Don't own ATLA
Interlude 5: Holding Back the Dark
(mid Year 6 – late Year 7)
In tales, the dark is a force of chaos
terrible and unrelenting, a token of the end.
Yet darkness is the mother's womb
warm and safe, and all we once knew.
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I will bring the dark to swallow your light
Your soul's candle guttering in my embrace
And when the light goes out you will find
The truth that all light obscures.
-Southern Water Tribe hymn, sung at the rising of the winter moon -
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Most honorable Fire Lord, esteemed and admired beyond measure, royal wielder of the Eternal Flame, and all those other titles I cannot be bothered to remember right now.
I am writing on behalf of my husband, the even more estimable Avatar. He says hello. He would probably say more, but is currently busy settling the earth colony uprisings.
Hope the Fire Nation is still there and everything. And that Mai (and the baby) are doing well.
Cordially,
Katara, formerly of the Southern Water Tribes
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Oh for the love of La, Zuko! You told me that you weren't attending my wedding because of the rebellion in the fire islands! Not because you were chasing down an insignificant band of earth kingdom pirates! Honestly, Zuko. Piracy has been an issue in the Earth Kingdom for centuries. Why it takes the FIRE LORD to hunt down the EARTH KING's problem, on the DAY OF MY WEDDING is beyond me. You weren't even in the Fire Nation - if my sources are to believed, you were less than 30 miles away.
What is so important about those pirates that they kept you away from my wedding?
I might never forgive you. Worst. Best Friend. Ever.
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Dear Katara (and Aang),
I know that nothing I could say will induce you to forgive me. I have already come to terms with the notion that your righteous anger will be the end of me. Yet I shall try nonetheless.
You are right. I was in the Earth Kingdom the day of your wedding, and the day before that, I was within thirty miles of Ba Sing Se. The rebellion was put down far more easily than was expected (and the world will know of all that soon enough) and I thought to surprise both you and Aang on your wedding day. I knew that I could not stay long, but I had figured if worse came to worst I could steal a ride on Appa back to the Fire Nation.
Although I attempted to travel by stealth I made the mistake of greeting several of Uncle's contacts, and I was recognized. The pirates attacked, and although Uncle's friends are undeniably sage advisors and leaders, they were no help when I was set upon, and several items were taken from me. I will not lie to you – they took your wedding gift, and I was instigated to get it back. (Consequently – have you received it? I thought Aang would enjoy the tapestry, as it would be familiar to him from his childhood, a century ago. The Nomads had long ago gifted us with that particular piece, and it had been forgotten in one of the Palace storerooms. I had hoped you would enjoy the confections – we call them chocolates – but I can also just as easily see you throwing them at the wall, one by one, in your anger. If you did not consume them, let me tell you – they are delicious.)
So I took after them, hoping to catch them before they got back to the ship, dodging all my men chasing after me, demanding that I let the gifts go and not endanger my royal person. I could not do this, however. Along with your gifts, they had taken something personal from me….something that I keep with me always, to better remember the giver, and our promise.
You know of what I speak. I had no choice but to give chase, and luckily caught up with them before they escaped to the seas. Thanks to some unlooked for help from some conscientious earth nation citizens, I was able to reclaim the lost items. Yet at the expense of your and Aang's happiness – securing victory made me unable to attend your wedding.
We were going to continue on anyways, so that I could at least offer congratulations and the gifts in person, but we were interrupted by an urgent hawk that warned of a burgeoning coup. I had to go home, and settle it before it erupted into a full-scale conflagration.
Now you understand. I have to go. I wish Aang the best of luck in settling the uprisings (if he hasn't heard from the Earth King yet, tell him that he and I will be acting in conjunction to provide further supplies to hopefully quell further rebellions), and you may inform Toph that if she can't keep secrets, she is no longer my favorite little earthbender.
Forgive me, Katara.
Your still best friend,
Zuko
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Dear Zuko,
Hmph. I have decided to forgive you, but only because of the promptness of your reply. To hear back from you before the honeymoon has even ended was far faster than I had expected, and I am duly impressed. Also, I am *very glad you got your…item back, as well as it meaning so much to you.
Anyways. I have seen Aang a total of 4 nights out of 11, and now fully understand the futility of planning a 2 week long honeymoon when one is married to the Avatar. I am striving not to lose my temper and remain humorous about everything, but I am not sure Aang appreciated it when I remarked that perhaps we should have waited until we were middle-aged to have our honeymoon. I imagine this is a lot what Mai feels like, and I have a lot more sympathy for her now. Oh! How is she? How is the baby coming? Don't tell her (well, or maybe warn her…you'd know best) but Ty Lee is coming to keep her company for the birthing in a week or two – Suki dropped the secret during our bachelorette party.
Speaking of, did Uncle tell you he was there for that? I had thought those parties were only for girls, but apparently not. Ah well. He certainly was the most excited of all of us that night…
Aang loves the tapestry. He got all teary eyed when he saw it, although it doesn't make any sense to me. He sends his deepest thanks, for both the tapestry and the help with the earth nation refugees. He says the problem was more on the earth nation side, with corruption staining the overseer's pockets, but your aid was essential nonetheless.
Ok. I admit that the chocolates also helped me forgive you, but just a little. They would not have done so had I actually thrown them up against the wall, but as I simply ate them, they worked wonders.
Ah! And you're so certain my "sources" are Toph! Interesting. Very interesting.
Well. Off to staring at the walls until Aang comes back.
No longer angry at you,
Katara
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Dear Katara (and by proxy, Aang)
I am very pleased to hear that all is forgiven, and by this time I hope that everything has settled down enough for you to have enjoyed the rest of your honeymoon. I know how it is to be forced to put work before all else, but this is a special time for both of you, and I wish he could have shared more of it with you. But I know you. You're so practical, you'll probably convince yourself into spending the rest of your life in a state of perpetual honeymoon. Should I dare you to do so?
Mai is very well, all things considering. I heard from Ty Lee yesterday, announcing that she would be here in less than a week – and yes, I think it is a good thing she will be here. Mai still has a little under two months (Agni preserve her) and is suffering from all the typical ailments (or so I am told) but other than that she is quite pleased with how everything is turning out. Apparently her mother experienced very difficult carrying periods for both Mai and her brother, and hers in comparison is pretty mild.
I don't know much about that, but I think…I think that I am more excited than terrified to be a father. Terrified because my own is such a poor example, but at least I know what I will never do to any child, whether it is mine or not. I also worry about whether I will be able to make enough time for the child. I remember my mother devoting hours to Azula and I, and I know Mai will do the same, but…is it wrong to want to spend time with it as well? It seems wrong for the Fire Lord to worry about such things. But I suppose I am an irrevocably unconventional Fire Lord at this point, and loving my child will do nothing but further muddy my name.
To further prove my oddness… I have a confession. One that you can only tell Aang (but not even Toph, or whomever your "sources" may be)– if I could pick, I would rather Mai had a girl. I don't know why – everyone tells me I must pray to Agni for a male heir, so that the succession is assured. Additionally, girls have always (mostly Azula, but even you had your moments…) terrified me. Yet every time I think about holding the child, or playing with it, or even just imagining the first few moments, I always envision a girl.
I told Uncle this, and he seemed surprised, but proud. I think he even teared up, a little. It made me think of your letter, and I can see what you mean about him attending the bachelorette party…
Anyways. I find myself spending more time responding to your letters than my official correspondence. As boring as waiting around for Aang might be, at least you don't have to deal with the Fire Sages…and besides - you are Katara, Master Water Bender, and terror of at least 5 young gentlemen…(have you heard from any of our companions during our exile to the Western Air Tribes?) Regardless, if I know you, you won't be bored long…
Your overworked, soon to be a Father friend,
Zuko
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Dear Zuko,
First of all, let me apologize for the lateness of this letter. We had just decided to take a second honeymoon (a real one, with no interruptions by incompetent Earth Kings) where Aang practically kidnapped me on Appa, and flew me away to an "undisclosed location." If you must know, it was the Eastern Wind Temple. We did not leave a forwarding address, and apparently just missed your messenger hawk. I would apologize for us both, but I believe Aang is lying on the bed and smirking, so I can only assume he is still too pleased with our escape to care about anything in particular at the moment. To be honest, I don't expect a reply in return for a long time now – Mai should be due in less than a month, and I suspect that will take up all your time. I wish her a safe birth and a healthy child, and I wish you sanity, as I am led to understood men go a little crazy during birthing times.
Zuko, you are adorable. I've never heard of a man wanting a daughter first – especially a man in power! I hope Mai agrees. But I totally understand. I had always dreamt of daughters…not that I wouldn't have loved sons, but there's just something about baby girls.
Everything you just wrote me points to how good of a father you will be. You are nothing like Ozai, Zuko! You have faced those demons and become a new man. If anything, I think you're going to be far more like Uncle…and your children will grow up to be cryptic and addicted to ginseng.
As for keeping myself busy…it's honestly a little weird to think about. Water tribe wives aren't expected to do much outside the household, and although I've spent the last 6 years traveling around the world and establishing myself as an independent woman, some habits are hard to break. I stay physically busy, with yoga and waterbending, but certain thoughts are impossible to get rid of. Ah well. Won't bore you with all this-
How is the Fire Nation? Tell me what it's like, truly, to be the Fire Lord. I assume it's like being the Avatar, just with a lot more paperwork, and fire.
Have to go –Aang sends his best to you and Mai, and is looking forward to visiting the Fire Nation so you two can go "volcano hopping." Do not tell me what that entails. I do not want to know.
Dreaming of seeing you all again (and those chocolates…)
Katara
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Katara,
Agni be praised all is well – Mai is fine and Iroh is as well. They let me hold him for just a moment, but I will be able to again when the midwives have finished - I don't know how to describe what I feel right now. Is this paternal love? It's almost overwhelming –
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I'm sorry. I began this letter in the first flush of excitement, right after I had held my son for the first time. Let me begin at the beginning – Mai went into labor yesterday morning, and almost 12 hours later delivered a healthy baby boy, whom we have named Iroh. Several hours ago he spat fire at his namesake, and the Fire Nation has been rejoicing nonstop. All throughout the streets people are celebrating the heir – yet all I care about is that I have a son. A child. I kept trying to hold him, and play with his fingers, and basically touch him in any way I could, but the ladies have barred me from the chambers until Mai recovers, and Iroh (the infant, not Uncle…although he's been looking pretty peaky too) gets some sleep. There are rituals to go through tomorrow – and I have not slept in nearly two days, now – but I am too excited to sleep. Everything is wonderful. I am still boggled by the fact that Mai and I have made a life together, and that it is mine to hold, to love, to protect…
I may have embarrassed myself by crying a little when Uncle cornered me in the hallway and embraced me, telling me how proud he was of me, and of his hopes for the future. I told him it was an uncontrollable reaction as he had not showered in several days, but I don't think he was fooled. He did mention something about a tea beneficial to infants, however, and I thought of your letter – we probably doomed him when we named him Iroh.
I won't bore you with duties of the Fire Lord, especially as all I can think of is the baby. I am curious about what you meant by water tribe habits being hard to break – but if it is painful I will not press you. Just know that I am always here to listen, even if I don't understand right away.
There will be no volcano hopping. Tell your husband that when he is a father, he will understand.
Zuko
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Zuko,
I was so happy to receive your letter! I'm so glad that everything went well; that Mai is fine, and that baby Iroh (I can only imagine the look on Uncle's face when you told him you were naming the baby after him) is not only healthy, but being an active little firebender as well. I'm so happy for you. Aang sends his congratulations as well, and we're trying to plan a trip to the Fire Nation to see you all soon. He says to make no promises, however, but we're both working as hard as we can to help rebuild the earth colonies so that they can function as independent cities, and not entirely under the power of either the Earth or Fire Nation. I'm hoping that we can visit in a month or so, but Dad has been asking us to come and visit the South Pole for a long time now…apparently, not just as a family visit. I don't know all the details (as Suki is still recovering from the triplets my only correspondent there is currently Sokka, and you can imagine how that is going) but I suppose I'll find out when we get there.
Oh! You've heard about Sokka and Suki's triplets, right? She had assumed she was carrying twins, with how heavy she was during my wedding and all, but triplets was a surprise even for her. They're fraternal (thank La): two boys, Yuen and Jian, and a girl, Sati. Yuen sounds much like Iroh, he managed to freeze one of Kya's water whips when he was barely a week old. Jian and Sati both look a bit more like Suki – lighter skin, and Sati even has dark eyes, and neither seem to be waterbenders. But I'm sure you've heard about this from Sokka, if not Dad or Suki…
Anyways. I've taken your advice, and thrown myself into helping the earth colonies rebuild. I'm so much happier now, especially on the days when I work myself into exhaustion. Isn't that weird? Probably a product of the war – if I have time to myself, I find myself thinking that I've forgotten something, or that there's something else I could do, and that drives me crazy. Aang's busy too – sometimes we go for several days without talking to each other for more than 15 minutes at a stretch. I don't think I could admit this to anyone else, but you understand how it is to find fulfillment in work, especially when it's a necessity.
Speaking of, necessity calls – with the fevers sweeping through the camps I've been called to heal more people than I ever did during the war…hope to hear from you soon!
Love to all your family!
Katara
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Katara,
I'm sorry to make you wait this long for a response – I received your letter on time and everything, but I set it down on my desk in a thoughtless moment (I was also holding Iroh at the time) and due to the clutter on my desk, it took me almost a month to actually find your letter again.
Regardless, I'm glad to hear that you're feeling more purposeful. I couldn't imagine you lazing about, so it's a comfort to finally hear what you've been doing all these months. I had received missives from Aang about the progress among the earth colonies, but he kept his letters short and impersonal, and I hadn't known for sure whether you were helping him or not. I had assumed you were, though. Nothing short of children of your own would keep you from improving the world. And perhaps even that would not stop you!
Yes, I have heard all about the joys of fatherhood from Sokka. A more coherent letter from Suki arrived a few days letter, telling all the good news. I even received a note from Chief Hakoda, in a more official capacity, yet warm and proud nonetheless. I had hoped to leave Uncle in charge for a month so that I could have gone to the South Pole to congratulate them in person, but I had to make do with a royal embassy. Don't worry – I wrote several letters in advance warning of a friendly Fire Nation ship coming to the South Pole, bearing gifts and congratulations.
Everyone here is doing well. Iroh has learned to roll over, and Mai has already begun trying to teach him how to speak. She spends more time with him that I had expected – and I believe she loves him more than even she suspected. Uncle sends his love to you and Aang, and I firmly hope we see each other soon.
Zuko
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Dear Zuko,
I am not drunk. I don't care what he said. One bottle of firewhiskey is not enough to bring down a waterbender. It is hard to write this, but that is only because I am so tired. All the time. So tired. And when I'm not tired he loves me, and all I can think now is that it's fu- futiel- pointless. Why do we keeping trying when we both know it will never work? It's all my fault, Zuko. Aunt Wu told us but we didn't listen and it's all my FAULT. Everyone is so happy and I don't want to say anything but technically I'm not saying anything now. I'm writing it. Please don't remember this in the morning, but everything is not fine. I try so hard not to be jealous and only happy for everyone but that hurts too. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
I am Katara right now but sometimes I am not
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Zuko,
Although I do not clearly remember anything that happened last night, I am told that I sent a letter to you. Please disregard anything I wrote, as I have no idea what I sent you. There was a huge celebration last night, as we finished building both the hospital and the school, and I (among everyone else) got very intoxicated. I remember feeling sad, largely because three young women died of fever earlier in the day, and I had been notified too late to save them. I hope I didn't send anything too upsetting, and that you will forgive me?
Katara
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Katara,
There is nothing to forgive. If you'd like, I could destroy the first letter you sent, but I find it nostalgic more than anything (it certainly made me remember some long nights with Toph and Sokka right after the war), so I can set your mind at ease on that score.
Aang's last letter mentioned that you would both be heading to the South Pole soon…I only mentioned it to him, but you I can attempt to persuade – if you hadn't set your heart on seeing your family again, would you come first to the Fire Nation? I think your presence here would be essential for several edicts I'm trying to implement in regards to furthering our relations with the Water Tribes. The Northern representative is antagonistic and I believe may hinder all chances of reconciliation…whereas you are universally accepted, if not practically a public hero. To be frank, the Fire Nation loves you, and for a variety of reasons…but that is beyond the point. I hesitate to ask you to leave your husband for an undetermined period of time, but in the sake of keeping busy – and bringing our nations together – I present it to you as an option.
Everyone sends their love. Please, tell me soon.
Zuko.
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Katara,
I wrote to you nearly a month ago, and have yet to receive a proper reply. In his last letter, Aang mentioned how excited you were to see your family again, turning down other offers in order to do so. I assume that means you have rejected my idea of instating you as an ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe. I completely understand, although am a little hurt you did not tell me personally. If you feel our correspondence should be kept to a more personal standard, I apologize. If I have caused a problem, I apologize again – simply tell me, and I will fix it.
Everyone here is well, and I hope you are as well. I miss hearing from you, and hope that you will write soon.
Zuko.
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Well then. Looks like trouble is brewing...in more than one arena. Hint: Katara did not necessarily receive all of Zuko's letters. She may have missed one. There might have been a reason for that. Additionally, Zuko is a little more concerned than he is letting on. But that's all to come...
R&R!