i'd probably add in a scripty format but i'm really really lazy. xD. no seriously. i'm trying to work myself up and tell myself to shower right about now.

...

shush. i'm just telling you the truth. :P

Chapter 10

Drinking Advantage

"What the hell?"

"What's wrong now, Sebastian?"

"Are you flirting with the bartender?"

"No—"

"Adam, did he flirt with you?"

"Shit, Bas, is he yours? He told me he was single and started saying that he knows 'how to unzip a pair of pants very well if I need any help' then launched into how inappropriate my pants is, and how it does not highlight the raw muscle of my ass. I didn't think he was flirting. I thought he was doing a very good impression of my Mother."

"…Hummel, I need to teach you how to flirt."

"I do not need your help on how to flirt—"

"…oh, hey, Addy…Addy, babe… how is it that a guy like you would ever want a guy like me? But you want me. I can see you silently undressing me…oh God…it's driving me insane…"

"Fuck."

"Smythe, you're flirting with him not getting high on—"

"Shut up, Hummel."

"…so…the offer stands, Bas?"

"Mmhmm…Gosh, your arms are so strong…don't you miss me?"

"SMYTHE—"

"What, Hummel?"

"You cannot be flirting with him."

"Why not?"

"His pants are wrong."

"Gosh, Hummel, they aren't going to stay on him for long—"

"So, you two gonna order anything, Mr and Mrs Smith?"

"Yeah, Addy, vodka for me, and get Hummel some tequila shots."

"—you have got to be…"

"Alright, Bas. You usually take them cuter than this. You're taking one that dresses like a doll. I almost thought he was a chick in a gay bar."

"I know whatcha mean, Addy—fuck, Hummel, what are you doing?"

"Shit, Bas, he's making out with you like he wants to fuck you ten ways from Tuesday."

"I will fuck him ten ways from Tuesday. I ain't no lady."

"See, Addy? Told you I make 'em crazy."

"Yeah, Bas, never doubted you…it's the tequila, wasn't it?"

-Later on-

"Shit. What happened last night? Why am I naked, Sebastian? Why are we in bed together? Why do we keep fucking each other senseless?"

"You drank too much tequila and told Adam the bartender that his pants suck. He also wondered why someone would come into a gay bar holding a Chanel bag. By the way, you got mugged on our way to the motel."

"…"

"Hey, you had a drinking advantage at least – this time, you didn't wake up and puke everything at three am. I did. I think it was because you made another comment about finishing off business and finally chopping off my cock."