Author's Warning: This chapter contains some really heavy stuff. Triggering and just really terrible. I know this fic is tagged with warnings, but this chapter in particular may be hard for some people to read especially those who have been bullied or a victim of sexual assault.
Chapter 10/ Terrible Things
Tadashi was absolutely thrilled. He finally met the age requirement to attend a robotics camp, he had been dying to go to for the past year now. The camp had only been for those between the ages of ten to fifteen, and now that he was ten, he was finally old enough to go. It took a little convincing since his Aunt was hesitant for him to be gone a whole month, but how could she tell him no when it was one of the only things that really got him excited since his parents passed away?
On the night before he would be gone for a whole month Aunt Cass read her boys a bed time story, tucking them in afterwards with a kiss goodnight. Once she was downstairs Hiro pulled off his covers, and walked back over to his brother's bed where he had been just a moment ago.
"Tadashi?" He mumbled crawling on to the bed, hovering over his brother who was turned on his side.
"Yeah Hiro?" he asked rolling on to his back again to face his brother. His face fell when he saw tears leak out from the corner of his little brother's eyes.
"I don't want you to leave." He said wiping the tears away quickly. Hiro didn't want to be a baby about his brother leaving, but he had never been apart from Tadashi before.
Tadashi held up his covers for Hiro to curl up next to him. "I know, I know I don't want to leave you behind, but I really want to go. This camp is going to teach me so much, and I promise I will teach you everything I learn once I'm back." Tadashi assured.
"I'm going to be so bored." Hiro whined exhaling dramatically as he snuggled up close, using his older brother's chest as a pillow.
The older brother sighed with him, and ran his fingers idly through the mess on top of the five year old's head.
"Aunt Cass is fun. She'll be good enough until I'm back right?" Tadashi asked. Leaving Hiro behind was going to be just as hard on him as it was for Hiro.
"I guess." Hiro responded bitterly, "She's gonna make me bake so many cupcakes my head is going to explode."
Tadashi laughed at that because he only knew how true that was. "Well just make sure you leave me some, because I know one thing for sure is that I am going to miss her cooking while I'm away."
Hiro hummed in response, wrapping his arm around Tadashi's midsection giving him a tiny squeeze.
"Do you think I could fit in your suitcase? We don't have to tell Aunt Cass. It can be our little secret."
"You know, I bet you could, but I don't how well you'd be able to get oxygen with all the clothes I've got packed in there." Tadashi mentioned looking down at his brother when he was being hugged.
"I'm gonna miss you buddy." He told him, Hiro nodding in response. His heart ached a little now that his little brother had gone all quiet.
At first he thought it might have been because he had fallen asleep. Which might have actually been the case had it not been for the death grip he had as he continued to hold on to Tadashi. And the older brother laid there thinking about how his little brother was holding on to this moment. He thought about how Hiro must be thinking as long as he held on with all his might Tadashi would just stay there at his side forever.
Tadashi didn't know it at that moment, but later he would think back on the last moment they shared together before he left. He would think back to when his little brother just wanted him to stay there, and hold him close. And when Tadashi would think back to how Hiro must have felt, it would tear him apart. There was no way he could have known in this moment how badly he would regret that he didn't just stay in their little eternity where Hiro laid here with him until they were both fast asleep. There was no possible way he could have known it then, but their innocent moment they shared together would never be the same for either of them after this day. If he had known, maybe things could have been different.
The first week of camp was one of the most surreal feelings Tadashi had ever experienced. For someone as young as him, to be exposed to nature and technology at the same time, two things coexisting together was unheard of until he came here. Everyone was assigned cabins with according to their genders. The ages were mixed together so the older kids could act as mentors for the new kids attending. Tadashi was grouped with three others. Chase, Holland, and a boy named Fred. Holland was thirteen, and Chase was fifteen. Tadashi was sure he had to at least be the same age as Fred who had a very young feminine face, with shaggy sandy blonde hair. But he found out that even Fred was two years older than he was.
Being the youngest of his group felt a little intimidating at first, but after they were all introduced Tadashi found that the four of them actually got on quite well. After a week of bonding, making s'mores over a campfire, and learning more about robotics; There was a surprise visitor Robert Callaghan himself. He gave the group a more in-depth knowledge of Callaghan's Law of Robotics which Tadashi soaked in every word. He spoke highly of this camp, saying it was a great way to shape young minds like theirs.
After his presentation Tadashi still awe-struck made his way over to the Professor. He introduced himself rather suddenly which made the professor smile down at him.
"Tadashi Hamada? I believe my brother has had you as a student a couple years back." He mentioned humming in recognition.
"Yes sir. I-I didn't think you would know that." Tadashi replied a blush forming on his face.
"Well normally I wouldn't remember such a thing, but my brother was very impressed with a project of yours and he said that, I especially would have been intrigued by it." The professor revealed.
"You saw my- my pocket sized first aid robot?!" Tadashi exclaimed.
"I believed you called it a 'Compact Nurse'?" he recalled and Tadashi nodded in response.
"Yeah-" Tadashi cleared his throat not believing that Robert Callaghan of all people had already known about him- a ten year old aspiring mind.
"Well Tadashi, I will tell you this. Don't let your ideas on a robotic nurse stop there. I think that you can one day build something even greater than a first aid kit." He assured, then placed a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder.
Tadashi opened his mouth to tell him that he would keep inventing when one of the camp advisor's hurriedly came over, ushering him away from the Professor.
"Sorry about that Professor."
"Oh not at all. I'll make all the time in the world for a mind like his." The professor called over. Tadashi craned his head back and noticed Callaghan giving him one last assuring nod before he disappeared from sight.
After that day, camp didn't turn out to be all so great. Apparently, it caught wind that Tadashi was a "suck up" to the Professor after his presentation. He didn't have time to talk to everyone, so the fact that Tadashi thought he was special enough to march right up to him ruffled some of the other campers' feathers. Tadashi clenched his fists tightly at his side when he walked back to his cabin each day, some of the kids dared to walk up and shove him trying to rile him up. He quickened his footsteps until a couple of the older kids were following him at his heels. His head spanned in every direction, looking around for a counselor, but there wasn't one in sight. That instantly struck panic in him, since there usually were so many of them around.
For a ten year old to have to a fight or flight instinct rush over him as a bunch of fifteen year olds circled him, nearly caused his knees buckle under the stress. His only option was to try to run. Tadashi chose the two smallest of the older kids to try and squeeze past them. But the two of them combined easily shoved Tadashi on to the dirt ground.
"We haven't seen you swim once all summer," one of the kids' chimed in, "maybe us mentors should teach you how, right now."
Tadashi shook his head furiously as two of the older kids lifted him by his arms, and dragged him down to the lake. Tadashi thrashed under their grip, as he tirelessly tried to free himself.
"Hey! Let go of me! Somebody help!" Tadashi yelled when he felt a hard punch thrown into his side.
"Shut up or we are going to make it even worse for you, retard." Another spat.
Tadashi groaned quietly, silently hoping that someone would intervene soon. When they finally reached the dock, Tadashi was hoisted up by two of the boys. He writhed under their grasp, but when they reached the end dock Tadashi feared for his life. If he really was going to be left to drown he didn't want his last moments to be wasted. Tadashi took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"Hiro…" he whispered, 'I'm sorry.'
Not but seconds later there was water filling Tadashi's nostrils, and the calls from the others to hurry and run faded away, as his feet tried to find the bottom to kick himself up. His heart beat quickened when couldn't find the bottom, and started to flail his arms as he tried to fight his way back above the surface.
He didn't expect a feeling of calmness enter him so soon. His body was tired from fighting, and a certain peace entered his mind. His little brother, Hiro, would have to grow up not only an orphan, but without a brother too-? Tadashi pleaded in his mind, if there was a God, or just anyone, who could hear his thoughts, if he lived through this. He promised he would do everything to protect Hiro. He had to live for him. His reason for living he found it there in that moment.
Air being forced into your lungs was not a pleasant sensation. Coughing up water was even less pleasant. But breathing air. Actually being able to breathe on his own. That was a blessing he would never take for granted ever again. When his eyes came into focus again, Tadashi laid eyes on his oldest cabin mate Chase.
"Tadashi I'm so glad you're alright!" he called out throwing his arms around Tadashi. And because Tadashi was so lost, and so confused he hugged him back. He began to sob in his arms, as his friend consoled him.
"You're alright," Chase assured, "You're alright. Let's go get you dry, okay?" Tadashi nodded, and leaned into him as he guided Tadashi back to their cabin.
"How did you know where I was?" Tadashi wondered.
"I saw what they were doing and followed you. I didn't have time to grab somebody, so I waited until they were out of sight to rescue you. I'm so glad you're alright." He repeated and Tadashi silently thanked him for saving his life.
When he reached the cabin Chase informed him that everybody else was out in the dining hall for dinner.
"Do you want to get some food?" he asked Tadashi, and he just shook his head.
"I'm fine. I'll just stay here." He mumbled, and Chase began drying him off with a towel.
"I'll stay here with you." Chase assured, and Tadashi nodded.
The truth was Tadashi was still was really shaken up. He didn't know if Chase really did hear his little prayer after all. Whatever the reason he was still standing here right now, Tadashi felt forever indebted.
"You're clothes we should… get them off…" he mentioned and Tadashi nodded making a move to grab his pajamas when Chase stepped in front of him.
"Hey. Relax. I'll do it." Chase said, and Tadashi froze in his spot. 'Oh no…' his mind began to shut down. It was like he had been thrown into the lake all over again. Tadashi was stripped of his clothes, and pushed back on to his bed.
"I'll tuck you in." and Tadashi just laid there as the boy pulled his blanket over the two of them. His body shrugged inward on itself but the older one would stretch him out again. His fingers intruding in places that made him squirm in ways that made his mind go completely blank.
Then there Tadashi was floating over the bed, looking down at the two bodies in the bed, one definitely was still his own. However, it didn't feel like it was him just lying there lifeless. He saw what was happening. A boy forcing himself inside, rocking his hips against his still body. Tadashi could only feel the hot tears run down his cheeks. The rest of himself was numb. And the actions being done to him were harsh, and done without consent. He hardly even understood what was being done at all.
Well, he understood what it was… The question of the matter, was why- Tadashi didn't understand how someone who had been his friend this whole time, someone who saved him from drowning, someone he had looked up to over the past couple of weeks was doing this to him.
When it was over, really over, Tadashi didn't move a muscle. He didn't speak, or try to fight. His body was tired, exhausted at that, and the heavy body panting on top of him hardly made any sense. Tadashi felt lost. All he wanted was to be at home again, and forget he had ever came to this horrible place at all.
Tadashi didn't get his wish until the last day of camp, when Aunt Cass had arrived to pick him up. He flinched when she pulled him into a hug. And ignored Hiro the whole way home as he inquired about every detail of his adventures from the last month.
"Not now Hiro. I'm tired." Tadashi replied finally when the younger one was tugging at his shirt asking him if everything was alright.
Hiro poked his Aunt Cass from behind, "I think Tadashi is sad that he had to leave. Maybe we should get him some ice cream?"
"No! I don't ever want to go back there!" Tadashi shouted suddenly, "Please I don't want any ice cream. I just want to go home."
Hiro turned back to look at his distraught older brother. "…Dashi?" he mumbled and the older one just shook his head.
"Tadashi, honey, what's wrong? What happened?" Aunt Cass asked with her eyebrows furrowed.
"Nothing. I just didn't like it." Tadashi spoke much quieter than before.
Hiro frowned, "If you didn't like it we should have come and got you."
"I-I couldn't leave. They wouldn't let me call you unless it was an emergency…" Tadashi's voice trailed away. "I'm sorry. I'll cheer up soon, okay? I'm back home with you after all."
Hiro opened his mouth to protest, but the older brother was already looking back out the window once again.
That night Hiro laid with his brother as Aunt Cass read them a bed time story. She knew how much the brothers' had missed each other. Especially Hiro. He spent every day talking about all the things they should do for Tadashi when he returned, and the Aunt knew they had a bond that could not ever be broken.
She gave her boys good night kisses, smiling when she saw Hiro was fast asleep under Tadashi's arm.
"You want me to move him over to his bed?" she asked and Tadashi shook his head.
"No its okay, Aunt Cass." He assured, and she smiled ruffling the older one's hair before heading back down stairs, and turning off their light.
That night Tadashi spent thinking about how he had spent every night the last couple of weeks, with his camp roommate crawling into his bed after the others had fallen asleep.
Tadashi looked over at Hiro who was fast asleep, and Tadashi knitted his eyebrows together as he thought about terrible things.
There was no way to tune it out. Tadashi was trapped silently screaming even though it was all behind him now. His head pounding as Hiro curled in closer to him. He was so little, and trusted his brother so willingly it made Tadashi feel disgusted with himself.
Tadashi was so filthy, and dirty- how could he ever be able to watch over his brother if he couldn't even watch over himself?
Curiosities filled his mind, and it seemed to block out all the bad things that were done to him. But to project them on to someone else? And that someone else being his brother nonetheless? Tadashi's heart pounded as his hand moved towards his brother's abdomen. His hand slid under the waist band of his pants as he grabbed ahold of his member.
The older one stroked, and whined wishing he would stop. He kept whispering, "I'm sorry." Over and over into his brother's ear as he did it. The other one stayed asleep under his arm, his face buried into Tadashi's side.
It only took three nights for Aunt Cass to figure it out. Hiro waking up disoriented, and confused. The older brother spontaneously crying at random parts of the day. The aunt had no idea what to do, but when she caught Tadashi in the middle of the night, she grabbed the older one off the bed, and held him in her arms.
"Tadashi." Her voice shook. "No."
"I'm sorry Aunt Cass. I'm sorry." He sobbed which caused Hiro to stir awake.
"Hiro go back to bed. Tadashi just had a bad dream." Their Aunt said strictly. She pulled the older one downstairs, and sat him on the couch.
"Tadashi… what's going on?" she questioned knowing that he had changed since returning from camp. His sudden mood swings, and avoiding Hiro ever since he got home. Then tonight she heard faint cries she couldn't just ignore.
"I-I am sorry Aunt Cass." He repeated. "I'm dirty."
"No. No you aren't. If somebody did something bad to you. You aren't the dirty one." She spoke trying to stay strong for him. Inside she was fuming with anger. She hated that this happened to her nephew.
Tadashi nodded, "Another boy at camp he would crawl into my bed and…" he hid his face in his hands feeling nothing but shame. "I didn't mean to hurt Hiro. Aunt Cass. I'm sorry."
"You didn't hurt Hiro." She told him, "You aren't going to hurt your brother okay. Trust me. I know you Tadashi… you won't ever do anything like that again. Because you know how awful it is."
He nodded at her words. "I'm sorry."
"Tadashi. You have to promise me, honey." She spoke clearly.
"I want you to tell me that you won't repeat what happened to you."
"I won't Aunt Cass. I promise. I won't. I'm so sorry…" he stammered, and she set a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"Alright. And I promise you, that no one will ever do that to you again. You're safe now. And we're going to get you some help." She spoke and Tadashi nodded wanting so desperately to believe her. He wanted to believe that he was going to be okay.