Chapter 9

"I was wondering when you'd show up."

She couldn't help but smile at his grumpy demeanor. "Good evening to you too, Anakin."

He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry. I'm a really lousy patient, aren't I?"

"I don't know." She came forward, noting several trays of tools and parts littering the area around his bed. Some considerate soul had kept them on trays high and near enough for him to reach without moving too much. She navigated them to reach her stool, and slid onto it. "Obi-Wan complained when I tended him too. I think it's a Jedi thing."

"And the other Jedi?"

She shrugged. "The Jedi healers put them into healing trances. They don't say much. How's it coming?" She nodded to the pile of parts in his lap.

"Slowly." He grimaced. "I think I finally understand what you meant when you said I'd have to strengthen the fingers again."

"I can't imagine its easy trying to build something with your off hand either. I seem to remember the hydrospanners being in your right hand when you were tinkering with your pod."

"Really?" He looked up surprise, the pleasure in his voice making her blush prettily.

"Really. I just didn't realize it until now."

"Oh?" He turned his gaze back to the components in his lap, using his knees to hold them as he awkwardly put another bolt in place, holding it through the Force before tightening it with the hydrospanner.

Padmé was glad he'd adverted his piercing gaze; he saw far too much. "To be honest Anakin, I haven't thought much about my time with you until recently."

"That's funny." He added another bolt and another component, tightening the joints. "I never stopped thinking about you." He glanced up at her, gauging her reaction before continuing. "Obi-Wan used to tease me about you; I think he was hoping I'd forget about you eventually."

She chuckled softly, reaching out to help him put one of the larger pieces in place, their hands brushing. "I never said I forgot you, Anakin. Here, hold that." She reached for another hydrospanner, a larger one, and began the first rotations on the bolt as he held the part in place. "I just didn't think about our encounter much."

"You were too busy thinking about Qui-Gon and helping other people."

Her head snapped up, meeting his gaze surprised. "How did you... Are you reading my mind?"

He grinned boyishly. "I guessed. You always did like helping people. Qui-Gon's death wasn't your fault."

She blew a strand of her hair out of her eyes. "Everyone keeps telling me that, and you know what? I know there wasn't anything I could have done. At least, I know that now. When I left politics all I could see was Qui-Gon's face, his injuries." She shivered, pulling her hands away so he could turn his creation another way in his lap. "Back then all I could think about was what if Obi-Wan, or another Jedi, ended up injured like that again? What if they lost a limb to a lightsaber, what were their options? I was appalled to see the unintentional amputation was their only recourse. So... I decided to change it."

"And you have." He twisted his left arm, smiling crookedly. "Were injuries like mine what you had in mind when you were studying?"

She blushed again. "Double amputations, especially by lightsabers, are usually limited to fingers. Though, you may think less of me when I say, you're right. Something as serious as your injury is why I started this specialty." She sighed, her gaze going to the arm she hadn't been able to save. "I guess I'm still learning."

His hand slid over hers, warm and reassuring in its grip. "You tried. From what I've heard from Mik, it wasn't your fault anyway. She said something about another doctor sabotaging the recoveries of the bacta patients."

"Mik talks too much."

"But it's true, right?"

She nodded reluctantly. "To my shame, yes. I was so worried about your injuries I couldn't sleep. I... collapsed on the fifth or sixth day as I was trying to change the mixture of chemicals and supplements your right arm was getting. I never finished."

He squeezed her fingers again, his thumb gently caressing the back of her hand before his hand moved away and he resumed working on his robotic creation. "I'm touched by your concern, Padmé. Do you think the mixture would have worked?"

She sighed. "Does it matter?"

"Maybe." He added another bolt, screwing it in. "This other Doctor is the one who probably took the arm you were trying to save. If he'd left it and woke you after eight hours instead of letting you sleep yourself out, I'd probably still have my right arm."

"I honestly don't know if it would have worked. My job isn't exactly an exact science, most of the time."

"But do you believe it would have worked?"

"Yes, Anakin I do."

"There, you see?" He smiled at her understandingly. "It's not your fault at all; it's that inept physician who was trying to kill me. I'm lucky he only took the one arm."

Padmé stared at him dumbfounded. "Anakin..."

"Oh no." He pinned her with a look. "The guilt is not on your shoulders; my injury is not your fault."

"Then how do you explain how I distracted you in your fight with Dooku?"

He blushed, surprising her, ducking his head back to his work, the intensity of his gaze the moment it was on hers almost stealing the breath from her lungs. "I told you I never forgot you."

"Anakin." His name was an unintentionally exasperated endearment on her lips.

He shrugged, adding another part to his new arm. "I didn't know you were there, Padmé. When you told the troopers to cease firing, I tried to stop myself, but I couldn't; I had to look at you to be sure I wasn't imagining you. I had to be sure Dooku wasn't using some Force trick. If anything, your shout saved me. Dooku was ready to slice me in half. If you hadn't shouted your warning, I'd be dead, not just missing my arm."

"But..."

"Nope." He busied himself with the metallic creation they were piecing together. "I won't accept a but. You're just going to have to accept that you're blameless in every way - except wanting to help."

She laughed. "You're incorrigible."

"I know. It's what makes me so forgettable."

"I did not forget you, Anakin."

"No?" He glanced at her before resuming his work. "Then why didn't you recognize me on Geonosis. I recognized you - I would have recognized you anywhere."

"You expected me to make the connection from the little boy with blonde hair who was this high." She put her hand out at about half his current height before waving at his tall, too-handsome-by-half length. "To the Jedi you've become? That's expecting a little much, don't you think?"

He shrugged. "Maybe. But then, maybe not."

"Maybe not?" She echoed the statement, knowing as she did the truth behind it. She's recognized him subconsciously, she realized, she just hadn't been able to connect the innocent little boy she'd known with the ferocious, powerful predator she'd seen in the Geonosian area. The little boy had been but a shadow of potential, now fully realized in the man before her. She shivered, pulling her lab coat around her without realizing how defensive the move looked. Subconsciously she needed to protect herself for he was dangerous to her. Not physically; she sensed he'd never hurt her, but emotionally. He had already made her think and feel things she shouldn't.

Anakin glanced at her with hooded eyes before going back to his hand. "Yeah. Maybe you knew it was me without realizing it."

She bit back a snappy, "Get out of my head!" and managed a smile, knowing he would have been impossible to deal with if he knew how closely he was following her thought pattern. She couldn't afford to give him any more ammunition. "Maybe. Or maybe I thought you were someone else."

He looked up at her curiously. "You mean you thought you recognized me?"

She bit the tip of her tongue. Oh brother - so much for not giving him more ammunition. Her nod was reluctant. "I thought you looked familiar. I just couldn't place you and with everything that was happening I didn't have time to dwell on it."

"But you figured it out while I was fighting Dooku, right?"

She shook her head. "I didn't have time then either. I had to tend Obi-Wan, and then you. I didn't realize it until I had done your surgery and was talking to Obi-Wan."

"Ah, but you thought you knew me. I know Obi-Wan called me by name - just how many Anakins do you know anyway?"

"Anakin!" She laughed, unable to help herself, pushing gently against his leg. "You're teasing me!"

"As often as possible, Doctor." His grin was slow, deliberately so. "You don't smile enough."

"I have been pretty miserable, haven't I?"

"No more than I have. You're prettier when you smile, Padmé."

She blushed. "Flatterer. It won't get you anywhere."

"But it won't make you leave either." He pointed the hydrospanner at her and gestured grandly, teasingly. "Are you joining me for dinner tonight, milady? The chef assures me we have a marvelous feast coming soon. She made enough for both of us."

"Is that an invite or an order, Skywalker?"

He looked wounded. "I wouldn't dare order around my Doctor. She might remove something... vital."

"Anakin!"

He winked at her. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone you looked."

"I most certainly did not!"

"You didn't change me into these shorts?"

"I did, but-"

"But?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"You're horrible; it's a part of my job."

He sat back as if satisfied. "You can play Doctor with me any day, Padmé. I like the thought of you taking off my clothes."

"Anakin." She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at him pointedly. "We had to cut you out of you clothes. I had three other nurses and a clone helping me. It wasn't personal."

"You're awful defensive for something that wasn't personal."

"Bah!" She pushed off the stool and marched to the wall panel. "Chef?"

"Yes, Doctor Naberrie?"

"Jedi Skywalker is ready for his dinner."

"Will you be joining him again this evening, Doctor? We have a plate ready for you as well."

She met Anakin's challenging gaze across the room. He was daring her to run, to avoid him and their conversation. He was daring her to show that she didn't have the fire, the rebellion and spirit that she'd had when they first met. She smiled. "That's very thoughtful of you, Chef; I believe I will join him."

"Very good Doctor, the droid will be there shortly." The intercom clicked off.

Anakin watched as she moved back to her stool. "That wasn't so hard."

"Ha!" She slid back onto her stool. "We're supposed to be working on your new arm, not discussing how we had to doctor your unconscious tush."

"Tush?" The laughter in his voice was evident. "How very unprofessional of you, Doctor."

"Oh, push off." But she was smiling as she said it. She couldn't remember when someone had last felt comfortable enough around her to tease her. Cordé was about the only person who dared, and she hadn't seen her in weeks. "You really are incorrigible. I don't know how you ever made Jedi Knight."

He shrugged. "I've done my time, and fought my battles. I'm the youngest Knight ever, you know."

"Isn't pride against the Jedi code?"

He blinked at her, barely catching the teasing note in her voice before smiling sheepishly. "Maybe. But then, I'm no usual Jedi."

"Are you telling me they make exceptions for you?"

"Nah." He picked up the partially constructed arm and placed it on a nearby tray of parts. "I have to work extra hard to show that I'm capable, but they in turn have to show they trust me."

"In what way?"

"With emotions." He smiled faintly. "You may have or may not have noticed, but Jedi don't encourage any emotion that could possibly lead to attachment."

She arched an eyebrow. The Jedi weren't overly forthcoming with their code of conduct. "I hadn't. All I've heard is that Jedi are forbidden contact with their natural families; that they're forbidden to love."

"Ah, that's where you're wrong." His eyes sparkled as he pushed himself backwards, leaning against the propped bed, watching her intently. "Jedi aren't forbidden from anything really. It's all a matter of how you view the code. For example, There is no emotion, there is peace. Now, if you take it literally, it means nothing can affect you and because nothing affects you, you find peace. Balance. This is the place Jedi draw their most powerful abilities from because it is where they're most centered."

"It seem pretty cut and dried. I don't see how you could interpret it otherwise."

"That's how most people think. Now, the way I see it, is that there's a word missing. Emotion is a metaphor, or better yet, an all encompassing word to mean 'turmoil'. It's not that there aren't any emotions; it's that there is no emotional turmoil. Going by that interpretation, Jedi are actually encouraged to feel, they just have to find a way of doing so that doesn't create a conflict."

"Isn't that bending the rules?"

Anakin shrugged. "Obi-Wan is always telling me to think creatively."

"I don't think he intends for you to re-think the Jedi code."

"Probably not, but I've had this discussion with him before and he seems to think I'm on to something. We haven't been able to figure out how Master Windu isn't breaking the code otherwise."

"What do you mean?"

"Have you ever heard of Vapaad?"

She shook her head.

"I'm not surprised. Very few, even in the Jedi Order, have."

"What is it?"

"A fighting style for lightsabers." He smiled faintly. "A very unique and deadly form of which there is only one master - and that has very, very few students."

"You don't use it?"

Anakin shook his head. "Obi-Wan doesn't know it, and none of my teachers were ever willing to train me. I know about it though. The Jedi using it must allow themselves to enjoy the fight. They have to let their emotions control their actions, dictate how they react. They have to feed off those emotions to gain insight, strength and speed."

"Sounds dangerous."

"It is." Anakin smiled faintly. "Master Windu is the Master who created it and the only one who can wield it; he's only taught one of his apprentices how to use it too. The danger is that in allowing yourself to enjoy the combat, if you let that enjoyment get out of hand, you can step over the boundary to the Dark side very, very easily."

The knock on the door broke into their conversation and Anakin waved his hand at the door before Padmé could get up, opening it from across the room. "Over here."

Padmé slanted an amused look at him. "If it's so dangerous, why do they allow it to be taught?"

Anakin shrugged as she took the cart from the droid and sent it on its way. "It's the most deadly of combat styles, but I'm not privy to the Master's decisions. Vapaad requires balancing emotions, so, to bring us back full circle, because it doesn't create turmoil, it's still within the code."

"Sounds like someone stretching the limits to me."

"Exactly." Anakin picked up his utensil, waiting eagerly as she slid the tray onto his lap and pull the cover off. He inhaled deeply. "Mmmm, smells wonderful."

Padmé laughed softly. "Are you always this hungry?"

"Yup." He dug in, effectively ending their conversation for the moment.

Through dinner they talked of lighter things, sharing amusing stories, catching up on where they'd been and what they'd been doing in the last ten years. He told her about his adventures with Obi-Wan, about their missions and how their team had become one of the most visible in the order. He spoke without pride, though she could see he was proud of his accomplishments. She, in turn, told him about her practice on Coruscant, and why she'd chosen to come along on the medical frigate when she'd been asked to assist.

When dinner was over, Padmé found herself reluctant to leave. "Have you had enough?"

Anakin patted his stomach with a satisfied smile. "Full to the brim. Your ship's cook is better than the one at the Temple."

"Or your own cooking when on a mission with Obi-Wan?"

He chuckled. "Actually, I can make quite a meal from just about anything. It may not be overly tasty for fancy, but it's edible."

She smiled in return. "I guess you'll have to prove it someday."

He blinked. "You'd let me cook for you?"

Padmé wondered what had possessed her as she nodded. "Call it a test to see just how well you can do it when your new arm is finished."

"One I'll be happy to pass with flying colors." He checked the chrono before cocking his head to the side at her. "Shouldn't you be sleeping? Your shift starts in less than four hours."

"I'm reluctant to leave." She admitted with a smile. "You've been wonderful company tonight, Anakin."

"Teasing and all, Padmé?"

"Teasing and all. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Reminding me there's life beyond medicine." She reached over to squeeze his fingers. "Good night, Anakin."

He brought her captured fingers to his lips, kissing the back of her hand gently. "Good night, Padmé. Dream of me, Angel, for I will surely dream of you."

She swallowed hard, tugging on her hand, and departed, unable to find her voice as his words echoed in her mind. Dream of me, Angel.

She took a deep breath as she turned the corner towards her quarters.

Dream of me, Angel.

She opened the door, stepped inside, not bothering to turn on the lights.

Dream of me, Angel.

As she shrugged out of her clothing and crawled into bed, she knew that wasn't going to be a problem.