AN: The last dregs of 2014 proved to be too much for the authors as they were swamped with work and deadlines. However, they have returned and wish their readership the most pleasant of New Years. That and about as much coffee/chocolate/red wine as their little hearts can handle. ;) On the chapter, it sees us struggling to find our stride a bit, but bear with us, it flows again after this.

Chapter 10

Katelyn had known from the beginning that managing the Normandy between Cerberus and herself was going to be a very subtle balancing act. She had thought that people like Miranda Lawson would make it even trickier for her and had anticipated the most resistance from her. And Miranda had given her opinion quite frequently and initially those opinions had clashed with her own. But it soon dawned on Katelyn that the woman's word was something worth listening to.

In the time that she had worked with her, the commander had come to have nothing but respect for her – especially after the collector's base and how she handled the hybrid-husk issue around Rinn. She had thought that she had won some ground with the officer, but the previous night's conversation had brought that into question.

Something had bothered Miranda or rather, Katelyn suspected, someone. The Illusive Man had not contacted Katelyn in many days and to her knowledge even Miranda had had very little contact with him. She had lain awake thinking about it and wondered whether the Illusive Man had used his meeting with her XO to bring her back to the fold. Or remind her that Katelyn wasn't her only superior.

It was difficult to tell and Katelyn had found that she didn't quite have the heart to ask Miranda directly. She needed to figure things out on her own. Katelyn could not force an alliance or loyalty on her.

I know that she'll support me.

Regardless of what Miranda felt towards her at the moment, Katelyn knew without a doubt that she had faith in the woman to have her back.

And I'm going to need it.

She tried not to think about the Alliance's request as she made her way to Rinn's apartment, having sent the younger woman a message that she was coming. It was very early and she had somehow just known that Rinn would be awake. She wanted to see her as quickly as possible – before the Normandy's rumour mill reached her about their imminent departure. And, a part of Kate wanted to discuss it with the woman, to ask her what she thought. What she knew.

It would be easy to ask Helena, but less so to get a straight answer out of her.

Shepard sighed, once again wondering what stayed her hand around the ginger. I can just take her knowledge.

But the cost would be too great. Helena had only one weakness and that was the woman she was about to see. And Katelyn refused to alienate Rinn. Illium was about a new start; about giving the two back some semblance of life. It was something Kate never really had, an opportunity to start over after Mindoir. She joined the military the day after she turned eighteen believing that she could help make a difference. That she could help push back against the batarians. And with rumours that the Alliance was recovering slaves, she believed that she could help bring people back home. Shepard had believed in the Alliance back them. Believed wholeheartedly. But she had been wrong. It wasn't so much a second chance as it was a different kind of slavery than that she had faced at the hands of the batarians.

Surely I don't think that?

Kate didn't know what she thought anymore and knew that she needed some time to get her head straight. She was going to have to do so, because she suspected that any doubt, any discrepancy that she showed the Alliance might be considered as a failure of legitimacy .

They can't fail me at being me, can they? I would've known if I'm not real…

Standing in front of the apartment door, she rang the doorbell, only to have it open a second later. Rinn stood in the doorway, smiling awkwardly.

"Morning," she said, her gaze briefly moving to the floor as she stepped aside to allow Katelyn room to move in. The commander smiled at her, happy to see her, but didn't enter immediately.

"Good morning," Katelyn said with a smile. "I hope I didn't wake you."

Rinn smiled and shook her head, her dark hair moving into her face. "No," she said. "We're both up." She glanced in the direction of Helena's room. "Do you want to come in or…?" She trailed off, looking at Kate expectantly. Smiling, the commander shook her head and motioned to the corridor. She spared a moment to look around the apartment to see if the ginger was within sight, but she was obviously still in her room.

"I thought I'd take you out for breakfast," she said then added dutifully. "Helena can come as well if she wants to."

For the first time, Rinn looked up and smiled at her, a small smile playing across her lips as if she knew that Katelyn didn't really want to take her friend along. "That's nice of you," she said with an equal amount of duty. "But uhm… Lena isn't much a morning person." She motioned her hand in the direction of the room. "We should leave her alone till she speaks in sentences. We can bring her something if we come back before she leaves."

Chuckling from relief, Katelyn nodded. "We can do that," she said and saw that Rinn had already put her bag by the door. "Let's go, Kelly told me of this place that offers a great buffet…"

It was the closest that she had gotten to writing since entering this world. Helena sat on her bed, her omnitool on her desk and projecting a holograph of the notes she had made the night before. Or it wasn't notes, but they were… ideas.

I'm going to have to get us a whiteboard, or the future equivalent.

The idea of it made her smile. Rinn was going to love her if she managed to find something like that. Her friend had always been predisposed to planning whereas Helena had always flown through her plots by the seam of her pants. But this wasn't exactly planning and it was most certainly not writing a novel. It was… a framework.

Centred around Kasumi Goto.

Helena had a feeling that she was going to try and find the thief and it made her feel… excited. It had taken a lot of self-control not to burst out and tell Rinn about it as they ate supper together that evening. She wanted to have her friend look at the scenario, to hear her opinion. But before she did that, she knew that she first needed to make sure that the thief existed.

And what do I want to do if she does? Helena thought, hearing the bell. Rinn knew she was awake, they met in the kitchen for coffee briefly, but Helena hadn't said much, still in the process of waking. She wasn't always up to talking and it was particularly difficult to find the means to be civil before she consumed two cups of coffee.

She thought she heard Katelyn's voice, but didn't rise to go out to greet her. Interacting with the commander required three cups of coffee.

The ginger chuckled at herself, but secretly knew that she was being a bit of an ass. Only one cup of coffee, I'm allowed to be an ass this early.

Which brought her back to the Kasumi situation. A part of her wasn't sure whether she was allowed to pursue this, to try and change Rinn's world. Kasumi had no place in Rinn's fiction, had never had a place there. The most interaction her friend had had with the thief was reading about her in fan fiction. Rubbing her chin, Helena heard the knock on her door and glanced at it, worried that she might be asked to go with them.

"I'm up," she said carefully got off the bed and went to retrieve her omnitool. Liara gave me the office security keys, I should go in early and figure this thing out.

"I know that," Rinn said through the door. "Are you dressed?"

Helena wasn't, not entirely. She had gotten distracted through figuring out what she was going to wear for the day.

"I lost heart halfway through," she pointed out and pulled the blanket from the bed, wrapping it around her before she went to the door. "You can come in. I'm decent."

There was a pause between the door opening and Rinn's answer.

"Since when."

Helena wasn't sure she was supposed to have heard it and made sure to give Rinn the appropriate level of frowning as the door opened to reveal her friend. Rinn had gotten dressed in the time since she had seen her last and had the air of someone that was ready to go. Her friend looked at the blanket and blushed.

"I'm going out for breakfast," she said. "I ahm… Thought I'd tell you and just quickly help you with…" she paused. "The brace. Then you can… go to work if you want to."

Helena looked at her, then into the rest of the apartment to see that Katelyn had not bothered coming in. She smiled warmly suddenly realising that she had completely forgotten that Rinn would have to help her.

"That'll be good, Rinn," she said and moved aside so that her friend could come into the room. "I was planning on going in early."

Kasumi Goto, she thought again. I have to ask Liara how to find people. Because I want to find Kasumi Goto…

The food was delicious.

Rinn tried not to inhale everything on her plate, her second plate, but it was difficult. She didn't rightly know whether she was eating out of hunger or pleasure. She also didn't quite understand what was driving her hunger. It was obviously the nanocytes and the fact that her body was changing to much meant there was obviously a need for more fuel to her inner fire. A part of her was surprised at how her body was urging her to exercise, urging her to eat healthier, urging her to eat more than she ever had before. But now as she forced herself to slow down and take considerably smaller bites, she knew it was going to be the last she'll be eating from the buffet. In her mind, propriety had already flown right out of the window and she couldn't help but feel embarrassed. Still, there had been no reproachful expression from Katelyn throughout their meal. In fact, she had purposefully gotten herself a small second helping so as to allow Rinn to fill her plate as well. And if Katelyn's eyes were more distant than usual, at least they were amused whenever they made contact with the other woman.

When they did.

As Rinn finished up, she noted how the commander was picking at her food, her mind seeming to be far away. Their conversation up until then had been mostly idle, but something clearly bothered the ginger.

"So," she said finally as she lowered her utensils. "Are we going to talk about whatever's bothering you?"

She watched Katelyn pause then make eye contact with her and Rinn wondered whether this was the actual reason the commander had taken them here. It had been a while since Katelyn had confided in the her – and with good reason – but there was definitely a hint of it now. A need for it.

Or am I merely imagining a need I wish was there? A reason for connection, to serve a function I haven't served since I... changed.

"Is it that obvious?" Katelyn asked with a small smile. And, as inappropriate as it was, a part of Rinn felt good about being right. At least she hadn't been imagining it. "Here I was thinking that I was hiding it so well..."

I have an unfair advantage.

Rinn shrugged. "It's more so than usual."

"Hm," Katelyn murmured, then took a deep breath. "I've been... summoned by the Alliance to prove my authenticity."

Authenticity? Rinn frowned at the word, taking an embarrassing moment to puzzle together what the commander meant.

"I'm to report to them at the Citadel to undergo testing," Katelyn added.

Oh... With you being dead and all... Makes sense. Rinn nodded. "They want to make sure you're you instead of a Cerberus... construct." Which to some extent you are – real Katelyn or not. "It makes sense," she continued. "Given the circumstances."

"That's... my reasoning," Katelyn agreed almost cautiously. "Chakwas thought they'd do it. They've already been asking her a lot of questions apparently."

Which she didn't bother telling you about.

But the mention of the doctor brought a chill over Rinn. She had tried her best to avoid the infirmary, even when she had been allowed to walk freely on the ship. She had learnt that Katelyn would all but chase her out of the observation room whenever she holed up there and so she had tried to 'hide' on some of the other decks instead, keeping away from everyone for the most part. Some had grown at least reasonably okay with her. She was pleased that Tali had been one of them. Doctor Chakwas, however...

Rinn looked down at her plate as she tried to school her features. She kept the subject mostly to herself and now was not the time to seem too fidgety over the reference. She pushed the plate aside, then rested her forearms on the table, linking her fingers as she went back to studying Katelyn.

"How do you feel about it?" she asked, trying not to seem like a shrink but still needing to ask the question.

"I'm... I don't know," the ginger sighed. "How would you feel? I know I'm physically not the same, but..." she trailed off, running a hand absently through her hair. "I don't know," she said softly.

The dark-haired woman allowed herself to absorb all she was seeing, switching off her own insecurity, her own presence, so she could consider the development and Katelyn. It was almost uncanny to see how the commander acted so close to what Rinn knew she herself would do. She felt the possible emotions wash over her, the elicited reactions, the chilling uncertainty. A part of her immediately wanted to reach out and steady Katelyn. Wanted to give her an assurance the younger woman wasn't supposed to have. She felt her own heart ache as she mentally pulled in all the cues, all the hints and connected it with the knowledge she already had.

"You're scared that you're not yourself after all," she observed finally.

"Not... scared," Katelyn shook her head. "Morbidly curious."

Yeah, right. As if that's all it is to determining your origin.

"You do know that they won't truly be able to confirm that, right?" Rinn asked. "I don't think there has ever been a case such as yours." How could there have been? "They'll need to make it all up as they go." They'll be fumbling in the dark and acting like they know what they're doing.

Are you still going to allow them to make this kind of determination over you?

"That's what Miranda said," Katelyn said quietly. "I think she believes they'll use this to discredit me."

Rinn considered this. Whether the final results were conclusive, that did not mean the truth would come out automatically. But that fact that Katelyn had undergone tests would. That would be too interesting a story not to share. Which would mean some answers would be expected by the public. And whatever way the Alliance decided to swing, it would have a profound impact on Katelyn's own image in the eyes of others.

And in her own eyes.

It all came down to politics – as much of science did. The past showed that clearly – in this new galaxy and the life she had come from before. And Katelyn's views were hardly popular as it were.

"I can see that," Rinn said finally. "I can also see why you'd want to go through with it. It's more than just strategy to get the Alliance to believe you, it's..." she trailed off, trying to put her words together. But this would mean the world to her. To be acknowledged. To be seen as more than some kind of freak or puppet. As she looked at Katelyn she felt that longing as if it were her own. And perhaps it was. It had been in the life before. She had felt so cast out... And even more so now as the creature she had become.

The commander waited patiently, watching her as Helena often did when words failed to manifest. Rinn shrugged.

"It's... home. It's personal. It's... who you are," she stopped and it was all she could do not to slap her own forehead. "I mean, of course, it's who you are. That's what they testing for after all, but... " she stumbled. The picture was so clear in her mind. Why couldn't it ever come out right? "What I mean is..."

Katelyn reached out and touched Rinn's arm, bringing the younger woman's attempt at speech to a blessed halt. "I have been in the Alliance all my life," she said. "It is all I knew for a very long time and it shaped me into the person I am." She seemed to see Rinn's relief at her understanding and withdrew her hand. Her eyes saddened a little. "I don't want them to be the enemy."

"But what they think of you isn't in your hands, Katelyn. They're the ones who'll interpret the results and come to a conclusion – one that's the most satisfying for them to accept if they let their own interests get in the way."

Katelyn nodded, pausing to look at her meal before also pushing it aside. Her expression was almost desperate as she looked back at Rinn. Or it felt that way. Perhaps others wouldn't have seen it in her, perhaps it's was something more to it than mere observation, but the younger woman felt that worry and hurt and uncertainty.

"Do you think I'm authentic, Rinn?"

How strange an existence where someone such as you would ask that of me and need me to give you comfort...

And yet that was the case as Rinn rested her hand over the commander's. She didn't say anything immediately, simply letting the contact speak for itself, knowing that Katelyn would understand. Knowing that she would feel the connection, the transference of care and calm and certainty.

"Yes," she said finally as she met Katelyn's green eyes with warmth. "I fully believe so. You can't programme a personality even if cloning was truly possible. It wouldn't be 100% the same. And the people around you, the people who know you, would know the difference. Tali would have seen it. Garrus would have seen it. Joker and Dr Chakwas. They all would have seen the difference if you weren't yourself."

She squeezed Katelyn's hand, watching as understanding and perhaps relief filter into the woman. Her shoulders seemed to sag a little as the tension lifted, her face didn't seem as tight. Rinn gave her a reassuring smile. "I believe if Cerberus wanted a puppet, they wouldn't have spent so many resources trying to make an authentic you." Rinn grinned. "You're a little too stubborn a servant." Katelyn returned the grin then the sadness returned.

"And if they say I'm not the same?" she asked quietly. "How do I walk away from that?"

"You can't- you shouldn't allow yourselves to be defined by fools," Rinn shook her head. "And don't let the degrees fool you. Some people have more of those than a thermostat and they still manage to be a bunch of morons."

"And you've known some of those?" Katelyn asked and the other woman felt like she could slap herself yet again. She shifted, beginning to pull her hand away, but the commander covered it with one of her own. Rinn felt the gentle squeeze of the ginger's fingers and knew she meant the gesture as safety, not restraint.

"Rinn, you seem to know almost everything about me without giving anything but a few shreds of your own background away. Would it really change the shape of the galaxy if you answered a question such as this?"

Rinn opened her mouth just to shut it again. She shook her head giving a small apologetic smile. "No, it wouldn't. Forgive me. I'm just..."

"So used to not saying anything for fear you say too much?"

"What, you can read minds now, Commander Shepard?" Rinn joked wryly, then froze.

Read minds.

Katelyn saw the change and frowned. "Rinn?"

But the dark-haired woman didn't hear her.

Personalities can't be copied, but those who knew Katelyn might be fooled. It's all subjective after all. Even if memories could be transplanted with replicates, there would be no way of putting over everything, but maybe one could argue that there could be enough. But... BUT the nervous system wouldn't be the same, the mind wouldn't be exactly the same.. Someone who had merged with Katelyn would immediately sense the difference. Even if it wasn't a full meld, even if it was merely a connection into thoughts. They'd be able to sense whether it wasn't real.

Someone like Liara.

A hand touched her shoulder and she blinked, drawing a sharp breath as her eyes swung to the person in front of her. The commander's face was full of concern.

"Hey, are you alright?"

How do I communicate this to Katelyn? What happened IN the Normandy SR-1 probably wasn't public knowledge. Would they even know that Liara had helped Katelyn with the visions?

"Yes," Rinn said finally. "Yes, I'm sorry. I uh, I just..." She hesitated.

"What is it?" Katelyn pulled back, giving the dark-haired woman some room.

Rinn swallowed. She didn't really see a way to bullshit out of this one, and it needed to be said.

It is all that is left unsaid upon which tragedies are built, Kreia's words came to her. The character had so much wisdom in her.

What would happen if Katelyn didn't have that surety before letting the Alliance poke and prod at her? What would happen if they decided to let their prejudice get in the way? What would that do to Katelyn if she wasn't adequately fortified?

Rinn realised she was scratching at her implant again and dropped her hand.

"There is a way to have certainty," she said finally. The commander gave her a look that she didn't recognize immediately. There was curiosity there, perhaps surprise, perhaps disbelief. Of course. Why would the dumb one come up with any ideas, right?

Stop it, Rinn shook her head, trying to rid herself of the thought. She doesn't treat you like that.

"It's probably the best way to do it... I think, but I don't know if anyone would think on it."

"And what is it?" Katelyn prompted.

"Well," Rinn bit her lip. "If one can't copy a mind exactly and if there is no medical way to test whether it is a copy or not," she shrugged. "Perhaps you should consider having someone who has been there before take a look."

"In my mind?" Katelyn frowned.

She nodded. "I don't know whether the Alliance would bring in people from other races into this examination, so they might not think of it. If they did, they might consider an asari's ability biased. But if you were to..." Rinn shrugged again. "At least you'd know."

She watched as Katelyn mulled it over. "That... I never thought of that."

Well it is kinda different.

"It'll give you some peace-" Rinn stopped before she said 'of mind' but still felt silly about the slip. "It'll give you some certainty before you face the scientists."

"Of course." The commander smiled at her suddenly. "You're assuming that I've melded with asari before."

Rinn froze. But of course the ginger did. There had been Liara and... No that's not something even remotely possible that she hadn't. And would Katelyn have melded with others before? The author in her took control, thinking on parts of Katelyn's life she had not yet examined, searching for the possibility and found it plausible. Maybe... but then... She halted when she realised she was considering the sex life of the woman sitting in front of her and blushed. She opened her mouth, trying to break the moment – and her own thoughts. Bad, bad, bad, bad. But no words came out. She shook her head, looking around to their patrons, looking anywhere except at the commander while her mind shaped words on her tongue.

"Am I wrong?" she said finally and her embarrassment doubled when she met Katelyn's eyes. The woman's amusement was almost palpable.

"I've come to realise that you rarely are," the commander said and her tone was both kind and thoughtful. Green eyes studied Rinn intently and she could feel Katelyn trying to puzzle the unnatural familiarity out again. Then the commander sighed, seeming to let the matter drop. "I'll bear the suggestion in mind." She tapped her finger on the table slightly, then looked back at Rinn. "All of this is going to push our schedule forward a bit. We'll have to leave Nos Astra earlier than planned."

The dark-haired woman felt her heart drop slightly, but then dismissed the feeling. She had initially expected that the Normandy would fly off barely after she, her bag and her guitar were off the deck, which had made the extended stay a pleasure. It warmed her heart, because she knew that Katelyn was doing it for her and, as with everything else the commander had done for her – and for Helena – Rinn couldn't begin to find a way to process it. It was so... unreal.

"That's certainly understandable," Rinn replied. "When are you planning to go?"

Katelyn's features sobered. "Miranda thinks we should leave as soon as possible," she paused. "I would've liked to be here a week at least for your sake. I want to make sure this works out for you."

Again, Rinn felt her heart warm and spoke gently. "Miranda's right. I... I really appreciate you looking out for me, Katelyn, but you can't make this work." She took Kate's hand again, the tapping stopping underneath her grasp. "It's definitely an unexpected turn for me, but this is so much more than Helena and I could have any right to expect. We'll make it work, don't worry. These tests. These are important. And you can keep me updated, or... I'd like to be. I'd like to hear how you're doing and how this is doing." Rinn shrugged. "You're not the only one who wants to be here for people. I want to be here for you too... If..." ...you want me to. How presumptuous. What makes you think that's needed from you? She smiled, not completing the sentence. "And Helena will make sure I'm okay. You can trust that."

"That I do believe," Katelyn smiled, then took a breath. "And if either of you need help, let me know immediately. I will always be here for you, Rinn. In whatever capacity you need me to be."

Liara had given Helena the access codes to her office the night before, after her meeting with Karin. Yet, she had not expected for the human woman to make use of it so quickly. Glancing at the time, seeing that it was just past breakfast, Liara took the last of the steps up to her office, studying Helena as she sat behind the desk. Her access was still limited to segments in the office that didn't contain vital information, but Liara had a feeling that it wasn't going to be that way for long.

Helena was a quick study and the asari was only going to keep her occupied with filing for so long.

Studying Helena's features, Liara wondered about the woman and her friend, about where they came from and what they were. A part of her was still worried that Helena was an agent for the Shadow Broker, but that concern had been dwindling in the face of her curiosity. If the ginger was an agent, she was very good at hiding it, probably as good as Nyxeris. And that Liara couldn't believe, because Nyxeris had been among the best.

Her old secretary had fooled her for months.

And despite her secrecy, there was some measure of honesty in Helena. As trying as it had been adjusting to someone in her apartment, Liara had appreciated the two weeks that she had had to get to know the woman. She had tried to keep an open mind and not allow the bias she so clearly sensed in Katelyn to rule her judgement. Helena had to prove herself yes, but Liara had decided that she was going to give her the same chance she would've anybody else.

Her new assistant stood up when she noticed her, perhaps a fraction later than Liara had come to expect of her. She looked different this morning and Liara wondered whether having her friend close could have such an immediate effect on her.

"Morning, Liara," she said, a genuine smile playing in the corners of her mouth. "I hope I didn't take too many liberties coming in early."

Liara smiled at her and shook her head. "No," she said. "You're more than welcome to." She noticed that Helena shifted way from behind her desk and gave her a curious look. "Do you have something you want to discuss with me?"

The ginger hesitated and then nodded. "I do," she said. "But if you want to take a moment you can." She began to sit again, but Liara immediately shook her head and went to unlock her door. "I don't have much to do," she said and motioned the human into the office. "Please, I'm... curious."

The more she looked at the woman, the more Liara began to suspect that she was up to something. Or planning something. Her gaze was bright and alert and there was a confidence in her stride that Liara had not noticed before. Or, not confidence. Helena always radiated confidence even though she should've rightly been insecure. But today, Helena looked as if she was someone who knew where she wanted to go.

"I have a question," her assistant said as she settled on the chair opposite to Liara's desk. "And it might need some explaining."

Even more curious now, Liara smiled and settled behind her desk, motioning to the woman to continue. "Please," she said. "You have my full attention."

Helena smiled eagerly and leaned forward, putting a little bit of weight on her right elbow for only a second. "I want to know how I would go about finding someone," she said. "What systems to use, what to look for."

Liara shrugged. "That depends on the person," she pointed out. "Will he or she be difficult to find?"

The brightness in Helena's eyes would've answered the question without her needing to speak a word. "Difficult," she said. "Let's say you have a name for the person, but it's most probably not the one written on their birth certificate and has most likely been changed a few times. I have a description..." The woman paused suddenly and her eyes brightened. "And a few known associates."

Liara studied her for a moment, tapping her finger against her lips. "Well," she said finally. "I would start with the known associates; see who contacted them in the past twelve months. I can show you how to access the travel registry, but someone who is difficult to find won't easily leave their mark. Then you expand to stake outs, facial recognition searches, other known aliases." She paused. "We have software that deals with all of this."

Helena's gaze was still bright. "Analysis of behaviour?" She queried. "Is there software that can pinpoint things like..." She paused. "Theft. Let's say – the person likes acquiring ancient prothean artefacts illegally. Is there a way to pinpoint those thefts either as they occur, or show me a history?"

Amused, Liara smiled. "Yes," she said. "I even get a list of ancient artefacts that has been repossessed both legally and illegally because of my previous occupation." She looked away from Helena for a moment, missing the calm that had come with archaeology. "I never thought to use it to track anybody or behavioural patterns." She paused and studied Helena's eager features, wondering what had brought on the change.

"If you want to, I can teach you how to do this," she pointed out. "I can help you look – if you are looking for someone."

Here she sensed hesitation for only a moment as Helena evaluated how involved she wanted Liara. "I want to do this by myself," Helena said finally and Liara was glad that she was honest at least. "But, if you can teach me – if you can show me how it's done, I would be very thankful."

There were conversations going through her mind as she stared at Nos Astra's dimming light, the tea in her hands untouched. She remembered her first conversation with the Illusive Man, a person who secretly frightened her when she was still young and inexperienced.

I have heard about your request, he had said. And, I believe that I can give you what you want. You have shown to be quite... resourceful in hiding yourself and the child...

The child had been Oriana, her sister, the baby she had taken with her when she fled her father's tyranny. She still dreamt about those days sometimes, of clutching the screaming child to her breast, of trying to figure out what kind of milk she should get her which wouldn't do her development harm. She remembered stealing, running, fighting to stay ahead of her father's agents.

My sister isn't a part of the deal, Miranda had hissed at the Illusive Man, then still believing that she could be defiant. I want her to have a normal life!

The Illusive Man had ensured that she got that, that Oriana went to a family that might've had pro-Cerberus alliances, but had nothing to do with the organisation itself. She had the normal life Miranda had wished for her and Miranda in turn got the freedom to excel in whatever she chose. She was guided by the Illusive Man of course, with the beauty of hindsight she could see that he had always had a subtle way of pushing her in a certain direction, but ultimately her choices and her accomplishments had been her own. And she was proud of what she had done within the organisation. Not everything had been pleasant, but ultimately she had believed in what they did.

Till she met Shepard.

It wasn't that Katelyn disliked Cerberus or hated them – but there was always some measure of judgement, especially in the beginning. She was ultimately Alliance. She was a soldier. And she had not yet reached Jacob's disappointment with the system to see how constricted wearing that uniform made her. She might never see it now that she was a Spectre because it gave her the ability to work beyond the rules and regulations of the Alliance.

Yet, she got the idea that Katelyn did warm up to the Cerberus a little, if only through respecting her decisions. There had been hardly any antagonism directed towards the supposed "terrorist" organisation up until Helena and Rinn arrived.

Miranda's thoughts darkened as she considered the two. Antagonism had been the word with which their acquaintance was born. They had been strung out on adrenaline when Miranda and Katelyn found them in that store room, following the two impossible life signs that EDI picked up through hacking the base's monitoring systems. Miranda had first thought that Helena's initial distrust towards Katelyn was fuelled by the impossibility of the commander's revival, but it later dawned on her that it might be rooted in something deeper.

Because she knew from that moment that she was associated with us? With Cerberus?

Miranda tried to remember whether they had announced themselves, whether they had actually told the two of their association, but nothing came to mind. They had just always... known.

And is that why they won't trust us with their knowledge? She had contacted all of her trustworthy sources within the organisation to try and find out whether they had somehow crossed Helena and Rinn, but to date everybody had come up with nothing. If Cerberus had encountered them before, it had happened off of the radar.

But that didn't feel quite right either.

Despite Helena's distrust of Cerberus, Miranda got the impression that she was willing to trust her. There had certainly been something and if Helena hated the organisation as much as she hinted at then it would've carried over to their interaction. But it hadn't. They were awkward together now yes, but things had flowed well before.

So, where did it come from? Helena expressed a dislike of Cerberus to Katelyn, but...

Had it been against Katelyn all along?

The thought made her uncomfortable. Miranda had never thought about the two women's interaction and had never really thought to interfere until the hospital. And, that had not been interference. She would've accepted whatever Katelyn had decided to do. Because she trusted Katelyn's judgement.

Then why can't Helena? If she can see the future, why can't she give Katelyn some form of chance? Is it because she doesn't succeed?

She thought about the ginger's words when Katelyn first encountered her in the infirmary. You cannot train a devil to fight a devil. The words had hit Katelyn hard, harder than Miranda had imagined that it would. It had always been that way between the two of them.

Who was the devil she was really referring to? Cerberus or Katelyn?

Miranda didn't like the question and got up, moving to discard her untouched cup of tea. Did Helena judge Katelyn on what she was about to do? She hadn't balked at leaving the Normandy after they managed to find a cure for Rinn. True, they had not given her much of a choice, but her intensity of protest was significantly less than it had been. The way she spoke about Liara almost brought a sense of relief to Miranda's ear.

When the reapers come, she'll be recalled to duty. I don't think she'd deny the Alliance then.

Deny the Alliance then. Miranda wondered about the last word, about the sentence so harshly constructed as if Helena's intent was to shatter all her illusions. She wondered whether Helena had meant that Katelyn had been approached by the Alliance before and denied them. It had certainly not happened yet but now?

You're allowing her to become distracted. And allowing the Alliance to take control of her. You know she's a career soldier. Once she's under their influence again she will go wherever they and their politics need her.

Those had been the Illusive Man's words, their conversation still so fresh in her mind that Miranda still wanted to seethe and rave at him. I am doing my job! I have given everything for this, am still giving everything to this!

Frustration welled up inside her and to Miranda's horror, she realised that she was close to tears. She took command of herself immediately, trying to still her fears, to tell herself that this was all simply a minor setback. She knew that she could not stop Katelyn from going to the Alliance for testing, but she had faith that Katelyn wouldn't abandon them.

Faith? And when has that been concrete proof? When have you started giving fancy to your own emotions, Lawson? Her subconscious sounded suspiciously like her father and it upset her. Standing in the middle of her room, Miranda realised that she was upset and confused. The Illusive Man's conversation with her should not have upset her, but it did.

He threatened me, she thought. He threatened me. Why? Have I not done everything that he asked of me? Or have I become distracted. By Katelyn, by Helena...

The ginger came to mind again, with some measure of desperation.

I have talk to her.

There was no proof for feelings, nothing concrete that she could grab at. But, she could ask Helena.

I can't. There's no guarantee that she would give me the truth. She won't discuss it with me.

A part of her shifted, turning colder, thinking about the way they were around each other, thinking about the fact that Helena was clearly attracted to her. Thinking about the way that they kissed and the emotions that she could see in Helena's eyes as she drew away.

If anybody can get the truth out of her, it will be me.