Chandler met Mary Angela for lunch again, and they went to sit on the steps outside the cafeteria.
As he set down his tray, he beamed proudly about his success. "So, I think I did good last night, huh? I won over your brother, and I think he'll do okay on that algebra test too. As long as he doesn't forget everything we covered during our cram session."
She agreed. "Yeah, it's up to Joey now. Thanks for helping him on such short notice, Chandler."
"You're welcome. I just wish that we could have had our date like we planned, you know. So can we meet in the park today?"
"Oh, um," Mary Angela hesitated and cleared her throat, not knowing how to break this news to him. "No, actually, we can't, Chandler."
"Why not?"
"Because, um, I..." she chickened out, "have to help my little sister with something."
Chandler looked disappointed and asked, "What?"
"Just some stuff for her Confirmation, you know?" She tried to change the subject. "Actually, if you're free today, then you could come over and tutor Joey again. Joey needs help in a lot of classes, not just algebra, so maybe you could do it regularly."
"Oh, well, I guess I could do that." He shrugged and put his arm around her. "As long as I still have time to meet you for our dates."
She frowned and fidgeted with guilt. "Look, about that Chandler--there's, there's something I need to tell you."
Chandler got worried and pulled his arm away. "What do you mean?"
She sighed and struggled to explain, "Well, um, there's good news and there's bad news. First, you know how Joey thinks you're gay and that I have a crush on you? He's convinced that I'm really messed up over you and desperate for a boyfriend, so he finally said that I could date, and he wouldn't interfere anymore."
"Wow! That's great. What's the bad news?"
"I can't date you."
"What?" He was shocked.
Mary Angela wrung her hands and told him, "Joey said that, that I need to get a boyfriend to get me over you. I tried to convince him that you were straight, or even bisexual, but he just wouldn't believe me. He thought I was crazy and obsessed and making it up. I'm--I'm so sorry, Chandler!"
"Well, what about your plan? What about telling him the truth and blackmailing him to accept us?"
"I can't! If I tell him the truth now, then he'll get mad about me lying, and he won't trust me at all. Then he won't let me have a boyfriend, and he'll probably get his friends to keep tabs on me even more."
Chandler was angry. "Why didn't you think of that in the first place, Mary Angela?"
"I'm sorry! I-I didn't have time to think it through, and I didn't know that Joey would finally cave and let me have a boyfriend. He's been acting like this since I was in middle school."
"So what are you saying now?" he demanded, feeling hurt. "You're gonna cave too? You're gonna break up with me and date some other guy?"
"No! No! It's just--it's just for pretend. See, I'll pretend to date another guy and get over you, but you'll keep tutoring Joey and become his friend, and then later you'll tell him that you're not gay. You were just confused before at your boarding school--"
Chandler cut her off in frustration. "I don't wanna hear anymore of your plans! It's you and your stupid Three's Company plan that got us into this mess!" He pushed his tray aside and got up.
"But Chandler--" She tried to stop him.
"No buts! You're too much trouble, Mary Angela! I'm done, and I'm breaking up with you." She started to cry, but he scoffed, "I hope you're happy with your new boyfriend!" Then he stormed off furiously.
Leaving the steps and turning the corner towards the parking lot, Chandler dug into his pockets for his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He put a cigarette in his mouth and started to light it, but this distraction caused him to collide with someone else.
"Ow!"
"Oof!"
They stumbled and fell onto the ground in a heap, while the cigarette lighter skidded somewhere away from them.
Chandler landed on top and realized with horror that he had run into Joey. He scrambled to his feet and shouted, "I'm not gay! I wasn't coming onto you! I--"
"Chandler!" Joey interrupted. "What are you yelling for? Nobody's here." He held his side and groaned.
Chandler blinked and realized that Joey wasn't sitting up all the way, and he looked really hurt. "Are--are you okay?"
Joey shook his head and explained, "Nah, this isn't from falling down. I just broke up with Angela Delvecchio, and she didn't take it well."
"She hit you?"
"No! She shoved me against her car, and I banged on something." He winced again. "That's why I didn't see you coming, 'cause I was kind of bent over. Sorry."
"Oh. Um, sorry." Chandler stared at him and thought that Joey probably did deserve to suffer a little, what with his interference over Mary Angela, but Chandler didn't have the nerve to yell at him about it, let alone shove him. But Chandler probably deserved some censure too, for sneaking around and lying. He even felt a shred of sympathy for Joey, for his bad breakup. "I-I didn't see you either, 'cause I was lighting my cigarette." He glanced around for his lighter and dropped cigarette.
Joey remained on the ground. "Can you help me up, Chandler? I need to go to the nurse."
Chandler gave him a hand and helped him walk back to the school building.
"Thanks," Joey said. "Oh, by the way, thanks again for tutoring me last night."
"Uh, sure." Chandler shrugged and felt bitter about that now, realizing that it was part of Mary Angela's new plan.
Joey continued, "I think I did better on the test today, but I'm not sure if I passed or not. It was still hard, and then the teacher gave us some more homework today, but I didn't understand any of it. Do you think maybe you could come over and help me again?"
Chandler stopped walking and grew uncomfortable. He shook his head. "Um, I don't think I should--"
"Why not? Please?" Joey squeezed his shoulder. "I'll, uh, buy you lunch or something."
"Nah, it'd be weird now, and--" Chandler sighed and gave up, telling him the truth, "I just broke up with Mary Angela."
"What?" Joey stared at him.
Chandler gulped and realized that he better be afraid of Joey punching him now. "Um, I'm really sorry I lied to you, Joe, but it was her idea, and--"
Joey kept squinting in confusion and asked, "Wait, what? What lie?"
"I-I pretended I was gay and--"
"You're not gay?"
Chandler didn't know why he looked so shocked. "I just told you I wasn't a minute ago!"
Joey blinked. "I thought you were just scared of somebody seeing us on the ground, and starting some gossip, you know."
"No, I said it because it's true! I'm not gay!"
Joey just stared at him incredulously. "But why would you pretend you're gay?"
"It was Mary Angela's idea. You thought I was gay, so she wanted me to pretend that I was. Then we could sneak around without you hassling us."
Joey was stunned and disillusioned. "She lied to me? And you pretended--? Whoa."
Chandler frowned and felt guilty again. "Yeah. Like I said before, I'm really sorry, Joe. I shouldn't have gone along with her plan, but she talked me into it. And then today she told me about you wanting her to date somebody else, and she had a new plan, and I just got fed up! So I broke up with her, and now it's over, okay? I'm sorry."
Joey was speechless, feeling perplexed and disappointed that his own sister Mary Angela would go to such lengths to scheme and lie to him. He felt foolish and duped.
Chandler had braced himself for a punch, but seeing that Joey just stood there, clutching his side, Chandler said, "Here. I'll take you to the nurse." He put his arm around Joey's shoulders, and led him back toward the cafeteria doors.
As they turned the corner, Chandler saw that Mary Angela wasn't there anymore, but their two lunch trays remained abandoned on the steps. Chandler let go of Joey and picked up the trays, dumping their contents into a nearby trash can and leaving them stacked on the cover.
Waiting by a pillar, Joey broke the silence again. "You're really not gay?"
Chandler turned to him angrily. "I'm straight!" he insisted. "Why do you keep thinking that I'm gay, Joey? You thought this before either me or Mary Angela said anything."
Joey scratched his head and shrugged. "It's the way you act and talk and dress--"
"I don't dress like that anymore." Chandler pouted. He didn't even see what was so gay about his preppy clothes from before. It was certainly nothing like his father's flamboyant dress since he had moved to Vegas.
"I know, but--" Joey frowned and whispered, "That first day, you followed me out to the parking lot and you watched us having sex. You kept looking at me."
"I wasn't looking at you! I was looking at your girlfriend!"
Joey blinked and asked, "And you didn't follow me?"
"No! I just came out there for a smoke, and I heard you having sex, so I wanted to watch. I didn't even recognize you until you turned around and rolled down the window."
Joey realized that he had misinterpreted everything, and he apologized sheepishly, "I'm sorry."
"Sorry!" Chandler rolled his eyes. But then he sighed and calmed down, knowing that it was partly his fault for encouraging the misunderstanding. "Well, um, now that I've broken up with your sister, I'm gonna try to fix my reputation. Can you please tell your friends that I'm straight?"
Joey said, "Okay."
Chandler then put his arm around him again and helped him go inside the cafeteria.
Mary Angela was sitting several tables away from them, crying in a huddle with her girlfriends.
Joey and Chandler paused to look at her, but turned to go to the nurse's office.
However, Joey's friend Vinnie saw them together and rushed up, having just heard the gossip that Angela Delvecchio shoved Joey in the parking lot.
"Joey!" Vinnie grabbed him away from Chandler and took his best friend to the nurse.
Chandler shrugged and looked around for his friend Jack, to explain what happened and try to convince him that he was straight after all.
The nurse examined Joey's injury and could see that he was bruised but not bleeding, nor was anything broken. She gave him some aspirin for the pain, and said that she wasn't allowed to give him anything stronger. "If you want to see a real doctor, then I could write you an excuse note and call your parents to come get you."
Joey was rather embarrassed to admit that he had been hurt by Angela Delvecchio, but he said okay, because he felt like he needed to go home and think about everything that Chandler had told him. "Uh, but can I talk to my sister Mary Angela before I go?"
"All right. We can get her out of her class."
"Okay."
The nurse started to leave, to ask the other office to send for Mary Angela Tribbiani, but she ran into Vinnie standing outside waiting anxiously. She smiled and said reassuringly, "It's nothing serious. Just a bruise."
"Really?" Vinnie rushed inside to look at Joey.
Joey replied, "Yeah, but I'm gonna go home anyway, 'cause it hurts."
The nurse said to Vinnie, "Stay here, and I'll write you a note too, so you won't get in trouble for not being in class. You should also go to Joey's teachers and get his classwork for today." Then she left.
Vinnie asked, "How does she know it's not serious? She doesn't have any x-rays like at a real doctor's office!"
Joey shrugged. "So my parents will probably take me to a doctor just to be sure."
The nurse came back then and wrote a note for Vinnie, and he reluctantly left for class. The other office had also given her the phone numbers of Joey's parents, so started to call them. "I'll try your mother first since she's closer."
"Okay." Then Joey added, "Oh, and tell my dad that it wasn't Angela Delvecchio that hurt me; it was the car!" He didn't want his dad to think he was a wimp.
"Okay."
The nurse was still on the phone when Mary Angela arrived at the office. She was still crying about the breakup, and she looked apprehensive too.
Joey told her that he was all right, then hugged her and whispered, "Uh, Chandler told me that he broke up with you."
Mary Angela sniffled. "Yeah."
"He told me everything else too. How could you lie like that?"
"How could you not let me have a boyfriend for three years? And you're the one who thought he was gay."
Joey sighed, then just hugged her again.
The nurse finished calling and noticed that Mary Angela was crying. "It's not serious! He's just bruised."
Joey said, "Oh, she knows that. She, uh, just broke up with her boyfriend at lunch."
"Oh. I'm sorry." The nurse sympathized enough to let them stay in the office together until Gloria Tribbiani arrived to pick up Joey.
"Oh, Joey!" Gloria hugged him. "My poor baby!"
"Ma!"
Gloria let go and then kissed her daughter. "Mary Angela, why are you crying like that?"
"Chandler broke up with me!"
"What? I thought he was just your friend."
Joey didn't want to get into the whole lie right in front of the nurse, so he just said, "They were secretly going out."
"Oh, I'm sorry, honey." Gloria hugged her and looked torn. "Well, I-I have to take Joey to the doctor right now. Do you think you'll be all right going back to class? I mean, your sisters Mary Theresa and Gina are still here if you need to talk."
Mary Angela nodded and said, "Yeah, and I have my friends too. It's okay. Go ahead and go. I can't miss my history test anyway." She didn't feel like getting lectured by Joey, either, which he would certainly try to do once they were alone again.
"All right, sweetie. We'll talk when you get home today. Can you get Joey's homework from his classes?"
"Vinnie's doing that," Joey told her.
"Oh, okay. Let's go then." Gloria left with her son, while the nurse gave Mary Angela a return note to go back to class.
The nurse decided to also write a note to Mary Theresa and Gina, which could be delivered to them in their respective classes.