I am little, and my father is making me breakfast at home. He is smiling and happy as he flips the fluffy cakes in his pan. He is having me pull grapes off the stem, but I don't care, because he is singing, and telling jokes. His eyes are twinkling and bright with laughter and pleasure that I'm happy.
The scene shifted suddenly.
I am at the scene of the accident, and his body lies lifeless on the pavement. I am pleading for him to wake up as I shake his smashed corpse.
"Daddy?" I ask as he begins to twitch.
As he stands, he turns toward me, his flesh rotting on the bones, eyes wild, and teeth stained with blood. He lunges for me.
I woke up in an icy sweat, my limbs shaking and my core frozen. I puked in the basin beside my bed (Mara made Ben have one, too, just in case). I wiped my mouth and realized the source of my nightmare was coming from two doors down. Jun's room.
My legs were shaking as I made my way down the hall. While he was only two doors down (maybe ten or fifteen feet maximum), it felt like twelve miles on my jelly legs, but Jun needed my help.
When I opened the door, Jun was already sitting up, heaving. I didn't have my magnets on.
I rushed to his side. He saw my presence, but said nothing.
"Jun, can I help you?" I asked in Basic and signed at the same time.
Still uncomfortable with "Jun," he squirmed to the far side of the mattress.
This is where I made a mistake...an agonizing mistake. I reached out and hugged him.
Jun, having never been hugged (at least not for a long time), flipped his ever-loving mind and slugged me in the gut so hard, my spine felt it; still being weak of leg and stomach, this brought me to all fours, where I puked again.
Jun, suddenly realizing that I meant him no harm, helped me up.
"Thanks, dude," I signed and said again before I upchucked what I prayed was the last of my dinner.
Eyeing the growing puddle of vomit, Jun went and put rags on it, and dumped the basin of water, and brought it to me, which much to my chagrin, I puked in immediately.
I only vomited twice more. Then, I realized how cold I was. Jun was rubbing my arms, but he pushed me onto the bed. I thought he was going to hurt me. Instead, he climbed next to me and put a blanket over the both of us.
Jun seemed much calmer now, and I was becoming stable.
In my heart of hearts, I knew Luke couldn't have slept though that horribleness. No one could, but only I came to him.
Jun still had no shirt on, and his core had headed up fast. I was in a very thin sleep shirt and sleep pants. Jun scooted closer behind me, and we were spooning. I had never felt so much warmth, and it was quite shocking. Once I began to warm up, I drifted back to sleep.
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When I woke up, Jun's back was too me, but he was still asleep.
I stood up, dreading having to clean up vomit, only someone else already did.
Jun did not stir when I rose and so I tucked the blanket around him, and then slunk back to my room to clean up and get dressed.
The vomit had been cleaned from there, as well.
I dressed hastily, snapped on my magnets, and made my way to the breakfast table.
Luke and Mara Jade were sitting at the table, talking in hushed tones. Ben had on ear pieces, bobbing his head to music.
Luke and Mara Jade looked up.
"Hey..."
"Why did you go to Jun last night?" Luke snapped.
"He was in pain."
"He could have hurt or killed you," Luke observed, still angry.
No kidding I thought, absently touching the bruise on my torso.
"Your face looks better," Mara observed.
"It feels worse. What's for breakfast?"
"For you, rice," Mara replied.
So she knows about the puke and is making me stay on the sick diet for a few days.
I sat down at the table across from Ben, only to have Luke staring me down.
"I don't want you going to him anymore."
"I'm sorry."
"Asenath, I'm ordering you."
"I refuse to obey that order."
"Asenath, you can't do that."
"Jedi are the guardians of peace in the galaxy. You tell us that. 'Jedi use their powers to defend and protect.' You taught us that, Master. Jun was not at peace. Jun needed protection. I went to him to try and help, not to undermine you. As long as Jun needs comfort, I will go to him. Why didn't you?"
"That's grown up business, Asenath," Luke dismissed my question with a wave of his hand and a sip of his caf.
"No. He was in pain. You could have helped him more than I could, but you didn't. Someone had to!"
Ben had taken out his earpieces and his jaw was open.
"That had to have been felt by every one of us, and only I responded. I think I'm allowed to be upset."
"That's enough, Asenath," Luke warned.
"One last thing: WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO HIM?"
Realizing that I would not drop it, he sighed and gave me an answer.
"Because I had to observe how deep the damage is, if he could self soothe, if he could ever be fixed."
"I didn't know he might be broken for good. You fixed me."
"You weren't always in a hell-hole. He might be too far gone."
This put me in my place, and I said no more on the subject.
"Once you're done eating, I want you to go and bring a tray of food to Jun and wake him. Ben, you show him how to shower, and Asenath, lay out a clean uniform for him and a pair of Jacen's old boots. They will have to do until we get his official measurements. I will take him to get uniforms and boots. Then, at 1300, I expect you to be at the High Council meeting regarding Jun."
"Yes, Master."
"We will have to figure out a battle plan."
