Hermione looked down and laughed again. Sticking hers out as well she shook his firmly. "Don't worry it's a promise" He said. Laughing again she realized she felt a lot lighter then she had in a long while. She felt like a weight was lifted off her chest and she could finally take a deep breath without any pain. "Um….did you want to start this little meeting over? I can make some tea if you'd like?"
She watched him look down at the watch on his wrist. "I would actually love that but I have to get back to the Manor. I've been accepted into the healer training program and I don't feel at all prepared for it. How about I come back tomorrow same time?" Disappointed that he was declining her offer she plastered a smile back on her face. "Oh congratulations, I didn't know you were interested in becoming a healer. I should probably give some thought as to what I want to do with my life."
Rubbing the back of his neck again, she could see his cheeks beginning to pinken. She couldn't understand why he'd be embarrassed but thought maybe it was because she'd congratulated him. "Well you know…..I'm looking for redemption and all. Besides Healers do quite a bit of potion work, which is good for me. I'm pretty good at that you know." Smiling she shook her head. "Yeah I did know that actually…..Well I don't want to keep you then. The training for healers is actually quite extensive and rather difficult from what I've read. If you do find time I wouldn't mind if you came back tomorrow. I don't get much company way out here." Nodding his head once, he took a step back and Dissaparated.
Sighing she walked back into the house and looked at the damaged she'd caused. Pushing her hair back she began repairing.