Chapter 10:
"Come Loki. The ice cream shops just up ahead. We're almost there."
Thor holds tightly to his little brother's tiny hand, making sure to stutter his steps so that the younger boy can keep up with him.
Loki holds tightly back, his other hand finding the hem of Thor's t-shirt and burying into the material. He stares up at Thor with wide, expectant eyes.
"Will they have butterscotch?" He asks hopefully, and Thor can't help but smile.
Today is Loki's seventh birthday, and as promised, he is taking his brother out to get ice cream, a rare treat for his often hyperactive younger sibling. Father doesn't usually allow Loki any sweets because of it, but he's out of town on business today, and Thor is only too happy to give Loki something special.
His heart still hurts, remembering last night, when Father told them all he had to go away for the week, overseas to the US on business, and the way Loki had cried, not understanding why his Father would abandon him on his one, big day.
Thor tries to push the thoughts from his mind, smiling down at Loki and nodding instead.
"Any kind you want, brother, they'll have it, I'm certain." He answers, and the widest grin stretches across Loki's thin lips, his bright, green eyes lighting.
But it lasts only a moment, before it's replaced by an expression all too serious to belong on the face of such a young child.
"But you'll have some too, won't you Thor?" He asks, voice heavy with concern.
Thor laughs, nodding.
"Yes, of course Loki. Don't worry." He answers, and like magic, Loki's smile is bright again.
"Good!" He announces triumphantly. And then he's holding to Thor's arm with his free hand, tugging on his sleeve. "Thor, can I have a piggyback ride?" He asks, again hopeful, and again Thor obliges, nodding as he reaches down, taking Loki up under his arms and lifting him into the air like it's nothing.
Loki squeals with laughter and delight as Thor lowers him carefully onto his shoulder, keeping his grip under his arms secure and waiting for Loki to put his own around his neck, like he knows he's supposed to, before moving his hands to the younger boys ankles.
Some people might say Loki is too old for something like this, Thor is sure. But Loki is such a tiny thing, even now, standing almost two feet shorter than Thor, and he weighs so little, and Thor is strong for his age, and big.
They travel the rest of the short distance to the parlor, Loki hanging securely to Thor. Thor only lifts him up when they reach the shop, taking him under the arms and easing him off.
"Alright little brother, here we are!" He announces enthusiastically. Almost automatically, Loki reaches for his hand, and Thor takes it without hesitation, pushing the parlor's door open and holding it as the two of them walk through.
He feels the smaller boy draw closer to him, pressing against his side, and Thor gives his tiny hand a gentle squeeze in reassurance.
He knows Loki always tends to get a little nervous around other people.
Moving towards the counter, they see an array of flavors displayed behind a glass dome, and Thor can't help but smile as Loki gains a little courage at the sight, letting go of his hand and running to the case, pressing his palms against the glass and staring in at the different choices.
The man behind the counter sees them then, coming over and smiling wide.
"Hey boys!" He greets.
Thor smiles back, stepping up to the counter.
"Hello Sir." He returns politely.
And the man smiles wider.
"What can I get you guys?" He asks, looking at Loki now, who's still got his nose to the glass. "Hey there little man!" The worker addresses him directly, and Loki looks up at him, wide eyed and startled, realizing he's being spoken to. "You know what flavor you want?" The man continues.
Loki blinks at him a moment, before abruptly he turns away, finding Thor and grabbing onto him, burying his face against his side.
The man frowns.
"Oh…" he says, sounding worried.
Thor smiles, putting an arm around Loki's small shoulders, holding him close.
"He's just a little shy around people." He reassures the worker.
And the man smiles in return, nodding in understanding.
"It's alright Loki." Thor encourages his younger brother, bending down close to speak to him. "Do you want to tell the nice man what flavor you want?"
For a long moment, Loki says nothing, his little hands grasping the material of Thor's pants, bunching it up between his fingers.
"… You tell him?" He finally asks in a near soundless voice.
"Sure, okay." Thor nods, before looking up to the worker, smiling tightly.
"Just two butter scotch's on… what do you want Loki? Waffle cone or sugar?"
"… Sugar?" Loki says after a moment, sounding uncertain, and Thor laughs.
"Sugar cones." He informs the man. "It's my brother's birthday today. You want to tell the man how old you are Loki?" He looks down to the younger boy.
Loki continues grasping to Thor's side, face still turned slightly away, but after several moments, he seems to find the courage to glance at the man, speaking out softly…
"Seven." He says.
The man beams at him.
"Seven!" He exclaims enthusiastically. "Well, that's almost full grown!"
At that, Loki can't help a small smile, though the expression is gone in an instant, and Loki finally steps away from his brother.
"Not really." He says, peering up at the worker. "It's still quite young."
The man looks, for a moment, taken aback, blinking back at Loki.
Thor laughs lightly.
"He does that." He reassures the man.
And the man smiles at Thor, nodding, looking somewhat relieved.
"But my brother's almost grown up!" Loki suddenly announces excitedly. "He's twelve and he's bigger than most grown up's anyway! Stronger too! My brother's the strongest one there is!"
And now neither the man nor Thor can help but laugh, amused by the sudden turn around in Loki. That now he sounds very much his age.
"Well, I don't know about that." Thor chuckles.
"No, it's true." Loki says, very matter of factly. "You're the strongest. You're stronger than everyone! Well, except maybe Father. But I know you'll be just as big and strong as him one day soon!"
Again, Thor laughs, ruffling his little brother's hair.
"And so will you." He promises.
At that, Loki's enthusiasm seems to drain somewhat, going suddenly quiet. He looks down, shrugging, his shyness returned.
Thor can't help but feel a pang of hurt at the sight.
He tries hard to instill more confidence in his brother, but Loki always seems so unsure.
He places a hand on the younger boy's shoulder then, smiling up at the man behind the glass and nodding at him.
"Right. Two butter scotch, coming right up." He says, and that seems to suitably distract Loki from his abrupt melancholy, watching intently as the man scoops their ice cream onto the cones, handing them over a few minutes later.
Thor happily pays him, and then he and Loki are making their way out of the shop, Thor holding securely to his brother's hand as they begin down the sidewalk.
Loki is focused on licking at his treat and Thor smiles down at him, relieved at the sight.
Loki, it seems, is given more and more to quiet and even listless moods, something so unnatural in a child so young.
Thor supposes it's because his brother is so smart. He just doesn't see things the way other kids do.
Just getting to see him being a kid then goes a long way in reassuring Thor.
"Hey, you want to go to the park?" He suggests, giving Loki's hand a gentle squeeze.
Loki looks up at him, eyes wide.
"Really?" He asks, excitement clear in his voice.
Thor grins, nodding.
"Absolutely." He replies. "Come on."
/
Loki's finished his ice cream by the time they get there, Thor having polished his own off a couple blocks back, and he now sits contentedly on a bench, watching his little brother climbing the ladder to the slide for what must be the dozenth time.
"Watch me Thor!" Loki calls out to him once he's reached the top, and Thor waves back, smiling, obliging as his brother again lets himself down it.
The process repeats a few times, and then Thor feels his phone vibrate, and he reaches down, taking it out of his pocket and checking the screen.
It's Sif, and Thor can't help but smile.
"Hey, watcha' doin'?" Her text reads, and Thor busies himself with writing back.
He's been going steady with Sif for about six months now, much to the amusement of Mother and Father. They haven't done anything but kiss yet, and Thor's not stupid enough to try anything funny with her. She's the only girl on the middle school wrestling team, and none of them can beat her except him, that being no easy task in itself. She's pinned him her fair share of times too.
"Hey!" He writes back. "At the park with my bro, watching him on the slide."
A few, long moments pass before he gets a reply.
"Oh…" she says, and then, "Hey, I was thinking maybe you could come over. My parents are out of town today."
Thor sighs to himself, a vague kind of frustration working up through him.
"Sorry, can't." He says. "Gotta watch Loki. Today's his b-day."
He hits send and waits.
He knows Sif isn't going to be happy with that excuse. He knows it seems like to her that he's always using Loki as an excuse to get out of stuff. She's complained more than once to him that it seems like Loki's always around, that they never get any time to themselves. Thor's tried to explain to her that it isn't like that, that he needs to be there for his brother. With Loki being so young and all, and he's tried to make Sif understand, even though Loki's super smart and skipped several grades ahead, he's also bizarrely trusting and a little bit sickly. Mother's made it a point over and over to him that he can't leave Loki alone unsupervised, and Thor takes that very seriously.
Predictably, the text comes back, and Sif is obviously pissed.
"Srsly, Thor! Can't the little brat amuse himself for a while? Just leave him at home with your Mom!"
Thor frowns at that. He understands Sif's frustration, given her parents are hardly ever out of town, but it still rubs him the wrong way whenever anyone talks about Loki like that. They just don't understand.
He begins writing his text back, explaining why he can't come, when he hears Loki call out to him again, and looking up, he sees his brother has moved to the swings, and he's pumped himself up higher than Thor is comfortable with.
"Watch me Thor!" Loki calls out. "I can do just like you and your friends!"
That immediately has Thor on his feet, dropping his phone and lurching forward.
He knows what Loki's referring to. He's watched Thor and his buddies do this trick often. Thor's telling him never to try it himself doesn't seem to have worked.
"Loki, NO!" Thor yells back, already breaking into a sprint towards him.
But it's too late.
At his highest point, Loki lets go, flying off of the swing and through the air, and Thor can only watch helplessly as he sails for a brief, few seconds before gravity takes it course, and he's hurdling hard and fast towards the ground.
Thor and his friends have the strength and coordination to land on their feet when they do this. Loki does not.
Thor is running before Loki hits the ground, but he's still several feet off when he does, and the sound of skidding gravel and the sharp noise of Loki's breath being knocked from him hits his ears as his little brother lands on his knees and stomach, and then the sickening thud of Loki's head hitting the ground, and for a moment, Thor feels his heart stop.
"LOKI!" He cries, sprinting as fast as he can toward him.
He reaches him fast, but Loki isn't moving when he does, and Thor drops to his knees at his side, reaching out and hastily turning his brother over.
A mix of both relief and fear wash through him as he looks down at Loki's face, and sees his brother is still conscious and breathing, although he's struggling to get air into his lungs. His eyes are awash with tears, already slipping down his cheeks and his face is badly scratched up.
"Loki," Thor stammers, trying to calm himself down as he lifts his brother into a sitting position, holding one arm securely around his shoulders.
Loki sucks air in sharply, trying to breathe, rapid and panicked, and he's shaking hard. His small hands clutch at Thor's jacket, fingers burying in the material.
"Loki, deep breaths." Thor tells him. "Slow, deep breaths. Follow my count."
And he begins to count down from five to one, slow and even.
Loki struggles at first to follow, but after a few, agonizing moments, he finally gets the hang of it, and gradually, his own breaths begin to even out and come more steady, until at last it's back to normal.
Thor exhales in relief then, beginning to check the scrapes and bruises along Loki's face.
"Oh, Loki, are you alright?" He asks worriedly, touching his fingers around the injured areas.
Tears are still streaming steadily from the younger boy's eyes, soaking his cheeks.
But he nods anyway.
"I'm okay." He says, even though his voice trembles slightly and his face is lined still with pain.
He lifts a hand, wiping clumsily at his eyes.
"Don't tell Father?" He asks weakly, his gaze fixed to the ground.
Thor feels his heart sink.
"Loki, don't worry about that." He says, rubbing a hand soothingly up and down his brother's back. "It's okay."
"But… but don't tell him!" Loki insists suddenly, looking up at Thor with pleading eyes. "Don't tell him. I… I tried to be like you and I… I couldn't." He looks away again. "I couldn't." His voice comes out a whisper.
Thor's brow furrows in pain, but he only nods, again rubbing Loki's back gently.
"I won't buddy." He promises. "I won't tell him. But let's get you home and get you cleaned up, okay?"
At that, Loki nods silently, and Thor lifts him up, letting his brother hook his thin arms around his neck, legs around his torso, burying his face to his shoulder as Thor holds him under his bottom, keeping him secure.
He doesn't even remember his cell phone, left forgotten at the foot of the abandoned bench.
/
Frigga enters the kitchen so quietly, Thor nearly doesn't hear her, only the rustle of her gown giving her away.
He looks up from where he's seated at the dining table, seeing her making her way towards him.
She looks as exhausted as he feels, her hair falling part way out of it's usually neatly done up bun, the bags under her eyes heavy and dark, making her look older than she is. Her eyes themselves are slightly bloodshot, and Thor doesn't doubt that she's been crying.
"Hey," he begins, voice soft, but in the stifling quiet of the house, it sounds loud anyway. "how is he?"
Frigga smiles wearily at him, pulling a seat out from the table and falling into with considerable less grace than she usually conducts herself with.
For a long moment, she just holds her face in her hands and doesn't say anything, and Thor doesn't push her, knowing how taxing everything's been on her lately.
Finally, she seems to pull herself together, rubbing her face a few times, before pushing her hands back through her hair and looking to him.
"I finally got him to fall asleep." She says. "He didn't want me to go." At that, a pained expression flits over her features and she glances away.
"You've been with him since you came home Mother." Thor tries to assure her, reaching out and taking her hand. "He'll be alright."
"I know." She says. "I just worry…"
Thor doesn't know what to say to that.
They all worry. Him and her and even Father, though he doesn't talk about it much.
Loki's a wreck, and it seems more often than not none of them know what to do to fix it.
"I know he's grateful to you for coming back from work early." He tries.
After Darcy had finally left to go home, Thor had felt overwhelmed and unsure, and so he'd called their Mother and told her Loki was having a hard time, and she hadn't even thought twice about skipping out on the rest of her day and coming straight home to be with him.
She'd gone straight to his room and relieved Thor from watching over him, giving him the time he needed to collect himself, and she hadn't left Loki's side until now, well into the evening.
She smiles sweetly at him, wrapping her hand round his, giving it a light squeeze.
"What about you darling? How are you holding up?"
Thor shrugs, his own gaze casting down at the question.
"Alright." He answers half-heartedly. "I'm worried too, I guess."
Frigga nods.
"I know. It's alright."
A long moment of silence goes past, the tension in Thor's frame winding tighter as he thinks on it.
"It's just," he starts finally, voice strained. "I'm his big brother. I'm supposed to be able to protect him and I… I feel like I can't."
"Oh, darling, you do." She insists. "You do the best you can."
"Do you think he blames me for what happened to him?" Thor abruptly asks, looking up at her with so much anguish in his eyes, it nearly drives tears to her own.
She doesn't need to ask what he's referring to, and her head shakes emphatically no.
"Thor, no." She says. "No. He doesn't blame you. What happened to him isn't your fault. It's no one's fault but those monsters who hurt Loki. You understand?"
Thor nods weakly, averting his eyes, and Frigga squeezes his hand tighter.
"Look at me Thor." She orders, and he obeys without question. "You understand?" She presses, and he gives a firmer nod now.
She nods back.
"Good." She says. "Your brother wouldn't want you blaming yourself."
But if her words work to reassure her eldest son at all, it shows nothing along his features. If anything, he looks more tortured than ever.
"Thor," she pushes, concern working up through her insides. She's been paying so much attention to Loki lately, and she realizes with a sudden jolt she's had very little time for Thor. "what's the matter?"
He's silent for a long, few seconds, the struggle to tell her visible across his face and through his tensed frame.
She waits, patient, knowing it will do no good to force him.
"It's just…" he begins, and his voice shakes noticeably. "sometimes I think… I think I must be an awful person…"
"Thor…"
He shakes his head.
"No, because…" he cuts her short. "because sometimes I…"
He hesitates again, and finally the tears he's been holding back slip free from his eyes, rolling down his face, into his beard.
"Sometimes I get mad at Loki." He finally pushes out, voice choked and wavering. "Sometimes I get mad because it feels like he's messing up my life."
Frigga's own eyes wash with tears, and she reaches over, resting her other hand atop her son's.
"Thor," she says. "no sweetie. That doesn't make you an awful person. Listen to me. That's normal. Alright? It's normal to get angry sometimes."
"But sometimes I think about even before what happened and… and I remember all of my friends from before always complaining and telling me Loki was always around and… and then… then, before you walked in, I was remembering Loki's 7th birthday, and that was the day Sif broke up with me because I had to stay with him and…"
He pauses, and Frigga gives his hand a squeeze. He has to let this out, she knows.
"It's alright Thor." She says.
"But it's not!" He says. "It's not. I shouldn't… shouldn't be angry at him! It's just… nothing seems to be right anymore. Nothing seems like it's okay or, or, or like it's ever going to be even! And now Jane is starting to wonder about me I think. I don't know what I'll do if she breaks up with me."
"Oh darling, darling I know." Frigga pleads with him. "None of it's fair, and none of it's okay." She reaches out, cupping his cheek in the palm of her hand. "But I don't think it's Loki you're angry at Thor. The unfairness of what happened to him maybe. But honey, no one would ever question your love for your brother. Loki least of all. And Jane adores you honey. You've been with her two years now. She understands about your brother, even if she sometimes gets frustrated. That's only human."
Thor looks down, wiping broadly at his wet eyes. He doesn't say anything.
"Oh, you sweet boy." She says, pushing a lock of hair back behind his ear. "Why don't you go lay down and get some rest. You've had such a long day."
He sniffles slightly, the sound incongruous coming from such a broadly built young man, and Frigga can't help but smile slightly.
"Will you be alright on your own?" He asks, glancing up at her finally.
And she nods.
"Your Father will be home soon anyway, and we'll take care of any problems if they arise."
Finally, Thor musters up the strength to smile back, taking his Mother's hand in his own and bringing it to his lips, kissing it softly.
"Thank you Mother." He says. "You'll get me though if Loki needs me?"
"You know we will honey." She assures.
She stands then, and him with her. She needs to stand on the tips of her toes to place a kiss on his cheek now, but still she does.
"Goodnight Thor." She tells him gently, and with a grateful smile, he turns to head to his room, Frigga watching with a lined brow as he disappears up the stairway.
She waits until she hears his bedroom door close before she allows herself to fall once more into her seat.
/
AN: Hey everybody! Sorry for the huge delay in this chapter, but for those still with me, thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed it. We're going to start revealing more Loki's past and how he's turned out the way he has. If you have a moment, let me know what you think, and thanks so much again!