Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Yu-Gi-Oh!
Warning: So, the same as last time. The cursing should be relatively mild but grows a little more at times, Season 0 Yami whose a bit more unhinged in this story than he was in Behind You, so keep that in mind.
Note: There are various/copious mentions of blood, some graphic images of death, sensual moments and feelings, touches of violence/abuse, slight OOCness but it's due to stress (and it's mostly going to be from Yugi whose going to suffer pretty badly where Yami is involved and choices he makes in order to help Yami), slight touches of depression, possible triggers
Update Schedule: I'm going to try (again) for bi-weekly updates
Also, it just occurred to me to make a note of this. I adore Ryou. But for right now he's going to stay meek and cowardly for a little while. He'll grow past it but for now, after all of the trauma that has come around with Bakura's appearance, he's going to have a lot of growth to go through. He'll eventually become a lot more independent later.
Chapter X
When Yugi returned, the first thing he came to notice was that Yami was seated on the very edge of his bed. He was pressed against the headboard. His eyes were closed tightly and his face was pinched. He almost looked as if he were concentrating on something he could not focus on any other way. His brows were furrowed. His jaw was clenched. His breathing was harsh and erratic. His fingernails were buried into his kneecaps where he'd drawn his legs up. His thin frame was so folded inwards that he almost seemed not to take up any space.
The sky blue walls around them seemed to completely dwarf him. The yellow of the comforter seemed to swallow him whole.
"How long has he been like that?" Yugi muttered. It was just loud enough for Ryou to hear him. And he waited for a few moments, expecting the answer to come at some point. But the seconds passed. And his heart was hammering in his chest with rising anxiety. Yugi spun on him, snarling with growing despair. How could he have seen Yami like this and not thought to—?
But Ryou was not there.
He blinked. The air mattress was empty. The walls surrounding it were bright blue, mocking him. Nothing barred his sight of them. He blinked stupidly. And then his heart raced so hard that he swore it was lodged in his throat.
He turned back to the red-eyed teen.
"W-where is he?"
The taller boy was frozen and silent for what felt like hours. Yugi's skin had begun to slowly but surely bunch and twist. Goosebumps rose across the pale pallor of his flesh. He was about to open his mouth and repeat himself. And his mouth tasted dry and his tongue felt swollen. He felt dizzy and sick.
Faith left him.
Yami couldn't answer him, could he?
He was trembling now that he considered this train of thought. Yami was immobilized. And he looked as if he were struggling to simply exist in front of him. He looked as if he had been unable to move for hours now.
"He was in the corner the last I saw him."
The answer startled Yugi so much that he jumped visibly. He drew in a sharp, heavy breath. And then he blinked, startled as he drew in a deep breath and faced him more completely. "The last time you saw him?" he asked in a demanding tone. He repeated the words to himself once mentally, then furrowed his brows. His voice was too loud, he realized. It was high in pitch and he sounded almost hysterical.
Yami did not answer in the slightest for a moment. Instead he shifted his face and Yugi could see his cheek press into his knee. He looked as if he were struggling to comprehend the task of speaking to begin with.
Yugi bit his lip until he was bleeding. Then he drew his hands up and tugged at his hair, threading his fingers through his bangs immediately after. "When…um, when was that, Yami?" he requested in a softer tone, trying his hardest not to lose his patience. It was clear that Yami was wounded, that he was sick and exhausted. If that were the truth of it, asking for an answer from him was almost counterproductive, was it not?
"Hmm?"
A long second of silence passed between them. Yugi shivered and tugged harder at his hair. And then he noticed Yami lift and turn his head the smallest degree. His red eyes opened into narrow slits of glittering pools of blood. His lashes were long enough that they looked unnatural, as if etched into his golden-bronze skin. When he tipped his head up, it was only a fraction, and his expression appeared disinterested all the same. His shoulders relaxed of its tension. And he slowly moved to sit up in a languid manner.
"I believe it was about an hour ago."
"An hour? He's been gone for an hour and you didn't even notice?" Yugi spat out. His voice was an octave louder and he felt as if he might vomit at any moment. He was stunned. Yami had let someone escape his notice like that? He had truly allowed Ryou to up and leave him in that state without a care in the world?
Was that what Yami was insinuating? He hardly seemed to care now. And Yugi felt as if the world were spinning around him, his gut churning.
It made no sense.
Yami was so keen, even in his weakened state. He had lashed out so easily when Ryou had gotten too close to him. It might have been an accident, but he had still attempted to do so.
So how was it that he had failed to notice that their key to victory had slipped through the door?
How could he have failed to think to open his mouth and say something to stop him?
Why had Yami not gotten up and stopped him himself?
"Perhaps?" the deity drawled. His voice was calm and lazy, but it was still effective enough to stop Yugi's frantic train of thoughts altogether. His mind was racing faster than he could hope to comprehend.
Yami's voice was so quiet, so painfully slow, and it was almost as if he were pushing the words through a vacuum of some kind rather than dead air. Yugi stared at him, horrified and bewildered by the thought. And, when the red eyes blinked open more fully, Yugi could not resist a flinch.
The deity's gaze was far away. His pupils were mere pinpricks, with rives of black which coursed outwards, and the very edges of his irises were visibly distorted. The veins that decorated them looked far too bright, reddened hideously to the point that they made his eyes appear to bleed forcefully into the whites.
"I do not know."
Yugi shook his head, confused and stunned. He felt as if he might collapse. His knees were all but shaking. His heart was still lodged in his throat.
"H-how could you not notice him leaving? Yami…t-that doesn't…"
"Make sense? It makes an abundance of it, actually." Yami's lips curled back to show off his right canine. His voice dropped several octaves and his tone was harsh and vicious. "Did I fail to make my words clear to you? Do you not understand what words I have spoken to you? Need I explain myself more fully?"
Yugi opened and closed his mouth once, then twice. But he could not force the words from his throat in any manner. At the sight of him, his lungs had grown weak and his ribs ached with each breath.
He frowned and his lips twisted immediately. A grimace crossed his face. He reached up, running his hands through his hair again. But somehow his fingers wound up at his mouth instead. His teeth dug into the soft flesh of his wrist. Words failed him and he stared at the other boy.
Yami seemed so frail, so incredibly tiny. He looked as if he weighed no more than the shadow that he cast on the ground. His hair was drooping, showing with grease. His shoulders were lowered, sagging and thin beneath his clothes. His collarbones were sharp, prominent, and they made his shirt look a size or two too large. His wrists, where they rest in his lap in plain sight, were thin enough that Yugi almost thought them nonexistent. His hips, even beneath his uniform pants, seemed like sharp v-shapes that barely rested in the folds of his dark clothes. His long slender legs were folded beneath him but the knees were apparent to him. They were sharp and knobbing, like someone had thrown a sheet over a pair of knotted tree roots.
Yugi closed his eyes tightly, breathing in deeply. He shook his head and dug his teeth further into his wrist. The pain made his head swim. And hoped somehow, against everything, he might split the skin. His stomach twisted in protest. But there was no relief to the ache that burned beneath in his nerves.
There was a low, almost inaudible whistle which met his ears. Yugi froze, focusing on it now. His eyes opened into narrow slits as Yami's once had before. He stared blankly at the comforter those few inches from where Yami rested. He could not focus on the other boy for a long moment. And then the noise came again.
Yugi blinked, tilting his head in bewilderment. He thought he recognized it. But he had never made the noise himself. And he struggled to think it through. Where had he known the noise from? Where could he have possibly recognized it from?
He blinked, then raised his head to look up.
When it came a second time, so did a small shift of Yami's weight. His ribs were expanding. A small, stiff pain bloomed in his chest. And then he heard it again. His frame grew smaller, then still. It sounded painfully, terribly familiar. It made his skin crawl and his fingers itch. It came a third time. Then a fourth.
Yugi was frozen.
Realization made his knees tremble.
Yami was wheezing.
Yami was breathless.
His lungs were beginning to fail him.
Because his lungs were not even complete yet.
Yami was suffering.
Because he could not come up with a solution fast enough…
Yugi bit so hard into his wrist that he thought he might end up swallowing his own flesh. His eyes clenched tightly shut again. And a sob tore through him before he could stop himself. His teeth dug harder than ever into his wrist. And he trembled pathetically as his thoughts raced again.
"Oh gods…"
Yami did not respond. When Yugi looked at him again, the deity was no longer paying him attention in the slightest. He was picking at his blood red nails instead. He was picking at them as if he did not care in the slightest for his discovery. But he noticed that Yami was staring at him in his peripheral. He was cataloging every movement Yugi made. He was studying him as if he were a creature that he did not know how to coexist with.
Yugi knew this technique. Yami often pretended to be caught up in other things when he was watching him. When Yugi had done homework and played on his phone days prior, Yami had been staring at him. He'd only known from the intense feeling of being watched. But the taller teen had simply chosen to put his chin in his hand then, fingers folded over his mouth. But he'd pretended to gaze out the window.
But now the position of raising his hands and picking at his nails put intense strain on him. He could hear his wheezing now more than ever. He could hear them much more noticeably. His heart was in his throat again, threatening to leap atop his tongue. The small boy swallowed away a wail of distress.
He shook his head frantically, his voice cracking. "Yami…"
"I did not see him leave." The deity shrugged listlessly, as if there were nothing more to say. But all Yugi could do was stare at him, feeling sick to his stomach. His shoulders looked unnaturally sharp, almost like the tips of his canines. "I do not know when he bothered to."
Yugi shook his head sharply, though more slowly than he could remember ever doing before. His heart was in his throat again.
Did Yami truly think he cared about that anymore?
Had his state of being completely escaped him?
He was half-dead! Why would Yugi care about Ryou when he was half fucking dead?!
"I was unaware that it was my turn to watch him."
Yugi let out a sharp, miserable groan. How in the world could Yami even consider for the briefest of seconds that he cared about that any longer? Who cared? Who the fuck cared where Ryou had gone? He wanted to know why Yami was even wasting his time saying such a thing to begin with! How could he so stupid as to do that? He was wasting energy and…
Because he's scared, Yugi realized abruptly. Yami was scared.
Because Yugi was stronger than him. And he knew that Yugi could hear him wheezing. Yami knew that. And he was willing to fight him tooth and nail if only to hide that. He was willing to speak for such a stupid reason as that.
He'd gladly waste his breath before he would ever admit that it was taxing to do so. He wouldn't admit to having such weaknesses. He was too afraid. He was too proud. He would prove him wrong in any way he could.
Because Yami thought that if he saw weakness in him, Yugi would kill him.
The thought made him tremble and bile burned a path up the back of his throat. His heart felt heavy in his chest and his hands were shaking for a moment. It was disgusting, but it was also the truth. Yami would always be afraid. He would always feel that way in the back of his mind.
Should Yugi find out he was weaker than him, he would kill him. That was a constant instinct somewhere in the deity's mind. It had always been there. It would always remain there. Yugi could tell him a million times that he would not hurt him, but Yami would never trust it. Yami was, and would always remain, scared in some way or form.
That would not die just because Yugi was kind to him or told him otherwise to contradict his fear.
Yugi was not sure he would have been any differed had their situations been reversed.
"Who gives a fuck that he left?" Yugi blurted out, nearly spitting the words. He shook his head furiously and scowled as he tugged at his hair again. The words seemed to startle Yami enough to raise his head. But his eyes remained on his fingers for a moment longer. And then, as if he were stricken with the idea that Yugi might lash out, he tipped is head up and stared at him. Yugi shook his head again, breathing out roughly. "I don't give a fuck! Damn it, Yami, do you even see yourself right now?"
Yami blinked at him, then tilted his head the smallest degree. Yugi thought he was looking at him as a raptor might before swooping down on a mouse.
"Do you forget yourself?" the deity hissed in a low voice. He leaned forward and bore his teeth, pressing his weight into his palms where his fingers gripped angrily at the comforter before him. "Have you truly forgotten that my reflection is but a mere shadow?"
Yugi flinched, startled by the reminder, and then scowled at him furiously. He shook his head, voice low and cold as he snapped, "That's your excuse, Yami? Is that really your fucking excuse right now? Why don't you just tell me that you don't care anymore?"
Tell me otherwise, his mind begged desperately, tell me you care and you plan to recover and this won't keep you down! Please!
"I know as well as you that if you had wanted you could have always used my thoughts to see yourself there!"
"Your thoughts?" the other echoed him in a quiet tone. He looked dazed, red eyes burning into Yugi's for a brief moment. And then he slowly shook his head, looking away again. "Right, your thoughts."
"Why not?"
Yami's response was inaudible. But the twist of his lips was one of pure self-mockery. He did not seem upset but for whatever it was that he had said. And now he seemed almost to snicker for a brief moment.
"What?"
"Nothing, Yugi, it is nothing of importance," he answered. He shrugged with such force that his entire frame jerked with the action. His lips were bright where he had run his tongue over them. His teeth glittered like water beneath sunlight when he smirked at him. "Nothing of importance at all."
"Nothing?" Yugi exploded furiously. He stalked forward a step, nearly trembling with his growing rage. He ground his teeth together for a moment, his stomach harsh as it heaved with burning hatred. He shook his head sharply, his nearly aching with the effort. He swallowed hard, glaring at him furiously. "You call that nothing? You look like a pile of bones covered in flesh, Yami! And you have the audacity to say that it's nothing?!"
Yami did not blink at him, instead studying him with a dispassionate expression. "I see no reason for you to grow so angered," he answered after a moment. "You seem to be overreacting, as per usual for you."
"No reason for me to…?" Yugi was shaking. He was so infuriated that he swore he saw nothing but red for a moment. He nearly lashed out, raising his hand as if he might land a blow across the side of his head. Instead he found himself digging his teeth into his skin, flinching at the sharp pain, and stared at him blankly for a long moment.
The pain was so acute he was sure that he had broken skin. The pain was too much to bear for a split second. The air made his flesh burn and he almost cried out for a brief moment before swallowing it away. He closed his eyes shut but fear made him open them again just as quickly.
Yami was still there, though his mind almost refused to believe this. He glanced at the window for a moment, hoping for a brief second to find some kind of peace and patience to help him. But it did not quite happen. And instead he grew more frantic. Each second his eyes were away from Yami he feared more than ever that the red-eyed teen might cease to exist before him.
"Are you stupid? Did all of your intelligence get sucked out with your magic? For fuck's sake, Yami, you look terrible! You look as if you might pass out at any given second! I don't understand how you could possibly—"
Yugi bit along the side of his thumb to stop himself from yelling any louder. He closed his eyes tightly, snarling under his breath. His free hand sought his bangs, tugging on them harshly. His scalp burned and he almost yelped, furious with himself.
But when he opened his eyes again, Yami was simply peering back at him. His eyelids were hooded and he was staring at him with keen, lazy disinterest. The expression infuriated Yugi. He wanted nothing more than to lunge at him. He wanted to scream. He wanted to snarl in distress.
But all he could do was pull his hand away. He was shaking again as his voice grew an octave higher with anger.
"You fucking bastard! You're wheezing! You shake the moment you breathe! You know as well as I that if you have the audacity to say you didn't notice that you are lying! You can't tell me that you don't care enough to at least wonder about what you look like, Yami!"
"I have wondered." Yami remained still for a few moments. His voice was incredibly thoughtful, nearly wistful now. His lazy expression did not change in the slightest. He was dismissive and did not care in the slightest, Yugi realized. There was not a single thing that Yugi said that made him so much as blink. The deity seemed not to bother to so much as do more than keep his eyes open. And Yugi thought that was more out of necessity to watch him than anything else. "But not enough to truly attempt to look at myself."
"Why not?" Yugi screeched. He advanced on him again, no longer able to keep still as he glared at him furiously. The ferocity in his tone, the way he held himself made the other bristle. Yami's red eyes flashed like bulbs beneath his long lashes, his lips curling back to show his sharp teeth. He was clearly rattled by his aggression. And Yugi recognized this but he could not stop himself. He was no more than a foot away from him now, glaring. "You didn't think to use my eyes to see yourself? You've done that kind of thing before! Why the fuck wouldn't you do it now?"
Yami snarled low in his throat but did not verbalize a rebuttal.
Yugi refused to be unnerved by the noise, so angry that he did not heed the caution that touched at his insides. "You didn't even consider doing it, did you?" he spat. "Why not? Why didn't you?"
His snarl dipped lower, a hideous purring that made the air icy with tension.
"You imbecile! You fucking ignorant, arrogant bastard! You never even considered it!"
He was shaking, the noise growing softer still.
"You start deteriorating right in front of me and then you get angry because I call you out on your shit? You can not be serious right now! Yami, you are not an idiot! Why would you not try to take care of yourself?"
Yami trembled harder. The noise became nothing more than a drifting whisper of sound. Yugi blinked. The red eyes were sharper than ever. Hate made them darker. And arrogance made them burn like fire. They bore into him almost like an ocean of blood. The dead air mad his snarl echo. The room was too still. The room was too quiet now. The snarl continued…
Yugi was trembling harder than ever.
He struggled to regain control. His instinct was still to lash out in a fury. He was frustrated, more annoyed than he could afford to say. His mouth opened, then closed again. His eyes widened drastically. He blinked stupidly.
Yami was tense. He was leaning forward.
And he was waiting.
He was daring him to lash out.
His teeth were bared. His eyes were bright with threat. His shoulders had risen. His body was vibrating with anger. That low, haunting snarl continued to filter from his mouth.
Yugi stayed quiet for what felt like hours. The anger in his system began to abate only slightly. He could not find the words at first. And a despaired sensation crawled through him. His blood felt cold and his fingers itched. He swallowed hard. Then he forced the words from his throat slowly.
"Why didn't you just try to use my thoughts, Yami? You know you could do it if you had only wanted to…" He was whispering now. The fight he had been preparing to start died in him. He could not think to draw enough strength into him to develop the words. His voice was pitiful as he faced him. He begged him for an answer of some kind. And the other could do nothing more than stare at him in dismissal. "It would have been so easy…"
The small twist of his mouth, forming the words with his lips instead of his voice, was visible not inaudible again. Yugi frowned and leaned forward. He narrowed his eyes, confused, and shook his head slowly.
"Yami…?"
The mystified expression that crossed Yami's face was only visibly for a split second. Yet it was still heartbreaking for Yugi to see. His heart was in his throat as the deity struggled to speak.
"I…"
He opened, then closed his mouth again. His red eyes bore into his for a moment. Then his shoulders rose and fell away again. He was not comfortable, Yugi realized. But he was also unable to help him with that. So he pushed away his sympathy and studied him again.
For a split second Yami seemed to continue to try. His eyes were on his, sorting rapidly through his mind for words of some kind. He struggled to articulate. And then he stopped abruptly. Yami grimaced, lips between a sneer and frustration. He looked away, shoulders rising into another jerky and uneven shrug
The minutes ticked by. Yugi frowned and narrowed his eyes. The air was cold and harsh. Yugi felt sick to his stomach for a moment. But he could not bare to remove his eyes from his shaky, emaciated form.
"Yami, please—"
"I have no answer for you."
"You don't have one or you don't want to give me one?"
"Whichever way you prefer to see it is your own choice."
"Just answer me, okay? It's not a hard question!"
"Your human mind oversimplifies too many things." The red-eyed boy looked annoyed and oddly young at the moment. Yugi was abruptly reminded of a petulant child pointing out that "Because I said so" was only a valid excuse for so long. His eyes were sharp with anger. But there was also a small, almost unnoticeable glint of anxiety which shone near his pupils.
His mature features had not changed in the slightest. But somehow he looked softer, almost warmer. Somehow he seemed almost approachable. It seemed, for the smallest of moments, as if his body somehow projected the need to be comforted. But he looked infuriated as well, his stance and tone hateful. There was no sense of need or desperation in the way he held himself.
Yugi wondered if this was some kind of trick. Was it his own desperation? Was it that he wanted to see Yami in such a light as to feel safer in his bid to help him? Or was it that perhaps some part of Yami reflected it? Was it possible that somehow the deity projected himself in that way in order to provoke pity and mercy from a potential threat? If that were the truth of it, Yugi was sure that no human would have been able to lash out against him if he was looking at them as he was him now.
Yugi drew in a deep breath. He went to speak, but the deity beat him to it.
"You have no idea the complications that exist and surround this Game, Yugi. And I have neither the patience nor the willpower to explain them to you."
Yugi hesitated, then moved forward again. The tension was incredibly noticeable in Yami's body for a split second. But a second or two seemed to pass. And his taut form seemed to lose its stance. Yugi watched him relax after a moment, as if perhaps he was too tired to remain angry and afraid.
They studied each other for a moment. And then Yugi hesitantly lowered himself onto the bed, taking a spot beside him and studying him. He kept a few inches between them so as to avoid startling him. But the inches felt like miles. And his stomach churned as he looked him over.
The thought scared him. The thought that they were so far apart mentally was more horrifying to him than he cared to admit. He drew his legs up from the floor, wrapping his arms around them. He couldn't take his eyes off Yami, however, staring even as he pressed his cheek into his knees. His skin burned and his stomach knotted painfully for a moment.
His eyes were burning as if he might cry but he couldn't find the strength to do so. And his stomach was coiled with pain, knotting terribly. The fight he'd been willing to have with Yami was gone in an instant. He swallowed hard as he looked him over.
"Yami, I…I just… Maybe you're right, and I don't understand…but there's no reason why you shouldn't have done that for yourself."
"You are still thinking far too simplistically. I am not human, Yugi. You need remember yourself and that our species are not one in the same. Humans are mere puppets to the gods. You are all our playthings. One is not meant to dwell amongst the other."
"That doesn't explain anything…"
"Maybe it doesn't explain enough to you but it does for me."
"Yami…" He shook his head after a moment and then closed his eyes. "Damn it…"
Yami shrugged after a long moment. He remained still and silent after that, the time stretching for what felt like an eternity. Yugi felt as his heart might shatter in his chest and his lungs felt tight and his windpipe too small. But then he heard the softest rustling of clothing.
The mattress dipped at his side, near his hip but not quite touching him. Yugi turned his head, startled as he blinked wide eyes and peered at him in alarm. Yami was staring at him intently. His red eyes were wide. He had moved forward, leaning on his hands, and he watched him much like a wary animal.
He looked innocent with such wide eyes, adorable in a sense. But the expression that colored his eyes was one of barely restrained anger. "Why are your cheeks covered in blood?" he asked in a low, drawling tone.
Yugi flinched and resisted the urge to cringe away. "It doesn't matter."
"I have waited patiently for your tongue to still so that I might be able to ask," Yami said in a low, cold tone. He leaned further forward and his breath ghosted over Yugi's cheek. The skin itched there for a moment and he shivered. The small teen barely resisted the urge to flinch in shock. When he spoke again, Yugi almost forgot how to even breathe. "Now, you will answer me, understand?"
"I promise it wasn't a big deal," Yugi grumbled, shaking his head after a moment. He opened and closed his mouth twice. Yami was still glaring at him. He was not placated in the least and, in fact, Yugi's words seemed to anger him more than ever. But Yugi could hardly bring himself to tell him about his run-in with the other being. "I swear to you it wasn't, Yami."
"This Game is spiraling further and further out of control," the deity hissed in annoyance. He pulled away to settle back on his haunches once more. His eyes narrowed and he stared at the comforter, tracing a fingernail lazily over its surface. He shook his head after a long moment. "The objective is to capture and contain. But for how long are we required to do so? And how is one meant to truly win?"
Yugi lifted his head and turned to him more pointedly now. He blinked wide eyes but the god hardly seemed to care that he'd gathered his attention as he had. Instead his lips pulled further down and he closed his eyes.
"Does it require that both halves of one team are brought to the same spot? Does it require that we go to a certain area and dwell there? I have no understanding of this Game and I grow so weary of it." Yami was quiet for a moment. Then his eyes flickered from beneath his lashes, raising to look into his. His lips drew into a dark, wry smile. "I want nothing more than to rip your throat out and simply end it. But my life is at stake, though I may not desire it so much the way it is now. And my magic is too terrible to be contained by one vessel so weak and new to such a pathetic world as this."
Yugi blinked at him, eyes stretching wider than even before. His stomach began to somersault and he felt sicker than he had in a long time.
What if the hitchhiker couldn't control the magic he'd borrowed from Yami? What if he allowed it to spill out and destroy everything? What if it released something like an immense plague to kill them all from sheer negligence?
He opened and closed his mouth, feeling much like a fish out of water. He tried to find the words to put his fear in the air between them, but it seemed impossible. He was dizzy for a moment.
Yami stared back at him blankly. His red eyes had lost their ferocity now. Instead an image of despair and discomfort had come to cross them. Yugi felt his heart pounding in his chest as Yami watched him. He looked weary of the world, exhausted, as if he might drop from the weight of his own conflicting thoughts.
"And…what is more…" Yami was watching him again, locking eyes and considering him. "Do you know of that point…in which one's mind…simply cannot bother to absorb anymore?"
"Absorb? You mean as in thoughts or memories or emotions? Something like that?"
"All of them."
Yugi blinked, startled by the deadened tone that had come across his voice now. Yami looked as if he were physically ill. Yugi nodded after a moment, feeling sickened. The red eyes were glazed over, far from their usual beautiful glow.
"I believe I must have come upon such a point."
Yugi felt as if he might vomit. "Um…you…you're not…like…t-talking about jumping…in—in front of a speeding truck—o-or—or something…r-right?"
The deity remained silent for several long minutes. His eyes were harsh, flickering with exhaustion and a cruel sense of amusement. Yugi nearly flinched away from him once more.
"It is truly a sad realization to know that you are not even joking."
Yugi truly wished he could have been. He wished with everything in him that somehow he could have turned that fear into a joke for them both to laugh at. Instead he felt cold as he considered him more pointedly.
"I know…that it doesn't count for much," he whispered, "but I'm here with you every step of the way, Yami."
"What do we do now?"
Yami blinked at him in a lazy fashion. His red eyes were glazed over and Yugi could not quite name the emotion that colored them. It was not defeat. Nor was it the crippling despair that he himself felt. But it was something similar, pushing at the border of these things, and to behold it in Yami's gaze was something terrifying to him.
The deity shook his head slowly, as if the question were one of the most foolish he had ever been asked before. He blinked once more, then looked away. "I do not know." He shrugged when Yugi frowned deeply once more. And he felt the hope he'd had become swallowed away by the clear dismissal and his inability to care. "The Game is far beyond me."
"This Game is not beyond you, damn it. You just don't want to have to try!" he snapped bitterly. He shook his head sharply and glared. But his expression did nothing to make the other respond. And Yami did not grace him with even the smallest of blinks in response to his effort. "You know damn well that we could win. But you don't want to put in the time or effort to think about it. Because you're scared. And I understand that. I do! But you don't get that if you give up, then why should I not do the same?"
Yami tilted his head to the side. He studied him closely, his expression nearly mocking with his laughter. His face remained blank even as he searched Yugi's face for a moment. His voice was soft, his tone quiet and all but devoid of any remaining emotion. "Do you expect me to allow myself to fall into line with your efforts to make me care more? Let me explain something to you, Yugi. My sense of self-preservation has long since abandoned me. And I care nothing for my own fate," he stated. The calm in his voice was enough to make Yugi's marrow freeze in his bones. "Surely you are not so foolish as to misunderstand what I mean to tell you. But I will explain it to you regardless, so that there is no confusion on this matter."
Yugi shook his head, opening his mouth, but the red-eyed teen snarled to silence him. His mouth snapped shut before he could stop himself, eyes wide as he blinked at him and tilted his head slightly.
"It very clearly gives the indication of which I promise failure. I do not care any longer. He can have his victory. I will cease existence gladly. There is nothing within this world that I care for."
Yugi shook his head again. "You could say that again. But I still won't believe you any more then than I do now. You are full of shit, Yami. You're just too afraid to put in effort because failure and your nonexistence are thoughts that you do not want to consider. If it was a true forfeit, I think the Game would have ended the moment you said those words."
The deity narrowed his eyes. He raised his chin subtly, then smirked faintly. It was indirect challenge of kinds. And he studied him with an irritable expression for the moment. Then his lips curled into a wider smirk and his features become playful and coy. "You are right. If I were truthful about such a statement, I would no longer exist." He paused and for a moment he studied Yugi. Then his expression slowly fell and his brows furrowed as he considered him. "But it does not change my opinion. I see no reason to play or to win. I am tired. No, I am exhausted. I do not care for anymore attempts to strategize in some manner. I do not care to try to win any longer. I do not wish to continue. I want to lie down and sleep. And that is something I am not privileged enough to do."
Yugi searched his face for a moment, studying before shaking his head slowly. "And what would you do if you could sleep?"
"I would never wake up again."
"You're so full of shit, Yami. You're not broken. You're tired but you're not bowed."
Yami snorted in amusement. Then he shook his head, sighing and rolling his eyes. "You are right. I am not done. I have not given up. I am tired—exhausted, even—but I do not care for rest. I want merely to lie down. And then I want to win." He fell silent for a moment, then locked eyes with him. His voice was no longer soft, but rather cold and determined. "I need to exist."
Yugi smiled, smug as his satisfaction grew to immense heights. "You're not weak, Yami," he answered with a smirk. "You and I are both aware of that."
"You believe such a thing as much as you may like, but I have little faith in such a statement," he replied softly, shaking his head. "But do you truly know me so well, Yugi?"
"It's a hunch," he said with a smile, tilting his head to the side and raising a brow. "But I think it's a correct one."
Yami shook his head, then crossed his arms. He lowered them to the surface of the desk and pressed his chin into the crook of his elbow. His eyes became hooded, lazy, and his mouth twisted at the corner of his lips. For a moment he simply watched him, and then, slowly, his lips tugged down on the right side until it grew disdainful.
"You always seem to have such a strong intuition."
The praise made Yugi sit up slightly, smiling.
"Until you attempt to apply it to others," Yami snarled in disdain, wrinkling his nose. Yugi had cringed, brows furrowed and eyes widening in shock. He had the harsh impulse to simply snicker and smirk at his startled expression. "You cannot tell yourself when someone is a threat to you. You are unable to tell friend from foe. You cannot even think to save yourself from potential disasters. Yet, somehow, you think yourself to be smart enough to speak to me as if you have knowledge of me?"
Yugi blinked, frowning at him now. He no longer seemed offended by the words. He appeared now to be more annoyed than anything else. Although there was still genuine shock which crossed his features, blue-violet eyes narrowing only slightly.
"If you have any knowledge whatsoever of my personality and nature it is because you are so inevitably tied to me. Remember that for you seem so carelessly to forget. You have given me form through half of your own damn soul. What that means for your emotional states and reading each other is still to be determined." Yami narrowed his eyes and smirked the smallest bit. "But I will remind you—and I will do so gladly—that if not for that one fact, not only would you be dead, but never again would you assume yourself to know another. Because you are not one with the capability to read another. You are the one who is read. You are the one who should shadow me."
Yugi stopped behind him several steps away, breathing in deeply. He had to struggle to fight off the urge to simply turn and flee immediately. His stomach tossed and he forced himself to take the smallest of steps he could manage. He stayed close to the wall, wishing nothing more than to blend into the shadows like Yami was so capable of doing. But thinking the deity's name was enough alone to make him shiver and a harsh coil of dread centered in his belly.
What happened if the hitchhiker harmed him now? Could Yami counter the recklessness he was so sure to display? The thought made him quake, foolish and timid, and he felt weak as he forced himself to stagger forward another step. It was wave after wave of weakness. Yami had a million different things that could be used against him. And that alone was enough to make Yugi feel once more that he might vomit.
The pain ripped through him as if to shred his entire being and leave nothing but his thin bones.
"I sense you there, you little brat." The words were snickered at him. And Yugi hesitated. The hitchhiker's voice slithered through the air like a snake. And he felt as if the very air were tainted with the presence of such a menacing tone.
The small teen narrowed his eyes, startled despite himself. He should have known that the bastard would be able to notice him. His lips curled back over his teeth in mimicry of Yami, unable to suppress such a nervous reaction. He shook his head slightly, swallowing hard even as his feet began to move forward. The actions were uncomfortable, weighted, as he stared at his taller form with horrified eyes.
"Come closer, why don't you?"
"I only came here to—"
"Seek out the answer to whether I told you the truth or not."
Yugi froze for a long moment. He glowered at him, narrowing his eyes into slits, feeling disdainful and frustrated. "Can you read my mind like Yami can?" he hissed slowly. He bore his teeth and ignored the frigid temperature of the seawater which made his skin pull together in gooseflesh. "Did that come with your borrowing his magic?"
The taller boy glanced slowly over his shoulder. His purple eyes were dark, glowing in the shadows. They were like glow-sticks, lit brightly with a fluorescent shade of unnatural violet.
Yugi nearly shivered, shoulders rising in disdain. Such color set his bones on edge and his marrow hissed with his growing discomfort as hi fingers tingled with mounting hatred. He could not bother with the touch of iciness which came to him. The breeze was salty and stung at his skin but Yugi was still too focused on the hideous shade of the eyes.
He had never been so dismayed to see a shade of purple in his life.
The thought was amazing to him. Just one incident had managed to change the entire spectrum of color for him.
"I know many things. It's the privilege of the powerful gods."
Yugi snorted dismissively, disdainfully as he narrowed his eyes and stared at him coldly. "Then I don't suppose it must be working for you all that well," he scoffed in a vicious tone. He smirked when the other boy's lips twisted and curled upwards at the statement. But he did not object, Yugi realized. It was almost as if somehow the words were too true for him to protest them.
Yugi almost burst out laughing at the thought. If they were true, the hitchhiker should have been trying more fervently to deny it, should he? After a moment the small teen shrugged innocently and crossed his arms, ignoring the intent stare that was stuck on him now.
"You aren't powerful. At all. I would say, in fact, that you're probably the weakest god ever to exist." He paused. "If you even truly are a god like you once claimed."
"Oh? Is that so?" the other male drawled. His purple eyes flashed, then narrowed slowly into slits. His lips peeled back into a smirk of amusement and Yugi felt his stomach clench once more. "And by what means does a mortal judge a god?"
Yugi eyed him for a moment, then smirked faintly. "On the grounds that not only were you unable to find your own way from the Shadow Realm and had to hitchhike when Yami was dragged here, but you also had to steal him magic to exist like this right now. You aren't even real like Yami is. You aren't a completely separate person from Ryou like he is from me. You barely even exist! You have to use Ryou's body as a hollow husk of flesh to get around to begin with. Or at least you did. But to remove yourself, you had to steal someone else's magic to simply form a body."
His smirk widened when he saw the glare that came over the other boy's face. He looked monstrous, wit a face that was too twisted to be human, and it made his skin prickle. But Yugi could hardly find it in himself to care. None of what he was saying was untrue. And this spirit knew it.
That's why it was so upset…
"You know nothing about power, do you? You have no idea about it. Not borrowed, not gained, not natural." Yugi narrowed his eyes. "It's pathetic that you even consider yourself a god. And then you claim that you're more of one than Yami? You have nothing to show for it. You've trapped yourself in a Shadow Game that even you have no true hope of winning. And yet here you are, demanding respect from the very person who dragged a true god into this world."
"You foolish mortal boy. I have every intention of not only being the victor, but also of making your pet suffer the most unholy of punishments." Yugi bristled at the word but did nothing further, refusing to give much more of an implication that he was upset. If the hitchhiker saw that, surely it wouldn't turn out well. But the taller boy had apparently already noticed. His lips had twisted into a hideous smirk and his purple eyes were glowing fiercely. "You date to threaten me when it is so clearly impossible for you to find answers to your own various problems? I could kill you, child, snap your neck like a twig, but first I must win this Game."
Yugi snorted loudly. "When Yami wins, I'll be the first to laugh in your face." And then I'll spit on your corpse, he thought. Because, surely, by the time Yami was done with him, there would be a broken body on the ground and he could dance around it. "You don't even know who you're dealing with."
"Your faith is a misplaced beacon." The boy purred softly in amusement, purple eyes boring into his. "Do you truly believe that with all I am you are capable of fooling me?"
"No. I don't think that anyone is actually stupid enough to fall for the same trick twice," Yugi answered in a careless, dulled tone. He had not even considered that the hitchhiker might try to attack him again. It would have been far too stupid for it to do so if he had.
Yugi shrugged, glancing at his nails as realization came over him.
He had no idea what more he could say or do now. He had said what he'd meant to. He'd said that Yami was going to win. Beyond that, he had no plan as to what to do with the hitchhiker. And it was not as if he believed that the creature had any idea how to help Yami as it was.
He had not believed that for even a second. Breaking the Puzzle would have killed Yami on the spot. And then what would have happened? Yugi couldn't imagine that it would have been pretty if his magic was loosed…
"But, it's either me or him right now. And I can't pretend that my self-preservation is more powerful than my desires to save him," he finally muttered, turning to him now. He narrowed his eyes the smallest degree. "It's morbid, when you think about it. I shouldn't even want to save him at this rate. It's not as if I owe him something past my guilt. So it's kind of horrifying to realize how much someone is willing to sacrifice just to ease their own guilt. Or…when they're…inexplicably tie together in some way."
The hitchhiker eyed him with a confused expression for a split second. His brows had furrowed and pulled together and his eyes had become slightly hooded. But when Yugi straightened his spine and locked eyes with him again, the creature narrowed his gaze and relaxed his brows.
"So, why don't you tell me something? Who are you? What are you?"
"My name? Is that what you desire of me?" the other snorted, peering at him with an amused expression. Yugi nodded somewhat, more dismissive than anything as he realized that the creature was toying with him. "I have abandoned my true one for now."
When he strode forward, Yugi steeled himself. He tipped his head up the smallest degree, forcing himself to breathe evenly. The hitchhiker stopped a couple of inches away. And Yugi could feel the strain in his shoulders where he'd unconsciously raised them. His heart was in his throat, beating at thrice its usual speed.
"As I am not so powerful as I once was, I will call myself by my former landlord's name, Bakura. As for what I am, that truth is as simple now as it has always been. I am a god." The purple eyes flashed. "I was weakened, then forced to share a similar fate to your pet deity who wastes away beneath your sheets as we speak."
Yugi nearly flinched. He knew it, the being wearing Ryou's face knew it, but he wasn't willing to show it. That was a weakness that Yugi was not willing to show. He swallowed hard, then shook his head. "Is that why you had to hitch a ride with him?" he sneered. "Because you're being punished for something?"
"Punished?" the other whispered in a low, hissing tone. His voice was full of hatred and his eyes burned into Yugi's angrily. "I am not being punished. To punish one such as I, they would have to be more powerful. There is no deity beyond my strength. No creature or force has the strength to punish me. It is merely a misbalance of power which formerly rendered me incapable of escaping the Shadow Realm."
Yugi's lips tugged up and his smirk became insolent. His entire body was warm with smugness and he knew the other could see it. "And I suppose that Yami was the source of that then?" he laughed, shaking his head.
"You think to find answers through me? You are a fool. Why do you not waste your time asking your pet? He is useful for nothing else." His smirk turning mocking and his hissing turn grew darker. Yugi bristled, frustrated as Bakura stared back at him mockingly. He ground his teeth together and tried his hardest to suppress the urge to snarl at him with the growing disdain which swelled in his belly. "But then, he does not truly know himself, does he? He has no idea what he is or his own identity, does he? He is blind to his place within the hierarchy of the gods."
Yugi narrowed his eyes.
"He is mindless of his own power. He has no knowledge of what he has done before nor how he came to become trapped within the Shadow Realm as he was." He was sneering now, purple eyes dancing. "Because he is far too weak to recall, correct?"
"Whether he remembers or not is nothing important," Yugi snapped, voice taking on an edge of ferocity he had only formerly known Yami to possess. His fingers were itching and he could feel that wave of disdain tripling and quadrupling inside of him. Realization made him anxious, but the truth of it was that he wished more than ever that it was safe to lash out at this stupid boy. He wished he could hit him just as he'd done to him just hours earlier. He thought briefly of Ryou, how he'd imagined briefly grabbing a knife to stab him where he lay in that air mattress. And he remembered the way the blood had speckled Yami's face when he'd lashed out and cut Ryou on the neck… "What matters is that you have the answers I want. So why don't you tell me? Or is it because you don't know either?"
"What might you give me in return for the information you seek, child?"
Yugi was quiet for a moment, studying him. "What do you want from me?" he finally asked. He almost rolled his eyes, but then stopped himself. "It's not like there's a lot that you can do in this Game. You made the rules and twisting them would leave too much room for error. You'd be punished for it. That's what you're afraid of."
Bakura blinked at him lazily.
"I have a choice to impose things as well, don't you know? Your stipulations of the Game make everything noticeably harder for both teams and you cannot break those rules yourself without a monumental punishment." Yugi smirked. "Don't think I'm oblivious to why the Puzzle reacted like that."
"Clever boy," the hitchhiker drawled, smirking lazily. His purple eyes glinted with harsh laughter. "You figured that out all on your own, I know. Because your pet is far from capable of telling you such information. Otherwise you would not be so desperate as to seek it from me now."
"It doesn't matter how I found out. It matters that I did. Now what is it that you actually want?" Yugi snapped, growing exasperated as he crossed his arms and stared at him in annoyance. But the movement was not one to shield himself from the other, it was to comfort himself.
There was something dark and eerie in those violet eyes, something that seemed to worm its way into his very core and shrink what little courage he truly possessed.
He felt as if something alien had crossed through his skin. He felt as if it were burrowing into him and threatening to tear through his senses. And he felt sick, ill, as if it were insidious and disease-like. It was nothing like what he'd felt when he had Yami had first met. That had been a breeze compared to this.
This was…
Yugi didn't know how to describe it.
But it was cold and lifeless, like a shadow that was too dark or a spirit crossing one's grave.
Yugi stood there, however, facing him all the same. There was no backing down now. He couldn't afford to so something so foolish. He had to remain still and calm and face up to this. Because it was nothing that Yugi could truly turn his back on. Doing so would be forfeit. And he couldn't afford something like that.
"What do I want? I want your worthless pet put down." Yugi almost flinched, stunned by the anger that came with the words. Instead he ground his teeth together harder and forced himself to remain still. Let him sneer as much as he wanted. Yami was okay. He was safe at home. He would be fine… "But that will not happen for now."
Because Yami was okay.
Yami was safe at home.
He would be fine…
"Tell me, dear little Yugi, how far does your mistaken loyalty take you?"
Yugi blinked at him, then pressed his nails into his ribs. "How far does it take me?" he repeated cautiously, studying him for a moment. "I'm here…aren't I?"
"Yes…" Bakura eyed him as if he were a piece of meat that he could devour. "And how far will you go with me?"
Yugi recoiled before he could think straight. "I'm not sleeping with you," he spat. His nose wrinkled with disgust and he nearly shuddered. "Fuck that."
"No one said anything about something so disgusting. Your pathetic species always jumps to such…trivial means of exchange."
The relief that came over him threatened to knock Yugi to his knees. He drew in a deep breath, narrowing his eyes as he pressed his fingers harder into his skin. "Then what do you want…?"
"If you are truly loyal to him, you should have no issues with what I have to ask of you."
"Then ask it."
"Hey…hey…wake up…"
Yami twitched, then curled his long fingers. They grasped at something warm and soft. Another obsolete object began to bite into his wrist. His eyes flickered, then opened fully, fluttering before his attention caught on what lingered in his peripheral. His first instinct was to lash out violently. His hand curled and his teeth ground together. A snarl began to rumble in his chest. But it was gone again almost immediately.
He drew in a sharp breath, harsh and cold in his lungs.
He needed a cool head. He had to remember that.
He had to survive this Game.
He would not cease existence because of a penalty…
The thought calmed him just enough. Yami rolled onto his back, snarling low in his throat. The noise rumbled from his chest and he swore his ribs vibrated with it. Then he moved, struggling to rise to a seated position. His fingers twitched again and he closed his eyes halfway. His head was spinning.
Now he remembered why he had laid down to begin with.
Yugi had convinced him when he'd complained of a headache. He'd said the world was spinning and he felt as if pressure were building on his brain. So the small teen had gotten him some tablets he'd confirmed were medicine and given him a cup of water to down them.
But now Yami felt groggy, exhausted. His tongue was heavy and fuzzy with paste. And his head still ached, though far less than formerly. He reached up, struggling to soothe at the pain in his right temple. He swore the skin throbbed against his fingers.
Being human was miserable…
"Get away from me, you brat," he spat. The human was hovering too close. He could hear his breathing almost as well as he could his own. Yami forced himself to sit up more completely. Then he dropped his hands into his lap for a moment. When he blinked his eyes open, the room was swerving.
He scrunched them up again, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. But his fingers caught in the tangles that lingered there. And he nearly panicked. He'd forgotten that human hair did such a thing. He'd forgotten that such a thing was possible. He almost flinched. The strands were oily, slick to the touch. And the knots were huge…
When he tried to pull his fingers away, they seemed to tighten around them. He almost yelped, so startled by the flash of pain on his scalp that he flinched. Then he growled low in his throat again, forcing it away.
He would not declare his weakness.
He pulled his fingers away, wiggling his fingers. He wished his nails were strong enough to rip the knots out. But the throbbing in his head convinced him not to even try. So Yami dropped his hands to his lap again and tried once more to open his eyes into slits. His lashes cast a comforting shadow across them, enough that he could relax if only slightly. But the lack of being able to busy his hands put him in a highly compromising position. Not only was it more dangerous for the stranger he now shared a room with, but it also made him feel incredibly weak for the moment…
Yami had the increasingly appealing desire to wrap his hands around Ryou's neck and squeeze until his windpipe folded beneath his fingers. He wanted to press his nails into his flesh and curl his fingers and slash until his throat was slick with red. The image of such carnage in his head was beautiful and all but overpowering. He closed his eyes tightly, forcing away the impulse to reach out.
In his mind the blood was bright enough red to rival the color Yugi swore his eyes to be. The thought was pleasing to no end for him.
He needed to stop himself, however, before his thoughts became more vivid. They were twisted, mutilated, and he could only imagine how precariously close they might push him to the edge.
He could not kill.
He could not maim.
But then what more could he do?
He was a weapon of mass destruction, a god that was suffering for no other reason than a punishment he did not understand. And he was all but half-dead.
He could not even breathe properly, for fuck's sake.
"What is it that you want?" he spat after a moment. He opened his eyes into slits again. "I thought you had run away like the little coward you are."
"Run away?" the white-haired boy echoed in higher-pitched voice, incredulous and annoyed. Yami almost laughed at the way he had thrown his hands into the air. "I just went for a walk!"
"You should have run." The deity focused on his fingers for a moment. His cuticles looked ragged, his nails long and almond-shaped but colored oddly dark as if with rot beneath the beds of them. They did not look nearly as sharp as they should have been. But this was not what upset him.
Was it just his mind deteriorating…?
Or did they truly look as if they were nothing but terribly drawn skin upon narrow bones?
"You should have run as far away from here as you could."
Ryou hated him that he knew he'd considered it more than once. He would have been lying to Yami's face if he denied doing so. But he was safe to remind himself that he'd come back for a reason, that he'd ignored the voice telling him to flee because he'd thought it necessary to help them. Had it not been for that, he would have run as fast as he could and far as he could.
He wouldn't have once looked back.
Now, however, he nibbled his bottom lip and muttered, "I can't find Yugi, Yami. Do you know where he is?"
For the longest time Yami was quiet. Ryou almost imagined that the deity didn't even hear him. He looked so undisturbed by the news that the white-haired teen almost flinched. Yami was not making any indication that he even knew the name of the boy in question…
And then, abruptly, his red eyes flashed open. He was on his feet in front of him, snarling. It had taken a moment for the name to connect in his head. Truthfully, Yami had not recognized it at all at first. And now he faltered, head spinning as he considered him for a moment.
It had been a simple word, meaningless noise in his ears.
Now it a siren of alarm in his ears, making him sway as he struggled to understand. Ryou had said that he did not know where Yugi was? That was what he had said, yes? If that were true, then…
"What do you mean you cannot find Yugi?" he demanded, narrowing his eyes into slits. Ryou flinched as if he'd struck him and the deity nearly trembled with rage. Pain flared in his narrow chest and he clenched his fingers as he bore his teeth. He fought to keep his balance, pressing his teeth against his tongue painfully. It was as if his lungs had begun to pull too tightly to drawn in air and he was shaking again, harder than before and with more rage than he could possibly contain. "This is his house!"
"It's midnight and he's been gone since before I got back at eight!" Ryou choked out. He had stumbled back a few steps and was gaping at him now. Yami could hardly breathe, his head spinning and tongue caked to the roof of his mouth. His ears were ringing and his skin felt hot, feverish with mounting fear. By the gods, this brat couldn't be serious. Yugi had been missing for more than four hours? Why had he only just woken him?!
Yami felt as if he might collapse at any moment. His heart was burning in his chest and he wanted to vomit. There was nothing in his stomach but he wished to do it anyways. He could not think straight.
"He's been gone since before I even got back, Yami. I thought that you might have some kind of idea where he had gone!"
"And how is it that I might know, Ryou?" he snarled. His voice had become low and twisted, hateful enough that the mortal in front of him was visibly cowed. His mouth curled back into a snarl that, despite the lack of froth, reminded him of a rabid dog. "How might I be the one to know where he has so carelessly scampered off to? Have you no understanding of the immensity of this Game? I am but a mere human! And he spoke nothing to me of his departure!"
"That's not my fault!" Ryou snapped, cheeks growing red. Yami stepped forward once and the boy backed up with huge brown eyes. He had raised his shoulders and looked as if he might vomit at any moment. But the seconds passed and Yami simply stared again, eyes sharp and burning as they searched his.
Ryou looked as if he expected him to hit him hard enough to send him off his feet. The thought was more pleasing to him than he wished to admit. Yami wished he could have done that very thing. But the reality of it was that he could afford to do so. And so he remained where he was, staring at him silently.
"He should have told you!"
But he failed to.
Yami felt small and weak for a moment, blinking as he struggled to process the thought. Yugi had failed to tell him. Had it been because he'd wanted him to rest? Or had he drugged him so that he could make a run for it? Had the Game become so terrible for Yugi that the small teen had fled?
His knees felt weak and shaky and he was dizzy again. His tongue was more swollen than ever. His head was spinning. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment.
"Maybe if you were nice, he would have actually bothered to tell you."
"Go fuck yourself," was the first thing to come to Yami's mind.
But the words were not malicious in the slightest. Ryou sounded more upset than anything, though there was an undertone of resignation there as well. Yami opened his eyes into slits, turning his head towards the desk. His reflection had grown paler, a bland silver against the smooth metal of the desk.
Perhaps Yugi had finally come to the conclusion that Yami himself had. Perhaps he had finally realized that, while he was capable, shouldering the burden that Yami had become was too much of a task to adhere to. He had feared he would find his weakness too terrible to support any longer.
He himself had wondered, feared it even, when the smaller teen might come to his senses.
And, had Yugi stumbled across this realization himself, might he have gone to hand himself over to the creature that had such similar features to the scared human in front of him? Was that what he had chosen to do? To end the Game by way of surrender?
Was it possible he had changed allegiances simply out of fear?
Or had he hoped to force Yami to act by way of doing so?
The thought made Yami snarl furiously. And then he spun on Ryou, baring his teeth and shaking with his anger. His voice came out in an enraged bark.
"Come with me. I shall wring his neck to the length of a giraffe's when we find him."
Ryou felt abruptly as if their roles had become drastically reversed.
The streetlamps were brighter than usual, casting dark shadows across the pavement around them. The trees from the small strip of forest looked like thousands of large skeletal fingers due to their lack of foliage. Their shadows looked as if they were reaching out to grab at them like mutilated hands, as if they were struggling to reach out and grasp at their clothes.
He shivered and glanced at the deity, both fascinated and horrified upon spotting him now. Yami looked to be the truest definition of the embodiment of power now. He had his back straightened. His steps were confident, not once misplaced. He did not stumble. He did not blink. His pace was brisk, his boots thudding harshly upon the asphalt with each step. For his shorter stance, he seemed to devour three of Ryou's own longer strides. And the deity cast cold glances about them every which way as they put distance behind them.
It was impressive.
It was almost empowering for Ryou just to see it.
It almost gave him the courage to consider this more than a suicide mission of some kind.
Yami appeared regal, more powerful than he'd ever seemed before. He was much alike the god he claimed himself to be. And, though he'd looked powerful before, when he'd lashed out at him drawn blood, Ryou had not thought he looked the part until now.
Yet, he was sure to keep some distance between the two of them. Yami was not friendly towards him in the slightest. And he knew that well enough. He did not want him to turn on him out of nowhere and lash out as if he'd threatened him by coming too close. When he jogged forward a few steps, he could see the red-eyed teen merely take note of the distance. He did not seem upset in the slightest and not once did he bother to attempt to catch up.
Ryou thought, however, that if either of them knew where they needed to go, they would have been running.
"You should be the one leading us."
The whisper was so low that Ryou almost did not hear it. He furrowed his brows, blinking, and frowned. Had he truly spoken? He turned his head in bewilderment. The grumble of noise didn't translate at first. But Yami's voice was soft, noticeably deep, and it carried despite the low volume.
Yami had not turned to face him, however.
So Ryou wondered if he'd mistaken some outward noise to be something the deity had said. It wasn't hard when everything around them sounded as if it were making some noise or another, hissing and breathing and whispering. But he noticed that there was a white frost forming in front of Yami's mouth, frosty as if he were breathing through his mouth rather than his nose. Ryou could just barely see his lips moving now.
The more he watched him, the more the deity began to slow down. He stopped walking confidently, instead pacing himself to match Ryou's steps until finally he came to a halt completely. His red eyes narrowed and his head turned slowly towards him. No longer did he charge forward as he had before. Now he simply regarded him, though a moment passed in which he remained silent and watchful.
And then he made his way slowly towards him.
Ryou stiffened, nearly vomiting. Yami's eyes were devoid of color now. When the light splashed across his face, his gaze was all but completely black. And Ryou was reminded, horrified, of an endless black well like a bottomless pit of ink or the ocean deep at night. He could not shake the idea that he was staring into an abyss…
"W-what are you…?" He blinked in confusion. Then he flinched as Yami curled his lip back and studied him. He got a couple of inches away, standing and staring at him pointedly.
"I said, you should be the one to lead us to them."
"W-why would you…?" Ryou shook his head, flustered. Yami was so close to him. He could lash out at any second and end him if he was so truly tempted to. It would hardly take more time for him to do that than he took to blink. He felt his heart in his throat, stomach coiling painfully. "That doesn't—"
"It makes plenty of sense, you stupid brat."
Ryou shook his head immediately, more than slightly horrified. Was Yami truly suggesting what he thought he was? He opened his mouth to object, his first thought that one of objection. He wanted to say that he couldn't find them, that he didn't know how he was supposed to. His head was spinning.
They didn't know where they were.
They had no idea how to find them.
Yami had to be grasping at loose straws.
He had to be at his wit's end, frustrated enough that he was asking him to take the lead.
If he couldn't find them, then Yami got to use him as a scapegoat as to why they couldn't find them.
That had to be the reason he was suggesting it. There was no other way.
But Yami had moved, he realized. Abruptly, to his horror, those red eyes were a mere inch from his and his body was closer than Ryou was used to anyone being. The deity gave off no body heat whatsoever. His eyes were cold like glinting rubies. And his lips were drawn back, a low snarl leaving his lungs.
"I know that you are able to sense him." Ryou was almost shaking. Yami was staring at him as if he dared him to lie. He was watching him as if he wanted him to be so bold. His breath was cold when he leaned forward. But it seemed somehow to heat rapidly when it came in contact with his skin. Ryou shuddered, somewhere between fascination and sickness at the thought.
His red eyes were glowing, keen and fierce. The darkness made them appear to dance like the very core of two wicked flames. Half of his face was covered in the cast of the streetlamp. The other was bathed in Ryou's own shadow. He looked like a phantom.
"If I can feel Yugi and he me, then you can surely sense a parasite which once wore your skin and abused your energy," Yami hissed at him. "Tell me otherwise, Ryou. Lie as you wish. But you cannot say it and mean it. And I will never believe you. I know that you can feel him. I know it as well as you. Thus, you shall be the one to lead me to him."
"I don't—"
Ryou was sputtering, breathless. Yami's eyes brightened once, then darkened so hideously that he flinched back. He choked on the statement, mouth falling open. The deity was staring at him with such hatred it made his head spin. Yami snarled low in his throat, staring at him with an expression which spoke of a will that would not be broken. And Ryou was abruptly aware that if he did not help him now, Yami would find some way to make it happen regardless.
It might take longer.
It might be more exhausting for him.
But he would do it.
And if he won the Game, he'd make him pay tenfold for his disobedience now.
He yelped when Yami moved again.
The air whistled next to his ear. A violent clang made his head ring. The back of his skull throbbed with the force of the pole trembling from the blow. He gasped out a ragged breath. Yami leaned forward further now, his snarl lower than ever before. His fingers had twisted to curve into the metal and a sharp grating noise crept through Ryou's skull.
He shivered.
Yami was shaking now. He was looking down at where he'd ducked. And he loomed over him like a demon. His balance had changed, his weight distributed more evenly. He looked as if he might lean forward and grasp him by the front of his shirt and lift him from the ground.
Ryou squeezed his eyes shut tightly, waiting for the blow.
"You do know," he breathed in a steady, angry tone, "and you will lead me."
"If you hit me, you'll lose the Game, Yami!" he gasped out pathetically. His voice crept out of a windpipe three sizes too small. He was shaking, at first finely and then rapidly, until he was quaking so hard the pole was vibrating. He was struggling to breathe properly, nearing hyperventilation. "And he'll kill Yugi first—"
Yami blinked, flexing his hand slowly atop the smooth metal of the streetlamp's post. Where his fingers had curved were long grooves. Some of the metal had folded inwards, but most of the paint scratched in hideous streaks of bright white against black. Beneath his hand, lower towards the ground, the pain had flecked away in several areas. The bottom was rusty and thickly clumped atop the metal. Yami flexed his nails against the exterior of it, wishing for a moment that he could somehow fade into it.
It would have been so terribly easy and mindless to step into the shadow of something. He could disappear into the darkness and reappear elsewhere. It was one of the easiest tricks he knew.
But that would not happen again.
It would fail if he could not find his way to Yugi again.
Ryou was still struggling for words, though he was unsure of what he was saying. His mind had gone elsewhere. He was beyond the care of Yami's measurement. His lack of will and energy left no room to worry about someone further than himself.
Whatever happened to Yugi or Ryou should this Game be lost had no bearing upon him in any manner. He nearly snorted in disgust, hate making his gut clench. The humans believed themselves to be most powerful force in existence.
They thought themselves too great to be lost in the grand scheme of things.
But none of them were.
When it came down to it, had Yugi not draw him so carelessly there, he would not be either.
As a deity, the fact was that they were all nameless.
They were all faceless.
They were a hive of bodies of different skin tones and hair colors.
And they served not a single purpose but that of his own entertainment.
Yami braced his palm against the cold metal once more. The boy was still struggling, babbling about something. He had slid to the ground against the post. He was choking on his breaths. He had drawn his knees up. His face was between them.
Yami pressed his forehead to the cold metal for a moment. His skin had become feverish. It was in such great contrast to the chill that normally ruled him that it made him want to vomit. He almost moaned at the sensation, the beauty of its touches to his senses. He wished again that he might fall into the shadow of it and disappear once more.
He ached.
His flesh seemed to pull tightly upon his bones.
His heart squeezed painfully in his chest.
His lungs were too weak, a pressure throbbing through them.
He thought they might break within the next few seconds as he drew in frigid winter air.
"And so you shall prevent his death by doing what little it is required of you to save him, yes?"
The words were nearly dead as he pulled away and stepped back. He still loomed over the pale boy, who gaped at him as if he could not remember how to make his jaw close. His brown eyes had grown wide, owlish and stunned, and Yami wanted nothing more than to cackle for a moment.
Thus was the face of which every mortal should have made before a god. Yet, despite his amusement, it was dread that singed his insides. His lips pulled and tugged, a snarl building up behind his teeth once more.
He snatched Ryou's arm, drawing him to his feet again. He was light in weight, as if he did not have much to his gangly frame. It took almost no effort in order to pull him to his feet. His eyes were still wide, his mouth just barely closed. Yami watched him, unblinking, and the dread grew for a moment.
He looked terrified.
He looked awed.
He looked almost as if he…might pee himself.
"Let's go," he snapped.