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Important A/N at the bottom.

Chapter 10 – Rites of Spring

Three weeks later, I still hadn't made any sort of decision about Mike. What Emmett had said to me made a lot of sense. I was currently wasting my life pining for someone I couldn't have. It had been almost a year since I'd met Edward Cullen, and I'd done nothing in that time but long endlessly for the unattainable.

Well, that and fight my gag reflex every time I saw Edward and Tanya kissing.

Yeah, that too. Oh and make a complete and total fool of yourself. Make sure you don't forget that one.

Yes, thank you so much for reminding me of the humiliation. I appreciate it.

It's nothing. What are internal monologues for?

I decided that I was incapable of making this decision without some help. Emmett had given me his perspective on things, but his opinions concerning me would always be clouded by his need to protect me. Besides, he was a guy. And although it was great that I had fantastic guy friends who were willing and able to give me the male perspective on issues great and small, I sincerely thought that I needed objective female opinions on the question of Mike too. Well, Alice and Rosalie wouldn't be completely objective. They loved me just as much as Emmett did, so that would affect their advice. But they were the only two girls I felt comfortable talking about this stuff with. Who else was I going to talk to? Lauren? Uh, that would be a no.

Alice and I would be sleeping over at Rosalie's house after the Spring Musical on Friday night. It was the girls' opening night, and we'd wanted to celebrate afterwards. We knew we'd all be wound up after the performance, so a girls' night seemed like the perfect celebration. The boys could come over for a little while, and then we could stay up late talking about them behind their backs after they left. And I would have my chance to finally ask them what I should do with my life. Heaven knows I was doing a total shit job of living it on my own.

~*~

Friday afternoon, the six of us met up at Rosalie's after school. Alice and I dropped our stuff off for the sleepover, and we all took the opportunity to eat something before we had to head back to school. Jasper had hit the Mickey D's drive thru for everyone on the way over. And I don't think I'd ever had such a quiet meal with this group before, but we simply didn't have time to talk. We had to be at school by 4:30 at the latest.

When we arrived at school and walked into the band room hallway, I saw Mike leaning against the wall. When he noticed us, he pushed away from the wall and walked toward us. I saw that he looked pale and fidgety. He had been cast as one of the main characters in the musical, and he looked like he had a bad case of stage fright.

"Hi, Mike," I greeted him. "Are you nervous? You look nervous."

"Do I? Well, I think petrified would be a better description. I'm not sure I can do this, Bella."

"You'll be fine. I just know it. Once you get out there, you'll forget all about your nerves and just get into it. You did great at dress rehearsal."

"Do you really think so?" he asked me.

"Absolutely. I have faith in you."

Mike still looked terrified. Impulsively, I stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. "For luck," I told him.

Emmett wolf-whistled and Edward scowled. I ignored them both.

Mike looked extremely pleased for a moment, and then a completely mortified expression spread over his face.

"Is something wrong, Mike?" I asked.

"It's just…umm…I'm not going to find out someday soon that you're actually my long-lost twin sister, am I?"

Everyone laughed. Well, everyone but Edward. But he could just get over himself.

"Careful there, Mike," I teased him. "I think your Star Wars geekdom is showing."

"Where? Where?" Mike made a careful inspection of himself, trying to locate the source of the geek leak.

"Smartass." I laughed at him.

"Yeah, well, at least I feel better about tonight, Bella. Thank you." He smiled sincerely at me.

He really did have a nice smile.

And with that, Mike, Rosalie, and Alice left for voice warm-ups. We wouldn't see them again until after the musical was over. Emmett and Jasper started toward the band room for our own warm-ups; and I started to follow them, but Edward grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Bella?" he asked me.

The look on his face and the tone of his voice left me little doubt that he was angry with me…again.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Edward."

"What's with all the flirting between you and Newton?"

I didn't like where this conversation was heading. Frankly, I was a little tired of Edward's attitude.

"I wasn't flirting, Edward. I was trying to keep a friend of mine from being a nervous wreck on his opening night," I told him.

"That's bullshit, Bella. You were flirting. If he was just a friend, you wouldn't have kissed him."

"I kissed him on the cheek, for Christ's sake. I would do the same for Emmett or Jasper or even you if you ever needed it. Of course, that wouldn't happen, because you all have your girlfriends for that sort of thing."

"See. You admit that it was a girlfriend type thing to do," he said smugly.

"You know, Edward. What if it was? What if I was flirting shamelessly with Mike? What business is it of yours?" I asked.

"I just don't think it's very nice of you to lead him on that way."

"Who says I'm leading him on? Who says that I'm not seriously considering going out with him?"

"You did. You just finished telling me that you and Mike were just friends."

"We are friends for now, but that could always change. Maybe I'm tired of being alone, Edward. Emmett has Rosalie. Alice has Jasper. You have Tanya. Why am I the only one not allowed to have anybody?"

"Mike Newton is all wrong for you."

"Yeah, Edward? And just exactly who do you think would be right for me? Please, give me a name and point me in the right direction. Because I'm sick of waiting for Prince Charming already."

Edward opened his mouth to say something else, and then seemed to change his mind. Instead, he just left me standing there. He walked away from me and into the band room.

I sighed and followed him.

~*~

The musical went off without a hitch. Alice and Rosalie were both terrific, and they were completely shocked by the roses that Emmett and Jasper gave them after the show. Jasper had had his mom bring the bouquets with her, so they would be a surprise. Emmett explained that there was no way he and Jasper were going to let their girls have their first opening night without roses. It would have been a travesty to do so. Alice and Rosalie had squealed when they saw the bouquets and thrown their arms around the guys for thank you kisses. I felt that twinge of loneliness prickle inside of me again. There was no one to bring me flowers or even to kiss me after the show.

When we got back to Rosalie's, we decided to hang out in her den and watch a movie before the boys had to go home. The guys said that, in honor of the girls' night, they would let us choose the movie and wouldn't even complain about the chick flickness of whatever we chose. We decided not to torture them and chose Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It was something we all could enjoy. Besides, the movie was really just background noise to our conversation anyway.

I could tell that Emmett had something on his mind. His lips had been twitching and his eyes had been sparkling with mischief all the way through the musical. I knew he was just waiting for all of us to get settled before he let us know what had him so amused. I was right. As soon as Rosalie had started the movie and we all got comfortable, Emmett turned to Alice.

"Hey, Alice. I'm really curious about something. Could you tell me what Lauren's part was exactly?"

Alice seemed to be confused by Emmett's question. "She was just a member of the chorus. Why do you ask, Emmett?"

"Are you sure her part wasn't 'Town Slut' or something like that?"

I knew exactly what Emmett was talking about, of course. Forks High productions are not well financed. There are costumes provided only for lead roles. Everyone in the chorus was responsible for providing their own. Lauren had been dressed in an electric blue, floor-length gown that must have once been a prom dress. She wore the ruffled neckline off the shoulder, exposing more of her creamy skin to the audience. But that wasn't all. Every time the chorus was onstage singing an ensemble piece, Lauren would pick up the hem of her dress and show off one of her legs – all the way up to the top of her thigh. She hadn't done that in dress rehearsal, so I was kind of taken aback when she did it the first time. But after about the fourth or fifth time she flashed the thigh, the novelty had worn off.

Rosalie and Alice hadn't seen any of Lauren's antics. They were too focused on their performances to pay her any attention. So they were more than a little surprised when we explained what Lauren had done. The boys were only too happy to supply the details. You see, from our seats in the orchestra pit, we'd had not only a front-row view, but we also saw everything at an upward angle. It certainly made for quite the show.

"Okay, was I the only one who noticed Lauren wasn't wearing panties?" Jasper asked us.

"Jasper Whitlock! Why were you looking?" Alice smacked Jasper.

"I couldn't help it, darlin'. I wasn't expecting her to lift her skirt that way. It was right there. I averted my eyes. I did, I swear. But I couldn't unsee what had already been seen. If it's any consolation, I kinda wanted to bleach my eyes afterward."

"Take it easy on Jasper, Alice. It was like the scene of an accident. You just couldn't look away. And I, too, now have firsthand knowledge that Snickers is not a natural blonde – along with two-thirds of the male population of Forks High. Jasper, I think you should let her borrow the bleach after you're done with your eyes; maybe she could use it to match the carpet to the drapes," Emmett smirked.

"Well, I was sitting in the same place as the rest of you, and I felt no compulsion to look up Lauren's skirt," I had emphasized Lauren's name and thrown a glare Emmett's way to remind him how much I hated that degrading nickname he insisted on calling her.

"I know, Bella. But it would have been so hot if you had." Emmett waggled his eyebrows at me.

Rosalie smacked Emmett for good measure.

"Ouch. What? We're only human, right Cullen?"

Edward hadn't said anything until now. He really looked as if he'd like to skip this conversation altogether. But since Emmett had singled him out, he knew there was no escape now.

"Alright, I admit it. I looked. But just that one time. Like the guys said, it was like you couldn't not look. Blame it on the raging teenage male hormones."

"It seems to me that you guys blame entirely too much on the raging teenage male hormones," I scoffed.

"Well, regardless of whether or not you accept the hormone defense, we all looked," Emmett said.

"The hormone defense? Is that anything like the Twinkie defense," I mumbled under my breath to Alice. She giggled in response.

Emmett ignored us and went on, "So I was just wondering if 'Town Slut' was actually the role Snickers was supposed to be playing. Because I was thinking that maybe it was some really brilliant typecasting."

~*~

After the boys left, we took our time getting ready for bed. We put on our pajamas, brushed our teeth, and washed our faces before settling down in Rose's room for the night. We still weren't tired. It had been an exciting night, especially for Rosalie and Alice, so there was no way we were going to sleep anytime soon. The three of us sprawled out on Rosalie's bed and started to talk. Of course, this was exactly what I'd hoped for. Now I just needed to find a subtle way to work my worries about Edward and Mike into the conversation.

"Emmett thinks that I should start dating Mike Newton," I blurted out.

Oh yeah, that was the epitome of subtlety and smoothness right there.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow at me. "And what do you think, Bella. Do you want to date Mike?"

"I don't know. He's a nice enough guy. I really do like him. But…"

"But, he's not Edward?" Alice asked.

Rosalie answered her, "No, he's not Edward. But is that really such a bad thing?"

"What do you mean, Rose?" I wanted to know.

"Well, I mean, what has Edward Cullen done for the last ten months but mindfuck the hell out of you? You're not imagining things, Bella. We've all seen how he acts around you. He's always running hot and cold. If I didn't know better, I'd think that boy had multiple personalities…and you never know which one you're going to run into."

"Bella, he lights up when he's around you. He flirts with you. And I truly think that he cares about you – but evidently not enough to give up Tanya for you," Alice added.

"Gee, Alice, don't sugarcoat it on my account," I told her sarcastically.

"Well, Alice has a point. We probably should have said something to you about this before, Bella. It's just… I guess we were all hoping that Edward would get his shit together if we gave him some time."

"So, you think that Edward does have some sort of feelings for me, after all? He just doesn't care as much for me as he does Tanya?"

"I don't know," Alice said. "I can't be sure what's going on in Edward's head. I can only tell you that I've seen Edward with you and I've seen him with Tanya. And he is not the carefree, joyful person with her that he is with you. Geez, you practically make him glow. Well, that is when you're not completely pissing him off."

"And why is that? Can someone please explain to me why Edward always seems to be mad at me these days?" I asked.

Rosalie patted my shoulder. "I would think that would be fairly obvious to you, Bella. Edward is so jealous that he can't even see straight."

"He's jealous of me and Mike?"

"He's jealous of you and anybody," Alice corrected me. "Honestly, I'd love to just smack Edward Cullen right now. It's like he doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either."

"I second the smacking idea. He so needs it at the moment. He's such a hypocrite! He won't break up with his girlfriend for you, but it infuriates him to even see you talk to another guy. I think maybe he wants you to be available just in case he one day finds his balls and decides to break up with Tanya." Rosalie let out a most unladylike snort, "Yeah, like that's ever going to happen. If he hasn't found them by now, I sincerely doubt he ever will. Although, I am seriously considering buying him a magnifying glass for his birthday…a strong one."

Alice laughed at Rosalie, and I couldn't help but join in. I mean, my heart was breaking, but the idea of Rosalie explaining to Edward exactly why she'd given him the magnifying glass was just too funny. Oh and she would too, with pleasure…and maybe even detailed step-by-step instructions.

When the laughter died away, the three of us were silent for a few moments. I felt the need to confirm what I thought they'd been telling me.

"So what are you guys saying? I should give up on Edward? Even though I love him? Even though you think he cares about me?"

"The bottom line is and always will be that he already has a girlfriend, Bella. And until Edward decides to finally change that, you shouldn't waste any more time on him," Alice said.

"I agree one hundred percent. It's time you showed him that you're done waiting around for him," Rosalie added. "Now, whether or not you want to do that with Mike is up to you."

"But do you think Mike would be a good choice for me?" I asked.

Alice took my hand and squeezed it, "I think Mike would be good for you. It would certainly be a nice change for you, to have a boy who can give you his whole heart. But, Bella, I think you should be careful about how deeply you get into things with Mike."

"Explain please, Alice," I requested.

"I mean that Mike feels more for you than you do for him, at least at this point. Sooner or later, he'll want to push physical boundaries with you. I just don't think you should let him talk you into anything like that without love."

"The translation of that into modern English is this," Rosalie began. "Someday soon Mike is going to be begging to get into your pants. Don't give in and let him pop your cherry just because you feel sorry for him."

I blushed. "You know, Rose, you always have such a colorful way of putting things. No wonder Emmett worships you."

Rosalie laughed, "Yeah, you know, sometimes I don't know if I rubbed off on him or if he rubbed off on me. Maybe we just rub off on each other…and against each other is fun too." She winked at me.

"That reminds me. Alice Brandon! What exactly are you doing with Jasper?" I demanded.

"Hmm… Could you be a little more specific, Bella?"

"Okay, specifically, have you and Jasper done the deed yet? Because at Wild Turkey it sounded like you guys had done everything but."

"Oh, that," she said blushing.

"Yes, that," I answered. "I'm not only family, but I'm also your best friend. Shouldn't I be the first in line for all the naughty details? And I had to find out during a drinking game just how far you two have gone? I'm wounded, Alice," I said half-jokingly.

"Well, I wasn't purposely keeping details from you, Bella – or you either, Rosalie. It's just, we've been so wrapped up with the guys lately, that we haven't had a good girl talk session in forever. I just haven't had a chance to get you guys up-to-date."

"We're here now. No guys. It's just us. So spill," Rosalie commanded.

"Alright, I'll talk, but then I have a few questions for you, Rose," Alice replied.

"Wait. Before we start, I have one question," I stated.

"Shoot," Alice said.

"Are we going to set a TMI limit?" I asked.

A wicked, evil grin curved over Rosalie's lips. "Do you honestly believe that anything is going to be off limits with me in the room?"

"Sorry. Silly question. I don't know what I was thinking," I laughed.

Rose and I turned to Alice and looked at her expectantly, cuing her to proceed. She sighed loudly, "To answer your question, Bella, no Jasper and I haven't had sex yet. We've kissed, we've made out, clothing has been removed, and we've even gone down on each other, but we don't plan to go any further than that for quite awhile."

"I don't understand. If you've done everything else, what's the hold up on having sex?" Rosalie asked.

"My age," Alice answered.

Rosalie looked as if she suddenly got it, but I was still confused. "I'm sorry, Alice, but I must be slow today. Your age?"

"Bella, you know I just turned fifteen in January." I nodded, and she continued, "The age of consent in Washington is sixteen. Jasper's really paranoid about me being jailbait. He's hoping we can hold out until after my next birthday. If you want my opinion, he's dreaming. There's no way we're going to be able to hold out that long. When we're together like that, it just gets harder and harder to put the brakes on. One of these days, we aren't going to stop."

"I don't know, Alice. That sounds dangerous to me," Rosalie interrupted, "you two pushing one another's buttons until all the blood has rushed from your brains. If you give in to the heat of the moment, that has unplanned pregnancy written all over it."

"Oh no, we've thought of that. Jasper always carries a condom with him, and there are more of them in his glove compartment. Just in case."

"Well, make sure he doesn't just stick condoms in convenient places and then forget all about them. Those things have expiration dates. Make sure you guys pay attention to them. And if Jasper is carrying one around in his wallet, make sure he changes it frequently. I've heard more than one horror story about a girl who got pregnant because her boyfriend had been carrying the same condom around in his wallet forever before they finally put it to good use. Besides, Jasper will want to move that thing around. It's a seriously embarrassing guy moment when he pulls out his wallet to pay for something, and it has a rubber ring – or so I've been told."

We all laughed at that. Emmett had evidently been telling Rosalie tales.

"Do you and Emmett use condoms, Rose," Alice asked.

"We do for now. After my birthday, I'm going to have a talk with my mom about going on the pill. We really don't like condoms. They just feel…weird. I don't know how to describe it. Kinda like having sex with a raincoat on, I guess."

Alice's brow furrowed. "So you're not worried about STDs?"

"No, I'm not. Emmett never really slept around. He's only been with two girls besides me, and he told me that he's always used a condom. The only reason we're talking about stopping the condoms and me going on the pill is because we're serious about each other. We're going to be together for a long time. We're committed. We love each other. I know Emmett wouldn't cheat on me, and I won't cheat on him."

"Does Emmett worry about the jailbait thing like Jasper?" I asked.

"I wouldn't say he's totally unconcerned about it. We try to make sure not to broadcast what we're doing outside our circle of close friends. But we only have to worry about it until I turn sixteen in July. We only have three more months…unlike Alice and Jasper."

I had a question I wanted to ask, but I was a little embarrassed. I took a deep breath and tried to get it out, "So, can I ask you guys… What's it like, giving a blowjob? Do you…you know…umm…do you swallow?"

The girls laughed. Alice said, "Well, I thought I would hate it, but I don't. I think it's because I love Jasper, and I like giving him pleasure. About the only thing about it I don't like…"

Rosalie broke in, "Let me guess. You like it up until he comes in your mouth."

Alice grinned. "Yep. I mean, I do swallow, but it's not exactly the best taste in the world."

Rosalie nodded, "I know just what you mean, Alice." I was looking from Alice to Rosalie. They were laughing together at some inside joke, and I felt completely left out.

"So, what does it taste like exactly?" I wanted to know.

"I don't know. It's another one of those things that's hard to describe," Rosalie said, "It's a little salty, and it has kind of a bitter aftertaste to it."

"Then why would you swallow it?" I asked.

Alice answered my question, "Honestly, Bella. I wouldn't know how not to swallow. It just comes out so fast and there's so much of it, it just seems natural to swallow, at least to me. Rose?"

"Yeah, I have to agree. I haven't figured out the spitting thing myself. Besides, Emmett likes that I swallow for some reason. I think it's a guy thing. Anyway, I also agree with Alice that love makes a difference. It's something I enjoy because of my feelings for Emmett. I don't think I could be like some of the girls at school that just give head to any random guy that crosses their path."

Alice looked at Rosalie and said, "Okay Rose, it's time for those questions I told you I had for you."

"Yes?" Rosalie responded, waiting for Alice to continue.

"Well, you told Bella and me that you lost your virginity to Emmett, but you never gave us any details. Since I know it's only a matter of time for Jasper and me, I was hoping you'd tell me about it. Prepare me a little, so I know what to expect when it does happen."

"Where would you like me to start?" Rosalie asked.

"Does it really hurt?"

"Oh fuck yeah." Rosalie actually winced at the memory.

That was not very comforting to the two remaining virgins in the room.

Rosalie continued, "I really don't like to think about Emmett's prior experience, but I have to say, I was glad we weren't both virgins. At least one of us knew what we were doing. But even though Emmett was gentle and patient with me, it still felt like he was splitting me in two. I've never felt pain like that before. But it didn't hurt like that for too long. Still, it's not like the romance novels make it out to be. It wasn't just a slight sting and then a string of blissful orgasms. I really don't know who writes that shit, but there's more than one reason you'll find it in the fiction section."

"Did you bleed?" Alice asked her.

"Yes, and I bled a lot more than I was expecting to. More romance novel brainwashing. I actually think that those books are part of a conspiracy to convince girls that it's actually a good idea to give up their virginity. It's all an evil male plot, I tell you."

"Now you're starting to sound like me, Rose," I told her. I normally would have laughed, but after everything the girls had said, I wasn't feeling very jovial at the moment.

Alice didn't look extremely happy-go-lucky either. Actually, her face had gone pale and her eyes wide. She cleared her throat and said, "Thanks, Rose."

"For what," Rosalie asked her.

"I think you just gave me the willpower to say no to Jasper for a good long while. We still might not make it to my birthday, but I'm sure we'll last a lot longer than we would have if you hadn't told me all of this."

I agreed, "Yeah. I don't think I've ever been so glad to have no prospect of losing my virginity in the foreseeable future. You're talking to one completely contented virgin right here."

"I didn't mean to scare you guys. I mean, I want to make sure you both know what you're getting into. But I also have to tell you that it only really hurts that first time. Once that's over, and you're not sore anymore, sex is really great. At least, it is with Emmett."

"Hmmm… Well it's too bad we can't all have Emmett," I teased Rosalie.

She laughed and said, "Nope. Sorry ladies. Emmett is all mine, and Rosalie Hale never shares."

Soon after that, we decided to call it a night. Rosalie and Alice quickly fell asleep. I could hear the sounds of their even breathing fill the room. But I couldn't sleep. I lay there, staring into the darkness and thinking about everything the girls had told me. Everyone seemed to think it was time for me to forget Edward and move on. Emmett. Rosalie. Alice. Hell, I had even told myself that more times than I could count. In my head, I knew that they were right. But my heart? My heart remained steadfastly unconvinced.

Nominations for the Indie Awards are now open!

http://www(dot)theindietwificawards(dot)com/

The purpose of these awards is to promote new authors and bring attention to quality fics that may be, as yet, largely undiscovered. Please take the time to go to their website and nominate your favorite stories.

I hope that some of you will consider On a Lonesome Road worthy of such an honor.

I have to thank (blame?) DeltaSwan90, RavynNightstorm, and Gemmabobella for the inspiration for the girl talk scene. That entire idea just may have been born from a drunken gchat that occurred between the four of us late one night. Thanks guys!

I'd also like to thank everyone who had continued to follow this story. I am humbled by your support. And for those of you who take the time to review, I truly appreciate and treasure each one.

Chapter 11 will be posted next Tuesday, January 26th.