I am so sorry about the ridiculous wait! I've been really busy with school, but now I've finally gotten on a schedule. I've been working a bit on what I believe will be chapter 12, it's very very long and very very complicated haha.
I feel like my writing style has changed a lot in the past year, and though I know what direction I'm taking this story in, I'm not exactly sure how; so I also plan on re-editing the first groups of chapters and maybe combining them so the first few aren't just a couple hundred words. I'm not sure when that will actually happen, but if you are subscribed to this story and start getting emails about me posting chapter 1, that's what's going on :)
Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews, and for all the alerts/favorites! You're all amazing :)
oOoOoOo
The first of September arrived before they knew it, and all the students were heading back to Hogwarts. Severus and Hermione walked up to the barrier. He made a small gesture for her to go first and she ran through pushing her trolley, Severus following closely. She was surprised when he took her hand the instant they didn't need both for the trolleys. Severus put up a facade, his mask of indifference and slight anger covering his actual fear. Most people on the crowded platform didn't even notice them, though some of their fellow Slytherins glared over their trolleys. One of the fourth years did a double-take when he realized Severus was holding hands with someone.
Though they both enjoyed the school part of school, the people there were another story. Hermione squeezed his hand reassuringly, not wanting him to know she was just as nervous as he was.
They walked through the train, looking for an empty compartment. They passed a group of nervous looking first years, some Hufflepuffs playing exploding snap, and a couple of Ravenclaws discussing their new textbooks and plans for their schedules. They hurried past the compartment of Slytherins their age, and Hermione was horrified when she thought she saw a dark mark out of the corner of her eye. They passed the marauder's compartment. Severus managed not to make eye contact, but Lily gave them both a demeaning look whilst leaning closer onto James. Sirius was too busy snogging the same blonde Ravenclaw from last semester to notice them, Peter was staring obliviously out the window, and Remus was absorbed in a book. Finally they found an empty room towards the back.
The feast and sorting went by relatively well. Hermione and Severus sat near the end of the Slytherin table and kept mostly to themselves. A few first years looked as if they were about to approach them with a question, but the other Slytherins would get their attention first. Dumbledore had an almost constant watch on them throughout the meal.
The Slytherins retired to the dungeons. Most of the first years were exploring their new rooms, and the older students were hanging out in the common room. Severus and Hermione found a pair of wing-backed chairs by an enchanted window away from most of the crowd.
Eventually, Severus and Hermione were the only two left in the common room.
"Well, I suppose we should go to bed," Hermione suggested.
They walked to Hermione's door and the instant Severus was within two feet of it, the doorknob disappeared. The same thing happened to Severus' door when Hermione got close.
"I should have known Dumbledore would have done something." Hermione mumbled angrily to herself. "You go in first and try to let me in."
Severus went in his room and found that the doorknob on the inside was also gone when Hermione was near. She backed away and let him open the door. When she tried to step through the threshold, it was as if she ran into a brick wall.
"I have no idea what kind of spell this is. If it wasn't past curfew, I'd say we should go check in the library."
"He probably invented it," replied Severus moodily.
"We can sleep on the couch in the common room," she suggested.
He hesitated and looked almost as if he was going to agree, but shook his head. "No, I think I'll be fine. I've been fine ever since..." he trailed off, not really wanting to think about the events that led up to that night.
Hermione was doubtful. The one time he went to bed before her in the summer it had taken her nearly ten minutes to wake him from the nightmares.
She held his gaze, concerned.
"Well, if you need me, just knock," she finally sighed. "Promise you'll wake me up if you need anything."
Severus nodded and Hermione kissed him goodnight.
Hermione stayed awake for a while, worried, and hoping Severus would be fine.
oOoOoOo
Once he shut the door behind him, Severus felt a light sense of impending doom. He doubted he would be fine, but he didn't want Hermione to worry. He would keep his promise about waking her if the need came about, but he didn't know how to if he couldn't wake himself.
He climbed into his bed and lay awake. Without Hermione, surely the past would haunt his dreams. Finally he fell into a restless sleep soon to be plagued by nightmares.
oOoOoOo
The next morning Severus looked absolutely dreadful.
"Oh, Sev, I knew you wouldn't be ok," Hermione said, visibly upset. "We'll ask Madame Pomfrey for some dreamless sleep potion after class."
"You know I can't take that every night." Severus replied in a monotone. Hermione did know that, but she couldn't think of another solution at the moment.
"Just until we can figure out something else," she reasoned.
"Maybe tomorrow."
Professor Slughorn was handing out schedules at breakfast. Hermione and Severus had almost the same classes. Though she was in Slytherin this time, Dumbledore thought it best she continue taking Muggle Studies. Whether it was actually relevant, or his idea of a cruel joke, she was the only Slytherin in the NEWT level class, and the younger Slytherins across the hall in Charms gave her disgusted looks every time she went into Professor Burbage's classroom. Severus was taking Divination with the rest of the seventh year Slytherins who wanted an easy Exceeds Expectations. Dumbledore hinted to him that it would be helpful to take the class, and Hermione knew he was still meddling in the life of Harry Potter, scheming and plotting a way for Severus to hear the prophecy, though she doubted his plans would work well now that he didn't love Lily any longer.
Severus was obviously trying to avoid eye contact after each Divination class, and Hermione had yet to get the reasons behind it out of him. However, she assumed it was something to do with the amount of Slytherins in the class. His mood always seemed to drop whenever the subject was even mentioned.
They always did their homework together in the library, and one particular night Severus was working on a dream calendar. She looked up from her essay comparing the Tales of Beetle the Bard to muggle fairytales and saw he was quickly approaching an internal nervous breakdown. The calendar was blank, save for a few ink droplets where he had hesitated, holding his quill over the page.
"Sev, just make it up." He looked up, only a little surprised she had noticed.
"You mean just lie? On my homework?" he asked incredulously.
"I know, I know...it sounds ridiculous, especially coming from me, but if your Divination teacher is anything like the one I had, they'll just want to hear cryptic, depressing things that aren't realistic," Hermione explained. "My friends never wrote real things on their calendars. One of them had nightmares too, ones he couldn't really talk about or explain."
"Really?"
"Yes. He just picked metaphorical symbols randomly from the index and wrote about them. He got a decent grade in the class, though I'm sure you'd do better if you gave it a bit more structure."
By the end of the night, Severus and Hermione had constructed a somewhat entertaining dream calendar, laughing at the absurdity of it all. The calendar had him being followed by herds of bowtruckles, getting his head stuck in the trick step, and defeating a foe while losing a bet.
oOoOoOo
After many attempts at convincing Severus to go to Madam Pomfrey, Hermione practically dragged him to the Hospital Wing. He was getting worse, and restless sleep was almost like no sleep at all. The one night they attempted sleep on the common room couch, the Bloody Baron wouldn't let them remain asleep for more than five minutes at a time.
"I'm sorry but Professor Dumbledore has forbidden me to give you any potions without a legitimate medical need." Madam Pomfrey replied when they had asked for the Dreamless Sleep.
"There is a legitimate medical need!" Hermione raised her voice, "look at him!" she gestured to Severus whose already dark eyes were encircled with dark rings, and he swayed a bit on the spot as if he were about to fall asleep.
"I'm sorry, dear, that's my final word. I'm just following Professor Dumbledore's orders. If you can get a note from him, I'd gladly give you the potion." she ushered them out of the Hospital Wing and closed the door.
oOoOoOo
"The Bloody Baron hangs out in the common room, we can't brew the potion on our own, we can't get into each other's rooms, there's nothing we can do," Severus rambled, upset. "I just won't sleep!" he announced dramatically.
"We're going to have to find a way around the doorknob situation," Hermione decided.
He made a sound between a chuckle and a scoff. Really, what could they do at this point.
"I hate seeing you like this, Sev. We'll figure something out. We have to."
oOoOoOo
Severus was trapped within the nightmares in his mind. He could never wake himself from the terrible combination of fears and memories that haunted his sleep. He saw his dad come at him with fists raised, drunk. He had flashbacks of his mother crying, hurt. He saw his father hitting his mother. He felt the disappointment, blame, and guilt from everyone. Then, like a boggart, the body of his mother turned into Hermione. The dream Hermione was lying on the floor, covered in blood, and his father was in the corner wiping the crimson from his hands. He was forced back into memories when he remembered the times his father had thrown him into the mirror on the wall. Fixing that mirror was the only magical thing his mother had been permitted to do. It was his cruel controlling way of using magic against them, the mirror just a constant reminder of the abuse. Every time, they'd have to fix the glass shards that caused them pain. He remembered rejection of Lily, other Slytherins, his parents, Dumbledore. He remembered trying out for the Slytherin Quidditch team only to have his broom cursed by James Potter, falling to the ground in front of the whole school, becoming the victim for the rest of his school years. He remembered the times his mother couldn't bear to look at him. He remembered the times Lily appeared nice, but noticed a distance and cold blankness in her eyes and emotions. He remembered Hermione's concern and how he had rejected the one person who still cared. He moaned as he was forced into further memories, his mind replaying and warping them into nightmares he couldn't wake from.
oOoOoOo
Hermione awoke with a jolt. An instinctual feeling in the back of her mind knew something was wrong. She crossed the corridor to hear Severus' muffled mumbles and groans from the terrors in his sleep. She began to knock on the door, louder and louder, calling his name, trying to wake him up.
"Sev! Sev, wake up! It's just a dream!" She said loudly through the door.
"Alohomora! Bombarda! Bombarda Maxima!" She began throwing spells at the door, all of them getting absorbed by an invisible barrier.
His groans turned to terrified yells. The nightmares were worse than any other night she had heard.
"Reducto! Finite!" She continued to throw spells at the door, finally just waving her wand at it frantically.
Tears filled her eyes as she dropped her wand and began to uselessly pound on the door again, not caring if she woke up the entire castle in the process. She hadn't been able to wake him with sounds before, but it was all she could think of at the moment.
She sank down to the floor against his door, a few tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Please wake up. Please wake up, Sev" she muttered more to herself, his tortured sounds filling her mind.
Then a thought appeared. His room was on the side of the castle with the windows. She grabbed her wand and ran. If she could get out of the castle unnoticed...if she could get to his window...She ran out of the common room, the Bloody Baron barely paying attention. If she could get the window open...if she could fit through the window...She ran faster, faster still. If Dumbledore had forgotten to block it...if she could break it...so many if's and yet she ran and ran til she was outside the castle.
"Point Me!" she yelled at her wand and it brought her straight to Severus' window. In the moonlight she could see him thrashing on his bed from the pain in his mind. The window was small and though by her knee outside, it was at least six feet from the ground on the inside of the Slytherin dungeons.
"Alohomora!" to her immense relief and surprise, it opened. It would be a tight squeeze, but she could fit through.
She stuck her feet in carefully and dropped to the floor. The moment she was inside, she flung herself at him.
"Sev, I'm here, wake up," she brushed his hair from his face.
He shot up out of his bed and pressed himself into the corner. Then he seemed to take in his surroundings and realized who woke him.
He hugged her tightly, shaking.
"Shh. It's ok, I'm here. It was just dreams," she comforted him, lightly rubbing his back until his trembling subsided.
"How did you get in?" he asked later once he had calmed a bit.
"The window. Dumbledore must've forgotten. The Bloody Baron didn't notice me this time, but if I'm leaving every night, he's sure to see. If not him, then Peeves or Filch. But for now it's our best shot."
oOoOoOo
For the next few nights, Hermione would sneak out of the castle right around curfew and drop through Severus' window. The morning of Hermione's birthday was also a Hogsmeade trip. Severus woke up as early as the students were allowed to go, leaving a note for Hermione on a scrap of parchment on his pillow. Severus had been planning this for weeks. Tonight had to be perfect. Tonight, he was going to tell her he loved her.
After picking up a few things he needed for tonight, Severus was looking for a present for Hermione. He knew he shouldn't have waited until the last minute, but this was the only time he could go alone.
Finally, he saw it. The perfect present for Hermione. He really hoped she liked it.
When he got back to Hogwarts, he spent the rest of the afternoon in the abandoned Charms classroom setting everything up.
oOoOoOo
Happy Birthday, Hermione! Sorry I had to leave you this morning, meet me at half past seven in the common room tonight. -Severus
At six, Hermione began to get ready for her birthday dinner, her first date with Severus since they'd been back at Hogwarts. She had no idea what he was planning, and hoped he was fine, as she hadn't heard from him since that morning.
She opened her little beaded bag and went through the small amount of nice muggle clothing she had packed what seemed like forever ago when the Golden Trio set off on their quest to find the horcruxes.
Hermione picked out a simple blue dress with a full skirt. A good portion of time was spent pinning some of her hair back, letting her curls fall naturally.
oOoOoOo
At seven thirty, Hermione met Severus in the Slytherin common room. Most of the students were still in Hogsmeade so the castle was almost deserted.
He took her hand with a slightly nervous smile and led her down the hall to the abandoned Charms classroom.
"Close your eyes," he said when they reached the door. She did, and he opened the door, leading her through.
"Can I open them?" she asked after a moment. He took a final glance around the room.
"...now!" he said as he waved his wand one last time in a sweeping arc.
Hermione gasped. Severus had made the room unrecognizable. He had charmed vines to cross a few feet down from the ceiling and encircle the columns. He spelled dozens of fireflies to twinkle above them like stars. He had transfigured the window into a beautiful stained glass. All of the class tables but one he had pushed against the walls, covering them in flowers and candles that he had lit with the final swish of his wand. The last table was in the middle of the room, covered with a cream and gold tablecloth. On the table he had put a few little candles, goblets of pumpkin juice, and two bowls of fettuccine.
As they ate, Severus felt himself becoming more and more nervous. He knew he was being ridiculous. He knew she loved him, he shouldn't be so anxious. He loved her with all his heart and she deserved to know. But saying it out loud would be an entirely different thing. He'd never admitted love aloud before, and he'd never felt so much for one person. Finally, drawing up all the courage he could find, he spoke.
"Hermione, I..." he froze. He couldn't do this. But he had to. He wanted to. "I...you're beautiful," he finished rather lamely in his opinion, but Hermione blushed prettily and thanked him with a hint of understanding in her smiling eyes.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wrapped package. Hermione unwrapped the gift and her eyes lit up. Inside the box was a little silver locket in the shape of a book.
"Thank you, Sev, I love it!" Hermione held it out for him to put it on her and pulled her hair out of the way. He clasped the locket around her neck and let his fingers linger a bit longer than necessary. She turned and raised up on her toes for their lips to meet.
oOoOoOo
Thanks for reading everyone!