Here there be 15+

I held onto the phone desperately, as if I felt it would fall through my fingers as soon as I loosened my hold.

One ring...

Two rings... I tapped my fingers nervously on the counter beside the cradle and bit my lip, hoping she would pick up.

Three rings...

Four rings... Why wasn't she answering? Julia was attached to her phone! She always answered my texts within seconds of my sending them, so the only answer I could think was that she was ignoring me.

Five rings...

Six rings...

The phone bleeped and I heard her familiar voice over the voicemail asking me to leave a message. Just as I was about to open my mouth to talk, however, a clearer, breathless voice took over:

"Dom! You still there?" I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yeah, yeah, I am," I stammered, running a hand through my hair as I took the conversation back into the living room.

"Sorry, I was in the shower." I laughed quietly. "Was there something you wanted?" I wished there was a coil coming from the bottom of the phone like the old landline used to have, just so I could have something to occupy my restless fingers.

"Um, yeah, actually. Listen, Julia, I..." my cowardliness overtook me and I changed the course my speech was about to take, "I was just wondering what you wanted to do tomorrow. We didn't really sort out a plan in the end." I sat down on the sofa in the exact same place Matthew had been sitting only fifteen minutes prior and waited for her reply. The silence worried me.

"I don't mind, really. Have you or Matthew got any preferences?"

"Um, no, not really."

"Well...I don't know, we haven't been to see a film in a while. We could do that, if you want." I nodded eagerly, forgetting that Julia wasn't actually here with me in the room. I had a tendency to get sucked into her conversation and act as if she were in front of me.

"I'd love to do that! I don't know what's on at the moment, but that sounds good to me."

"I heard there's a rom-com out, if you were hoping to get some action with Matthew." Her jibe sounded off and I grimaced, the guilt returning with full-force. I wrung my hands, resting the phone in the crook of my neck, and sighed.

"Listen, Julia," I began, "I-Matthew's not coming with me tomorrow." There was yet another pause, but I could hear her breathing on the other end of the line.

"Did something happen between you two?" Her question was tentative, and I could still hear the hint of worry in her voice. What I ever did to deserve such a caring friend, I would never understand.

"No, not exactly. I just thought that...well, okay, Matthew told me, and then I thought that it should be a day for just us."

"Just us," she repeated.

"Because we haven't hung out recently," I elaborated, waving my hands in the air. "I feel like I've abandoned you a bit, and I'm really sorry about that, honestly." I omitted the part about not realising I was hurting her until Matthew informed me-she didn't need any more to weigh her down than a useless friend.

"I have to say, Dom, this has come as a breath of fresh air for me. I was kind of worried about tomorrow but now...Thank you."

"Thank you?"

"Thanks for saying you'll spend the day with me. I know you want to spend all of your time with Matthew-and I can understand that, honestly! He's a really nice guy- but I'm so glad that you haven't forgotten about me. And I'd absolutely love to go to the cinema with you tomorrow." I relaxed and let my head fall back into the cushion behind it, closing my eyes with a smile gracing my lips. Thank God.

"Tickets are on me." She chuckled.

"I'll hold you to that when I bring along ten of my buddies from school." I rolled my eyes as the conversation shifted to neutral territory, and we nattered about goodness-knows-what for the next hour or so. I knew my phone bill was going to be nightmarish, but it was worth it to right things with Julia. At least I knew I would sleep easy for that night; just that simple confirmation that she hadn't lost all faith in me had brightened my evening significantly, and I realised I had everything I could want laid out in front of me. My relationship with Matthew was blossoming-albeit at a terribly slow pace-I had a secure job, a wonderful best friend, and good days ahead of me.

For the first time in several months, I thought back to my teenage years and realised I could probably erase them with only a bit of work. Stability was to be my companion for as long as I could manage.

I was quite proud of myself for not mentioning Matthew for the first hour of my 'date' with Julia the next day. It was only when we were sat in the cinema waiting for the adverts to finish and the film to begin that Julia brought up the subject.

"How's Matthew, then? I can never tell from his face," she asked me, her arm resting over the back of my seat and playing idly with the sleeve of my shirt.

"He's...pretty good, yeah," I said, rubbing a hand over my face as I recalled the events of the previous night.

"And how's your relationship?" She giggled, her tone teasing, and I rolled my eyes.

"If you're this interested in other people's love lives you should just get one of the celebrity magazines from the co-op. I bet that'd suit you well." She scowled, pulling her arm back and crossing them in front of her chest. "Fine, fine, it's going well, I suppose. Slow, but well."

"Why the slow pace? I thought Casanova here didn't even wait a week to get in a guy's pants!" I felt heat rising up my face until the tips of my ears were licked by fire, scoffing at her words. I'd hardly call myself a Casanova, not by any stretch of the imagination. One-night-stands didn't equate to love in any way, shape or form, just drunken pleasure.

"Matthew gets a bit nervous," I explained, scratching at the back of my heated neck. "He likes to push forward, take a step, and then he removes himself further. Each time he tries something, he get so frightened of it that he won't approach it again unless I coax him out of his shell." Admittedly, I was generalising a bit. I hadn't known Matthew that long, and there'd only been two cases of experimenting so far. I should've been more grateful for the positive responses, but it was draining me a bit to constantly reassure him that he wasn't doing anything wrong, but was actually more right than he could imagine. It all felt so, so right.

Julia placed her hand on mine, looking forward at the screen where the film was beginning.

"It'll get easier," she told me honestly, "and he'll lighten up a bit. I guess he's just not used to all of this. Be patient with him."

I'll admit, I wasn't really concentrating on the film. My attention was divided between watching Julia's expressions to see if she was dissatisfied with me, and thinking of how I could try and progress with Matthew. Even checking out the hot guys in the film couldn't calm my thoughts-which was extremely rare, for me.

The day ran smoothly. Much to my relief, Julia didn't bring up the topic of my abandoning her, nor did she seem upset about the day. In fact, it was like everything had just been patched up back to normal again, sewing up the wound so cleanly that you couldn't even see the scar tissue. It got me wondering whether I was making a big deal out of it, but I knew in my heart that Julia was incredibly important to me. I wouldn't let down my friends.

I sat on the sofa that night and flicked through my CD collection, looking for something to occupy my mind. Julia had left after having a cup of tea, saying she needed to get back to do a suspicious 'something', and I was left wandering aimlessly around my house and wondering when solitude had turned to loneliness.

A few hours after I'd finished my dinner, the doorbell rang suddenly. I cocked my head to the side and headed for the door, opening it slowly to see who was turning up unannounced this late. Matthew stood outside, leaning against the bricks and waiting for me to appear. As soon as the door opened and light flooded out onto the path, he jumped into the house, pushing the door shut behind him.

"Hi, Matthew," I exclaimed, surprise at his appearance tainting my voice. His hair was dishevelled, eyes wild and, as he leaned against me, I could smell alcohol on his breath.

"Hey, Dominic," he breathed, pressing me against the wall so that our torsos touched. My eyebrows rose to an almost painful height.

"H-how are you?" He shook his head and pressed our lips together, his slim fingers still around my wrists and pinning them to side. I inhaled deeply, doing my best to return his fervent kisses without the use of my hands. I sucked his bottom lip, and his flesh was bittersweet with the taste of beer and unfinished breathmints. He sighed, one of his hands releasing me to tangle itself in my hair and pull me closer. I was surprised by the strength in his grasp, so used to his timid nature that it knocked me off-guard for a moment. As soon as my lips stopped moving against his, he migrated to my jaw, pressing himself to the skin there as I tilted my head back. He mumbled something, then, and I could feel the vibrations against my skin.

"What was that?" I asked between gasps, feeling Matthew's hand slip from my hair to my neck as he began to gently trail it down my back, fingers tiptoeing so exquisitely that I can feel it through the fabric of my shirt. I shuddered beneath his touch. "Matthew, I didn't-didn't hear. What did you say?"

His lips left my skin and he held them just a breath away from mine so I could almost taste his eagerness. The booze on his breath made my head light, my thoughts crashing like a train wreck just by looking into his eyes.

"Want you," he murmured breathily, fusing us together again. We moved in tandem, my hands on his back to press him closer, just for a bit more contact, a little bit more, more, more. "Please let me."

How could I not? I'd be a fool to deny him anything, this angel of a boy with the devilish glint in those deep blues.

I let my head fall back against the wall and disappeared into a world of wooziness and Matthew, his hands seemingly everywhere as he caressed my body. It had been so long, far too long, and he looked so beautiful in the light of my hallway that I could hardly tear my eyes away.

I could feel him sliding his hand further and further until it brushed the front of my groin and I bit my lip, bucking up into his touch. There was the tiniest of smirks on his lips and he seemed to revel in the slowness as he gently eased the zipper down. I held my breath, squeezing my eyes shut in disbelief. Was he really doing this? I could feel him against where I so desperately wanted him, could sense his face only inches away from my own, but Julia's earlier words came echoing and I swallowed nervously.

"Matthew, I-" He laid a finger over my lips, effectively shutting me up as he continued his ministrations. I could feel the fabric of my trousers starting to slide down my legs and my eyes shot open, warning bells beginning to ring. I removed a hand from the heated skin of his back to push away the finger and spoke, "Matthew, I think you should-I mean, you have to stop." He chuckled.

"Don't you like it, Dominic?" he asked, his voice innocent but his lewd smile giving him away. His speech was slow as he tried to work the trousers further down my legs, fumbling with what should have been an easy task. "It seems to me like you're enjoying this."

"No! I mean, well-yes, but you have to listen to me."

"I'm not a child, Dominic." I fell silent as cool air hit the skin on my legs and Matthew's cooler skin brushed it softly. He pressed his lips to my cheek, a reassuring reminder of his gentle nature, and I relaxed into his touch. His fingers carefully brushed across the front of my boxers, and I let out a groan at the thin layer of cotton sliding over me, willing myself to remain patient. I glanced down at Matthew, who had paused, eyes wide as he stared back up at me from chest-height.

His, "Oh," was almost silent, but in the quiet of the hallway, I could hear him loud and clear. Swallowing nervously, I warily asked,

"Matthew, is everything alright?" He shook his head shakily.

"I-God, I'm so drunk!" he cried, holding a hand to his head as he swayed on his feet, stretching up to full height. "Dominic, I'm so sorry. I'm-" He broke off, shaking his head and stumbling to my front door.

"Wait! Matthew, stop-" I was interrupted by the sound of the door slamming, and he was gone again. My trousers half way down my legs, I slid down the wall and placed my head in my hands.

"Fuck."