Heya! Thanks for being patient and waiting for this. Do let me know what you think! Originally I made Alloran quite mad, but then I thought, no. I like to think he was capable of deep calm before the war, as he is very quiet and introspective in the earlier parts of the Andalite Chronicles. It makes him rather more tragic if you believe that his madness was only brought about by the pressure of war. And besides, he clearly displays great strength of character and fortitude in the final book of the series, so this is a bit of an exporation of that.

And a reminder - this is set in the past. Please do review! :)

Chapter 10

Alloran returned home suddenly, without warning. Or maybe it was a planned visit, but because Jahar was avoiding Arbat she hadn't heard. As it was, she was out on a morning gallop when suddenly another Andalite hove into view in the distance, or rather a blue blob did, which gradually solidified into Alloran as he drew closer.

If Jahar had had her wits with her she would have liked to have fled and avoided him entirely, but she was so stunned that she allowed him to approach her and slowed her gallop to a gentle trot. He passed her and then turned and halted, forcing her to stop and face him. The morning suns warmed her back, and the air seemed very still. She noticed his sweat streaked flanks. So, he had run the whole way.

Silence yawned between them.

It was so uncomfortable Jahar wanted to scream.

He held her gaze steadily until she was forced to look away.

And then he spoke.

Jahar, I have never been good at subtlety so I am afraid you may find me a little blunt. His tone was not angry, or accusatory, as she had feared, but instead it was stilted through awkwardness. Underneath was a tone of concerned puzzlement. Arbat tells me you are no longer going to marry him, he continued, and Jahar's hearts dropped into her hooves. No. No! Of all people Alloran was the last one she wanted to discuss this with. And it was horrible, the look of concern evident on his face. He had come to try and nudge her back into Arbat's arms! She fought to stand still, to resist the urge to run, and he must have noticed the tremors rippling through her.

I am sorry if I am making you uncomfortable, he said softly, and, reaching out a tentative hand, placed it on her shoulder to steady her. Jahar lent into his touch; she felt as if she could melt under his fingers, but it was all so miserably wrong to have Alloran speaking to her in this way that nausea roiled through her stomachs (which had incidentally joined her hearts in grovelling in her hooves). He started again, and each of his words scored deep leaden tracks through Jahar's soul. Arbat really is a good Andalite. I know he loves you, and, although he's angry, he wants you back. Jahar, he can seem unfeeling but his passion for you is so strong it startles even me. At the moment he's hardly even able to speak without shaking.

With supreme self control Jahar stepped back, shaking off Alloran's warm touch. Her words sounded formal and empty, even to her.

I thank you for your concern, War Prince Alloran, but my mind is made up. I can not marry your brother under false pretences and the truth is that I love another.

There. She'd said it.

Alloran cocked his head quizzically.

Poor Arbat, he said softly. He said you had turned from him. But who is this new Andalite who is so fortunate to have ensnared your attentions? Do I know him?

Again Jahar backed away, a sick feeling constricting her chest.

You must forgive me, War Prince, but that is between me and Arbat. Alloran smiled.

It can not remain a secret forever, Jahar, if you intend to marry this male. And it is not from idle curiosity that I ask but to see whether you really have found a mate more suitable than my brother. His expression was serious. I would be most disappointed, Jahar, if you jilted my brother for some passing fancy. And most sad too, as it would most certainly terminate our friendship.

Fury coursed through Jahar, black anger at this arrogant War Prince pompously demanding he be allowed to approve her lover! And rage too, because she loved him so dreadfully much, and he had the nerve to stand there, threatening to take himself out of her life.

It's none of your concern whether I wished to throw myself away on a warrior or a mere engineer or even an artist! She shouted. I don't need your approval, War Prince Alloran, to make decisions in my life.

At least you could explain your inclinations when your actions have eviscerated my brother and left him hollow, Alloran said gently, and his mild tone and refusal to shout back tipped Jahar over the edge.

It doesn't matter, she screamed, and the misery of having him so near threatened to drive her to the brink of insanity. It doesn't matter because he'll never have me! That'll make Arbat happy, I'm sure. And he knows. He knows I'll never have him! Your brother knows I will be alone forever. The emotions she had bottled for the past few months rose in her, threatening to wash her away in a delirious tide. In that second she could have fallen to her knees and begged him to love her back, but there was just a shred of self control left, just enough to stop her.

I assure you Arbat is anything but happy, Alloran countered. And why won't your mystery male have you? Is he promised to someone else?

No, she said, more quietly. He won't have me because I have gravely injured his family.

You? Alloran replied, and an expression of amusement spread across his face. Innocuous little Jahar? Why, the only person anyone could ever accuse you of having injured is Arbat... But even as he said the words his expression changed, his thought speak faltered, a look of sheer horror (horror!) burned in his eyes. One look at her face was enough for him to receive the confirmation he needed. The walls were gone: she gave him a look of despairing pleading.

Alloran turned abruptly and left her without another word.

Jahar wanted to die.

She stayed out for many hours, wishing that the day was not so bright, wishing that the winds would tear at the grasses so that the landscape would match her shredded hearts. She completed three purifying rituals, trying to cleanse the memory of the morning from her, but she could not. She was furious with herself for having betrayed herself to Alloran, but behind the anger was the numbing realisation that his expression had not shown any welcome for her feelings at all.

Not in the least.

He had been horrified.

Horrified at the thought of enduring her loving him!

Jahar felt indescribably sorry for herself.

Her mother was away at an art exhibition, which was one consolation. Jahar couldn't stand the thought of having to pretend that everything was normal when she returned home.

When she did go back to her scoop her computer winked a little blue light which only meant one thing.

One message.

Instantly the self pity vanished, replaced by irrational, mad hope. Her hearts flipped.

Shaking, she commanded the computer to relay the communication. It was a written missive, stark black and white letters staring at her.

Jahar, we must speak. Meet me in Fierden Copse tonight.

That was it.

Identify sender, Jahar commanded, her thought speak quavering. The computer relayed a series of digits, identifying the computer the message originated from. Jahar's hearts went from flips to full out somersaults. The computer of origin was one which belonged to Alloran and Arbat's parents. But it seemed unlikely that they were talking to her, as they generally stayed remote from their sons' business.

Which made it most likely that one of the brothers had sent this message.

But which one?

Jahar nearly didn't go, but the faint optimistic hope that just maybe Alloran wanted to reconcile drove her to Fierdan copse. The light of the moons gilded the grasses with silver as she cantered through them, and their gentle swishing was soothing to her. Still, a drum was beating in her ears when she reached the copse. Under the trees, gleaming in the moonlight stood the a silent Andalite. He raised his head as he heard Jahar arrive, and she stopped short instantly.

It was Arbat.

And of course, there had always been a 50% chance of it being Arbat, but she had nearly managed to fully persuade herself that it would Alloran. She had prepared herself to meet the brother she loved. The sight of the other one threw her almost completely, and she felt unsure whether or not it would simply be easier to turn and leave. Still something held her there, some indecisive curious note within her.

So, Arbat said quietly. You came.

Did you doubt me? She asked bravely. He laughed coldly, but there was a tremor in it, as if he was barely controlling himself.

After your display this morning? Perhaps. Her blood thudded around her head.

Alloran told you, she replied softly. He snorted.

He asked me for counsel. Thought perhaps I knew you well enough to advise him. I told him I clearly did not.

With all due respect, Jahar said bravely, you absolved me from any connection to you. I don't see why you wished to speak with me.

So quick to cast me off, he mocked. I merely wished to try and dissuade you. She frowned, and he laughed at her confusion. It is clear, Jahar, that you lack fidelity. I do not see why you feel Alloran could fulfil your fancy for more than a few months, since once you claimed to love me and yet seemed swift enough to regret such a definitive assertion. How long until you tire of my poor brother? Why should I allow him to even consider loving you back when all it entails for him is broken promises and shattered hearts in the future? Jahar shrank from his criticism, but rallied herself.

You are right; I have not treated you well. But I believed I loved you, she said gently, honestly. I truly did. I now see that this was an incorrect assumption, because I did not know what love really was. I assure you, even if Alloran will not have me, I will love him until the last breath leaves my body.

Arbat looked visibly shaken, but managed to muster a cool, sneering tone again.

And what about the next time when you 'discover' love Jahar? You say you love Alloran, but you don't even know him.

I do know him, Jahar countered, speaking very clearly. And I know Arbat too. Which is why I can see who you really are. She fixed him with a challenging glare, daring him to deny it.

He stood very still, and then demorphed, Arbat's soft body melting into Alloran's muscled form. Under the moons the steely blue sheen to his fur was striking. He lowered his head, unable to meet Jahar's eye.

Forgive me, he whispered, all traces of Arbat's harsh tones gone from his voice. I had to know.

Did you not trust me? Jahar asked bitterly. Did you really believe I would play with you and abandon you?

Alloran did not answer for a minute, and when he did speak his voice was heavy with sorrow.

I was ashamed, Jahar. Can you understand that? I was so ashamed, because I believed I had accidentally seduced you from my brother. I blamed myself for breaking his marriage. I had to know if you really loved me, or if I was just a distraction which had diverted you from Arbat.

His whole body was slumped, his tail sank forlornly towards the ground. Jahar stepped forwards tentatively.

Alloran. I love you. It was astonishingly simple to say those words. He raised his face, and the expression on it was softer than anything she had ever seen on a warrior's face before. Relief, and joy and desire and a half calm, half mad longing, deep as the depths of Lake Stilena.

Jahar I have loved you since I first saw you. The words were said in a composed tone, but again a tremor in his thought speak betrayed him. She took another tiny step towards him, and he suddenly leapt, catching her by surprise, and his hands flew to her face in a strong kiss. I was so afraid, he whispered, softly, and he was not mad at all but gentle. Afraid I'd betrayed my feelings and tempted you away.

She laughed at that, half mad with joy.

You flirted terribly with me! He groaned.

Oh, if you knew the agony I felt during that time! But after you introduced me to Vitana I packed my feelings in a box. I told myself I would do my duty and marry her.

Just as I would have done my duty and married Arbat, she said quietly. He sighed, his whole body shuddering with spent tension, and leant in towards her. She could feel his weight pressing against her chest.

How sad our lives could have been. And then he paused, and pulled away from her, half frowning. My brother really released you from all obligations to him?

Yes. She giggled again, slightly dizzy, as if it were all a dream. He said I was free to pursue you, although he couldn't promise you would want me.

Poor Arbat, Alloran said again, and there was a genuine sadness in his voice. For a second Jahar was afraid that he would step away then, even then, for Arbat's sake, but then he suddenly lifted her hand and pressed it to his cheek.

Jahar, my love. Oh the sheer, indescribable joy of hearing those words in his voice. Tell me, will you marry me?

Her breath caught, and she could not answer. She wanted this one moment to roll on, for all time, with them together and the promise of a thousand happy tomorrows stretching before them. He misinterpreted her silence, and his eyes clouded with anxiety.

I know that as a warrior I will be away often. But perhaps you could travel with me. It is mainly exploratory expeditions, of course, and I could show you new worlds. You'd have to leave your friends behind, I know, and if that matters then you could stay... She raised her other hand to his face, silencing his babbling.

Yes, she said simply.

Yes.